by Liza James
I glance back, and realize her eyes are glued to the right.
I follow her eyes, immediately scanning the crowd to see what she's looking at but nothing catches my attention. All that's beside us is drunken viewers and stumbling strangers.
"What did you see?" I call back, my brows pinching together in confusion. I can feel Ruby's hand snake between my back and Aura's waist, holding her tightly as we both try to understand.
"I, uh—I thought I saw Dom. But it wasn't him, false alarm." She replies, forcing a tense but casual tone. She gently nudges me forward, and I settle on moving toward Riv again, keeping a tight hold on the girls as we go.
"Riv!" I shout, and he turns as soon as he hears my voice. Stepping up to us and meeting in the center of the ring, I lift a fist and bump his before he slaps a hand against my back. Aura and Ruby shift to the side, and we're all huddled together while he gives me the run down.
"Rox goes first, and then Slate has a fight after hers. You're on against the new girl after that. Go easy on her, okay? I don't know why you'd want to take on a greenie instead of your usual competitors." He looks down at the clipboard in his hand, flipping the pages with the schedule as he speaks.
"I'll throw the fight if it's the girl I think it is." I drop the bomb, and the way his brows dip and his lips fall into a tight line across his face is everything I knew I'd see.
"Like hell you'll throw a fucking fight in my ring," he responds, his voice firm and final against my own.
I sigh, unsure of how to explain exactly what I need to in this. "You don't understand, if it's this girl, she isn't fighting willingly."
He rears back, his eyes going wide as Aura steps up beside me. "She's telling the truth. Someone is blackmailing her into being here."
"That's not how this works, and you know that. My fights are as clean as they can be in this atmosphere, and she's the one who called to put her name on the list."
"I don't give a shit who called, she was forced. Lyp—Sunflower—she isn't a fighter. Give me the chance to feel this out, okay? I'll do what I have to, but I'll take a loss if it means keeping her safe." I cross my arms over my chest, straightening my shoulders while laying it out. There isn't any other option, and I won't hurt her if I don't have too.
"I don't know what the hell you guys are involved in, but you've been one of my fighters for a long time now. I'll let this one go, but I'm adding it to your fucking tab, K. You owe me for this." He sighs in frustration and steps back, moving through the crowd and taking new bets again.
I turn toward the girls, ready to figure out our plan for the night. "All right, now we wait. We can stand over there, in the back and keep our eyes out for anyone related to The Nation. My dad or brother, Dom, Lyp. They could all show up."
"Sounds good," Ruby agrees but intentionally turns toward Aura and meets her gaze intensely. Her voice drops lower, and I can practically feel the immediate authority she's projecting in this moment. "You stay with me, got it? I'm not losing you to Dom tonight. You don't go anywhere without telling me first, and you never go alone. Do you understand, Aura?"
"Yes, of course. I'll stay with you." She replies instantly, her hands lifting to rest on Ruby's cheeks as she steps closer. "I won't leave you."
Ruby leans forward and presses a kiss to her lips, and I almost feel the need to look away at their passionate exchange. It amazes me how in tune they are with each other's energies, how in sync their every action is.
I envy it.
I used to not care before, when Lyp and I were at odds and didn't communicate. But as things have changed with us, as we've been forced and pushed into this situations of being near each other. I'm forced to face the feelings and memories I've surpassed for so long.
God, I need to find her. And I don't know if I'll be able to let her go again.
But you have to. That small voice whispers inside of my mind. A tiny reminder that this doesn't fix our past, this doesn't erase what I've done.
I interrupt the girls by gripping their arms and tugging them to the back of the room. We all turn and rest our shoulders against the wall, our eyes intensely examining the room ahead of us for anything alarming.
I wrap my arms tightly over my chest and kick one foot over the other. "Now we watch."
Everything's dark. A heavy weight slowing my mind and sinking all of my logical reasoning.
But I can see things, even here, in the darkness. Little bubbles of color or neon lights floating through my vision.
Dragonflies.
Flowers.
Faces of the girl I'd like forget right now. All seeing her does is remind me what I can no longer have. What I don't think I'll ever be able to have again.
"Are you ready?" Dom's sharpened voice blows in my ear, his breath far closer than I'd like to admit. But I couldn't care less at this point anyway.
I know what I'm here for. "Yes, of course, Prophet," I reply, the words slipping out on flat syllables.
"We've just arrived. But I'll need to pass you off to Jed, he'll be the one to take you inside and set you in place for the fight." I feel the car lull to a stop somewhere, and when my eyes shift out the window, I can only see the little sparkles of flowers and dragonflies moving past me.
I laugh, just a little, because I can find the tiniest bit of happiness in this tiny burst of color in the dark.
My head is high, flying and flying and flying after Dom gave me another pill only an hour ago. I asked for a second, and he obliged, so now my body feels light and free while I prepare to take on whoever I'm going against in the ring.
I giggle, I can't help it and when I drop my head back against the seat, I let my eyes slip shut.
"Why are you laughing, Sunflower?" Dom asks, his voice kind as he turns off the engine and I hear him shuffle in his seat.
My heart pounds, for only a moment, but then I feel his hand slipping over the side of my face and down to my jaw. He's being gentle, and is it sick how I'm actually thankful for that?
I want it. Because it beats everything else by leagues and miles.
My head absently tilts into his palm, giving a bit more of what he wants of me. "Because this is funny, the idea of me fighting someone."
"Not funny, Sunflower." He takes my jaw and forces my head toward him. "Open your eyes," he demands, and I do it. Willingly giving, forever surrendering to this reality. "Powerful. Strong. Inspiring. Invigorating. You are doing a great service to The Nation for your part. You will be forever praised by our following for your sacrifices. I'll make a very special place for you among us."
I smile and watch him, the little dragonflies zipping around his head while he encourages me on tonight. The idea of this situation changing into something else, a place where maybe I can have my own freedom—within the confines of The Nation—is alluring. So, I simply nod in agreement just as Jed taps on the window behind Dom.
He releases his hold on me, and I fall back, putting only a few more inches of space between us.
"They're ready for her," he replies, his sickly voice grating the air around us. Jed is a heavyset man with unfortunately strong hands. I swear it's the momentum his weight allows though.
"Perfect," Dom replies, turning back toward me with a smile. "Pray to the Omega once you're inside. You will do well, you've trained hard. You are strong, my Sunflower. You are blessed in your victory."
Again, another easy smile pulls along my face, but it doesn't reach my eyes and I feel nothing over it. I climb out of the car and move toward Jed, he offers me a little hello with the wiggling of his stumpy fingers. Holding out his elbow, I reach forward and take it, stepping away from the vehicle when Dom calls after me once more.
"Sunflower," he says, and I turn over my shoulder to meet his eyes. "If you lose, there will be a price to pay. For the amount of money you lost The Nation. This victory belongs to the Omega, and if you do not provide it, you will work off the penance in your own labor."
I wait for my heart to sink, for a spark of anger to li
ck along my skin, any intrusive thought of murder or escape or revenge.
But nothing comes. And I simply nod in understanding before Jed and I stalk forward again. I look up, little lights spanning across the ground in neon colors before leading to the large building ahead of me. I can't tell what it is honestly, and I don't really care.
He tugs me along, until we reach a narrow doorway around the corner of the building. Pulling me inside, I watch as the little dragonflies follow ahead of me, and suddenly the sunflowers are scurrying across the dark flooring in little squeaks and tiptaps.
Slowly, my mind rewinds to my love of dragonflies. Something I haven't thought about in years. I have a small glass figurine of one in my apartment, but I hid it behind several books on my shelf, so I didn't have to look at it.
Dragonflies are bittersweet for me.
"It's just up ahead here," he suddenly says, and my attention is pulled back to the old, rundown building we're walking through. Now that we're in the hallways, I can see that it's a school. Lockers and checkered floors span the area, and once again I'm reminded of the time I spent when I was young–who I spent that time with.
I swear, everything circles back to K and I fucking hate it.
My jaw feels tight, and my skin pulls in anticipation while my head continues feeling practically detached from my fucking body. I need to pull it together so I can win this, The Nation needs it, and I don't want to be punished for losing.
We reach a set of large double doors and Jed pulls one open as we step inside and take a harsh turn to the right. The room is packed, and my heart suddenly picks up speed as the tiniest weave of fear sparks in my blood.
A dragonfly turns and races toward me, and I lift my hand to swat it out of my face. What the fuck?
I wish I wasn't seeing these things right now, part of me thinks they aren't real, that it's the drugs I'm clearly on. But at the same time, my reality is becoming difficult to separate from the visions.
I stumble, catching my foot on a spray paint can before Jed catches my fall and holds me up. "Be careful, Sunflower. Do not show your weakness to these fools."
"So sorry," I mutter under my breath, and he hurries us off to a back corner where we can prepare for what's to come.
I glance to the walls of the gymnasium we're in, and notice black sludge suddenly spilling across them from the ceiling. My eyes pinch in confusion, and that fear takes a deeper root in the pit of my stomach.
"What's on the walls?" I ask, turning toward Jed again in hopes of an answer.
He looks over, and then back to me, his own expression pulling tightly in irritation. "There's nothing on the walls, Sunflower. Get it together, you need to be present for this fight. If you aren't, The Nation will suffer greatly. You don't want that, do you? To let your fellow followers suffer because of your weakness?"
"I don't want anyone to suffer," I absently say, my attention caught on that inky grimy mess now spilling across the floors.
"I know you don't." He reaches forward and turns my face back to him. "So, you must do what has to be done, you fight until all is won. Until victory is yours, understand?"
"Yes," I reply, and he grips my shoulders and turns me around, walking us toward the center of the gym where the crowd has begun parting for us.
He pushes me forward, whispering blessings from The Nation into my ear as my feet toe the taped line on the ground. My head tilts, staring at the floor as more of those little flowers burst free of the ground and scatter over my feet.
That's a good sign. I think? I'll win this. Despite my opponent’s strength, I'll be the victor here. And then maybe I'll be rewarded with one night lacking cleansing sessions.
The thought of that alone peaks my desire and determination in this.
I step into the ring, and a tall, muscular guy with blonde hair knotted on top of his head moves toward me. He holds out his hand, and I lazily lift mine to shake his. My eyes watch the movement, until his gentle voice speaks ahead of me. "Hey, your Sunflower, right?"
My gaze lifts slowly to meet his, and a smile pulls at the corners of my mouth as I watch him. He seems nice already. "Calyp–ah, Sunflower. Yes." I intended on telling him my actual name, but that isn't who I am anymore.
The realization hits me like a sudden ton of bricks, the weight crashing against my mind and chest when I comprehend the fact that I'm not Calypso. I'm not Lyp.
I am Sunflower. That's my identity alone now.
His brows pinch together in confusion, and he releases my hand to glance back at his clipboard. I watch as he looks over his shoulder for a moment as well, subtly searching for something before looking to me again. "Listen, I usually don't ask things like this but I feel like I need to." He pauses, dipping his head down to really settle within my vision. "You want to be here, right? You're consenting to participate in this fight? Of your own volition?"
It doesn't register at first, what he's asking. But when it does, I'm nervous as to why he would need to know this. "Of course I do," I reply without truly thinking about those words. I don't want to get in more trouble than I'm already in and I need to win this for The Nation.
He doesn't respond at first, but as I'm staring into his eyes that they suddenly shift darker. They turn black entirely and my heart kicks at the strange way he's watching me. I look over to the walls again, now completely engulfed in that inky blackness. I wish I could still see the dragonflies, and I frantically rake my eyes over the crowd in search of one.
The guy in front of me keeps talking, but I don't hear what he's saying anymore. I'm still looking, for any kind of light in this darkness. I don't want to be afraid, but I can't help what's happening inside of me while I'm this fucking high.
There. There's one. A single dragonfly, fleeting freely on the opposing side of the room. It's way in the back, a little pink one with bright green wings.
I smile, uncontrollably. I can't help the way the single vision brings some kind of peaceful feeling settling into my chest, into my energy.
The guy turns and walks away, and I'm left on the side of the ring while awaiting my opponent. I look down at my own clothes, the tight, neon pink shorts cling tightly to my thighs and come down to an inch above my knees. My shirt is a long white tank, tied into a knot at the side so it doesn't twist me up while fighting.
My eyes stay trained on the dragonfly, refusing to look elsewhere when everything seems to be morphing and evolving into a strange nightmare. I simply want to focus on the light, until I'm fighting and can be distracted enough to avoid the monsters.
The little critter begins coming closer to me, slowly flitting over the crowd while it seems others move away from it, giving it room to move freely.
Do they see the dragonfly as well? Is it not my own hallucination?
Confusion washes through me, but it's when it finally pauses at the edge of the circle, on the opposing side to myself when I realize who I'm up against.
Everything stops. All of it. My entire being freezes in paralyzing realization of what I have to face here.
My heart suddenly springs back to life, kicking and thrashing against my chest is if it's begging to break free and fall at my feet.
I'm still here. The words replay in my mind as I watch her, desperate to fall from my lips in pleads of understanding when her eyes finally meet my own.
A soft green, filled with so much more than I've seen from her in years. Her hands hang loosely at her sides, her tight black leggings and dark crop top clinging to her slender frame. Images of her below me, above me, memories of her sounds linger in my mind.
My blood is on fire. Everything inside of me calling to be close to her.
And yet here I am, in a position where I have absolutely no choice but to fight her.
The guy motions us both forward, and I try with all of my strength to yank myself together, fighting against the high and keeping my movements minimal.
We step up to the center and I can already feel the anger radiating from K's form. Her gaze
is bitter and filled with a fire burning in her irises. Her fists clench at her sides, and suddenly I'm terrified of going against her like this.
But the thought of what Dom threatened me with earlier rings in my mind, the visions of servicing her brother and father flash before me. It stings, all of it, and I don't want to face any of that truth with her.
If I fight, if I remind her why this has to be, then maybe she'll understand and leave me alone.
A loud and aggressive horn blasts through the space, and I vaguely wonder if that's the starting signal to our fight. The guy hurries back, and my mind tells me to move forward, to take the first step against her.
But I can't. I'm standing still, my back straight and tense while she very slowly moves to walk around me. Her eyes rake over my body, and she lifts her hands to crack her knuckles in front of her waist.
"Fight, Sunflower!" a loud and booming voice yells out behind me. One that sends uncomfortable shivers racing along my spine and electrifying my limbs. K halts her movements and glances over my shoulder, her hard eyes meeting the gaze of who I know is clearly watching.
Dom.
But it's in that very instant when I catch movement on the other side of the ring. Suddenly, someone else is bursting forward, and my eyes collide with Aura's lithe frame making herself visible as well. Ruby is rushing behind her, gripping her waist and tightly pulling her back when Aura forces herself ahead.
That's when I finally twist around to find Dom, standing toward the back of the crowd now frozen in place as his own eyes settle on Aura. He doesn't move, and remains completely focused on her instead of me for a brief moment.
Instantly, I'm being thrown to the ground as K comes at me from behind. I land hard, and fight to roll over as she subtly moves and allows it. Her eyes meet mine, a different kind of fear written on her features.
Her hand aggressively grips my jaw as she forces me to look at her, and I can't help the smile pulling across my face at the position we're in right now. "Enjoy this," I whisper, knowing full well she understands this isn't how things usually go with us anymore.