Babydoll

  "Hey, you ok?" I asked.

  In lieu of a real answer I heard a hushed little curse skip out of her mouth. And yeah, I knew that voice anywhere.

  "Lucy?" I asked.

  "Leave me alone," my used to be best friend told me.

  I should have. I should have taken my ass on to work and stayed away from Lucy Campbell because that was what she wanted. But I had never had it in me to walk away from a Campbell.

  "Lucy, what's wrong?" I asked.

  Instead of telling me to beat it again she burst into fresh sobs. I pushed on the stall door and surprisingly, it opened. I saw the answer to my question as soon as I looked inside. Lucy's jeans were around her ankles and laying on her bare thigh was a pregnancy test. Her head was in her hands and she didn’t bother to look up at me. I wasn’t leaning down to look at the symbol on the stick but from the tears I could guess it was a big fat positive. I couldn't help but let out a little "oh shit".

  "Bailey, get out of here. I can’t… can’t deal with you right now," she huffed out. But then she kept talking. "I can’t fucking deal with anything. How can I deal with a kid?"

  After that, there was more sobbing. Fresh tears dropping down on her bare thighs. I couldn’t stop looking at the little plastic stick laying there, twisting up her whole life. And I should have left but instead I reached one hand forward and stroke short dark hair.

  "And Gavin got accepted to Michigan last week. He got a scholarship for music. He's going to fucking hate me," her words alternated between flooding out and stuttering over her tears. "I thought we were being careful."

  I didn't have any words so I just keep petting her hair. She hadn’t told me to go again so I thought I was helping.

  "Mom and Dad are going to be heart broken. They're already dealing with so much with my fucking brother," she stopped after the last part. It was like she suddenly remembered who she was talking to. She looked up suddenly and her eyes were wide and alarmed. "Bailey, you can’t tell!"

  I pulled my hand away and shoved them in my pockets awkwardly and before I could reply she rushed on.

  "Look, I know you and Lane are together or kind of together or whatever it is but you can’t tell him," she said. She was pleading with her eyes.

  "It's not my business to tell, Lucy," I said quietly. I could already feel the weight of yet another secret settling on my shoulders. But this time I knew for sure keeping it was the right thing. "What are you going to do?"

  She sighed and her shoulders slumped.

  "I have no idea," she said.

  We were both quiet for a moment and her tears seem to taper off. My old friend seemed to get herself under control. She tossed the stupid, life changing pee stick in the trash can and I moved out of her way so she could finish up. I was leaning on the counter when she came out.

  "Bailey – " she started but kind of trailed off. There was a million words that probably needed to be passed between the two of us. But she only said one and to me, it was enough. "Thanks."

  I nodded and she turned and left.

  * * *

  Chapter 26

  * * *

  The best way I could describe graduating was anticlimactic. I had spent all my time as a kid thinking about how awesome it would be when I finally free from school and then when the last day rolled around it was huh, that’s? Once upon a time, when I pictured graduation day I thought it would be Lucy, Haley, and I getting ready together and our families rushing us along. Instead, Lucy could barely look me in the eye when she signed my yearbook the previous day and I didn't think I had even spoken to Haley that week. I had seen her around a few times. She looked skinny again. Thinking about it made my stomach tie in knots.

  Instead of my girls, Cody had been blowing up my phone all morning talking about the party at Dillon’s and Lane had been randomly texting me exactly how many hours and minutes we had left until our road trip began. Every number was just a little bit smaller and it made me just a little more excited. And scared. But mostly just excited. That day was nothing like I thought it would be. It seemed like nothing ever turned out like I thought it would. But I had learned to adapt.

  "You almost ready, kiddo?" My dad was leaning in the doorway. Things were still like a fire keg ready to blow around our house but that it seemed my dad was feeling nostalgic.

  I put on one more coat of lip gloss and nodded.

  "I'm definitely ready," I said, putting on my best smile.

  The only time my smile really felt real was when I was with my guy. I turned to face my dad. We were both quiet for a minute and in silence, I took a good look at the man who had always taken care of me. The lines on his face were more vivid and there was so much gray in his dark hair. I knew I had put a lot of that there. Before I could think too much I went over and gave him a hug. A real hug.

  My affection caught him off guard, but only for a second. He hugged me back tight.

  "I'm proud of you, Bailey," he said, softly, kissing the top of my head.

  Hearing it mostly made me feel good but a tiny voice in my brain reminded me that he wouldn't be if he really knew everything. That stupid little voice brought a wave of guilt with it and made me let go of my dad.

  "Thanks," I said, shrugging back. "We should go."

  B

  The gym was chaos. Parents and kids were snapping pictures and fixing gowns and bubbling with excitement. I spotted Lucy with her parents and I wondered where Lane was. Lucy saw me looking and gave me a stilted little nod. Old habits died so hard and I was alarmed for just a second. But then I remembered that even though we weren’t who we used to be there weren’t any secrets anymore. I nodded back.

  My Dad came dressed in full uniform so he was distracted shaking hands with the good citizens of the town when I felt a hand wrap around my arm. I turned and I felt my heart speed up when I saw blue eyes. He pulled me through the door to the senior hall. Mostly hidden between banks of lockers, he pushed me against the wall and lifted me so that my legs were around his waist. His hands ghosted over my thighs under my required white dress, making my blood rush.

  "Do you know what I've been thinking about all day?" He whisper-growled in my ear making goose bumps spread all over my neck.

  I shook my head because all my words felt jumbled up. I wondered if I would ever be able to handle full force Lane.

  "I've been thinking about how good you’re going to look laying naked on hotel sheets," he said, pressing a kiss just below my ear.

  I felt like I was melting around him. I wanted to go right then. Screw graduation. Screw after parties. Screw everything but us. Then a door slammed causing us both to jump. With his signature smirk, my guy stepped back and smoothed my dress down. I huffed out a little sigh and gave him a smile.

  "I can’t wait," I said, softly.

  "Soon," he promised and reached out to softly stroke my cheek.

  "Let's get this bullshit over with," I said, nodding toward where we needed to go put on the usual show.

  After a ceremony that seemed to go on for seven million hours I flung my graduation cap in the air with one hundred and sixty two classmates. I wasn’t at the top of my class or at the bottom. I was right in the middle. It seemed I had been right in the middle for forever, in the middle of my two best friends, in the middle of a secret, in the middle of my dad's crime fighting. But that was about to end. Just one more day and I would be at the top of the fucking world.

  B

  "What does one wear to a party where you'll be seeing people you kinda hope you never see again?" I pitched my voice loud enough so that Cody could hear it over my phone's speaker. I was staring at my closet.

  "Nothing," he said. I could hear his grin.

  "You wish," I joked rolling my eyes.

  "I could give a shit. However, I'm sure plenty of the other males would love to have that particular memory," he replied. "Am I picking you up?"

  "Actually no," I told him. "Lane is picking me up."

  "Coming out, huh?" I heard just a touch o
f wistfulness in his voice. My heart broke just a little for my friend.

  "I guess," I said, trying to downplay my bullshit. I had a habit of getting so wrapped up in my life sometimes I forgot that someone always had it tougher. The words willfully naïve flicker through my mind. "Have you talked to your dad?"

  This time my friend sighed.

  "Nah. But K-state has this really awesome… scene," he said. I could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

  "Right on," I said, encouragingly.

  I wanted the same thing for Cody I wanted for me. Just to get out of here. For us to be able to just be who we needed to be. I counted myself lucky that we’d be able to make that journey together since we were headed to the same school. I pulled out a baby pink tank with a sheer overlay and pretty beadwork. Lucy had helped me pick it out.

  "Right on," Cody echoed. "So one last high school bash, huh?"

  "One last bash," I agreed. I dug out my favorite black ass kissing shorts. I tossed them on the bed next to my phone and I heard a familiar throat clearing from my door. My dad was leaning there with an arched eyebrow.

  "Gotta go, Cody," I told him, and disconnected the call.

  "Bash?" My dad asked.

  "Graduation party at Nic Dillon's," I told him. I fiddled with my top, letting the slippery fabric slide through my fingers.

  "I don't like those kinds of parties, Bailey," he said.

  "I know but it's the graduation party. The last one with all the kids I went to school with," I told him.

  "And all of those kids are going to be drinking and getting into trouble. I shouldn't have to tell you the statistics on graduation night accidents," I could hear his voice starting to rise. Great another fight. A fight just to go out on graduation night. I was so over this shit. I don't want to fight.

  "And I know every single way to not become one of those statistics, Dad,” I reminded him, trying my best to be patient.

  "Ok, who's the designated driver?" he asked.

  "I am," I told him. I wasn’t. I planned on getting bombed. I assumed Lane would get me home somehow. Or maybe I would stay with him. I had no idea.

  "Who will you be with?" Dad demanded.

  I felt just a little bit like I was being interrogated. It made me want to scream but I stayed cool.

  "Pretty much every body but I'm sure I'll just hang out with my usual crowd," I told him.

  "And you havn’t forgotten that curfew is midnight?" he raised an eyebrow at me in challenge. He knows that was bullshit. He wanted a fight so bad. Just so he could say I couldn’t go.

  "Can we negotiate for one?" I asked. I was determined not let him win.

  He opened his mouth to speak immediately and I expected to him to bark out a no. But then he stopped.

  "Be home before sun up, Bailey," he told me.

  Apparently, I look comically shocked because he chuckled.

  "Just don't do anything stupid," he said, and walked off down the hall.

  B

  When I heard Lane honk I sprinted through the house yelling good bye to my Dad over my shoulder. I didn’t even think he had time to get out of the recliner before I was buckled in and we were cruising off to Dillon's.

  "I see were on the run from the man," Lane greeted me with a smirk.

  "Two thousand eight Bonnie and Clyde," I confirmed.

  His low chuckle gave me a shiver. The excitement, the anticipation… just everything had my nerves strung so tight that I was feeling everything super intense. The Lane effect was almost too much. I felt a little bit like that never been kissed little kid on Haley's back deck. To remind myself how far I was away from her I reached over and scratch my nails softly down Lane's neck. I saw his skin prickle and his mouth curve up in another smile but he didn’t take his eyes off the road.

  "You starting something?" he asked.

  "Maybe," I teased.

  "Just as long as you plan on finishing," he said, agreeably.

  He was so cocky, sexy that I kind of wanted to say screw the party let's just go somewhere and get naked. But I wasn’t a word that rhymes with mutt so I just grinned and turned the radio on. Even though he couldn’t stand R&B he just smiled when I start singing Umbrella at the top of my lungs.

  B

  "What the fuck?" Lindsay's mouth was a perfect O of surprise. Her blurry eyes are on hands clasped in between Lane and me. We decided to say fuck it all and make an entrance. "You two? You’re together?"

  The sun had barely sank and she was tanked. Even soaking in booze she was beyond shocked. I was pretty sure we would be getting that reaction quite a bit. At least for as long as we were at the party. We didn't plan to stay long. We just wanted to say good byes and my earlier plans had changed, I just wanted to get a little buzzed. I had better things to do then sit around drinking with people I didn’t really want to be around. I looked up at my guy and he was smirking. I couldn't help but grin.

  "Yep," I told Miss Shitfaced and we breezed past into our last high school party.

  Just as I expected I saw plenty of disbelief as we made a round through the crowded house. I also saw a ton of dirty looks from the females in attendance. I guess quite a few girls wanted to make one last memory with Lane Campbell. I felt beyond smug.

  "Well, it's about time," my oldest friend greeted us with an eye-roll. Those eyes happen to be shot through with red but I smiled anyway. She gave us both a little hug.

  "Hey, Haley, Luke will be here later," Lane told her.

  Once upon a time that would have lit my girl up like Fourth of July fireworks but now she only shrugged.

  "Cool," she said, with a nod. She was fidgety and looking around.

  "Are you guys…?" I asked. I didn't know what was going on with her and my favorite big brother. I guess I didn't really know anything about her anymore.

  "We're whatever," she said, with another shrug. Then something caught her eye and we were dismissed. "I'll see you guys later."

  "Wow," Lane said, shaking his head as she wondered off.

  "Don't," I told him, sighing. I didn't want to worry about it. I just wanted to enjoy the night.

  He nodded.

  "Let's get a drink, beautiful Baby-doll," he said, and steered me toward the kitchen.

  A little while later I was on my second drink of punch and had me just a smidge tipsy. Even though I was pretty comfy on a couch in a basement rec room, tucked up against Lane's side, I was also kind of bored. I had lost track of how many times I had said the words "I'm going to miss you soooo much" and "we just kind of happened".

  "We should leave tonight," I whispered in my guy's ear. "Make our getaway under the cover of night."

  He snorted a little laugh.

  "Dramatic," he said.

  "I like dramatic," I replied with a pout.

  "Clearly," he agreed. He was about to go on, probably tease me some more, when the absolute last person I wanted to see walked up.

  "Yo, Campbell, it's been a while," I watched silently as Lane knocked his fist against A.J.'s. "Let me get at you for a minute. Take a little ride with me."

  I knew Lane felt my body go completely stiff and he squeezed me tight.

  "Man, I'm with my girl tonight. Just doing this last party," Lane said. I grabbed a hand full of his shirt and sink my nails in.

  "Alright, alright, just come speak for a minute then," A.J. said, nodding away from our cozy little spot. He looked so much older than when I had met at the rec center. His face was pock marked and he looked haggard. Like he was thirty instead of our age.

  When I felt Lane start to move away I held on tighter.

  "I'll be right back, Baby-doll, I'm just going to speak for a minute," he said.

  I shook my head.

  "No way," I told him. "None of that bullshit. You’re fucking done with that."

  "Right," he said, reassuringly. "That’s why I can go speak for just a minute with no problem."

  "Lane-" I could hear the concern in my voice so I knew he could too.

  "Bailey
, I'll be right back," he told me, and tugged out of my grasp.

  I gritted my teeth so hard I felt like they were going to break. I loved the headstrong and the crazy that made him Lane Campbell but I hated it too. It kind of broke my heart. True to his word, I was only left sipping my drink alone for a minute but when he walked back up his face was stone and I knew I was going to hate what was about to come out of his mouth.

  "I gotta go out for a just a little bit, Bailey," he said. His face didn't show any kind of emotion.

  "No. Fuck no. Don't even fucking think about it," I told him, jumping to my feet.

  He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed down, sitting with me as I went.

  "Look, this is separate from all the other shit. This is just A.J. in some trouble," he told me. "I can’t let him go."

  "I don't care what shit this is," I practically yelled.

  He took both of my hands and held them tight.

  "Bailey, look I know this freaks you out but I have to do this. Despite all this bullshit, A.J. was my boy… his is my boy. Fuck, I don't know. I just… I have to do this one last thing," he said. I felt tears welling up. I knew Lane. When he mind was made up I couldn't do a fucking thing to stop him. "I'll be back by midnight, one at the absolute latest. I promise. Just chill here and I'll be back for you."

  "Lane, please –"

  "I promise, Baby-doll," he told me. He let go of my hands and I wiped away the tears that overflowed.

  "This is fucking bullshit," I sniffled.

  "And I'll make it up to you," he assured. He stood but then bended down and placed his mouth next to my ear, "I love you. Tomorrow we start the rest of our life."

  I nodded.

  "Hurry up," I told him, because I knew there really wasn’t another choice. He nodded and disappeared in to the crowd.

  I felt like I had been sitting there forever sipping my drink, being kind of morose, and not really getting drunk when a massive force jolted the couch. I looked over at the person who had sat down and I couldn't help but smile back when I saw Luke's sunny grin.

  "Hey there, Baby-doll, congrats on the education," he said, wrapping me in a huge hug.