Shank's Mare

  'Eh!' he shouted. 'Here's a man making love to the mad girl.'

  Bursting into laughter the boy ran off. The startled Kita also wanted to run away, but the girl held him and would not let him go.

  'Eh, young fellow,' she said. 'You're not going yet.'

  But Kita was by this time rather frightened and he struggled so hard that he was able to break loose just as the girl's old father came on the scene.

  'What are you doing with that young girl?' asked the old man.

  'I'm not doing anything,' replied Kita.

  'Then why did you come here?' asked the old man.

  'I went to relieve myself and then I asked her for some water to rinse my hands,' said Kita.

  'No, no, no,' said the old man. 'This girl is mad, and it is quite plain you came here with a bad intention.'

  'How absurd!' said Kita.

  'You can't deceive me,' went on the old man. 'You knew this girl was mad and so you came here to make a fool of her. I can't accept your excuses. It is unpardonable.' The old man spoke in a loud voice and was evidently intent on making a scene.

  In the meanwhile Yaji, after waiting some time in the teahouse in front for Kita to return, had come round to the back and had, indeed, been secretly watching the scene for some time, much to his own amusement. Now he thought it was time that he showed himself, so he came slowly forward.

  'Excuse me,' he said. 'I'm in charge of this man and I happened to hear what had taken place. I may tell you that this chap's a bit off his head, as you can see by his looks. Please pardon him. Eh, you rascal! You give me a lot of trouble, don't you? Just look at his face. See for yourself the restless look in his eye. Isn't that enough to show his condition? Your lunatic is a woman, so you can manage her, but this looney gives me all sorts of trouble.'

  'No, no, it can't be,' said the old man. 'Is he really mad?'

  'Look at his expression,' replied Yaji. 'You can see his condition at once.'

  'What?' said Kita. 'I mad? How absurd.—That is . . . Well . . . It's falling, falling, falling! There, there! The flowers are blooming and falling, blooming and falling. Oh, the poor things cannot sleep. Ah, ah, there's my wife. No, she's not a good wife. Halloa! Halloa! Oh, oh, oh!'

  'That's the way he goes on,' said Yaji. 'Look at his eyes. You can see he's a love-maniac. That's why he gets so excited when he sees a woman. He's quite lost to shame and reason. He's my younger brother. I never thought such a fate would overtake him.'

  'You can talk of your affliction,' said the old man, 'but I have mine also. This girl that you see so afflicted is my only daughter. She's given me great trouble.'

  'I expect so,' replied Yaji. 'Now then, you rascal, what are you giggling at? Well, gaffer, we must be going now. Sorry to have disturbed you.'

  'Won't you have a drop of tea before you go?' asked the old man.

  'No thank you,' said Yaji. 'We must really be going. Now then, looney, come along.'

  Thus keeping up a ceaseless chatter Yaji settled the matter and led Kita away. It was not until they had quite escaped from observation that they burst into laughter.

  'You're too bad, Kita,' said Yaji. 'Fancy getting hold of a mad girl! You're really too shameless.'

  'I do feel a bit ashamed myself,' said Kita. 'But I say, Yaji, your idea of making out that I was mad was a master-stroke.'

  'Yes, you ought to treat me to sake for that,' said Yaji. 'I'll tell you a story about that. There was once a crooked sort of fellow just like you, who got hold of a mad girl, but when he began to make love to her, her father came in and got very angry. "What do you mean, you rascal," he said, "coming into a person's house without permission and trying to make a fool of his daughter? It's inexcusable." But you wouldn't give in and you cried out angrily, "You're like a Yotsuya kite sharpening its beak on me." "If I'm like a Yotsuya kite," replied the old man, "you're like a pigeon of the Hachiman shrine." This struck me as curious. Why should Kita be like a pigeon? Then the old man explained: "Because he eats the beans of the mad woman." '

  Laughing over their joke they passed on till they came to Okazaki, which is a famous place on the Tokaidō. Here, on both sides of the road are many teahouses and the place is filled with life.

  'Take a rest, sirs,' cried an old teahouse keeper. ' Meals served at once. Try our best sake. Come in! Come in!'

  'I feel rather hungry,' said Yaji. 'How would it do to take a short rest here?'

  They went into a teahouse, accordingly, and were welcomed by the maid.

  'We'll have a meal, miss,' said Yaji. 'Got anything nice?'

  'We have some nice trout,' said the girl.

  'What?' said Kita. 'Did you say high-priced trout?'

  'Ho-ho-ho!' laughed the girl. She brought them two trays of boiled trout.

  'Let's see,' said Yaji. 'Ah, that tastes good. How white the rice is!'

  'What a thing to say!' exclaimed Kita. 'Look how you've made the girl laugh. She's got a dimple in her face.'

  'It would be all right if it was a dimple,' said Yaji, ' but her face is all worn away like a stepping stone. Ha-ha-ha!'

  Thus were they joking away in their usual fashion. Meanwhile in the next room three guests were talking loudly. Apparently they lived somewhere in the neighbourhood and had lingered on amusing themselves but were now on the point of departure. They had for companions some courtesans, who had come thus far with them on the road and with whom they were now having a final feast. They were all very merry and were singing a popular song:

  She has twisted the flowers to fence her round

  And I cannot enter that sacred ground.

  As they were making a great noise Yaji and Kita took a peep at them.

  'Now then, Taihyō,' said one of the men. 'What have you done with that sake cup?'

  'Nihyō's got it,' said Taihyō.

  'Here it is,' said Nihyō.

  'Drink up and pass it round,' said Taihyō.

  Nihyō emptied the cup. 'I mustn't drink any more,' he said. 'Shall I give it to you?'

  'I'll have just a little,' said Taihyō. 'Shall we go round by Monmokkō and go to the Masuya or the Chojiya?'

  'Listen to Master Taihyō,' said one of the girls. 'He must be drunk talking about going somewhere else. You mustn't go.'

  'It's not that,' said Taihyō. 'I've got a bill from the Tachibanaya about some goods, and I must go.'

  'Oh, that's it, is it?' said the girl.

  'Of course, of course,' said Nihyō, and he began to chant—

  The plum in the hothouse may think it is spring,

  But I'm not deceived by any such thing.

  Meanwhile three riding horses had been brought and tied under the eaves of the inn, and the postboys now came through the garden to tell the guests that they had arrived.

  'Much obliged, much obliged,' said the guests. 'Well, we must part now.'

  'Goodbye!' cried the girls. 'Please come again. You are going to see Tsuru at Narumi, we know.'

  At this Taihyō and Nihyō laughed. Amid the farewell greetings of the people of the inn, the three guests got on their horses and rode off, while the girls made all sorts of jokes. Yaji and Kita were very much amused at the idea of going to buy a courtesan on horseback.

  Passing on they came to Imamura, where an old woman in a teahouse pressed them to come and try the sugar rice-cakes for which the place is famous.

  'How much each are those rice-cakes?' asked Kita. 'They're three coppers each,' said the old woman's husband. 'That's cheap,' said Kita. 'And how much are these with beans on?'

  'They're three coppers also,' said the old man. 'They're dear for three coppers,' said Kita. 'I'll tell you what. Make these two coppers each and in return I'll give you four coppers for those round ones.'

  'This is a strange sort of fellow,' thought the shopkeeper, 'but at any rate I shan't lose by it. Very well, your honour,' he said aloud, 'take what you like.'

  Kita took two coppers out of his purse. 'I meant to have bought one of the round ones,' he said, 'but I've only got
two coppers so I'll have to have one with beans on.'

  He caught up the cake and walked off munching it. 'Ha-ha-ha!' laughed Yaji. 'Bravo, Kita! You did astonish that shopkeeper.'

  'Ah, he'll know better next time,' said Kita.

  'You are a rascal really,' exclaimed Yaji. 'I couldn't do a thing like that. Ha-ha-ha!'

  Soon they arrived at Chirifu, where they heard a postboy singing,—

  Shall I stop at Miya

  To see the girl who loves me well?

  Or shall I go to Okazaki,

  Where the light-o'-loves all dwell?

  'What a bother,' said Yaji. 'My feet are beginning to get sore in these straw-sandals. I'll have to walk in a pair of the other kind for a time. Here, shopman, how much are these sandals?'

  'Sixteen coppers, your honour,' said the man.

  'That's cheap,' said Yaji.

  Now the shopman was from Isé and was a clever trader. 'Yes, they're cheap enough,' he said. 'My sandals are all very well made and don't come to pieces.'

  'Perhaps they will when we get along the road a bit further,' said Kita.

  'That's because you wear them,' replied the shopkeeper. 'If you put 'em by they'd never wear out.'

  'Yes,' said Yaji. 'Your sandals are just right because they've all got thongs.'

  'Where can you get sandals without thongs?' asked Kita.

  'Well, they're very cheap at any rate,' said Yaji. Then he took a pair that were hanging down in front of the shop. ' Why, they're not a pair,' he cried ; 'one's bigger than the other. That big one's cheap for eight coppers, but the small one's dear at the price. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you nine coppers for the big one and seven coppers for the small one.'

  'Very well,' said the shopkeeper.

  'Halloa!' said Yaji. 'I haven't got enough change. I thought of buying a pair, but I've only got seven coppers, so I'll only buy one.'

  'Ha-ha-ha!' laughed Kita. 'You've trying to imitate me. It's all right for cakes, but it won't do for sandals.'

  'You must buy the pair,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't sell one sandal separately.'

  'What?' said Yaji. 'You won't let me buy one sandal. Really, it's very inconvenient buying things in the country.'

  'I've never heard of them selling one sandal even in Edo,' said Kita.

  'If you don't like those, take this pair,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can let you have them for seven coppers.'

  'I don't want horses' sandals,' said Yaji. 'Don't make a fool of me.'

  'You'd better buy a pair, Yaji,' said Kita. 'What are you going to do with one sandal?'

  'Go a little further and buy another,' replied Yaji. 'I see,' said the shopkeeper, laughing. 'Well, I'll let you have the pair for fourteen coppers.'

  'Then why didn't you say so before,' said Yaji. He took off his old straw-sandals and threw them away and put on the new ones.

  When they arrived at Arimatsu they found all the shops filled with a kind of cloth made in the district, of different patterns. It was hanging in front of the shops, and all the shopmen were out in the street shouting their wares.

  'Come in,' they cried. 'Come in and buy some of our famous Arimatsu cloth. Buy, buy, buy!'

  'Eh!' said Yaji. 'What a noisy lot they are!'

  'What do you say, Yaji,' said Kita. 'Shall we buy a piece?'

  'We'll make 'em sell it to us cheap,' said Yaji. 'All right,' agreed Kita. 'We'll look as if we were going to buy the lot.'

  They walked up and down the street looking at the things till they came to a small shop at the end of the town, which had a lot of the cloth displayed outside. There they went in. 'How much is this cloth?' asked Yaji.

  But the shopkeeper was absorbed in a game of chess. 'Dear me!' he murmured. 'I've made a mistake. By the way, what have you taken?'

  'Halloa! Halloa!' said Yaji. 'How much is this cloth?' As he spoke in a loud voice the shopkeeper was startled. 'Eh?' he said. 'What's that?'

  'How much? How much?' asked Yaji.

  'Let's see,' muttered the shopkeeper. 'What did you say? Well, I'll move this, then.'

  'Here, here, I can't stand this,' cried Yaji. 'Isn't this cloth for sale? What's the price?'

  'Dear me!' said the shopkeeper. 'What a hasty temper you've got. Just turn it over and you'll see the mark on it. You can't tell without that?'

  'This is a funny sort of a shopkeeper,' said Yaji. 'It's marked with an a and an e.'

  'Oh, indeed,' said the shopkeeper. 'That'll be three bun five rin.'

  'That's too dear,' said Yaji. 'You won't lose if you come down a bit.'

  'Lose?' said the shopkeeper. 'What, to such a bungling chess-player as he is?'

  'Come, come, Master Jihyō,' said his friend. 'Attend to business, why don't you? Please wait a minute, gentlemen,' he added to Yaji and Kita.

  'Never mind them,' said the shopkeeper, still lost in his game. 'They won't buy anything that's certain. They haven't got the gold and silver. I've got them in my hand.'

  'What are you talking about, you rascal?' said Yaji angrily. 'Haven't got any money, indeed. Is that the way to treat people? We'll buy something now just to show we have. How much is this loin-cloth?'

  'What? You want to buy a loin-cloth?' said the shopkeeper. 'What impertinence!'

  'How dare you talk to me like that?' yelled Yaji. 'What impertinence is there in wanting to buy something that's for sale, old snotty-face?'

  This woke the shopkeeper up and he at last rose from the chessboard. 'Excuse my inattention,' he said, as one coming out of a dream. 'I'll iet you have anything cheap. Please pick out what you want.'

  'Come now,' said Kita. 'We're going to buy quite a lot. Yaji, you'd better buy a present for your mother or your wife. How much is that?'

  'That's four mommé eight bu,' said the shopkeeper.

  'How much is that over there?' asked Yaji.

  'That's fifteen mommé,' said the shopkeeper.

  'Haven't you got any better ones?' asked Yaji.

  'Certainly,' said the shopkeeper. 'This one is twenty-one mommé and this is twenty-two mommé. That below is nineteen mommé.'

  'I want something better than these,' said Yaji.

  'I'm sorry to say they're all I have,' replied the shopkeeper.

  'Then you'd better take care of them,' said Yaji. 'Somebody will buy them perhaps some day. I'll take some of that stuff I looked at first. Just cut me a towel out of that piece.'

  'Oh, indeed!' said the shopkeeper. Lost in astonishment he cut a towel out of the cloth and handed it to Yaji, who paid and walked off.

  'What a fool!' he said, when they were outside. 'He took us for a couple of country bumpkins. He did get a shock. Ha-ha-ha! But we've wasted a lot of time. We must get on.'

  Quickening their pace, they went on and it was just getting dusk when they got to Miya, where the girls were crying shrilly outside each inn. 'Stop here, gentlemen,' they cried. 'The bath is quite ready. There's a vacant room for you. Stop here, stop here.'

  'Where shall we stop?' asked Yaji. 'At the Zeniya or the Hyotanya.'

  'What's that inn over there?' said Kita. 'The Kagiya.'

  'Please stop here,' said a girl.

  'All right,' said Kita. 'How much do you charge?'

  'Don't trouble about that,' said the girl, laughing. 'Please walk in.'

  'Don't they make any charge here?' asked Kita.

  'So much the better,' said Yaji. He took off his hat and went in.

  'I'll bring some hot water,' said the landlord, 'but never mind washing your feet if they're not dirty. You can go straight to the bath.'

  Their baggage was taken in and Yaji and Kita, after they had removed their sandals, were shown into a back room. Soon the maid brought some tea.

  'Would you like a rub down?' asked a shampooer.

  'I would,' said Kita, 'but I'm feeling very hungry just now.'

  'We'll have some macaroni,' said Yaji. 'It's very good here.'

  'I'll call again afterwards,' said the shampooer.

  Then came two or
three persons carrying lanterns. 'Are you gentlemen stopping here?' they asked. 'Onbako is the patron god of this place and we're erecting a fountain in his honour. Won't you make a small contribution towards the cost?'

  'All right,' said Yaji. 'Give them something, Kita.' Kita gave them eight coppers and they entered it in a book.

  Then came a priest. 'We're erecting a monument to the sixty disciples,' he said, 'and should be very glad if you could spare us something.'

  'What's that?' said Yaji. 'Donation for a stone monument? What a nuisance you people are! Here, take that,' and he gave him eight coppers also.

  Just then the landlord suddenly thrust his head in at the door.

  'What are you helping to erect?' called out Yaji. 'Do you want eight coppers also?'

  'No, no,' said the landlord, coming in. 'I only came to ask if you were going by boat in the morning or going round by Saya?'

  'Let's go direct from here by boat,' suggested Kita.

  'The boat's all right,' said Yaji, 'but the trouble is that I always want to make water when I am on the sea, and as we have to go seventeen miles I can't retain it all that time. I think we'd better go round by Saya. What do you say, Kita?'

  'I can give you something that will make it all right,' said the landlord. 'I always provide my guests with a bamboo tube for use on such occasions.'

  'Well then, I'll have one of those,' said Yaji.

  'Very well,' said the landlord. 'I'll send your supper in now.'

  The maid accordingly brought the supper-trays and there was more talk which I will not relate, till at last the trays were taken away and the shampooer came in.

  'Shall I rub you gentlemen down now?' he asked.

  'All right,' said Yaji.

  While Yaji was being shampooed two blind girls in the next room began to sing an Isé chorus to the music of the samisen for their own amusement:—

  As fine as a flower,

  Formed to make all hearts ache,

  Who would not loose her girdle

  For such a lover's sake?

  'Ain't they got good voices?' said Kita. 'I say, shampooer, you don't know what a dancer I am. If you could see I'd show you how I can dance to that music.'

  'I'm very fond of dancing,' replied the shampooer. 'I like to hear the sound of it. Won't you give us a dance?'