Listening to Nate talk filled her with confirmation that her finding him on the bank of Willow Creek was no coincidence. Gott had put him in her path for a reason—to have each other to understand and help each other through the pain of losing loved ones, and the burden they shared for having to care for their sisters in place of a parent.
She had to tell him.
She knew it would ease both of their pain.
“It’s almost like you’re telling me my own life story. I understand the feelings you’ve experienced because I’ve felt them too. In case you didn’t hear the heated argument between Bethany and me, it’s almost a mirror image of what you’re telling me.”
Nate chuckled and pulled her tight against his shoulder. “I heard the two of you arguing and that’s why I’m telling you all of this. We can help each other through our feelings, even though coming here has already changed a lot for me. When Amanda married, I felt more relief than I have for years. I thought to myself finally, I can get away from all this and live my life the way I want to. But now that I’m here with you, I realize that distance was not what I need to heal; it was you.”
Tears filled Levinia’s eyes and she didn’t wipe them away before they warmed Nate’s shoulder. She listened to the beat of his heart that matched her own.
“I believe we were meant for each other,” was all she could say, but it was enough for them both to know there would never be a truer statement.
CHAPTER 11
The cricket’s song lulled Nate into deep relaxation, but it was Levinia’s company that soothed his weary soul. This was the life for him, not a troubled existence among the Englisch. He certainly hadn’t been thinking straight when he’d left his farm in Ohio, but now that he’d reunited with Levinia, he was glad he had.
A warm breeze blew in from the open window and played with the blond waves that had escaped Levinia’s kapp. He delighted in the feel of her in his arms as if she was always meant to be there. He could get used to this. It was the easiest thing in his life in so many years, and he already couldn’t imagine his life without her.
She shifted in his arms, her breathing slowed. She had fallen asleep. Though he hated the idea, he would have to wake her soon in order to avoid the appearance of improper behavior. If he wanted to get the blessing of the Elders and her daed to marry her, he would have to keep things between them on an approved level.
He pressed his face in her hair and breathed in the smell of lavender and oatmeal. He recognized the scent as being the same blend of natural ingredients his mamm used to make homemade soap. He’d continued to use her recipe to make it for himself, but he preferred the plain oatmeal—especially for shaving. His sister, Amanda, used to pick the flowers from their mamm’s garden so she could add them to her soap to make it a little more feminine, but he never liked it—until now. Smelling it in Levinia’s hair put a warm feeling in him he didn’t ever want to lose.
Levinia stirred, looking up at Nate, who slept soundly next to her. She felt momentarily anxious at the reality that she’d fallen asleep in Nate’s arms. She hadn’t meant to, but she was so exhausted from the previous day’s chores and the excitement of her new courtship with Nate that she’d suffered a lapse in judgment.
If he wasn’t so comfortable and trustworthy, she’d have probably used more caution, never letting her guard down. But now it was nearly dawn, and her daed would be expecting his morning meal. She didn’t want to leave Nate, but if she didn’t slip back to the main haus soon, her father would catch her, and that would certainly be the end to her life in the community.
She lifted herself from the crook of Nate’s arm, kissed him gently on the cheek and padded her way out of the loft. Being careful to keep the hinges of the screen door from squeaking so the noise wouldn’t wake her boyfriend—betrothed, she stepped out onto the top step of the small porch and into the cold, morning air.
It was almost November, and the near-wintry breeze that ruffled the hem of her dress made her shiver with the reality of the change in season. No longer would she enjoy the hot days of Indian summer, but she now had the warmth of a new love to keep the chill from her. But in his immediate absence, all she could think about was putting on a pot of hot kaffi to warm her outsides to better match her insides.
Levinia headed down the stairs of the loft with caution, being aware that her father could be anywhere this time of the day. The sun cast only enough twilight to light her way to the haus. Normally by this time, her father was tucked away safely in the barn busy with the morning milking. If caught, she could reasonably dash toward the chicken coop to make him think she was out to gather the eggs for an early start to the morning meal.
Thankfully, she managed to make her way to the kitchen unseen, where the smell of baking banana bread filled her senses. Panic rose up in her until she spotted Bethany inside the pantry with a load of canned apples, flour and various spices in her arms.
“What are you making, little schweschder?”
Bethany blew at a tendril of sandy-brown hair that trickled over her forehead, her stained apron making her look as if she’d stayed up all night cooking.
“Ach, I’m going to make an apple pie for the evening meal. I’ve already started breakfast. I thought I’d try my hand at doing your job since I’m going to have to once you and Nate are married.”
Levinia giggled. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, Bethany. We haven’t officially begun to court yet, so we won’t be getting married this wedding season. But I do appreciate the effort.”
Bethany slumped against the doorframe of the pantry. “You mean I did all this for nothing?”
Levinia crossed the kitchen floor and relieved Bethany of the burden in her arms before she dropped everything and there was a mess for her to clean.
“It wasn’t for nothing. Learning to cook is never for nothing. It is a skill that all Amish women must master in order to make them an eligible catch for the best mann in the community.”
Bethany blew out a discouraging sigh. “You got the best mann in the community. I’ve dated all the rest, and believe me, they don’t even compare. I’ve considered giving up on the menner in this community.”
Levinia’s eyes widened. “You, give up on dating? Do you feel alright little schweschder?”
“Ach, don’t tease me. I’ll have you know that I stayed home last night because I was so discouraged.”
Levinia set the food down on the counter and put the back of her hand to Bethany’s forehead in jest.
“Ach, this is serious. You don’t even have a fever!”
Bethany swatted Levinia’s hand away. “This is serious. Don’t make fun of me. I’m worried I’m going to end up a spinster.”
Levinia smirked knowingly. “Up until a day ago, I was worried about the same thing. But you shouldn’t worry. I never thought my life could change so fast, but this just goes to show you that you never know when Gott is going to choose to bless you.”
Bethany rolled her eyes. “I’ve managed to find fault with each of the menner in this community. Where am I going to find another mann as wonderful as you’ve found?”
Levinia smiled as her thoughts turned to the change in Nate from lying on the bank of Willow Creek unconscious, to so lovingly cradling her in his arms all night. “I did just sort of find him, didn’t I?”
Bethany frowned. “I’m happy for you, but you can wipe the smile from your lips when you’re around me, because I’m just not happy.”
Levinia took a stainless steel mixing bowl from the cupboard and began the pie crust. “You don’t need a mann to make you happy. We make our own happiness in this world.”
Bethany handed her the butter and salt. “That’s easy for you to say since you have a mann.”
Levinia sighed with worry. “I don’t have him yet. You’ve forgotten that Daed hasn’t given his approval yet.”
“You are well beyond the age of approval, Levinia. Besides, you’ll be lucky if you get more than a gru
nt out of him.”
“Thank you for calling me old, little schweschder.”
“Ach, is that all you heard? Me calling you old?”
Bethany began to shake a fair amount of salt into the crust mixture, and Levinia couldn’t stop her before it was too late. “Now I have to throw this batch away and start all over again. The recipe calls for just a pinch of salt. How many times have I shown you how to make a pie crust?”
Bethany hung her head. “I’m sorry. But couldn’t you just make two crusts and then we won’t have to throw it away.”
Levinia thought for a minute. “I suppose if we double the recipe, we can make apple turnovers instead. But you will have to take the extras with you when you go to visit the Troyer farm to let them know Nate is here and that he’s going to recover here with us.”
Bethany furrowed her brow. “That’s sort of risky, don’t you think? If Daed finds him in the loft, we will have a lot of explaining to do.”
Levinia added more flour and butter to the bowl, her arm already aching from the blending. “That is what Nate and I decided. He will stay with us until he recovers. It will give us a chance to get a head start on our courting.”
“When do you plan on presenting it to Daed? How are you going to explain how you already know each other?”
Levinia hadn’t thought that out.
“I suppose he will come over with Adam after he’s recovered and we will play it off as if we’ve just met. He can ask Daed then. Or—we will do like most of the youth and see each other secretly, and Daed will never have to know until we are ready to be published for our wedding.”
Bethany laughed. “Now that’s taking things way too far.”
“Perhaps,” Levinia agreed. “But I’m not even certain any of it will matter, as Daed doesn’t acknowledge me anyway. I might even have to get married without him present.”
Bethany’s eyes bulged. “You wouldn’t!”
Levinia dropped the fork in the bowl and focused a serious gaze on her sister. “Perhaps I need to shock him into ending his bout of ignoring me.”
Bethany shook her head and pursed her lips.
“Don’t let him ruin this for you. If it was me, I’d do what was right and gut for mei future with the mann I was destined to marry. Gott brought him to you, and you shouldn’t let this life get in your way.”
Levinia resumed cutting the butter into the flour, recalling inwardly the last conversation she’d had with Daniel. “I practically promised the same thing to our dear bruder just before he let go and let Gott take him to the great farm in the sky.”
Bethany nodded knowingly. “That’s a promise I aim to help you keep.”
CHAPTER 12
Levinia watched in shock as her daed made a show of spitting out his first bite of banana bread into his napkin. He looked up sternly, disapproval furrowing his brow. It was the first time he’d looked directly into Levinia’s eyes since Daniel’s death.
The look in his eyes terrified Levinia.
“What’s wrong with this bread, dochder?”
He hadn’t called her by her given name in two years. The tone of his voice sent shivers of emotion through her.
“Is there something wrong with it?”
“It tastes like you rubbed it on the underside of a skunk.” His deep baritone filled the small kitchen with anger.
Levinia and Bethany each lifted their slice of the bread to their mouths and took a daring nibble while their father watched with much anticipation. They immediately tucked their napkins beneath their lips to catch the vile-tasting bread.
Levinia jumped up from the table nervously, snatching the bread from each plate and taking it to the counter. She quickly grabbed biscuits from the pantry and tossed them into the still-warm oven. “These biscuits will take no time to warm, Daed. I’m sorry about the bread. The buttermilk must have gone sour and I didn’t realize it.”
Bethany stood up abruptly, her chair crashing to the floor behind her. “Why do you cover for me like that, dear schweschder?” She turned to her father. “I am the one who made the bread, and I did it to help Levinia who works too hard on this farm, and I…”
He pounded his fist on the table, interrupting her tantrum.
“Silence, Dochder!”
Her father’s voice rumbled in her, rattling her to her very core. It was the first time he’d referred to her so informally. He’d been that way toward Levinia for the past two years, and now, he’d included Bethany in his raging disassociation.
Bethany’s face turned up, anger flaring in her eyes. “I was only trying to help.”
She threw down her napkin and walked toward the kitchen door. “Nothing is gut enough for you is it?”
Levinia watched in shock as Bethany let the screen door slam behind her. She swallowed the lump of fear clogging her throat while her gaze travelled to her father. He was busy shoveling the remainder of his eggs in his mouth as if nothing happened, but she could see lines of distress etched in his permanently stressed face.
Pulling the warm biscuits from the oven, she crossed the room and set the plate in front of her father without looking at him. She feared if she made eye-contact with him again it could only have the worst of consequences for her. As for Bethany, she was certain her father would overlook her tantrum as always and not speak of it again. He’d lost control of his familye; that much was now evident to Levinia. How that would affect her impending courtship with Nate remained to be seen. For now, she would carry on with him as planned, and be certain to keep it from her father at all cost.
Levinia removed Bethany’s plate from the table and set it on the counter. She reached for her own plate next, hoping her father wouldn’t notice, but he startled her by grabbing her arm. He kept his head down toward his own plate, but after a few seconds of discomfort, he let go of her arm and resumed shoveling the last of his eggs onto his fork.
“Leave it. Sit and finish your meal.”
Levinia was afraid to sit, and she was afraid to defy her father as Bethany had more times than she could count. Levinia had never stood up to her father. Why did her sister have more courage than she did? She envied her sister for that much, but she supposed she lacked the confidence needed for that sort of courage. Levinia had never been that confident. But with Nate in her life now, she was determined that she would start.
When her father finally rose from his chair and exited the kitchen, Levinia blew out a sigh of relief. Within minutes, Bethany whirl-winded into the kitchen and grabbed her plate off the counter, snatching a biscuit from the plate and stuffing most of it in her mouth.
“I thought he’d never leave.”
Levinia scowled at Bethany as crumbs spewed from her lips and onto the table. She swatted playfully into the air.
“Don’t you have any manners?”
Bethany shook her head while making a show of the chewed-up biscuit in her mouth.
“Ach, little schweschder, act like a lady.”
Bethany rolled her eyes. “You should take your own advice!”
Levinia began to run water in the sink to wash the dishes. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Bethany wriggled her eyebrows. “It means that I had to start the meal this morning because someone stayed out all night with her new beau in the loft!”
Levinia could feel the heat of embarrassment rising up her neck and resting on her cheeks. “Speaking of Nate, I should get some food out to him. He needs to keep up his strength.”
“I saw Daed hitching up the buggy to go into town, so you should be clear to take food up there in about half an hour. You could probably have enough time to visit with Nate before Daed returns for the noon meal.”
Levinia picked her hands up out of the soapy dishwater and flashed Bethany a pleading look. “Do you mind?”
Bethany let out a heavy sigh, throwing the back of her hand to her forehead. “First I have to cook, and now I have to wash dishes!”
Levinia grabbed a linen dish
towel and dried her hands, twisting the towel and swatting at Bethany with it. “Don’t be so dramatic. If you do the dishes, I can finish the apple turnovers.”
Bethany jumped up from the table eagerly, bringing her empty plate to the sink and dumping it in the water. “You have got yourself a deal. I will take washing dishes over cooking and baking every time!”
Levinia began to cut the rolled out dough into squares, placing them on the cookie sheet. “You will have to learn some day.”
“Jah, but I will never measure up to our mamm. But you’re gut enough to run mamm’s old bakery. Why haven’t you ever done that? It just sits out there by the main road all boarded up like an abandoned old shack.”
Levinia whipped her head around, piercing Bethany with a discouraging glare. “Don’t you remember why Daed boarded up the place?”
Bethany shook her head.
Levinia lowered her head, a far-off gaze overtaking her. “I remember that day like it was yesterday. He caught us out there playing, and I’d started a fire in the stove. It was just before mei ninth birthday, but I knew what I was doing when it came to mamm’s bakery. It was only a few weeks after she’d gone to Heaven, but no one ever cleaned out the place, and there was still flour and such in the cellar. I’d brought butter and eggs from the haus and decided I was going to make a batch of cookies. When Daed saw the smoke rising from the chimney, he’d come running from the fields thinking the place was on fire. But when he discovered us in there baking, he threw it all away and put out the fire in the stove, and then put us out in the yard. He didn’t say a word, but I knew when he began to pull the planks of wood from the porch and used them to board up the doors and windows that he was mad.”
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