Lee blinked. “God, that’s incredible. But how was any of this Britten’s fault?”
“Her crying had been keeping us all up at night for weeks. Hugh was so tired that I insisted that last night that he sleep in the girls’ room, while I kept Britten in with me. For a long time I was plagued by ‘what ifs’: what if the baby hadn’t worn us all out; what if I’d been along as usual to help with the driving and keep Hugh focused; what if the temperature had been just a few degrees warmer or colder so there wasn’t black ice; what if the boys hadn’t won that last game that earned them a place in the tournament. What if, what if, what if...”
“You could drive yourself crazy that way.”
Gaëlle chuckled, but there was no humour in the sound. “I did, and that’s why I wonder if I unconsciously passed along the crazy to Britten. I was even angry with her that I didn’t get to sleep with Hugh that last night, just to have felt him close one more time. It took me years to understand and accept that Hugh and Owen were here for a specific time, and nothing I did could’ve changed that. They’d chosen the terms of their life, and I’d agreed to them.”
Lee shook her head. “You don’t really believe that.”
“I do. Souls stay until they complete their life goals, then they leave.”
Lee had thought she was over her anger, but now she felt it escalate. “So you’re telling me you think I agreed to Dana’s early death? Are you fucking insane? I would never—”
Gaëlle looked at her calmly. “I wouldn’t say these things to you if you hadn’t come for this very reason. When the student is ready—”
Lee jumped up, knocking her chair over. “The only reason I’m here is to protect your dumbass daughter from her asshole husband, nothing else. It’s pure coincidence; that’s all.”
“There are no coincidences.”
Infuriated by the quiet words, Lee stormed out of the kitchen. Fortunately, the weather had warmed, as she didn’t stop for a coat. Lee strode away from the house. “How can she say that? What kind of a lunatic is she, anyway! I agreed to Dana’s death? Not in a million, billion years! I’d give anything to have her back, anything!”
Lee walked without direction. All she wanted was to get away from the house, from that infuriating woman. She stopped when she came to a field covered with an odd series of marker sticks. She stood studying it, but it didn’t make sense.
Finally, Lee climbed a small wooded rise and looked back over the field. From that perspective, she realized what she was seeing. This was Gaëlle’s labyrinth. The markers edged the paths of trampled grasses in a classic pattern. It didn’t look difficult to navigate; there was a clear entrance and route to the centre where a stone bench was set. The bench was oriented north to south, so that a sitter could face east or west and view a sunrise or sunset as desired.
Her pique momentarily forgotten, Lee studied the structure. It was simple, yet elegant. There was an innate beauty to the design, even though it was composed of nothing but trodden grass and small, weather-beaten sticks. She wondered how many years Gaëlle had walked that ground and why. All she remembered about labyrinths was that they had some connection with Greek mythology.
Lee found a large stone and sat staring down at the labyrinth. A light breeze caressed her flushed face, bringing a tantalizing scent of the approaching spring. Slowly, her anger subsided, and she was left with sadness. She’d liked Gaëlle, much more than she liked Gaëlle’s daughter. She’d felt they had something in common—a meeting of the minds, maybe even the hearts—given their shared experience of loss. She was saddened to discover that Gaëlle was simply a New Age nutcase.
Lost in thought, Lee didn’t notice anyone approaching until Gaëlle draped a jacket around her shoulders and took a seat on the ground next to the rock. “I’m sorry, Lee. I only ever talk to Wally and Dale like that; I forget how I sound to non-initiates. I apologize.”
“No, I apologize. You’re entitled to your beliefs, even if—”
“Even if they’re pretty far-fetched?”
“I was going to say even if they’re not mine.”
Gaëlle looked up at Lee. “What do you believe?”
“About what?”
“About life, about death, about where Dana is now.”
“Life is hard; death sucks, and Dana is in Queen’s Park Cemetery.”
Gaëlle was quiet so long that Lee couldn’t stand it any longer. “What?”
“What, what?”
Lee grimaced. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m feeling more than thinking.”
“God, you can be so exasperating, woman. What are you feeling, then?”
“Sadness.”
“For me? Why?”
Gaëlle leaned back on her hands and studied the sky. “I don’t want to anger you.”
“I don’t want to be angry with you.”
“Then let’s just sit and enjoy the evening air for a bit.”
Lee had the uneasy feeling she shouldn’t leave it there, but she didn’t want to fight or be angry or do anything but relax in the peacefulness of the spot.
They were quiet for a long time as dusk settled around them. Finally, Lee rose and extended a hand to Gaëlle. “We should probably get back to the house.”
Gaëlle took her hand and rose smoothly to her feet. Side by side, they began the walk back to the house.
Lee asked, “Why did you build it?” The question had nagged at her since she first glimpsed Gaëlle’s handiwork.
“The labyrinth?”
“Yes. It must’ve been a lot of work.”
Gaëlle nodded. “It was. I started constructing it the fall after Hugh and Owen died. I’d get Dale and Jill off to school, bundle Britten up in a Snugli carrier, and come out here and tramp down the grass over and over.”
“But why?”
“I could tell you that it was for exercise and fresh air.”
Lee rolled her eyes. “You could, but I don’t think that’s the whole story.”
“You’re very perceptive. No, that’s not the whole story, though it was what I told my in-laws when they thought I was going crazy. I’d actually stumbled across a book on labyrinths in the library. At the time I couldn’t have told you why I even took it home. I certainly didn’t have any previous interest in the subject, but once I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down. I spent the summer reading many books on labyrinths and designing my own. By September, I was ready to build.”
“Okay. So it sort of got your mind off Hugh and Owen?”
Gaëlle laughed. “Quite the contrary. It was how I connected with Hugh and Owen.”
“Aw, hell. You’re going to go all New-Agey on me again, aren’t you?”
“You did ask.”
Lee groaned. “Fair enough.”
“Constructing the labyrinth gave me purpose in a time when every touchstone of my life seemed to have been ripped away. Using the labyrinth for meditation brought me a deep sense of calm and renewed hope. I’m years past the initial grief that almost broke me, so now I walk the labyrinth seeking spiritual understanding and growth.”
“I guess I can understand that. Dana used to have an ex-minister friend of ours come in and pray with her when she was in the hospital.”
“Did you join them?”
“No. I mean, I wanted Dana to do anything that gave her comfort, but me and the Church rejected each other long ago. I love David like a brother. It’s our kids who are getting married this summer, and someday we’ll be co-grandparents. But I never bought into his religion, even when he performed our wedding ceremony. Dana did, though, so I was happy he was there for her. He gave her something I couldn’t. Religion, though, that’s not my cup of tea.”
“Mine either.”
Lee stopped short and stared at Gaëlle. “What do you mean? What’s all this stuff you’ve been talking about then?”
“Spirituality.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Someday you’ll answer that for
yourself, Lee.”
Gaëlle refused to say any more on the subject. She also shooed Lee out of her kitchen when Lee tried to help clean up the dinner dishes. It was too early to go to bed, so Lee read for a while and finished the mystery she’d selected the previous day.
Lee returned to the basement, intent on finding another book to pass the hours. However, once down in the library, she was distracted by the large wall map. Was it to record Gaëlle’s youthful travels with Hugh or perhaps places she wanted to visit in the future? If so, her hostess had odd taste, as many of the poorest, most unenticing spots on the Dark Continent were marked.
Lee supposed that she could ask Gaëlle. She wouldn’t have been introduced to the library if the map held a big secret, but Lee decided to mull it over for a while. She’d always enjoyed solving mysteries, and her hostess was turning out to be quite the mistress of inscrutability.
“This could be fun. Sure beats watching Britten hold court.”
Lee knew she should go talk to her client, but she couldn’t face the thought. When she’d been reading in the living room, Gaëlle had passed her carrying a covered plate, heading upstairs. It bothered Lee to see Gaëlle catering to her daughter, but it also allowed her to justify not checking on the spoiled brat again this evening.
Lee chose another mystery and settled in a recliner to read. The story failed to hold her interest, however, and she soon found herself staring into space. Lee went over and over the odd conversation she’d had with Gaëlle, trying to reconcile her hostess’ crazy beliefs with the woman she’d so quickly grown to like.
Maybe this Wally character has had too much influence on Gaëlle. Much as I don’t care for Britten, she might be right about her mom and Wrong-Way. He might just be bad news.
Chapter 6
Lee woke early the next morning, anxious and irritable. Her head was pounding. She felt the familiar nicotine withdrawal pangs, like worms moving under her skin. With a growl, Lee tossed back the duvet and leaped out of bed. She paced as she fought the craving.
“No, damn it. You can do this. You can at least go longer than twenty-four hours. Think of something else...anything else.”
But all Lee could think of was how easy it would be to banish the physical misery. She tried to distract herself with a long, hot shower. It didn’t work.
“Okay, go for a walk—a really long one. If you still want a cigarette when you get back...well, deal with it then.”
Lee didn’t care if she sounded crazy, talking to herself. Her hands shook while she dressed and tucked a packet of cigarettes in her jacket pocket. Just in case.
She bounded down the stairs, only to feel her irritation skyrocket as she opened the front door and saw Gaëlle sitting on the porch steps with Wrong-Way Wally. Their shoulders were touching.
Jesus Christ! Just what I don’t need this morning.
The friends turned at Lee’s approach. Wally stood up and sketched a small bow in Lee’s direction.
Gaëlle pulled something out of her pocket and tossed it to Lee.
Lee caught it. It was a half-empty box of nicotine patches. “How did...?”
“Wally said you’d need them, and, as it happened, I had some left over from when I quit. Help yourself and keep the rest. I remember how rough it is at the start.”
Lee felt more like hurling the box at the odd be-ribboned man, but good sense ruled. She nodded tersely, took out a patch, and rolled up her sleeve to apply it to her upper arm.
“Black, white, grey. Awake and stay. What say?”
Lee stared at Wally as she tried to decipher his words.
Gaëlle smiled at Wally. “Too soon, old friend.”
“Okay.” Wally grasped the bicycle and cart that were parked at the base of the stairs and pointed upstairs. “Gone song.” He gave Gaëlle a look of profound compassion. “Best done. Best left. You know.”
“I do, Wally. I know you’re right, but it is hard.”
“Hard, hard. Good hard. Bad hard. All hard. Worth hard.” Wally bowed to both women, mounted his bike, and rode away.
“C’mere.”
Lee was drawn from her fascination with Wally’s fluttering ribbons by Gaëlle’s command. “Pardon?”
“Come, sit.” Gaëlle moved her feet and patted the stair below her. “I can help.”
“Um, okay. Help with what?”
“With the withdrawal you’re suffering.”
Lee was already feeling some relief from the patch, but she was willing to see what Gaëlle had in mind, so she took her place on the step. Strong fingers began to massage her temples and forehead, and Lee groaned in relief. “Oh, my God, please don’t stop.”
Gaëlle laughed softly and worked her fingers through Lee’s hair to the base of her head.
Lee hastily shrugged off her jacket to provide better access and shivered with delight as Gaëlle’s hands dug into tense neck and shoulder muscles. “Where did you learn to do this?”
“When we were in Greece, Hugh decided he wanted to dive off a cliff. Stupid, really. He certainly wasn’t trained, but there was nothing he wouldn’t try, especially when we were young and dumb. He pulled some back muscles pretty badly, to the point where I thought we’d have to go home so he could be treated. But a woman where we were staying showed me the basics of massage, and it helped. Since Hugh’s back hurt for the rest of his life, I got pretty good at this.”
“Ughh, bless that Greek masseuse, then. And bless your hands. I’m actually starting to feel human again.”
“I suspect the patch can take most of that credit.”
“Maybe a little, but not ‘most’.”
Gaëlle worked steadily for another ten minutes, then pulled Lee’s jacket up and rested her hands on Lee’s shoulders.
“Thank you. Seriously, that felt fabulous. I feel like I should be tipping about fifty per cent.”
“Fifty per cent of no charge is zero, so we’re square. You could keep me company on my walk, though.”
“Fair enough, though I warn you that I’m so relaxed I may not be up to walking for too long.”
“I’m only going as far as the old barn this morning, so you should be able to manage.”
They walked around the side of the house toward the back fields. Lee was amazed at how much better she felt compared to when she’d woken up. She was relieved she could converse like a normal human being. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What’s on your mind?”
“Wally’s ribbons. Do they hold some sort of symbolism for him? Or are they just an exotic decoration?”
“Actually, I guess I’m responsible for those.”
“How so?”
“Wally and I were inseparable as children. Our families lived next door to each other in Donegal, and we went to the same school.”
“Was Wally...um, different...even back then?”
“Yes, but not to the same degree. Still, he was shunned, and in fact my parents worried that the closeness of our friendship would stunt my social development and brand me as an outsider too. I discovered much later that was one of the reasons my dad took a job in Prince Albert when I was nine. When Wally and I were told we were going to be parted, we were inconsolable. The day the moving truck came, I went to his house, but he wasn’t there. It didn’t take me long to find him, though. I knew all his hiding spots, so I rode my bike to each one. When I finally caught up to him, he was crying so hard that it scared me. I didn’t know what to say to make him feel better. I’d spent hours crying too, ever since my parents announced we were moving as soon as the school year ended.”
“Poor Wally. And poor you.”
“Second saddest day of my life. Anyway, I’d won a couple of blue ribbons in the year end track meet. I was so proud of them that I carried them around in my pocket all the time, just in case I ran into anybody who hadn’t seen them yet.”
“Was there anyone who hadn’t?”
Gaëlle shot her a wry look. “No. But in my defence, Donegal was an even smaller tow
n back then.”
Lee laughed as she pictured the child Gaëlle flaunting her prizes. “So you gave Wally your ribbons?”
“I did. I know it sounds like a small thing, but I was so proud of those ribbons, and I really didn’t want to give them up. I had this idea in the back of my head that winning a couple of races would make it easier for me at my new school; I wouldn’t just be a nobody from a place hardly anyone had heard of. Silly, of course. Nothing was going to save me from being the new kid. I didn’t even make the track team at the new school. The only thing my speed was good for was running away from bullies.”
“So those track ribbons started Wally’s penchant for coat ribbons?”
“Yes. When I gave Wally the ribbons, he was dumbstruck. Outside of his family, people rarely gave Wally anything, unless you count the finger or the back of a hand. He held them like they were the most precious gift he could imagine. Without saying a word, it became our thing, our way to stay connected. For years afterwards, I sent him postcards and ribbons. He kept every one of them.”
“And what did he send you?”
“Oh, the occasional card or note, which always looked like it had been written in code. Wally isn’t exactly a literate man. Even before I left, he’d been held back a couple of grades. In fact, he ended up in Hugh’s class for a while. Wally told me years later that Hugh was one of the few boys who didn’t torment him. Hugh told me that he was ashamed he hadn’t been kinder, hadn’t protected Wally more from the other kids.”
“So you knew Hugh in Donegal? I thought you first met at university.”
“In essence we did. Hugh was a couple of years younger, and I was so engrossed with Wally that I wasn’t aware of Hugh’s existence except as Scott’s little brother. Scott and I were in the same grade through elementary. Then with moving away so young, it really was like meeting for the first time when we were older.”
Walking the Labyrinth Page 8