Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part Three

by Ting, Melanie

  “Are you sure you’re okay, Phil? Is work going okay? You’re acting really strangely.”

  He stretched his neck and looked out at the ocean again. Then he began to speak without looking at me. “I’ve been meaning to call you ever since you got back. My family is dealing with some health issues.” He paused for a long minute. “My mom’s got cancer.”

  There was a long silence while I tried to figure out what to say. I felt so bad. Poor Phil, this was why he looked so awful. Why hadn’t anyone mentioned anything to me before?

  “I’m so sorry, Phil, I had no idea. April didn’t tell me anything.”

  “Nobody knows. I had to tell you, because—” he stopped, deep in thought. I didn’t know what to say, so leaned over and hugged him. He kept stiff and straight for a moment, then wrapped his arms around me. Finally he let go, but I stayed right next to him.

  “Kel, I wanted to tell you because it’s strange, but my mom has mentioned you a few times. I think that maybe—”

  “She wants me to visit her? Of course, where is she?”

  “She’ll be at Vancouver General tomorrow, her operation is Monday.”

  “I’ll go right away.”

  “Thanks, Kelly. I don’t even know if it will make a difference, but I like to do anything that I can for her.”

  “How long have you known? What kind of cancer is it?”

  “She has colon cancer. We’ve only known her diagnosis for two weeks. She was sick before, but we didn’t know what it was.”

  He still looked so sad. I held both his hands. “I’m so, so sorry, Phil. Your mom is one of a kind. I will definitely visit her, and if I can do anything else, let me know.”

  “Kelly, my mom is kind of private. Would you please not mention this to anyone, not even April?”

  “Promise.” We got up and walked along the paved path.

  “Phil, how are you doing?”

  He stared out at the ships in Burrard Inlet. “It’s hard to see my dad so unhappy and to see my mom trying to act normal, like everything will be okay.” His eyes looked so haunted. “I don’t get why things have to be like this. It’s not fair. She’s only 57.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be okay. Lots of people survive cancer these days, don’t they?”

  “Yeah, I hope so. She’s stage III though. We won’t know until after her surgery next week.” He sighed. “It’s funny, I always saw my parents arguing and I hated it, but now that they’re only being nice to each other, I long to hear them fighting again. Turns out that was how they expressed their love.” He gave a half-laugh.

  I noticed that April motioning us to come. We got up and walked back to the limo and headed to the Shangri-La for the reception.

  April and I went straight to her hotel room, to make sure she looked perfect for the reception. My only role was to hold up her train while she used the bathroom.

  “How did the photos go?” I asked.

  “Great, except for the bug-eyed expression on my face when I saw you and Phil making out in the park. What’s up with that?”

  “We weren’t making out. Phil has some personal issues, so I gave him a hug. It’s totally non-sexual.”

  “Personal issues? Phil doesn’t look right, what’s wrong with him? He’s lost weight and he looks kind of… haunted.”

  “Hey, I just moved back. Doesn’t Ben know?”

  “Yeah, Ben thinks that Phil is doing too much overtime. But that doesn’t seem to explain it all.”

  “So—he’s still going out with Emily?” It wasn’t that I was interested, but I was trying to get a handle on Phil’s life before I got involved in it.

  April frowned. “I have no clue. I haven’t seen her since our Christmas party. But he plus-oned his invite.”

  When we got to the reception, I saw Emily and Phil getting a drink near the bar. She looked sleek, confident, and beautifully groomed. She gave me a friendly nod, and then the two of them went off to the ballroom together. That answered my questions about Phil’s dating status.

  After dinner, I left the head table and headed out to mingle. All our high school friends were at one table. Charmaine and her boyfriend were there. Will was a fellow researcher from U.B.C., and they’d been dating for a while now. Karen was there, with her new boyfriend, Thomas. Phil came over with Emily, who chose to sit in the empty chair next to me and chat.

  “So Kelly, you’re visiting from Chicago?”

  “Actually, no. I moved back here at the end of March.”

  “I thought your boyfriend lived there—the hockey player?”

  “He does. But we’re not together anymore.”

  “Oh, really?” Emily searched my face for clues as to whether I was unhappy about this. I guess she found plenty, because she added, “Well, I’m sure you’re enjoying being back in Vancouver.”

  “How is everything going with you?” I wondered. I didn’t really know anything about her except she was a lawyer for the province. What did you ask Crown Prosecutors? If they’d put any bad guys in jail lately?

  “Everything’s fine in my life,” she began, and then lowered her voice. “But I’m worried about Phil. He’s got so much stress in his life, and he really doesn’t need any more.”

  She gave me a piercing look, and I flushed a little. If I were a criminal, I’d pretty much confess everything when she looked at me like that. Her remark felt more like a warning than an observation. I offered some lame agreement. Luckily, Will interrupted to ask me if he could get either of us a drink, and I got up to go to the bar with him.

  Later, I watched Emily coax Phil onto the dance floor. In fact, everyone at the table was dancing, except me. Momentarily, I felt like a loser, until I remembered that Jimmy was such a crappy dancer that even if he were here, I wouldn’t be dancing. And besides, I now had a cool job that didn’t involve lifting boxes.

  Thank God for hockey. April threw the bouquet right at me, but I deked and it landed in Charmaine’s arms, much to her boyfriend’s consternation.

  42

  Mirrors

  Phil

  * * *

  I pulled up outside Emily’s place, cleared my throat and then dove in. “I think we need to end things between us.”

  “Again?” she asked, her voice dry and mocking.

  At Christmas, when Emily said she was in love with me, I tried to do the right thing and break up with her. I really liked her, but I didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t seem that upset but it was always hard to tell since she hid her feelings well. To my relief, it was a pretty uneventful parting.

  The next week, she asked if we could meet for a drink. She said she had a proposal for me. Once we were settled at the bar, Emily laid things out in her best courtroom tone. “I understand that we’re not in the same place, but I think you’ve got some relationship issues. I’m not going to get into that though.”

  Thank God. I hated being psychoanalyzed by women. It always seemed to hinge on my lack of commitment to them and why the fuck that might be. That was what I had enjoyed about Emily: she was a little older, busy with work, and relatively angst-free.

  “Anyway, I know you’re not in Vancouver that much longer, and we are very compatible.” She ran her hand over my bicep as she said that. We did have a good time in bed; Emily was very open and up for anything. She continued, “I was thinking that we could be fuck-buddies.”

  I laughed at her candidness. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work. You already told me how you feel, Emily. It’s not fair to you.” While she might think she was being original, I’d seen this scenario before. Maintaining a relationship with someone who was already in love with you could only lead to disaster.

  “I’m different than other women, Phil. I can compartmentalize my life. I enjoy having sex with you, and you like it too. So why not?”

  I shook my head again. Emily had a big sip of her cocktail. “That’s fine. I guess I blew everything by saying the L-word. There was something about you that weekend, a vulnerability I’d ne
ver seen before. I thought it was us, but perhaps it had to do with Kelly?”

  I was startled to hear Emily mention Kelly’s name. Either Emily was extra observant, or I wasn’t hiding my emotions as well as I assumed.

  “I don’t want to talk about Kelly,” I said. “I never talk about old girlfriends.”

  “That’s good to know.” Emily smiled and finished her martini. Her pink tongue darted out as she licked the swizzle stick. I felt my cock stirring. She seemed to realize this and rubbed my thigh. “I do admire you for being so noble, but I’m a big girl and I know what I want. You’ve got my number—anytime you want to fuck, or even talk—I’m around. I know how late you work, and I work even later.”

  She got up from her barstool. I reached for my wallet, but she put her hand on mine. “I already paid, babe. I invited you out.” She kissed my cheek and whispered, “Don’t forget—fucking is a great stress reliever.”

  I didn’t call Emily for weeks after that. I knew it couldn’t work out. Then one night, after a week of overtime, a huge snafu on the site, and some dumb web surfing, I weakened. Emily was completely casual as she invited me over.

  “Bad day?” she asked. She offered me snack mix and a trendy craft beer. I took the beer, as long as it was cold and wet that was all I cared about.

  “It’s been the week from hell,” I confessed. But I could have handled it if I hadn’t gone online and seen Kelly modelling in some stupid charity fashion show. Everything about that was so wrong. Kelly was someone who was almost unaware of her looks, and now she was completely defined by how beautiful she was.

  Emily was sitting beside me on the couch. She was casually dressed in a black sweater with a deep v-neck and jeans. After I’d had a few pulls on my beer, she moved smoothly off the couch and slid between my legs. She undid my jeans, opened them up, and then took me into her hands. I closed my eyes as her skilful mouth bathed my cock in warm oblivion.

  And since that night, I’d seen her a few times. She texted me occasionally too, but everything had been completely physical and drama-free. About two months ago, she was in my bedroom and saw the engraved invitation to Ben and April’s wedding on the dresser.

  “You’re going to this?” she asked.

  “Have to. I’m in the wedding party.”

  “Won’t that be awkward for you?”

  “How so?”

  “Seeing Kelly there—with her fiancé.”

  “He’s not her fiancé,” I corrected. Had Emily had tricked me into confessing knowledge I wouldn’t normally discuss? “It won’t be a problem for me.”

  “I could be your date if you didn’t want to go alone.” She fiddled with her bracelet as she spoke. “Take it from someone who’s gone to too many weddings solo, all people can talk about is why you’re alone and who they can fix you up with.”

  “I think I can handle that.”

  “Sure. Though, it might make a better impression.”

  I considered this. On one hand, Frechette might have playoff hockey and Kelly would be alone. On the other hand, if I had to watch the two of them all night, it might be more palatable if I at least had a date.

  “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” I knew Emily would look classier than any one I might meet in the meantime.

  Then, I forgot about all the wedding date with everything that happened in the meantime. My mom got sick, and then I found out that Kelly had been home for weeks without even contacting me. When Emily called about the wedding, I tried to put her off, but she said she had bought a new dress and I got guilted into the date.

  And it was a huge mistake. I already had too much on my mind to sort out my emotions around Kelly. Lately I felt like I’d been living in a fog, unable to really feel anything. Yet today, arguing with Kelly seemed to bring me out of that. The fact that I could be angry with her was at least pulling me out of the miasma. Kelly was so special to me, and now she was back. I had no idea what the future for us might be, and frankly I couldn’t concentrate on it now. But I knew what I didn’t want.

  I tried to explain this to Emily. “I’m really sorry. There’s just no point in seeing each other anymore. It’s better to end things now.”

  Before everything got all pissy. But it was too late, Emily’s expression was more angry than unhappy.

  “It’s Kelly coming back, isn’t it? She’s damaged goods. Five minutes with her, and I could see that. What is it with guys who want to swoop in and save the woman? You never struck me as that type, you’re too healthy.”

  I didn’t want to save all women. But it hurt to see someone as vital as Kelly like she was now. “She’s not like that. You don’t know her.”

  “You’re idealizing the past. I’ve met her twice, and she’s a chameleon who becomes what her latest boyfriend wants her to be. She has nothing going on. What’s the appeal of someone that naïve and dependant?”

  I didn’t even bother to answer. The fact that Emily could have that impression showed how much Kelly had changed from her true self.

  Emily continued, “Practically speaking, if you really want her, you should wait. The rebound guy always ends up getting turfed.”

  Her arguments were starting to piss me off. Even if she was right, everything she said was self-serving.

  “I’m really sorry. But this is the end for us—no matter what happens.” Even if I didn’t get back with Kelly, I could never match Emily’s level of caring. I had been wrong to hook up with her. Sex can never be casual and emotionless, no matter how much two people pretend. The fact that she kept arguing was proof. I was willing to cut her some slack because of everything we’d shared, but she was starting to piss me off.

  Emily finally got out of the car, but not without a parting shot.

  “I don’t understand why someone like you—with so much going for him—continues to chase after a person who prefers someone else.”

  “Really, Emily? I’d think you’d understand that better than anyone.”

  43

  Are We Having Fun Yet?

  The next day, I went to the hospital after lunch. Mr. Davidson was in the room, and he was surprised to see me. He said he would head out for a bite to eat and leave us to have some girl talk.

  “Ah Kelly, you are here,” said Greta. Even in a hospital bed, she radiated authority. It struck me that in choosing Emily, Phil had found someone like his mother. Greta looked thinner, but otherwise the same.

  “Yes. Phil thought you might like me to visit.”

  “How kind,” she looked me over intently. “You are back for good?”

  I nodded.

  “What happened?”

  Maybe because my own mother wasn’t here, I felt like blurting out everything. But since Greta didn’t even know the beginning, it would take too long to explain the end.

  “Things didn’t work out for me in Chicago.” I felt like I was decades older than when I last saw Greta at the anniversary party. I probably looked older too.

  “You young people—everything is so important. But it will pass. What you feel now will be like nothing soon.”

  I looked up at her with wondering eyes, since that seemed like the perfect advice for me. But maybe that was the answer to any problem.

  Greta cleared her throat. “Kelly, please do for me a favour.”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “Make sure that Phil has some fun.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I am worried about him. Did you see him? He looks like the dog’s breakfast.”

  “Yeah, I noticed. But isn’t that because he’s worried about you?”

  “No. Before, he already looked like that.”

  “What about Emily? He has a girlfriend. Shouldn’t he be having fun with her?”

  “Emily? Who is this Emily? If he doesn’t even introduce her to his mother, she is nothing.” She straightened the sheet and skimpy blanket around her. “Ja, he always had fun with you as a child.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not getting between a guy and his
girlfriend, sorry.”

  She glared at me. “You said you would help a sick woman, but no.”

  Then Phil himself walked in the room. “Oh hi, Kelly. Mom, how are you today?”

  “Good.”

  “I’m taking the week off work. So I can spend more time with you, and see how the operation goes.

  “You are a good boy.” She patted his hand and then yawned. “I am going to nap now. Please come back a little later.”

  “Sure. You need to get your rest.” Phil gave her a kiss. She put her hand up to his cheek and smiled at him. “I think that Kelly needs lunch, she has been here a long time.”

  “Uh, okay.” Phil looked at me, puzzled.

  I leaned in and gave Greta our first-ever hug. “Really subtle, Greta. But I’m still not doing it,” I whispered in her ear. She winked at me.

  Phil walked out of the room with me. “So, where should we go? I’m a little hungry myself.”

  “I’m sure there are lots of places on Broadway.” Since I’d already eaten lunch, I wasn’t that picky.

  We ended up at a little café. Phil had a soup and sandwich, and I had a small soup.

  “So, what are your plans for your week off?”

  “I’m planning to spend it at the hospital. I can get some work done on my laptop as well.”

  “Oh yeah, how is your job going?”

  “It’s been crazy. But, things are coming together pretty well. Always a new crisis though. On time and on budget are usually at cross-purposes.”

  “It must have been hard for you to take a week off.”

  “Yeah, it was. My boss was pissed, but it’s my mom, right? I’ll end up doing a bunch of stuff anyway.”

  “You’re doing the right thing.” I wondered more about this whole overwork issue. “Do you like your job?”

  “I like it. But my boss is kind of disorganized. Sometimes I feel like his micromanaging is putting more stress on us. Like if he let everyone do their jobs, things would get done. But if he has to double-check every damn detail or changes his mind—it’ll take that much longer.”