by Orr, Krystal
Talliea was crying in ragged sobs and her hands were grasping at Arizira's vest and sleeves. Her touch was frantic and without direction and it pained Arizira all the more. Talliea's head was against her chest and her shoulders trembled violently. Deciding to risk deeper physical contact, Arizira slowly lowered her right hand until it gently met Talliea's wet and dark locks. She used her other hand to bring the blanket up further and secure it around Talliea's back.
"I have you, Tah-li. I have you. You are safe with me," she said in a soft whisper. Her hand on Talliea's head moved hesitantly as she tried to calm the upset woman. She kept her touch light so as not to startle her again. "You can not...you can not," Talliea cried.
Arizira did not know if Talliea was referring to her being unable to keep her safe or if she was still upset about her earlier touch. Something had happened, something horrible. That much Arizira knew. When she'd noticed the bruising, a heated and dark emotion had overcome her. Her hands had moved in an attempt to ascertain the extent of Talliea's injuries. She had not meant for that touch to bring about panic.
The emotions -- Talliea's emotions, that had come to life in her so vividly had both surprised and unsettled her. She had never experienced anything close to the encounter before. Who had hurt Talliea and why had they done so? Had Talliea been punished for being away with her?
The thought brought a heavy sense of dread to Arizira. She suddenly felt responsible for whatever had caused Talliea such pain. Gently rubbing the Esu woman's neck, she brought her head down until it met the back of Talliea's and wrapped her arms about her tightly and securely. "I am sorry, Tah-li," she said, her voice heavy. "I am so sorry."
For several breaths, the two women remained huddled together on the forest floor. Arizira rocked Talliea in a gentle sway and hugged her tight against her body. Her hands soothed over Talliea's hair, neck, and shoulders in an attempt to bring her comfort.
Finally, after a time, Talliea's sobs lessened and her body began to shake with less force. Still, Arizira held her and tried to make her feel safe and secure. When Talliea lifted her head and looked into her eyes, Arizira saw a pain so raw and an ache so deep, she wished she could take them upon herself and spare Talliea anything further.
"I am sorry," she whispered again. Talliea looked upon her sadly and released a trembling sigh. She brought her right hand to Arizira's face and cupped her cheek. Her thumb, nearly against her will, ran a soft trail across her chin. "You did not do this," she said and her voice was hoarse. Her fingers gripped Arizira's chin, the contact somehow grounding her, and felt herself leave the dark place she'd gone.
"Someone hurt you because you were away, you were with me," Arizira pressed. Shaking her head, tears drying on her face, Talliea licked her lips and replied, "Your presence is not known, Ari." Hands dropped from Talliea's body. "Then why are you marked as you are?"
Talliea hesitated. There was no way she could explain what had happened to someone like Arizira. The other woman had never even encountered a man and her world was so very different from her own. Arizira was free and pure and without any restraints. Her childlike wonder about the world was too beautiful a thing for Talliea to tarnish in any way. "You would not understand, Ari."
"Help me to, Tah-li. Who hurt you?" Arizira insisted. Talliea let her fingers fall from Arizira's face as she sighed and backed away from her. The ground near the thermal spring was warm and the sun felt good upon her skin. "Please do not ask me to speak of it. I would not wish to upset your innocence. It does not matter, Ari."
Arizira's face showed her confusion and her eyes looked at Talliea with minor hurt. All she wanted to do was help. Why would Talliea not allow her to do so? "You are in pain, Tah-li, and you were frightened. That does matter. I felt what you felt. Why was this done to you?"
Struggling to keep her emotions in check, Talliea stood up and walked away from Arizira. The blanket wrapped around her shoulders was thick and soft and kept the wind's persistent bites to a minimum. It was clear to her that Arizira was not one to let an issue lie. She felt responsible for her ordeal without even knowing what exactly had transpired. Talliea could not handle what that meant. Her mind was a chaotic jumble of confusion and her heart was still beating slightly faster than normal in her chest.
What had Arizira meant when she'd said she felt what Talliea felt? How was such a thing possible? Turning back around, her eyes found the soft blue of the other woman and she asked, "You told me that Arnira learn through touch. Is that how you shared my feelings?"
Arizira stood up and brushed herself off. Talliea noticed, for the first time, a long curved bow slung over her shoulder. Her attire was similar to the last time Talliea had seen her, except for the fact that she was more heavily armed. Aside from the bow and quiver over her back, two slanted blades with large leather bound handles hung on either hip. A necklace of various gems and beads was around Arizira's neck, and her hair was pulled back away from her face with two small braids resting by her pointed ears.
"I...do not know how I felt your panic, Tah-li," she answered honestly. "Such a thing has never happened to me before." Talliea tried not to let her disappointment show on her face. She'd been hoping for a more involved answer. Such a thing would have taken her mind off of her current troubles and given her another matter to think upon.
"I am sorry I touched you as I did," Arizira continued. "Know that I would never seek to upset you in any manner. I was lost to the experience and my hands moved in a search for answers, not for anything more."
Talliea studied Arizira's face and, without a doubt, she knew the other woman was speaking the truth. The veracity was clear in her eyes. Arizira did not look at her like others did. She did not look at her as if she were property. She did not look at her as if she was less than anything or anyone else. When Arizira looked at her, Talliea felt like a person. She felt valued and important. She did not feel like a "vessel" or like "cattle".
No one looked at her the way Arizira did. No one. That alone was enough for Talliea to accept her apology. "Okay," she said, holding Arizira's eyes. An uncomfortable and uneasy silence moved around them. Talliea felt foolish for having taken out her pain and frustration on Arizira and Arizira was unsure how to approach Talliea without upsetting her.
Shuffling on her feet and beginning to feel the chill of the weather, Talliea ran her hands over the soft underside of the blanket Arizira had made her and marveled at the softness. "You made this?" she asked. Arizira blushed and smiled shyly before nodding. "I know it is nothing of great skill. Working hides is not a trade I have fully mastered, but I wanted you to have something warm. You always look cold to me."
Talliea felt a smile overcoming her face. No one had ever made her anything before. Never in her life had she been presented with a...a gift. Knowing that the woman before her had done something so selfless and without expectation moved Talliea. "It's beautiful, Ahmanae. How did you know I liked wolves? Did you feel that, too?"
Arizira began to walk around the thermal spring, her feet barely disturbing the pine needles along the edge. "No, I did not feel that, Tah-li. Your cloak is from wolf hides. I had hoped the animal was a guide of some kind for you."
Again, intense and strange feelings welled up inside Talliea. Arizira was not only kind, but observant. Knowing that observation and keen sense of study had been directed toward her caused Talliea’s stomach to flare inside itself and spread a pleasurable warmth down to her fingertips. "My people do not believe that way, Ari," she said.
Arizira turned her head in a way Talliea was quickly learning meant that she was curious or slightly put off. "What way, Tah-li?"
"We do not believe in animal spirits or guides. I just appreciate the beauty and power of a wolf, that is all." Walking over the rocks that lined the outer side of the spring, Arizira came to stand in front of Talliea. She came no closer and made no indication that she intended to do so. "Maybe your people do not believe that way, but perhaps you do, or perhaps the wolf favors you."
The wind slowed in its furious gusts and the sun rose higher into the sky overhead. The chill from early morning began to fade like a drop of dew upon a blade of grass, and a slow and shy heat began its first attempts to claim the day. Talliea regarded Arizira for a moment. "Are wolves important to your people?" she asked, unsure how to proceed.
Looking around at the trees and rocks, her eyes following the movements of birds and insects, Arizira let her gaze fall upon Talliea before replying, "All creatures are important, Tah-li. Every animal in the forest has a personality."
"What is the wolf's personality?" Talliea asked. Arizira smiled at her, something so simple and easy and freely given, and took a cautious step closer before answering. "The wolf is thought of by my people as being Aitla's chosen. It has a strong heart and a powerful mind. The wolf is loyal and values intense bonds, whether they be toward family or otherwise. Wolves are skilled with communication and friendship. Anything I should desire to know about the forest, the wolf would be able to impart unto me. It is the belief of my people that the wolf is the way Aitla chooses to present Herself to our eyes."
Talliea was without words for many moments. Arizira's culture sounded so much more rich and deep and connected than her own. The idea that everything was alive and valued and thought of as an equal was incredibly appealing to her. Her people believed that Esuval placed the beasts of the wilds upon the world only to be used by them, to ensure their survival. They believed they were the masters of all things that swam in the seas, flew through the sky, or traveled across the plains.
"If the wolf is so important to you, Ari, why did you kill one to make this blanket for me? Would not Aitla think unkindly toward your actions if she was, indeed, a creature like them?"
Arizira laughed, her hands resting on the handles of her blades, and turned her head to the side again. "No, Tah-li. I did not take the lives of the wolves for sport or undue gain. They gave their spirits to the rest of the forest. Their hides are now keeping you warm, their teeth go toward adornments and charms for my people, the meat of their bodies now gives life to others. Whether for warmth or healing or idle uses, the wolves continue to live because my people have kept it that way."
Talliea did not respond. Arizira's customs and beliefs were beyond her scope of the world. Instead, she nodded and looked around the area they were in. Scrunching her shoulders up and stretching her back, she hissed suddenly when the action caused her a sharp pain.
"Tah-li?" Arizira asked, concern heavy in her tone. She closed the distance between them. "It is nothing," Talliea lied. Arizira walked up to her but kept herself from reaching out and touching the other woman. "Let me see, Tah-li."
"No," Talliea said, shaking her head and stepping back. She did not wish to be further reminded of the experience from the previous night. The thought of Arizira seeing what Lao'dahn had done sickened her.
"You are hurt. I can help to ease the pain but you have to trust me, Tah-li. I will do nothing without your permission." Arizira looked at her pleadingly and held out her hand. "Please." She did not know what had happened to Talliea. She knew only that someone had hurt her. They had left marks on her skin and brought a sadness to her spirit. The severity of the injuries was also unknown to her, but she knew she could help if only Talliea would allow her.
Talliea wrapped her arms around her body in a defensive gesture and felt her throat constrict. Her stomach hurt and was in knots and seemed intent on dropping into her feet. Did she really want to bring Arizira into her pain? Did she want to risk the other woman seeing the extent of her injuries and thinking her as ugly and dirty as she felt?
One side of her greatly protested against Arizira's help, while the other wondered if perhaps she could take away some of her pain. Talliea had not fully examined herself and was unsure of exactly how much damage Lao'dahn had done, and she was alone in the forest. Allowing Arizira to look over her injuries did have the potential to give her some peace of mind, as well as ensuring she did not have to return to her clan so soon after leaving.
Releasing a shaky breath, she nodded slowly and reached out for Arizira's hand. Arizira gently took it in her own and smiled, encouragingly. Talliea noticed her touch was not threatening nor was it overpowering. It was without any struggle. It was...
Innocent.
* * * * * *
"We must get out of the weather. I do not wish for you to be hurt again, Tah-li. I will look over your injuries and leave you be so that you may return to your people."
The two of them were walking down a slight decline along the western side of the thermal spring. Arizira's hand still lightly held Talliea's as she led them toward warmth and shelter. Talliea walked slowly and cautiously. With every step, she was getting farther and farther away from her people. The trees of the forest all began to look alike to her and she briefly panicked wondering if she was only walking toward a greater peril.
Maybe she would be better off living out the end of her days in the woods of Arizira's people? As quickly as the thought came to her mind, she disregarded it. She was not skilled in survival in any way. If the cold did not claim her, then surely starvation would. Was death the price she was expected to pay for her freedom?
Hearing Arizira's words brought her back to herself and she shook her head to clear her thoughts. Such questions did not require an answer at present. "I do not have to return to my people, Ari." Arizira stopped in her tracks and turned around to look up at her. "I do not understand," she said with a furrowed brow.
Smiling, despite her situation, Talliea elaborated. "The man who has claimed me is allowing me to move as I wish for my last two seasons. None of my people will look for me if I do not return. I am free...or as free as I can be." Blue eyes stared at her in wonder and...happiness?
"If this makes you happy, Tah-li, then I, too, will share in that with you. Come, we are near," Arizira said turning back around and moving toward a low dipping rock formation. As the two of them drew closer, Talliea realized that the rock was an extension of the larger formations she'd seen at the spring. A low overhanging of stone stretched out in a steep arc and underneath it the ground of the forest gave way into the base of the rock. It appeared as if a cave, but was more shallow and not nearly as large.
"The heat from the spring carries in these rocks, Tah-li. No fire we will need. The leaves of the trees above us fall down into this structure and create a soft area for sitting. Many times, I have come here when rain, snow, or wind hindered my way."
Talliea, again, was amazed at how well Arizira knew the forest. The other woman was never lost and always walked with sure steps. The forest truly was her home and she moved about it with a freedom Talliea envied. That Arizira was showing her the world as she viewed it was a beautiful thing to her. A welcome thing to her.
The two of them stooped and entered the small area underneath the arch of rock. It was not high enough to stand upright, but it was wide and Talliea could sit up without difficulty. Arizira joined her and quickly started to remove her weapons. The rocks were warm to the touch and Talliea could not help but marvel at the formation. Very quickly, however, that heat made itself very much known and the blanket around her became a burden.
She removed it and placed it carefully behind her. Arizira had finished removing her weapons and was now looking through a leather pack. "Do you know what dohethra is, Tah-li?" Talliea shook her head and continued to watch Arizira intently. The other woman removed a few items wrapped loosely in simple cloth and a small phial of clear liquid. Next, she pulled a small wooden bowl from her pack and a thick rod shaped device with a heavy head.
"This is a mortar and pestle," Arizira explained when she noticed the confused look on Talliea's face. "It is used by my people for grinding materials for the use of remedies." Talliea reached out and picked up the wooden bowl. The sides were smooth and without any flaws in the wood. "You use this to heal?" she asked.
The Esu rarely used natural medicines. Apart from the Sage woman of her clan, no one relied
upon such archaic practices. The Lat'sa'val used the power of Esuval to heal wounds and ameliorate pains, if Esuval deemed the person's life worth saving.
"Yes. I am no healer, Tah-li, but this will help your pain." Talliea handed the mortar to Arizira and watched as she unwrapped two of the pieces of cloth. Inside them, a whitish-brown bark laid. Next, she placed the bark into the mortar and poured a small amount of the liquid from the phial on top of them. A sweet scent met Talliea's nose and her worries lessened.
"This is dohethra, Tah-li," Arizira explained, indicating the liquid. "I believe, in your words, it means willow bark. This is an extract from the leaves of the tree. It eases pain. The bark is used to create a paste. Once it comes into contact with the dohethra, it becomes warm to the touch and is very soothing. I will need your permission before I do this, for my hands will be upon your body."
Pausing, Talliea looked up at Arizira and swallowed nervously. The last two people to place their hands on her had done so as if they had all the permission in the world. They had not thought of her feelings or how their actions would be perceived by her. Lao'dahn and Markahn had touched her because they felt they had a right to do so.
Arizira -- beautiful and pure Arizira -- was asking for her permission to touch her? Her touch was not even going to be in the same manner as the others, it was in a healing capacity, yet she was still seeking Talliea's approval beforehand. Talliea's appreciation and trust of the other woman grew and she felt a powerful connection with her.
"I desire only to take away your pain. You will not speak to me of the event but, please, allow me to ease your suffering," Arizira said. In that moment, Talliea realized that whatever happened in her future, her life had been made a tiny bit better for just having met Arizira. "O-okay," she finally said.
"I have your permission?"
"Yes."