by Liza James
"What procedure? What the hell are you doing to me?" I beg, tears now springing to my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. I franticly scan the room for anything I can use to escape, but find it completely empty aside from the bed I'm in and a window to the right. There's a single tray with medical instruments to my left, and I hope to god there's a scalpel or something I can use to attack them with.
But my fucking hands are tied down. I have no way of reaching anything.
"We're going to perform a clitoridectomy tonight. This will ensure your place within the Nation remains pure of all pleasure and releases," he explains. His voice is monotone, completely emotionless, and I have a difficult time actually believing he has no attachment to this at all.
I don't get it and I don't know if it's because my mind is literally refusing to process this, or because I'm simply not connecting the dots here.
"What the fuck does that mean?" I bite out angrily.
Without another word, Dom moves to the end of the bed where Doc stands, Jed on the other side of him as well. Suddenly, the three men are looking down at me, continuing their own conversation without responding to my question.
So, I keep asking, screaming at them to fucking look at me, to listen to what I'm saying as I thrash and kick over the bed.
Dom's heavy hands fall to my thighs and Jed reaches past him to my shorts, gripping the waist band as the two men yank them free of my legs.
"Stop," I cry, sobs now choking my throat as fear pierces my skin and overtakes my entire body. "Please, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Whatever it is. I'll do anything, okay? Whatever you want." My vision turns blurry, I can't see anything else, but I can feel more hands on my body, gloved rubber spreading my legs and pushing them back while the others secure them in place with more straps.
My chest is heaving dramatically as I try to both prepare myself for what's coming and also find a way out of this. I yank my hands again, attempting to rip free of the binds but they're too tight, too strong. Leather clasped with metal hinges that bite into my skin as I pull and tug and scream.
My body begins shaking, trembling under their scrutiny when Doctor Gardner looks at me in irritation. "We're going to have to sedate her," he tells Dom, crossing his arms over his chest as they speak.
"I want her to feel this. She needs to experience the pain in order to truly understand her devotion to The Nation." Dom's voice is final, and now I'm losing my mind at feeling whatever they are about to do me.
I'm afraid. Plain and simple. I've never been more scared in my life aside from watching Dom drag K away from me. Sobs continuing spilling from my mouth, I'm choking on my own saliva, trying to stay calm but completely failing in the process.
"I can sedate her without using anesthesia on her. We'll simply calm her down, it won't diminish the sensation of removing her clitoris."
What. The. Fuck. Did he just say?
"Wha–What did you just say?" I stutter, entirely confounded at what I believe he just said.
"We're removing your clitoris, your source of pleasure and climactic release." God, he sounds so fucking clinical. Clinical.
This is a clinical procedure.
"You're cutting off my fucking clit?" I scream, literally rip the words through my strained throat as I completely fucking lose it. "Are you fucking insane!" My voice cuts out as I speak, spit flying from my lips while I thrash and kick on the bed. I don't care how I look or sound or what they're seeing, I need to get the fuck out of here.
This can't be happening. This cannot be happening.
Doctor Gardner immediately turns around and walks out of the room while Dom and Jed begin holding my legs down as I continue falling apart underneath them. "You can't do this," I'm crying. "You can't fucking do this. I'll kill you, do you understand me? I'll fucking kill you for this."
Dom laughs. He literally chuckles in disgusting power over me, holding me down and making it clear that I have no escape here. "You are nothing, sweet Sunflower. You were always nothing. By sacrificing yourself, your pleasure, your womb, I am giving you a purpose in this life." He leans down, bringing his lips close to my own as his dark eyes bore into me. His lips pull up into a wide grin. "You should be saying nothing to me except, thank you for your mercy, oh Prophet."
I scoff and then spit on him. My saliva streaking his face as tears continue spilling over my cheeks. It's as if all at once, right now, everything inside of me shatters. My willingness, my resolve, my settled decision on both killing myself or surrendering to The Nation.
All of it. I've gone fucking crazy, and now all I can see is red. Visions of Dom's lifeless form below my blood covered hands.
I want him dead.
I want him dead.
I want him dead.
Before I even realize it, a sharp sting stabs through my thigh and when I whip my gaze to the left, I see the Doctor with a syringe piercing my skin as he presses the end with his thumb.
"No, no, no," I beg, wishing with everything in me I could fight the sudden calm washing through my body.
Everything slows. My heart rate, my mind, the movement of my limbs; it's all weighted with this heavy blanket wrapping around me. I try to lift my hands again, but they simply clench and then release easily. My knees uncontrollably slip to the side and I'm struggling to keep my head facing forwards. Instead, it keeps rolling to the right or left while even my eyelids begin feeling heavy.
"I'm going to kill you," I mutter again, because the only thing I can do is speak now. That's it, my only power and I'm wavering back and forth between threatening them all and then begging them to stop. "You don't have to do this. Please, don't. I can't take this."
"You will survive this, Sunflower. I know how strong you are, how resilient." Dom reminds me, and I narrow my eyes while I watch him. He is so incredibly sick and internally, I make the solemn vow to kill him one day.
To get my own revenge on everything he's done to not only myself, but Aura, Ruby, K. The girls at the club.
I've lived in my ignorant narrative for far too long now. Explaining away my choices with guilt ridden decisions and motives. It was practically effortless surrendering to him, by knowing I was keeping K safe. But it was simply easier than facing the terrifying fear of fighting back.
I gave up so easily, when K and the girls were begging me to take up arms beside them. To work together in destroying this monster once and for all.
Instead, I handed myself over, and while I know in that moment, it was the only decision I could have made. Now? Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I had to experience this torment to realize for myself I'm stronger than I could have fathomed.
I should have left with K when I had the chance. We could have done this together—fought and killed and dismantled an entire empire by each other’s sides.
Doctor Gardner's hand moves between my legs, and I fail at trying squeeze my legs together in hopes of blocking him. I can feel his fingers as they spread me apart, his thumb running along my clit as he examines and explains where the incision will take place.
I continue forcing my own breath, hating the way I internally have the strength to fight back against this, but my body absolutely refuses to cooperate. "Stop," I say again, my voice quiet, the word slowly rolling off my tongue. "Don't fucking touch me."
My pleas are ignored as the doctor turns toward the metal tray and retrieves the scalpel. I wish I was holding it in my own hands. He leans forward, and dread snakes around my neck and through my blood as he moves closer to me.
I look to the left and the right, searching for anything, any sign of a way I could stop this. I catch the distant scent of something strange, and for a moment, my brows pinch together in confusion before I look back toward the doctor.
Dom's hand moves to rest over my thigh and Jed begins praying beside me, thanking the Omega for this blessing as the doctor inches closer.
Closer.
Closer.
The tip of the scalpel presses barely along my core, and I scream out as loud
ly as I can possibly manage while tensing underneath him. I'm preparing my mind for the impending excruciating pain but suddenly, an alarm sounds out above us.
A shockingly loud siren, bellowing through the room and hallways while my ears instantly begin ringing. I force my head to the left, just as the men all startle and look up in confusion.
"What the hell is going on?" Dom shouts over the noise, and the doctor pulls back and stands before placing the scalpel back on the table.
Thank fuck. Holy shit, thank fuck. I don't know what's happening, but I'm beyond thankful for the brief postponing of this.
In the next moment, a new spark of fear and perplexity pull in my chest. When I look out the door as Dom walks that way, I can see the faint wafts of smoke pooling in the hallway.
Fire alarm. It's the fire alarm?
Dom's fist instantly smashes into the door, cracking the wood slightly before he pulls back and storms into the room. "There's a fucking fire! What the hell is going on?" he bellows, racing up to the doctor and quickly wrapping his blood covered fist in the man's scrubs. He yanks him toward him, his lips pulling back in a snarl while the man trembles in fear.
"I–I don't know. I have no idea how that would have started. But we have to get out of here, I'll need to the call the fire department." He speaks quickly and on a shaky voice. But the hallway is thickening with dark grey smoke and Jed is now the one racing out to see what's happening.
"Let me out," I try to speak but the words are quiet, and my body is still slow with awkward movements. "Please, get me out of here."
I'm ignored, and while I'm worried of burning up in this building alone, I'm also tempted to see this as a gift. I won't have to be The Nation's cow; I won't have to endure this vile procedure. I'll simply be done.
A smile tugs at my lips and I lay my head back with shut eyes.
For the first time in months, I do genuinely feel thankful.
I vaguely hear the sound of the Doctor on the phone, informing authorities the building is on fire. Dom is frantically speaking to Jed, urging him to unclasp me so we can leave.
"I can't be here when the police arrives," he reminds him and then I feel their hands hastily grasping at my straps and trying to pull them free.
"We have to get out of here, the fire is spreading far too quickly." Doctor Gardner covers his mouth as he speaks, coughing while smoke begins filling the room and the glow of fire lingers in the hallway.
"Leave her," Jed grinds out through a panicked voice. One of the straps aren't coming loose, and I think in their quick and clunky movements, they're making it worse.
I'm okay with it.
"Absolutely not, she's the key to our survival." Dom's words are final, and he angrily yells at the other two to leave while he continues pulling and grasping at the last trap on my ankle.
The men race out of the room, covering their mouths and ducking as they run into the thickest part of the smoke.
My head rolls toward Dom, watching him with a sick and satisfied smile on my face. "I hope you die here." I speak the words slowly, forcing my own enunciation even though everything feels so foggy. My lungs are filling with smoke, but I welcome it. "I hope you burn alive in this building. I hope I hear your screams while you—"
The back of his hand crashes against my face and I instantly taste blood. The metallic tinge coats my tongue and mixes with the bitter taste of smoke. But I keep smiling because I'm finally going to be fucking free of him. Of this.
K's face flashes through my mind though, and an onslaught of our memories flood quicker than I can stop them.
When I gave her the dragonflies in my old childhood home. Sitting on the pavement in the rain after school some days.
My fingers teasing along her skin, tiptoeing over this line we silently crossed while exploring each other when we were young.
I don't even think of the rape anymore, because if I've learned anything at all, it's that there is some unspoken story behind it I know nothing of. I'm not excusing her actions, she knows what she did and how it destroyed me.
But something lingers in my mind and tells me I've missed an imperative piece of information there.
A loud, chaotic crash suddenly explodes to the right of me, and when I look that way I realize something has been thrown through the window. Dom freezes and spins, rushing away from me and toward whatever landed on the ground beside us.
"A fucking brick." He bends down and picks it up, and just as he turns his back is turned toward the door, a bullet flies by his head and through the wall housing the window.
When I look in the direction of the door, my eyes land on the one person who could singlehandedly bring every ounce of hope and passion back into my being in a lone moment. My head falls back against the bed, tears streaming down my cheeks when I realize—I'm getting out of this alive.
She has her gun raised in front of her waist, and at the same time, Ruby walks up behind her, a gun also poised in her hand as they watch him turn to collide with their gazes.
His eyes fall to guns in their hands, and before they have the chance to pull the trigger, Jed is suddenly standing on the other side of the shattered window. A gun in his hand as well, pointed directly at me.
"Don't even think about it," he shouts as Dom glances back to realize he's been successfully saved. "If you kill him, she's dead too."
K's eyes shift to me momentarily without moving the gun a single inch. Dom smiles at both of the girls, each of us sitting in this room flooding with smoke and nearing the licking flames of fire.
"I'm not leaving without her," K replies, her tone calm and strong. Blood stains her face from earlier, and my chest cracks with emotions I've suppressed for so long now.
Trails of tears slip over my jaw and down my neck. Dom slowly steps back, keeping his eyes on the girls before regrettably glancing in my direction. "I'll see you again, Sunflower." He offers me a goodbye, right before turning and jumping out of the window with Jed.
K and Ruby rush toward me, Aura now swinging around the doorway and coming with them as well.
Slender hands and fingers are grasping at the clasp, them now trying to pull the last one free while K's hands suddenly grip my face and twist me toward her. Her forehead presses against mine, and for a moment, I think I can feel tears falling from her own eyes.
"I swear to god, I'll kill you myself if you ever pull this shit again." She mutters the heated words while everything else falls out of sight around me. It's just me and her in this moment, in this life, and I can't help but attempt lifting my hands to feel her skin against mine.
But everything is still too heavy, my body refusing to do what I need it to now. She presses a chaste kiss to my lips and then pulls back, looking at Ruby and Aura who are still failing at pulling the clasp free.
"The scalpel," I say, nodding toward the tray behind them when K grabs it and quickly moves into Ruby's place. She grips the strap and in only a few movements, breaks the leather free so I'm no longer secured onto this bed.
"Okay, we've got to get the fuck out of here," Ruby quickly urges, but I don't even have the strength to sit up when Aura moves to my side and attempts helping me up and out of the bed.
"They gave me something, I can hardly move," I explain, and that's when Ruby takes the lead by slipping her arm underneath my knees and the other behind my back. She lifts me from the bed completely and I can feel K's hands moving over my back as she helps me adjust securely in Ruby's hold.
I look back and Aura's carrying my shorts, but I don't give a shit about getting dressed now. I can hardly move and the building is burning around us. We all race to the window, and Aura climbs out first, keeping her eyes open for Dom or Jed as the rest of us slowly work our way over the broken glass and out onto the other side.
"Stay near K," Ruby reminds Aura, and I'm sure she's concerned with Dom being so close earlier. The darkness envelopes us and as we hurry toward the other side of the parking lot, we turn and look back at the building now spewing smoke.
A hospital. One I've never been to before, but I'm sure it will be on the news tomorrow. It's small, maybe a private clinic? I'm not sure. Clearly Dom has connections in countless places, and I'm always surprised when I find out of a new one.
Ruby twists us around and to the right, the four us moving quickly to her vehicle as sirens begin sounding in the distance.
K opens the back door and Ruby places me inside, Aura hands me my shorts and I slowly try to slide them up and over my weighted legs. It works though, and K helps buckle me in before climbing in the back seat beside me.
Ruby turns on the car, whipping out of the parking lot and in the opposite direction of the sirens as we race away from the blazing fire. My chest is heaving with erratic breaths, my mind processing the fact I'm still alive. I'm here. The procedure didn't happen, holy shit. I'm safe. I'm fucking safe.
"Well for fuck’s sake, Lyp. You could have fucking died, do you realize that?" K's angry and rage filled voice blasts through the car beside me, ripping me from my thoughts of safety and back to what could have possibly been.
"Yeah, yes. I do see that now," I mutter, slowly raising my hand and rubbing it over my eyes.
"Oh, you see that now. You see that? Good, really glad you can fucking see what almost fucking happened!" Her voice gains volume toward the end of her sentence, until she's screaming in the car and Ruby is glancing back at us through the rearview mirror.
"Hey, maybe we should—" Aura tries to step in. But it's too late, this is happening, K is losing her fucking mind in the settling of our adrenaline.
"I fucked up! Okay? I thought I was doing the right fucking thing and it wasn't. I'm sorry." I turn to look at her and her dark green eyes are alight with an electric heat. Her lips are parted, trembling with her breaths as she watches me.
"You're sorry," she replies. "Sorry doesn't fucking cut it."
"At least I offer a goddamn apology. Have you ever thought of that? Once? No, hey Lyp, sorry I fucking raped you and abandoned our relationship when I was sixteen!" Now I'm screaming, words spewing from my lips in hoarse syllables from everything that happened earlier and every ounce of reviving anger I'm feeling now.