Your brother broke your fall. And he broke his arm.”
My lips kept spreading as I stretched out my legs, wiggling my toes in my sneakers. “Was he mad at me?”
“No.” Carson laughed. “He was scared to death you were going to break your neck. Don’t even get me started on the things you used to do on top of the pool shed. Like I said, you had this thing with flying and a daredevil streak. You still kind of do, actually. Scott was telling me a few weeks ago you went bungee jumping, and apparently Del almost pissed himself.”
Instead of laughing, I felt something heavy pressed down on my chest. I turned away. The sky was dark, full of clouds. No stars, and just a glimpse of the moon.
Carson sat up, his shoulder resting against my back. “What is it?”
I glanced over my shoulder, finding our faces inches apart. A sudden wild curiosity consumed me. I wanted to know if his lips felt as soft as they looked. I bet they were firm, sensual. Dispelling the desire, I lowered my gaze. Not hating me didn’t equal wanting to make out with me. “I asked Del what I was like.”
“And?” His breath was warm, tantalizing on my cheek.
“And all he could tell me was that I liked to shop and party.” I sighed. “But after ten minutes with you, now I know I was sort of an adrenaline junkie. That’s better than being the party girl, right?”
He leaned back, putting some distance between us. “You’re more than a party girl, Sam. You’re smart—incredibly smart. I’d be failing bio if you weren’t my partner. And I can’t fail if I want that scholarship, but anyway, you’re also strong. I mean, come on, how many people who have a complete loss of memory would jump right back into their life? You’re tenacious.”
I flushed. “Tenacious?”
“Yeah, it’s my word of the day.”
Twisting around, I grinned at him. “Your scholarship? Where do you want to go?”
“Penn State,” he responded. “If I can keep my grades up, I’ll get a full ride.”
“That’s awesome.”
Carson stared at me, then laughed and shook his head. “You’re planning on going to Yale. That’s pretty awesome.”
My grin faded. “What if I don’t want to go to Yale now?”
He laughed again. “Your parents would freak out, Sam. And seriously, that’s an opportunity you shouldn’t just give up because things…are different now.”
I tucked my feet under me and sat back. He had a point, but I wondered if Yale was ever my dream or more of my parents’ heritage. “Do you still come to the tree house?”
“Yeah, it’s a good place to get away and think.”
“Maybe that’s why I came here.” I shrugged.
“Can I ask you a question?” he said. When I lifted my eyes, he was close again. I nodded, and he reached out, catching a piece of my hair the wind had blown across my face and tucking it back behind my ear. His hand lingered for maybe a second, but I felt it in every cell of my body. “What happened at lunch?”
Spell broken, I moved to the edge of the observation deck. “Nothing.”
Carson scooted forward, giving me no place to go. “Something happened.”
There was no way I was going to tell him what I’d seen. Having my mom think I was crazy was one thing, but a boy this incredibly hot? Yeah, not going to happen. I shook my head. “Nothing happened. I was…tired.”
He looked doubtful. “I’m just trying to help, Sam.”
I started to tell him that I didn’t need his help, but then I had an idea. And once it took hold, it wouldn’t let me go. “You really want to help me?”
“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Do you know where Cassie lives?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Why?”
“I think seeing her stuff might help me remember.” It was a long shot, but it was something. “Can you take me there?”
Carson stared at me for a long moment and then nodded. “I can do it. Next Saturday, if you can wait that long? I have practice almost every day until then.”
I didn’t want to wait that long, but I also didn’t want to ask anyone else. “I can wait.”
Mom and Dad read me the riot act when I returned to the house, and I did feel bad. Considering that I was gone for four days, the last thing I should’ve done was to disappear without any warning. I apologized and meant it.
Dad looked so surprised I was worried he was going to have a heart attack.
There were several missed calls and texts from my friends and Del. I sent a mass text, telling them that I was okay. When Del responded with a phone call, I felt terrible for vanishing. The concern that tainted his voice pulled at my heart.
“I want to come over,” he said, and I could hear a door shutting behind him. “I have to see you.”
I dropped down on the edge of my bed, staring at the music box. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. My parents are pissed.”
A heavy sigh came through the phone. “But your parents love me.”
“I’m not sure they love me right now.” I chewed on my lip. “Can you come over tomorrow after school?”
“Yeah, of course.” There was a pause, and then the sound of a can popping open. “What happened today at lunch? Veronica said you were acting really weird, and then you got up and sat with your brother. A few minutes later, you just ran out of there without saying anything.”
“I was just tired.” I flopped onto my back. The stars were glowing. “Do my friends hate me now?”
“No.” Del laughed. “Don’t be stupid, Sammy. They know you’re going through a lot.”
Don’t be stupid? I frowned.
“And you’ll be back to your old self in no time. They understand,” he said. Another door shut. “Look, I’ve got to get off here. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
“Hey, wait a sec.” I sat up and swung my legs off the bed. “Mom said something today about pictures of me. Do you know what she was talking about?”
He was quiet so long I thought he’d hung up. “Who knows? You probably weren’t wearing any makeup or something. You know your mom.”
Not really, but it sounded like her. I let him go after that, and even though it was late, I opened my laptop and tried again to access my e-mail. There had to be personal stuff in there. Something that could help me remember. Mrs. Messer said there’d be triggers.
I needed a trigger.
But I couldn’t answer the damn personal-verification question. Who is your childhood friend? I’d already typed Cassie. Didn’t work. Veronica. Nope. Lauren. No chance. I then tried Julie and still couldn’t get in. Frustrated, I got up and went to my brother’s bedroom door. I knocked on the door.
Bedsprings creaked, followed by the sound of clothing being hastily dragged on. Oh no…I started to step back from the door, but it swung open.
Scott was pulling his shirt down his flat stomach. Over his shoulder, Julie sat on his bed with a book in her lap. The book was upside down, and I grinned. He cleared his throat, cheeks flushed. “Are you okay, Sam?”
“Uh, yeah.” I averted my gaze to the poster of the Phillies above his bed. “I was wondering if you can answer a question for me.”
Julie looked up, a curious expression on her pretty face. I smiled at her, and she responded with a tentative smile.
“Sure.” Scott leaned across the door frame, crossing his arms. “I’m a fountain of knowledge. Ask away.”
I felt really stupid for asking this. “Who was my childhood friend?”
Scott stared at me.
My cheeks burned. “I’m trying to change my password so I can check my e-mail.”
“Oh, that makes sense. Try Carson.”
Shock immobilized me. “Carson?”
Scott nodded. “You guys were closer than he and I were growing up. He’d be my best bet.”
Carson was my best childhood friend? I couldn’t believe it, given the initial animosity he showed toward me. “Why aren’t we friends anymore
?”
“Cassie and Del,” Julie answered, closing the textbook in her lap. “You started hanging out more and more with them, and, well, your old friends just didn’t make the cut.”
“Including you?” I asked, remembering what Scott had said.
“Oh god,” Scott muttered, rubbing the heel of his palm down his face. “Sam, after today, maybe you…”
“I should what?”
Julie set the book aside. “We were friends up until the beginning of junior year.”
“What happened then?”
She hesitated. “I wanted to start dating your brother, and you told me we couldn’t be friends if I did. And I put it to the test. You weren’t joking.”
Wow. I was seriously starting to believe I was the Antichrist. “I’m sorry,” I said. Then I spun around and speed-walked down the hall. I made it halfway before I heard Julie’s voice.
“Sam, wait a sec.”
I turned back to the taller girl and braced myself. Whatever she was going to say was something I most definitely deserved.
She stopped in front of me, smoothing her hands over the studded belt around her hips. “I wanted to talk to you more today, but…”
Surprised that she wasn’t cursing me up and down, I felt the muscles in my back ease up a little. “But I ran off like a freak.”
“I wouldn’t say it was like a freak.” She gave me a tentative smile. “Are you okay?”
There was a moment when I wanted to spew everything that I’d been seeing, because there was a part of me that recognized Julie on some kind of internal level, but the last thing I wanted to do was come off as someone crazy. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was…it was just a lot today.”
“I can imagine.” A sympathetic look crept across her face, and then she took a deep breath. “You really did remember me? Briefly?”
I nodded. “It wasn’t much. I just remembered you when we were—”
“We were probably ten,” she cut in, biting down on her bottom lip. “We hung out every day after school and on the weekends. We were practically inseparable.”
A yearning to go back to that time filled me. “Did I really stop talking to you because you started dating Scott? Because he said I stopped talking to you because you wore something I didn’t like, but I…I don’t think I was that big on fashion.”
“You’ve always had really nice clothes and dressed like a socialite, but you’ve never cared about clothes. Not like the other girls.” Julie’s lips pursed as she brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “I don’t know what the real reason was. Who knows if it was Scott? That’s what you told me, but it didn’t make sense. And Cassie didn’t like me, Sam. She was epically jealous over our friendship, and I’m pretty sure she had something to do with it.”
Everything came back to Cassie. Did the girl have that much control over my life? Or was it something more than that?
“I should get back. We’re busy studying.” She winked at the look that crossed my face. “I really would like to hang out if you want.”
“That would be nice,” I said quickly. “I mean, I really would like that.”
She laughed softly. “I got it. See you later?”
I gave her a quick, majorly awkward wave and then headed to my bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I let out a ragged breath and sat in front of my laptop. Very slowly, almost reluctantly, I typed in Carson’s name. As I clicked on NEXT, I squeezed my eyes shut.
I pried opened one eye.
The space to enter my new password greeted me.
Confusion bulldozed over me, but behind the question of why I would’ve picked him as a secret answer when I seemed to have hated him, there was a thrilling, humming excitement that brought a giddy smile to my face. A smile I didn’t understand, because I had a boyfriend who I’d apparently been really into.
But Carson had been so close to me in the tree house.
Pushing thoughts of Carson aside, I picked a new password and finally logged in to my account. All the e-mail in my in-box before last Wednesday had been deleted.
Huh…Now that was odd—there wasn’t a single e-mail from Cassie. Not one saved or even in my sent file. Nothing. Someone had been in my e-mail account. That would explain why the password had been goofed up, but the thought made me feel paranoid.
Opening a message from Veronica, I read that she was sorry about lunch and she still loved me. Rolling my eyes, I started to delete it but responded back and told her it was okay. My friends might be jackasses of the highest order, but I needed to give them a chance. Before I shut the computer down, I opened up a new message and typed C in the address bar.
[email protected] autofilled.
Seeing the e-mail address stole my breath. I didn’t know why I did what I did next, but I typed two short sentences. Where are you? And then, Who are you?
I hit SEND.
chapter eight
The rest of the week was sort of normal. I went back to school, and I tried to fit back into this life that was so unfamiliar to me. I learned the hierarchy of my school pretty quickly and how it all worked. There were three groups, it seemed: those at the top, those who managed to become friends with the ones at the top, and then everyone who didn’t.
My friends were clearly part of the first group. Each of our families had strong roots in Gettysburg or in the surrounding towns. All the sprawling estates we passed from our home to school were owned by one of them or their extended family.
And our families ruled the county.
Lauren’s father was involved in investment, like mine. Candy’s father owned the largest realty company in the state. Veronica’s father was a state supreme court judge. Trey’s father worked in New York City at the British Embassy. And we were just like our parents—we ruled the school.
I quickly realized that our actions were rarely questioned, mainly because of who our parents were. Old blood. Old money. I had a feeling it wasn’t like this in other places. Sure, there was always one group that ran the school, but everything was so stratified here. I thought maybe it had to do with how tight-knit the community was. Well, the rich portion of it. They—er, we—were tight-knit. Everyone else was an interloper or whatever.
Something didn’t fit in the equation, though, and that was Cassie. I don’t know how I knew that or if it was one of the weird feelings I got that I knew was linked to my life before, but I had this distinct impression that Cassie had been an interloper and I had been fiercely protective of that.
None of that made sense. Hell, my life didn’t make much sense.
At lunch, I ate with the girls. Twice they invited me to go dress shopping with them, but I refused. Planning for prom just seemed inappropriate given everything. And as much as I tried to make things normal, there was this huge gulf between my friends and me. I didn’t join in when they made fun of other people or laugh at their jokes. With each day, their looks became longer and darker, their comments more snide. I couldn’t help but feel as if I’d ended up on the wrong side of special with them.
I hung out with Del after baseball practice. Once I went to his home, which made my house look like one of the seedy motels alongside highways. Money was clearly one of the most important factors in his family’s life, much like in mine. He was patient with me and the whole getting-to-know-you-again thing, but I could tell he was waiting for me to snap out of it, to become this girl he’d fallen in love with, and so was I. Their expectations—my parents’, friends’, and Del’s—all weighed on me, and at the end of the day I always resurfaced feeling as if I was lacking…something. The only part of the day I really, truly enjoyed was the ride to school in the morning and bio.
Both involved Carson.
I hadn’t had any more hallucinations or found notes.
And Cassie was still missing.
Hope that she’d suddenly reappear like I had dwindled a little more each day. There was no mistaking the looks I got in class or in the hallway. Suspicious, accusing looks. When I said something abo
ut it one morning on the way to school, Scott and Carson told me I was being paranoid.
I wasn’t so sure.
Chances were my reputation was scary enough that people believed I was capable of doing something heinous to Cassie. I didn’t want to think that, but there was a teeny, tiny part of me
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