Babydoll

by Nikkole Pruett

  "Thought you didn't want me around," he said. I glanced up and gray eyes instantly locked on mine. I felt that familiar drowning feeling.

  "I… I thought I didn't…" I said, shaking my head. I didn’t know how to explain the shit I was feeling and thinking. I knew the whole situation was so fucked up. I was choking up again and I looked back down at the ground as the tears bust over the dam.

  "I came back that night. I thought maybe we could talk it out. But I saw you locking me out," he said. His voice was thick with hurt.

  My head jerked up.

  "But I didn't! I was going to… I went down and my Dad had all his work stuff laid out… all this shit you’re mixed up in and I know I need to stay away from you but when I went to lock my window I couldn't even do it. You've got me so fucked up and I still can't keep you out," I babbled. My tears were free falling, dropping into the dirt around my bare feet. "And I thought it didn't even bother you. Like you never even looked back and you didn't even want to be near me at school and… it fucking sucks… it sucks so bad."

  "Fuck, Bailey," I heard him mutter, and then his arms are around me, pulling me in. "It's been killing me to stay away. I’ve turned into a fucking insomniac. I drive all the fuck over town in the middle of the night and I end up on your street. And I sit there like some kind of stalker hoping I'll see your light on or something. I've missed you so damn bad, Baby-doll."

  He said everything I had been wanting to hear. It felt better to hear it in real life than I ever could have imagined. But I couldn’t help but feel the words were hollow.

  "But we're still fucked," I said softly, but I didn't move away.

  I felt him kiss the top of my head.

  "I know," he said. "What if I get legit? Will that fix it? Will your dad let me come to your door and take you out to the movies if I cut all the shit? I could be a model citizen if I need to."

  I smiled through my sniffles.

  "I don't know… maybe," I said.

  "There's got to be a way, Baby-doll," he said. "I can't keep this shit up. I can't stay away from you. I tried. It didn't work."

  I stepped back but instead of letting go completely, he held my hands.

  "A police officer has to be a rational man, right?" Lane asked with his trademark smirk.

  I laughed.

  "Sure, my dad is known far and wide for his rationality," I said, with an eye-roll.

  "You really think he could resist all this charm?" he asked, turning the smirk up even more.

  "I think I'm the only Sweeten that is going to fall for your shit," I told him, shaking my head but smiling in spite of myself.

  Lane laughed again, but it tailed off fairly quickly.

  "I'm serious Bailey. I'll do whatever I have to. You tell me what to do and I'll do it. I just don't want to be away from you anymore. I can't," he told me.

  I nodded. I knew how that felt.

  "And I'm gonna come see you tonight, ok," he said.

  I nodded again.

  "And you don't get to put me out again, Baby-doll. You decide to run away from this again and you'll have to run down stairs and get your dad to put me out 'cause otherwise, I'm not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me sweetheart," he told me.

  The words were sweet but he was completely serious. I wanted to tell him that I wouldn’t. That I'd break every one of my dad’s rules if that was what I had to do to be with him. But my words were trapped in my mouth when we heard footsteps coming our way. We both let go and I took comfort in the fact that we moved to protect our secret like one mind.

  A.J. looked hard when he approached but didn't say anything. He just nodded in my direction to say hello and climbed in the passenger seat. I couldn't help the way my lip curled up when I looked at him. I was too love-drunk to blame my boy for all our trouble. I was much more inclined to blame the hoodlum that showed him the way.

  "Be nice," Lane admonished me, with a small smile.

  "I hate him," I huffed.

  My boy chuckled.

  "Don't blame him for me being a fuck up," he told me, shaking his head.

  "I don't want to blame you," I told him.

  He reached out and touched my face softly.

  "And that’s why I want to fix it," he told me.

  "Hey, Loverboy, we got shit to do," A.J. called through the open window.

  Lane rolled his eyes.

  "I'll see you later," he told me.

  "Bye," I replied, softly.

  When I walked back to the pool, the look on Jan's face is half surprise, half impressed.

  "Lane Campbell, huh?" she asked.

  I realized we had been careless today. Anyone in the world could have walked up and blown our little secret world-wide. I reached for some lie to tell my friend but I couldn't find one.

  "Please don't say anything," I pleaded.

  She shook her head.

  "Wild horses, girl," she said, miming zipping her lips. Then she grinned at me. "But how in the hell did sweet little Bailey Sweeten get caught up with Lane Campbell?"

  I couldn't help but grin back. I had wanted to brag for so long. It felt good to finally have someone I could confide in.

  "I didn't try or anything… it just happened," I began as I sat back down beside her.

  "Tell me all about it," she said, with a grin.

  So I did.

  * * *

  Chapter 17

  * * *

  "So, Cody's get together….you need to wear something hot," Lucy said, as she unscrewed an Oreo and licked the middle.

  We were sitting at her kitchen table with the components of our mixed media project and snacks covering every square inch. She was stoked about the back to school shindig Cody was throwing that upcoming weekend. I was not as enthusiastic.

  "Do I?" I asked, noncommittally.

  I was rereading the text I had put together for the project. I was super stoked that I got to work with Lucy on the project. After such a weird summer it was nice to spend some extra time with my friend. The project was a "getting to know you" kind of assignment in which we had to show the rest of the class our aspirations. I was handing the writing part and Lucy was putting together the visuals. She had already photo-shopped me into an author’s panel with JK Rowling and herself into a shot with Annie Leibovitz. It was epic.

  "Yes, you do," she told me. "That boy is so into you. I don't understand why you two aren't married."

  I laughed at my friend's exaggeration.

  "We're not married because this isn't Alabama," I said.

  "But you’re perfect for each other. You’re both into music –"

  "Everyone is into music," I interjected.

  She rolled her eyes and continued listing.

  "You’re both into horror movies. You both smoke. Cody is pretty much the boy Bailey," she said.

  "Cody is a fucking loser," said the voice that made my heart flutter, coming up behind me. I felt him lean his forearms on the back of my chair. I wanted to turn around and grab him and kiss him but I refrained.

  "You’re a fucking loser," Lucy sniped back at her brother. "Don't you had some sort of shady shit to do with your greasy hood friend?"

  Things had been tense around the Campbell household for a little while. A.J. got busted with a sack the first day back at school and Lane had been with him at the time. Even though my boy hadn’t gotten in any administrative trouble, the principle had called his parents in. He had gotten a month's worth of lectures. Lots of "where is your life going" and "what kind of people are you spending your time with" and "didn't your time in Texas teach you anything" talks. I didn’t think those had really gotten through to him, though. However, I was pretty sure me giving him a super guilt trip and reminding him that we couldn’t go legit if he kept up his delinquent bullshit and withholding any touch for two days had some impact. It probably should have been longer but two days was all I could do without.

  Even though Lucy and Lane's back and forth wasn’t as light hearted as it should have been, I s
miled. I was smiling less about what those two were saying to each other and more because I knew what Lane's problem with Cody was. That wasn't the first time he had bashed my skater friend. After we reconciled that summer my guy popped up at the pool a few times. Since we still weren’t broadcasting our status… whatever it was… Cody was his usual touchy, sitting a little too close self.

  "What's the deal with Cody anyway?" Lane asked, in a conversational tone one night. He was sitting at my desk putting together a playlist while I sat on the bed waiting for him, rubbing Shake's velvety ears. "He's always on you," he said.

  "I don't know, he's just a touchy guy," I said, with a shrug. "He doesn't mean anything by it."

  I was being truthful. While I really liked Cody, the more time I spent around him I got the feeling something was off, but I just couldn't put a finger on what.

  "He won't be able to touch so much if both of his hands are broken," Lane replied in the same level tone.

  Knowing what I knew about his not so legit activities, the threat seemed kinda of real. It worried me just a little. But it was also thrilling to see that kind of jealousness creep out.

  "You’re awful worried about me being touched," I taunted him, playfully.

  He turned around and leveled me with a cocked eyebrow. That look told me exactly what I wanted to know, I was his and all other boys would be wise to keep their hands off. I couldn't help the smile that pulled across my face.

  "I mean if you’re so worried about it maybe you should come touch me," I said. I wanted to tease and play but even more I wanted him to come over and do just what I said, to touch me.

  His seriousness melted away and he made his way over to the bed shedding shoes and shirt as he moved. I loved his fluid movements, they reminded me of all the skin I want to trace beneath my fingers and absolutely gorgeous he was. He was next to me seconds later pulling me over on top to straddle him. I bent down and fanned my messy hair all around him.

  "I'm all yours," I told him, softly. "No one else's."

  "That’s a much better answer," he said, reaching both hands up to pull me into a kiss.

  I drifted back from sweet memories when Lucy prodded her brother again.

  "What's your problem with Cody, anyway?" she asked.

  "He's a fucking creeper," he said, pulling up a chair and picking up some of Lucy's materials. She smacked them out of his hand and he smirked. "He doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself."

  I felt my heart start to pound. He might as well have just put it all out in the open.

  "Oh, is somebody mad because he isn't king of the man-whores at HHS anymore?" Lucy asked, wrinkling her nose, disgustedly.

  "No one can do what I do, little sister," he told her, his smirk growing even more pronounced.

  "Ick," she said, faking a huge shudder. She looked at me with a can you believe him look. "This is why you need to lay claim Cody. He's a decent guy. Otherwise you end up with someone like my dear brother."

  Lane's smirk stayed in place but I saw a twinge of hurt in his eyes.

  "Your support and loyalty is appreciated as always, dearest sister," he said, pulling away from the table.

  "I love you enough to be honest, big brother," she called, sweetly, as he headed up the stairs.

  "Is he still being all slutty? I haven’t really heard anything about him lately," I asked. I liked to think that since we were us his name wasn’t attached to as many nasty rumors.

  "I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I mean its Lane, so to think he's not preying on some one's low self-esteem is stupid. I know he's creeping out of the house all hours of the night. At least whoever they are, they the sense to keep quite. Keeps him out of trouble."

  "They?" I asked, chewing the inside of my cheek.

  Lucy chuckled.

  "Like he could ever have just one. My brother is about as loyal as a dog in heat," she said dryly. Then she grinned at me. "But, Cody on the other hand, seems like a real sweetheart."

  I nodded without any real commitment. My mind was already somewhere else entirely.

  B

  Fingertips trailed up my back, under my pajama tank. There was only that thin cotton between sensitive peaks and his chest. His hardness against my warmest spot, with denim rubbing against my thighs. I was drowning in a whirlwind of sensory deliciousness until a voice chimed in. Loyal as a dog in heat. The voice was my best friend talking about her brother. A knowledgeable source talking about the boy in my bed. Just like that, I lost my concentration. He noticed immediately.

  "What's wrong?" he asked, leaning up and away on his forearms. His eyes were confused and concerned.

  "Nothing," I said. I wanted that stupid, stupid comment to go away. Lane wasn’t some animal humping every leg he could get to. I knew that. I knew he was mine. Only mine. At least I was mostly sure. I tried to pull him back but he resisted.

  "Lair," he said.

  "Are we just us?" I heard the question rush out of my mouth before I could drag it back. Way to go, self, I thought.

  "What?" Confusion deepened the furrow in his brow.

  "There's no one else, right?" I asked. I skated my eyes to his then away. I could feel the heat rising up in my cheeks. I felt so silly asking, so insecure.

  My boy pulled all the way back and sat up. He looked at me for long enough to make me antsy. I pulled my comforter up so it could comfort me.

  "Why are you asking that?" he asked.

  "That’s an answer," I pointed out, my own brow puckering. Anxiety was starting to gnaw in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know why he didn’t just answer no immediately like I wanted him to.

  He was quiet and staring hard at me again. I didn't expect it but I saw fire building in his blue eyes. He was angry.

  "This is about my fucking sister isn't it?" He demanded.

  "It's about you, Lane," I said, quietly. Because it was about him. Lucy had made her little comment but I knew if I had the reassurance I was looking for, it wouldn’t eat me alive.

  "No, it's about her running her fucking mouth and you buying into it," he said angrily. He got up and pulled on his shirt.

  "How am I buying into anything?" I asked. The turn the conversation was taking was surprising to me. "I just asked a question."

  "Why would you question this?" he asked, gesturing between the two of us.

  "Uh… I don't know… because you've got a horrible reputation and we're not exactly a typical couple," I huffed. I didn’t understand why he was angry. As far as I could tell I was the only one with the right to be angry. I had the boyfriend who still wouldn’t answer one simple little question.

  He barked out a sharp laugh then nodded with pursed lips.

  "Do you know why I'm here, Bailey?" he asked.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to answer sarcastically with a comment about getting in my pants but I bit it back. I simply looked at him and waited for him to answer his own question.

  "Because you were supposed to be different. Because I thought you were different. I thought you saw past all the bullshit and all the rumors and the shit I fucked up," he ranted. He was pacing around my bed, running his hands through his hair.

  I gave those words a minute to sink in. It was warming that he thought I was special. That I was special to him. But that wasn’t really fair either. He couldn't expect me to just know things. And he still hadn’t answered my question.

  "That’s not fair," I snapped at him. "I do see past all that shit. If I didn't you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't let you in my bed. I wouldn't let you in my life. I'd avoid you just like everyone keeps telling me to. But I don't. I take a boat load of shit on faith. That you’re really the guy who lays in my bed and giggles with me. That you’re not some violent criminal jerk. So it's not fair that when I do have one little question you won't answer it."

  I was pretty sure I’d never really went off on someone like that. I knew I had never felt that frustrated, angry, worried before. I realized that I was leaning forward and the comforter h
ad pooled around my waist. It was balled into my angry fists and when I made my fingers uncurl I saw nail marks in the cotton. And Lane had lapsed into silence again. The quiet mounted in weight until he spoke again.

  "There's no one else," he said, softly. He didn’t look as angry now. He looked more frustrated. And thoughtful.

  I had no idea what to say. I was relieved. I was bewildered as to why we had to go through all of that for such a simple little answer. And I was still kind of pissed.

  "Good," I said.

  He sat down on the bed facing the window. His hands dropped into his lap and his eyes followed.

  "There's no one in the world I want to be with as much as you," he said.

  Warmth exploded all around me. The rest of the anger vanished. I wiggled out from under the blanket and moved over behind him. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and laid my head against his back. A moment later he began to speak again.

  "I'm a fuck up. It's always been like that. Luke's the athletic one and Lucy's the cute one and I'm the trouble maker. I guess its middle kid syndrome or whatever," he said, with a dry chuckle. "There's always someone telling me I need to be better and how to do it. There's always someone telling me what to do. You know the first time I ever really felt in control of anything?"

  "When?" I asked. I didn't move at all. I felt like I needed to be close to him right then.

  "In Texas. The first time I got behind the wheel. It was like I had all the control. All the power. And then as much as I loved being back home all that was gone. My parents were back on my case about school and the future and all their bullshit. And I was just the fuck up again. Until that night at the beach when I put that fucking Drew down. I was in control again. I was fixing shit. I took care of you. So when A.J. wanted me to help him out I jumped on that shit. I just wanted to have what I had back," he stopped talking for a minute and sighed. Then he turned and tugged me around to sit in his lap and face him. "But I’m telling you all this so you'll understand, being with you… all of that shit goes away. I'm not thinking about my parents or the shit with A.J. or trying to control anything. All I think about is you… and leaning towers and the best kind of pie or whatever other silliness you come up with. You make my chaos into silence."