Splintered Memory

by Natascha Holloway

  “Oh yeah,” she said confidently; “on what?”

  “Are we really friends, or were you just saying that to pacify me before?” Charlie asked.

  “Yes Charlie, we’re really friends,” she said. She then waited for a few seconds before asking; “are you going to let me in?”

  Charlie didn’t reply, but she did open the door a fraction of an inch. Emily opened it a little more, and then she squeezed around it went into her bathroom. Once she was inside Charlie leant back against the door shutting it, knowing that Matt was on the other side.

  “Okay,” Emily said calmly as she saw the blood on Charlie’s jeans and she bent down beside her. “I need to...” but she didn’t finish saying what she was going to say because Charlie put her finger to her own lips. She then shook her head before pointing to the door.

  Emily understood what she was trying to say. She knew that Charlie didn’t want Matt to hear.

  She nodded to so show that she understood and she gently lifted up Charlie’s jumper, but as she touched Charlie’s stomach lightly Charlie cried out in pain. Charlie slapped her hand over her mouth, and she was obviously angry with herself for crying out.

  “Charlie!” Matt called anxiously again from the other side of the door.

  Emily looked at Charlie’s tear stained face and she could feel tears in her own eyes. “Charlie,” she began to say but she couldn’t speak. There was a lump in her throat.

  Charlie began to cry in earnest, and Emily sat down on the floor beside her and put her arm around her shoulders. She put her arm around the women that she had for many months believed that she’d hated. Yet in this moment the past was forgotten. Here and now, her friend was scared and in pain. She’d just lost her baby.

  She pressed Charlie’s shoulder against her, and she felt Charlie rest her head down upon her shoulder. Emily slowly shuffled them both forward a little on the floor so that they were no longer barricading the door, and then she lifted up her left hand to open the door to let Matt in.

  As he came into the room he looked instantly at the blood on Charlie’s jeans, and then to Emily who shook her head at him. The tears that had been in his eyes outside the bathroom now flowed freely down his face, and he roughly pushed them off his cheeks as he squatted down in front of Charlie.

  He waited for her to look at him, and Emily felt the weight of Charlie’s head lift off her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” Charlie said to Matt.

  “It’s not your fault,” Matt said as Emily watched him stroke her face and push away her falling tears with his thumbs. It was the same gesture that he’d once done for her.

  He sat down on the other side of Charlie and he pulled her to him, pressing her head gently against his chest as he did. Emily got up off the floor and went to leave the room. There was no need for her to be here. Here she was just an intruder upon their grief.

  “Emily,” Matt said as he saw her get up. She turned to look at him. “You’d better call the hospital and tell them we’ll be coming over.”

  She nodded silently, and Matt rested his cheek on Charlie’s head and cradled her to him.

  Emily continued to watch Matt and Charlie, unable to look away from them, and she realised that he’d never felt that way about her. She knew that she couldn’t keep blaming Matt or Charlie for the way that things had turned out. She’d gone after someone that had always belonged to someone else. She’d brought the pain and heartache that she’d suffered on herself, and there was no one else that she could blame for that.

  Matt

  “Matthew, where are you going?” His mum asked him, and he rolled his eyes.

  He found it hard to believe that at thirty three, he was still expected to explain to his mum where he was going.

  “Where do you think I’m going?” He asked her irritably.

  “Well I hope it’s not to see Charlie. You know it’s bad luck,” she said.

  “We’ve had all the bad luck that we could ever possibly have,” he said walking out of the kitchen.

  “Don’t be long,” his mother called as he shut the door behind him.

  Bad luck he thought, shaking his head as he walked out into the street. He’d nearly lost his wife. He’d lost a baby that he hadn’t known about. The love of his life hadn’t been able to remember anything about their life, and then after a catalogue of errors and misjudgements by their friends he and Charlie been kept apart. Finally, just when everything had seemed to be back on track Charlie had miscarried.

  He laughed into the dark. That had to be their lot he thought, neither one of them could possibly have done anything so bad as to have earned anymore bad karma.

  “What you laughing at weirdo?” Rich asked him from across the street where he was stood outside his parent’s house smoking a cigarette.

  “Life,” Matt said.

  “I’m glad you can laugh about it,” Rich said.

  “Onwards and upwards mate. It’s all about the future,” Matt said.

  “Where you headed?” Rich asked.

  “Claire’s,” Matt answered.

  “I’ll come with you. Bex is over there and my folks are getting on my nerves,” Rich said.

  The two of them walked along in silence until they reached Claire’s parent’s house, but as Rich headed towards the front door Matt walked round to the back.

  “I think we’re probably old enough now,” Rich said to him; “not to have to sneak into Claire’s bedroom window at night.”

  “Yeah, but then where’s the surprise in that?” Matt asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

  Matt had regretted his decision to make a romantic gesture about five seconds after starting to climb the tree, and he wondered when he’d gotten so old and uncoordinated.

  “You’re not helping,” Matt said tersely to Rich who was pushing him from behind.

  “Well you’re taking too bloody long,” Rich said; “and I keep slipping.”

  “Why are you climbing up anyway?” Matt asked.

  “I can’t be out done on the old romantic gesture front,” he said. To which Matt rolled his eyes.

  “It’s not actually that romantic to watch two middle age men haul themselves up a tree,” Claire said from her window making all the girls laugh.

  “Shit,” Matt and Rich said in unison.

  Matt walked along the last part of the branch and arrived at Claire’s window.

  “Can I help you?” Charlie asked smiling cheekily at him.

  “Maybe,” he said returning her smile; “I’m looking for a girl I used to know.”

  “Hmm, a girl you used to know. Did she live here, and does she have a name?” She asked.

  “No she didn’t live here, but yeah she has a name. When I first knew her she went as Young. Charlotte Young,” he said; “but I heard she married some guy and changed her surname to Grayson.”

  “Shocking,” Charlie said smiling at him again and Matt felt his heart skip a beat.

  “I know,” he said trying to control his smile and his heart beat. He was embarrassed that she or one of the others might be able to hear it, given that it was thumping loudly inside his chest.

  “This Charlotte, was she pretty?” Charlie asked innocently.

  “Beautiful. She was by far the best looking girl in Cheddar,” Matt said; “back in the day anyway. But in fairness she could be properly ugly now. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her,” he added laughing.

  “Really,” she said trying to contain a smile.

  “We done?” He asked cheekily, and she nodded and threw her arms around his neck as he kissed her.

  “Aaah,” all the girls in Claire’s bedroom said.

  Matt could feel the intensity in Charlie’s kiss. She was teasing him to want to take it further, even though she knew that he was trying to balance on a tree branch. He smiled to himself and reluctantly pulled away.

  “Spoilsport,” she said smiling at him seductively.

  “Don’t,” he said kissing her tenderly again and strokin
g her face.

  “Don’t what?” She asked sweetly as she pulled him back for another increasingly passionate kiss.

  “Is it my go yet?” Rich asked from behind Matt.

  Charlie pulled back from Matt’s face and winked at him. She then moved a little way across the window ledge and leant forward towards Rich. She smiled at him and tilted her head slightly, but just as he was about to kiss her she moved and said; “sorry, the kissing booth’s shut for the night.”

  Matt laughed as Rich said; “tease!”

  As Charlie went to reply, Rich, or Matt, or Matt then Rich, lost their balance, and in a split second where everyone tried to grab Rich’s arms he fell from the branch. Everyone heard a loud thud and saw as he hit the ground below.

  “Rich!” Everyone cried.

  Matt shot down the tree, and Claire and Charlie both came down right behind him. Bex looked down from the window, and she was clearly panic stricken.

  “Matt is he alright?” She asked concernedly.

  “Rich,” Matt said as Rich sat up unsteadily. But he didn’t say anything, and he looked confused. “Rich,” Matt said again lifting his chin up and looking into his face and eyes.

  “Rich,” Charlie said bending down by Matt’s side.

  He turned to look at her, stared blankly at her for a second, and then asked; “do I know you?”

  Charlie scowled at him as Rich batted away Matt’s hand from his face and started laughing.

  “Are you alright?” Bex shouted down to him.

  “No that really hurt,” Rich said standing up gingerly. But as he turned to face Matt and Charlie, and saw that they looked far from amused, he said; “sorry, I was only having a laugh.”

  “Insensitive much,” Claire said to him before turning round and climbing back up the tree.

  Charlie turned to Matt and gave him a quick peck on the lips, and then she went over to the tree and started to climb back up it as well.

  “No kiss for me?” Rich asked.

  “No,” Charlie and Bex said in unison before laughing at the fact that they’d both replied.

  Matt also smiled, but as he saw Charlie reach the branch that led across to Claire’s window he called; “Charlie?” He waited for her to turn and look down at him before he said; “not too much wine okay? You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

  Charlie finished her climb, and when she was safely back inside Claire’s room she called down; “sorry Mr Grayson, but there’s a new doc in town and she says I’m good for another few bottles!”

  Emily’s face appeared at the window, and she said reassuringly to Matt; “she’s had one spritzer, and I’m only going to let her have one more.”

  “Seriously,” Charlie said nudging Emily with her hips.

  “Oh sorry,” Emily said laughing as Charlie shook her head at her.

  Matt smiled at them and said; “see you all tomorrow.”

  “Will you recognise me?” Charlie asked sarcastically.

  “Will you be the one in white?” He asked her, and Rich laughed appreciatively.

  “Night ladies,” Rich called.

  “Night,” they all replied.

  Matt and Rich watched Claire shut her bedroom window, and Matt slapped Rich on the back as they walked away, Matt laughing as Rich rubbed his backside. “You really are an idiot at times,” he said; “and totally insensitive.”

  “Well if you can’t laugh about a bit of memory loss, what can you laugh about?” Rich asked, and when Matt laughed again he asked; “pub?”

  Matt nodded in reply, and then he couldn’t help but smile to himself. Tomorrow he and Charlie were going to renew their vows in the same church that they’d gotten married in eleven years earlier.

  ***

  “Well here we are again mate,” Rich said to Matt as they sat in the front right hand side pews.

  “Yep,” Matt said.

  “Don’t know what comforting words I said the last time,” Rich said.

  “Rich,” Adam said appearing to their right.

  “They’re here?” Rich asked, and Adam nodded. “Ready?” Rich asked Matt, and when he nodded Rich smiled and said; “okay in that case, I’ll be right back,” and he walked away with Adam.

  “Rich!” Matt said, but Rich just gave him a cheeky thumbs up as he turned his back on him again.

  Matt stood up as the familiar music began, and everyone turned their attention from him to the doors at the back of the church which had just opened.

  He watched Rich and Bex walk down the aisle together, and he smiled. Bex was in a lavender gown that suited her colourings perfectly, and Rich winked at him as he kissed Bex. She then went to stand on the left hand side of the altar, and Rich again took up his place next to him.

  “I got double booked mate,” he said making Matt laugh.

  Next in were Rach and Ben, and Matt saw that Rach was in a deep emerald green dress. Ben was in a traditional morning suit, as was he, as was Rich, and as were Nick and Adam he knew.

  Matt saw that following them in were Nick and Emily. Emily was in a turquoise dress, and he wondered why Charlie hadn’t asked all the girls to wear the same colour. Yet he was distracted from this thought, as he saw Claire and Adam walking down the aisle behind Emily and Nick.

  Claire was in a tight figure hugging black dress that went to the floor, and Matt couldn’t help but acknowledge how good she looked in it. He also knew that Rich was thinking the same thing because he heard him wolf whistle very quietly.

  “Eyes to the back now please,” Claire whispered with a smile as she came level with them.

  Matt looked to where she’d said, and he saw Charlie at the same time as the whole church made a collective; “aaah” sound.

  She was stood in a full length silver dress, which was covered in sequins all around the hem. The front of the dress was low cut, and her hair was pinned back from her face. Matt couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked, and he smiled as she began to walk towards him.

  One thing struck him as strange though as Charlie approached the altar, and that was that she wasn’t walking down the aisle with Harry. In fact as she got closer to him, he wasn’t sure that he recognised who she was walking down the aisle with at all. Did he know this man he wondered? He looked vaguely familiar Matt thought, but he was going to have to ask Charlie about this later. It didn’t seem fair of her to try and make him jealous whilst he was stood at the altar waiting for her.

  As the vicar began the service Charlie winked at Matt and he mouthed to her; “you look beautiful.” She smiled at him and he felt his heart expand with happiness.

  “In a departure from tradition,” the vicar said; “the bride and groom have decided to say their own vows.”

  Matt felt his head snap from Charlie to the vicar. He hadn’t agreed to this, and he hadn’t prepared any vows. He felt himself starting to panic, but when he looked at Charlie she smiled audaciously at him. He recognised this smile. It was the same smile that she’d used when he’d gotten a detention at school, after she’d convinced him to skip his lesson to spend her free period with her.

  “It was my idea to say our own vows, and Matt’s only just finding out about this,” Charlie announced to the congregation as she took his hands in hers whilst everyone in the church laughed. Well everyone aside from him he noted. He wasn’t finding this amusing right now.

  “But we’re surrounded by our family and friends again,” she continued; “and I thought that standing in front of you all, and repeating the same vows that I said to Matt when I was twenty one would be a travesty.”

  She turned to look at him, and he could feel the intensity of the moment in her eyes. “In the past eleven years,” Charlie said; “you’ve been my heaven and my hell. As a little girl, I had the same hopes and dreams as every other little girl. I wanted the fairytale. I wanted the handsome prince and the happily ever after, and eleven years ago I naïvely stood here and thought that I’d gotten everything that I’d ever wished for and more. I stood up in front o
f everyone here, and I looked forward to the rest of our story together. What I’d conveniently forgotten though, was that there’s always a scary element to all the best fairytales. It’s never just plain sailing.”

  She took a breath and continued; “when our storm hit, we were unprepared. We lost our way, and we lost each other. We weren’t together in sickness, and it didn’t take death to part us.”

  Matt tried to swallow back the lump in his throat.

  “I lost you once because I forgot my way, but I never stopped loving you. So whether I can remember it or not,” Charlie said; “you should always know this. I have loved you my whole life, and I will love you forever.”

  Matt could feel tears in his eyes, and he fought with himself to prevent them from sliding down his face. He looked at the girls stood behind Charlie, and he could see that they were all crying.

  “You’re the best person that I know,” Matt said calmly. “You’re brave, and you’re fearless. When faced with the worst you protect those around you first, even if they don’t deserve it. You sacrifice your feelings for theirs, and your heart for their happiness. When others are scared you reassure them, and when people don’t deserve your forgiveness you offer it to them anyway. I used to thank god every day that you’d married me eleven years ago. I now realise that that wasn’t enough.”

  The congregation made another collective; “aaah” sound.

  “So know this,” he said; “I have loved you my whole life, and I will love you forever.”

  Charlie kissed him.

  The vicar cleared his throat, and the congregation laughed. “Sorry,” Charlie said to the vicar and looking a lot like a naughty school girl as she did which made Matt laugh.

  “You have renewed your vows in the presence of god, and in the presence of your friends and family. I now pronounce you husband and wife again,” the vicar said. He then turned to Matt and added with a wry smile; “and you may now kiss the bride.”

  Everyone clapped as Matt kissed a smiling Charlie, and as they walked up the aisle Matt looked at her and said; “I’ve got a really good idea, let’s say our own vows.”