by Amelia Shaw
I took a seat on the edge of my bed and smoothed out the quilt, the soft material running against my skin. The air was cool even inside and I glanced over to the window, considering, for a moment, if I should open it and let fresh air inside.
I reached up, unconsciously ready to hold my locket in my hand, the heaviness helping me find my center.
With a snap of my wrist, I created a jewelry box next to the bed and carefully took off the locket. My skin suddenly felt cold, almost like I was removing an important part of me. I frowned, hesitating. I didn’t want to get rid of my mother just yet, even if I knew it was important to stow her away for now.
I set her in the box and gently shut the lid. She would be safe here. I could always put her on after my shower to have a moment with her before I returned to the others.
I turned from the box and glanced at the door in the middle of the wall opposite my bed. It called to me. I stepped inside and found a white, clean bathroom ready for use.
“Oh, thank goodness,” I said when my eyes came in contact with fluffy purple towels. I always seemed to forget to take one with me when I showered and was forced to run naked down the hall to grab one or magic one out of thin air.
I stripped off my clothes, noticing for the first time the drops of blood splattered over my sleeves. I blinked. It almost didn’t feel like this was real.
That must have rubbed off Tavlor’s clothes.
I shivered, remembering the way it had felt to fight those wolf shifters. The fear, the danger, the thrill of adrenaline that came with fighting for my life and for the life of someone I cared about.
I hated to say it, but I could probably get used to such a thing. Now that I could look back on it, I remembered a surge of adrenaline coursing through my body. I remembered the way my fingertips pulsated with magic, just wanting to push through and escape from the confines of my body. I remembered the way my lips curled up into a smirk, waiting for the shifters to make their moves, knowing I could do great damage to them with a flick of my wrist.
I turned the water on and as soon as the temperature was warm enough, I stepped beneath the spray.
The tears came as the water ran down my face, mixing together.
So much heartbreak, so much stress. And Tavlor, who’d been my rock, something to cling to in this time, had just declared I was nothing more than an obligation. Part of his job.
I sniffled, wiping the snot that had run down my nose with the back of my hand and rinsed it underneath the water.
Who was he fucking kidding?
Part of his job.
I scoffed.
Though no one could see me, I felt better doing it. It smoothed down the jaggedness in my chest.
I grabbed up a bar of soap laying in the dish and began to scrub my body in a way I hadn’t been able to do since I’d left this realm. Neither Mallory’s house, nor the Fae realm had the same facilities I was used to here. The rose-scented soap filled my nostrils and helped ease even more tension out of my body. At least when I was finished, I would smell delicious.
Not that Tavlor would even notice.
I scrubbed my arms and legs, wanting to wash away the stench of death, the smell of fear that clung to me. I wanted to wash away the heartbreak, the sadness. The disappointment.
That was probably the worst one of all.
But I should have known better. I knew what I was getting into when I let myself fall for someone like Tavlor. He was married to the job, and duty was the always going to be his top priority. It didn’t matter that I saw him as a person and not a cog in a machine. It didn’t matter that I accepted him for exactly what he was. He was going to do what he wanted.
And, unfortunately, that wasn’t me.
Why did this have to be so hard?
I growled at myself as I felt the defeatist mindset begin to win. I couldn’t let the warlocks pull me down. I needed to accept the fact that I was alone and use it to my advantage. I had survived before I met Tavlor, and even though it sucked, I would survive without him.
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, letting the heat of the water wash over my head and soak my hair. I let out a deep breath, trying to ease the pain, even if it was difficult to do so.
There was shampoo and conditioner at the base of the shower. Bella thought of everything. I smiled to myself, shaking my head.
I was with my sisters. If I was going to endure heartbreak, at least they were right here with me.
I guess I wasn’t really alone, not with them next to me.
I picked up the soap and scrubbed the dirt and grime away. I watched as bubbles formed around my feet, circling the drain before disappearing forever. Then I conditioned my hair and brushed the tangles out, focusing on my physical well-being so that I didn’t let the whirling vortex of emotions suck me down too hard.
By the time I’d turned off the water and wrapped myself in a fluffy purple towel, my head was mostly clear. I just kept trying to remind myself that it was okay, that I should expect this, that maybe this was a good thing.
Except for the ache in my heart where the hopes for Tavlor and I used to be. It was definitely not the relationship I thought I would get myself into, but it was the one I wanted more than I cared to admit.
And the relationship I knew would never happen. Not with Tavlor duty-bound.
It just isn’t fair.
I sighed as I opened the door to my new bedroom. I needed a nap. I was sure my sisters wouldn’t mind if I took a few hours.
I stepped into the room and gasped.
“What are you doing in here?” I glanced from Tavlor, who sat on my bed, apparently waiting for me, to my closed bedroom door. “You shouldn’t be here.”
Tavlor didn’t move. “Your sisters have stopped asking me questions.”
That seemed to be explanation enough for him.
“Well, that’s nice. You can go back now, can’t you?” I snapped, clinging to the towel that barely covered all my important bits. I didn’t need his eyes dropping to the towel either. I wondered what he was thinking as he looked at me. Was he trying to visualize what I might look like without the towel?
He stood up and I scurried around the room, getting out of the way of the door so that he could leave as soon as he wanted to.
His eyebrows lowered.
“I was hoping you’d want me to stay a little longer.” His voice was soft. It might have been my imagination, but it almost seemed as though he was disappointed.
“Why would I want that?” I asked.
Especially after what you said to my sisters about me being an obligation.
“Well, we haven’t had any time alone, or to get to know each other, and after I searched your mind for how you felt about me, I—”
I jumped in before he could finish that embarrassing sentence. “What? You thought that because you found out how I felt about you, I’d just throw myself into bed with you?” I scoffed. “I don’t fucking think so!”
He scowled. “But... what’s wrong Ava?”
I clenched down on my jaw, angry swirls of emotion curling in my veins. “What’s wrong? Are you serious right now? You tell my sisters that I’m an obligation... a... a... job! And then you come into my bedroom like you own the place and expect me to grovel at your feet? Come on, Tavlor, you’re smarter than that.”
He moved so fast I didn’t actually see him take a step. But he was in front of me, holding my arms, making me to look up into his face.
“I never said any such thing.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. “You know you’re so much more to me than that.”
I forced my chin up higher, glaring at him with all the anger inside my body. I needed him to understand what I felt, how much it hurt, even if what he had said was true.
“Really?” I growled. “How? How would I know you feel anything other than obligation? You’ve never said anything else.”
He growled, the noise strangely feral as he moved his hands around me to pick me up, then pro
ceeded to carry me over to the bed and throw me onto it.
I squealed in shock and tried to hold onto my towel, but it uncoiled around me.
Then Tavlor was on the bed, over the top of me, grabbing my wrists and pinning me to the bed.
“Get off me!” I screamed, my chest heaving with anger.
He stared down at me. His eyes darkened to black as silver flecks danced in their depths.
“I’m not good with words, Ava,” he said. His voice was soft, but his eyes burned into me, so hot I could feel warmth pinch my throat, my cheeks. His gaze seared my body... and I liked it. “You have to know that... and I can’t let you into my head. There’s too much torture in there for you to access.”
I hesitated. My anger faltered, my body instead reacting to the presence of his muscled form on top of me rather than the anger that had once burned through me so ferociously.
“I don’t want to see inside your head,” I insisted. “Especially if all I’d see is that you’re protecting me for the sake of my father!”
And that summed up my worst fear. That Tavlor was only ‘with’ me because my father had asked him to. That he hadn’t come to see me at the Fae realm because he missed me, because he wanted me, but because he was assigned to protect me and following his assignments was the only thing he cared about.
“Your father does want me to protect you...” he began.
I put my hand on his shoulder and tried to push him away. He was like a boulder—firm and unmovable.
Tavlor spoke a few magical words that made my towel disappear. Literally disappear.
I squealed as he pressed his fully clothed body onto mine, his thigh going between my legs to rub against a place that was now throbbing with desire.
“But he would kill me if he knew what I was doing right now, what I desperately want to do to you,” he continued.
I blinked up at him, noticing that he was still looking directly into my eyes. He hadn’t even glanced down at my naked body yet.
I furrowed my brow. What was he saying? What did he want to do to me, exactly? Clearly, he was interested in the physical closeness, but was it because he actually cared about me?
“Why?” I asked, desperately hoping he understood my question.
“Why do I desire you? Why do I care so much?” he asked.
I nodded. If he did desire me, then yes, I wanted to know why. It would help me make sense of how frustrating he was behaving.
“Because you’re the first person to look past the scars, past my parentage, past the anger and betrayal I feel whenever I am close to a witch or warlock,” he said. “Because you’re the first person to see who I really am. And that scares me more than I’m willing to admit.”
The pain in my chest intensified, but not from distress. My heart beat like a caged canary wanting to escape.
I waited, not sure what else I could say.
He kept speaking. “So, if you’ll allow me, Ava, I’ll show you how much I want you, need you... desire you.”
My pulse quickened even more. I shifted underneath him, my nipples hard from the coolness that pinched at them.
“How do you want to do that?” I asked, my throat dry.
He grinned, his face lighting up. “I won’t remove any of my clothes,” he said. “I only want to give you pleasure.”
I inhaled sharply through my nose. What would that entail?
“Could you take your tops off, so I can feel your skin a little?”
He nodded slowly. “If that is your request.”
I bit my lip. “Yes, please.”
“Then you consent?” he asked, as though I would say anything other than yes.
I blew out a breath.
“Yes,” I said, though what I was consenting to, I wasn’t entirely sure. All I knew was that I couldn’t go another day without feeling this man’s hands on me.
Chapter 7.
Tavlor said a Fae casting word. The word hummed into my ear and I closed my eyes—despite the beautiful sight in front of me—simply because of how his voice sounded when he spoke in such a way.
When I opened my eyes, his robe and flowing top had disappeared. He was big, full of muscle, but approachable, at least with me. At least in this moment.
“Let go of my hands,” I said. “I want to touch you.”
More than I can say.
I didn’t know where this boldness was coming from. I had never done anything like this before, and yet, I was acting like I knew what I was doing and what I wanted from him.
The truth of the matter was, I had no clue. I didn’t know anything. I was going based on instinct, on what this inner, more primal part of me desired.
He moved to take the weight of his body on his arms, holding himself above me. His eyes carved out my face, the length of my throat.
I sucked in a breath. I wondered how he viewed me. Was I some form of beauty in his mind? Or was I different, less than what he expected?
I reached up, under his arms, running my hands along his back and feeling the bulk and twist of his muscles beneath my fingers. They rippled with each touch the way a quiet pond would after someone skipped a pebble against it.
He groaned, his eyes closing as he took steady breaths. Why was he acting like he was struggling with my touch?
“Am I doing something wrong?” I asked shyly, moving my hands over to his arms and marveling in the strength of the muscles there. I hoped I wasn’t hurting him. I didn’t want to push him away, not when this was something I wanted more than anything. But I also didn’t want to do something I wasn’t supposed to, something I might not have even realized I was doing in the first place.
He shook his head, then opened his eyes, staring down at me with desire clear in his gaze.
“No,” he said, his voice a low murmur sending goosebumps up and down my arms, “but I don’t know how I’m going to control myself with you touching me like that.” He growled, turning his head so he could leave a kiss on the column of my throat.
“You don’t have to,” I whispered, aching to know what it was like to be consumed by the power of desire between a man and a woman.
He locked eyes with me, his lips pressed together in a thin line. I couldn’t be sure, but there was power in those eyes. It was like he was starting to feel the way I saw him. Like he was beautiful and dangerous and desirable.
I thought we would finally be able to finish what we started back in the magic realm. My body quivered with the possibility.
Finally, he shook his head. “No,” he said finally. For a moment, I thought he was rejecting me again. Then, he continued to speak. “Today is only about you, and me showing you how much I adore you.”
My mouth fell open.
Before I could process everything those words entailed, he kissed me, thrusting his tongue between my lips. I grabbed for his face with my hands. All thoughts ceased to exist.
It was like I had never been happy before.
I kissed him back with every ounce of passion I had for him. Since I couldn’t find the words to tell him how much I cared, I hoped I was doing a good job of showing him. Every tiny bit of me ached for him. I caressed his face and arched up into him, wanting his skin on mine.
I needed him. I had never needed anyone in this way before.
He made me stronger and better and happier... I had thought that was only stuff in Bella’s ridiculous books.
But it wasn’t. It was all true. I just had to find the right person that brought those feelings out in me.
When he drew back, he was panting and I was confused, wanting him back on me. I whimpered, reaching for him. I was suddenly cold. I didn’t like the emptiness I felt now that he was away from me.
Instead, he dropped his head, a small smirk on his face. He kissed my neck, my collar bone, and continued to move further down. I squirmed underneath him, not expecting this turn of events. I liked it. I didn’t stop him. I wanted his mouth on me.
On all of me.
My fingers tangled in his h
air as he kissed a path down to my breasts.
I swallowed. I’d never had much of an opinion on my body, but surely there was enough there to satisfy him? It was in this moment that I wished I had a little more experience. I would be familiar with this. I would know what to expect.
The problem with Tavlor was he constantly played things close to the vest. I didn’t know how to read his face just yet. So, while I hoped he was pleased, I didn’t know for sure. Not unless he decided to tell me.
He moaned as he took a single nipple into his mouth and tugged on it.
I cried out, arching my back to thrust my flesh further into his mouth, not sure if I should be wanting him to continue, or not. My fingers tangled into his thick hair and I pulled, needing to hold onto something. My eyes rolled back. I was completely and utterly helpless in this moment. I would do anything he asked. I would obey his every command just as long as he didn’t stop.
He brought both hands up, one to cup the breast he feasted on and the other to torment my second nipple with his fingers.
Oh. my God.
I shuddered. I hadn’t expected the onslaught of pleasure racking down on my body from this god of a hybrid, and yet here I was, completely at his mercy.
I wanted to ask questions, but instead my eyes slid shut as a wave of sensation paralyzed my body, and I let the one with experience show me the way. I would rather go with his flow then try to force it on my own when I had no idea what I was doing. Our mother had given us a brief sexual education lesson, but it was basically filled with here’s what it is, and for the love of everything that’s holy, don’t have it. It didn’t exactly inspire warm butterflies. I’d managed to conjure some movies from the human village to watch and Bella was always reading different types of books, including romance, so I thought I had a decent handle on what to expect.
I was dead wrong.
Nothing could have prepared me for the intimate details of love making that I truly wanted to know about. And I didn’t know I wanted to know about it until I was already in the moment. It was a strange feeling.
I was glad he would be my first. I would get to cherish it forever.