by Rye Hart
“No? Well, all right. You and I will be stinky and dirty together.”
“Okay.” She seemed overjoyed at the prospect. This wasn’t going the way I planned. I had to change directions.
“And everywhere we go, everyone will say, ‘there goes the stinky family.’ And they’ll hold their noses and say ‘pee-yew.’”
“No,” she protested, finally looking concerned.
“Oh, yes. No one will talk to us, and no one will be our friends.” I shrugged as if it didn’t matter.
She shook her head. “Josie is my best friend. She’ll talk to me.”
“Maybe on the phone. But we’ll smell so bad no one could be in the same room with us.”
She nodded thoughtfully, an oddly adult-like expression on her little face. “I don’t want that. I’ll take a bath.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded again. “Yes.”
“Okay, I’ll go get your bath ready.”
Awesome. Score one for dad.
***
After her bath, I tucked Emery into bed. Her pink nightlight was on, filling the room with its warm glow. I sat on the edge of her bed. “Sleep tight, my little munchkin.”
I stood up to leave when she spoke.
“Daddy, why don’t I have a mommy?” she asked softly.
My heart broke into a million pieces. It was a question no child should ever have to ask. I sat back down on the edge of her bed and stroked her hair.
“Honey, you know your mommy went to Heaven when you were younger.” I cursed Jen for making me lie to my child. Emery didn’t need to know the truth. She shouldn’t know the truth. But even though I was protecting my little girl, lying to her made me feel like a real piece of shit.
“But don’t worry, Em. You’ve got me. And I’ll always be here for you, munchkin.”
“No matter what?” she asked.
“No matter what.”
That seemed to settle the matter for her. “Okay, Daddy.”
I bent down and kissed her on the forehead. “I love you with all my heart.”
“I love you to the moon and back.”
“That’s a long way, Em.” I lifted an eyebrow as if questioning her ability to love that big.
“Not with a heart as big as mine.” She crinkled up her nose. “I smell better, but you still stink, daddy. Go take a shower or we’ll be the stinky family and it will all be your fault.”
I laughed and got up. “Will do. Now, get some rest, angel.”
I went to my bedroom and lay down. Emery might be able to go to sleep after asking about Jen, but I sure as hell couldn’t. I stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan spin in endless circles.
I knew Emery had been wrestling with the fact that her mother wasn’t around recently. But the fact that she’d asked me about her again troubled me. How could I explain to a six-year-old that people just sucked sometimes? That it’s not always fair? That sometimes, bad things happen through no fault of your own?
These were things that everyone figures out eventually, but I wanted to delay that moment for Emery as long as possible. She deserved time to just be a kid and worry about kid things like bath time.
I couldn’t bring her mother back, but I could let her enjoy her childhood as best I could. I could bear the pain of the truth for the both of us.
One thing was for sure, I’d never let Emery lose a mother again. I would never let another woman get close enough for Emery to get attached.
I would be her father and mother at the same time. Sure, it was probably the most ridiculous idea, but it was the best way I knew how to protect my daughter.
There was too much at stake. If things didn’t work out with someone else, Emery would have her heart broken all over again, and that would never happen. Not on my watch.
CHAPTER FOUR - AMBER
The sun had been up for a long time by the time I finally woke up. I stretched like a cat, savoring the knowledge that I had nowhere in particular to be that day. That didn’t mean I was going to lay in bed all day however.
I’d done that yesterday, just watching movies and dozing when I felt like it. I couldn’t remember the last time a day off felt so good.
This past week at Emery had been brutal, and not just because of Chef Harrison. I wasn’t used to being on my feet all day, constantly moving. My muscles were sore and tired. I could rest a whole week and they’d still be groaning.
Despite that, I was going to visit my best friend, Jamie.
We hadn’t had time to talk much this past week beyond a few texts. I’d been so busy and worn out, I didn’t have the energy to interact with another human being. I was ready to be social like a normal person again. I made myself presentable and headed out.
I walked into the Lux Nail Salon to see Jamie sitting behind one of the tables. She wasn’t getting her nails done, though. She worked there.
Although judging from how empty the place was, I didn’t think she’d done much actual work today. Other stylists sat around, some of them tending to clients while others just stared at their phones.
Jamie was one of the ones on her phone. She grinned when she saw me. “Hey, there, stranger.”
I made a face at her and she laughed. “It hasn’t been that long,” I said, sitting down across from her.
“Yeah, right. You get a new fancy schmancy job, and now you’re too good to mingle with us common folk.”
I held my hand out to her, palm down. “Kiss the ring, bitch.”
We both laughed.
“But no,” I said. “It’s not a glamorous job. It might be fancy in the dining room, but back in the kitchen, it’s like a sweatshop.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t love it.” She wagged her eyebrows at me.
I shrugged. “Ehh, it’s kind of a mixed bag.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get into all the details just then, so I changed the subject instead. “What about you? How’s life here?”
Jamie looked around the mostly empty establishment. “What’s it look like? I’m bored out of my skull.”
“You could always find another job,” I offered.
“I will, eventually. For now, it’s fine. Just something to pay the bills while I figure things out.”
“You’ve been trying to figure things out for a while now.”
She fidgeted with a vial of nail polish on the table. “Yeah, well, some of us weren’t born knowing exactly what we want to do for the rest of our lives.”
“You mean me? Look, I’m not judging. I actually kind of envy you. There’s a freedom to not knowing where you’ll end up. It’s like your future is filled with possibilities.”
Jamie looked up and grinned at me. “This is why we’re friends. You make my existential dread sound so nice.” She sighed. “I mean, I guess it’s not all bad. I kind of think of it like Schrodinger’s Cat, but for jobs.”
“You can’t just say that and expect me to know what the hell that means.”
“It’s like, until I choose a career path, I’m sort of everything and nothing. Like, I’m an ER nurse, or a skydiving instructor, or something really exciting, like an accountant.”
I shot her a look. “Do you really want to be any of those things?”
“Well, no. But it’s fun to daydream about, especially when I’m stuck here with nothing to do.” She lifted her phone. “A girl can only look at so many cat pictures before getting bored. And besides, the best part of imagining me being all those things is thinking about having some hot alpha male as my boss.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, Lord. Here we go again.”
She laughed. “What? It’s true. Do you know how nice it would be to have a dominating sexy bastard as your boss? And I’m not talking a thin, well-dressed suit. I mean, like a muscled, tattooed, big dick-”
“Okay.” My cheeks warmed. “That’s something that belongs in a book. You know that shit never really happens.” I wasn’t sure I should tell her that my latest gig had exactly that kind of man as a boss. It would only d
ig her deeper into her fantasy world.
Even though my boss was the kind that kept me up at night, hot and bothered until I finally relieved myself of the pressure that was building up. It was pointless though. Chef Harrison hadn’t looked my way more than once, and that one time was to snap my head off my shoulders like a string bean.
“Well, I’m just saying.” She bit her lip. “It’s boring as fuck around here.”
“Must be nice.” I let out a soft sigh. “I never get a chance to stop and mess around. I barely have a chance to breathe.”
Jamie settled back in her chair and looked at me. “So, is it everything you thought it would be? I mean, when you got called back for the job, you wouldn’t shut up about it.”
My smile wavered. “It’s really hard to explain. I’m not even sure how I feel about it honestly.”
“So, you don’t like it?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s amazing. I’ve only been there a week, but I’ve learned so much. Learning to cook in class was fine, but it’s nothing like being in a professional kitchen.”
“I’ll bet.”
“And there’s a sort of adrenaline rush when things get busy. As hectic as things get, it kind of makes me feel alive, you know?”
“So, you do like it?”
I tilted my head to the side and pursed my lips. “No, not exactly. It’s a really hard job. I mean, I like a challenge, but most of the time, I feel like I’m messing everything up. Like I’m not good enough.” I shook my head. “I don’t know. I think it’s just my boss.”
Jamie sat up straighter in her chair. “Speaking of bosses,” she muttered.
Jamie’s boss emerged from her office at the back of the salon. Her graying hair stood up in a tangle on the back of her head, and her eyes were red. I got the distinct impression she’d just woken up.
“Good morning, Miss Cassandra,” Jamie called out in a sing-song voice. She shot me a sideways glance, confirming my suspicions that Jamie was poking fun at her.
Miss Cassandra was what she told people to call her; not Ms. Garcia, or Cassandra. Miss Cassandra. She narrowed her bleary eyes at Jamie.
“Why aren’t you working?”
“I’m about to take my lunch break,” Jamie said.
Cassandra looked at her watch, then back at Jamie. “But it’s two hours until lunch time.”
Jamie stood up and grabbed her purse. “Come on, Miss Cassandra. Lunch time is whenever you actually eat lunch. Which for me, is right now.”
I could almost see the gears spinning in Cassandra’s head as she tried to work out Jamie’s sloppy logic. I couldn’t imagine speaking this way to Chef Harrison. He went apes hit over innocent comments. He’d probably go full-blown nuclear if he thought I was messing with him.
Lucky for Jamie, her boss was the total opposite of mine. Cassandra nodded and waved Jamie toward the door. “Go. Just bring me back a coffee.”
***
Jamie and I sat on the patio of Café Yay, a trendy new bistro I’d been dying to try. It was a pleasant, sunny day, which was rare in the city. It was a perfect weather to sit outside and people watch. I took a bite of my gourmet grilled cheese and moaned happily.
“Damn, this is good. I’m totally gonna steal this recipe.”
Jamie made a face. “It must be nice to have someone else do the cooking for a change.”
“It is, actually. I’m so tired when I get home that I’ve been living off peanut butter and jelly. Don’t tell my boss that. He might have a stroke.”
Jamie leaned forward. “Speaking of which. We got interrupted earlier. What’s your problem with him? Spill.”
“I don’t have a problem with him so much as he has a problem with me. Or not me, specifically. I think he has a problem with everyone.”
“So, he’s a jerk. Most bosses are jerks.”
I laughed humorlessly. “That’s putting it mildly. You ever seen the Devil Wears Prada?”
“You know damn well I have. Meryl Streep is my home girl.”
“Yeah, well my boss makes Meryl Streep look like Mother Teresa.”
“Yikes.”
“But the man knows his stuff. I can’t tell if he’s a genius or an asshole.”
She laughed. “Why not both?”
“He pushes me to be better, and I know it’s working. It’s only been a week, and I’ve learned so much. I can only imagine what I’ll know after, like, a year.”
Jamie nodded thoughtfully. “It’s a double-edged sword, no doubt. Maybe just think of it as paying your dues.”
I sighed. “I’m paying all right. I just wonder if the price is worth it. What if someone told you they could make you a master at something, but every damn day when you showed up to learn, they punched you in the boob first?”
“Ahh, yes. The old boob punching conundrum.” She gave me a cheeky smile.
“I’m bad at coming up with examples. Whatever. Shut up.”
“Look, I can’t answer that question for you. I have no idea what I’m doing with my own life. I’m the last person you want to be getting advice from.”
I clasped my hands together like I was praying. “Please, give me something. I’m seriously struggling over here.”
“All right, fine. Let’s lay it out. You can’t quit because it’s an amazing job. But working there is a nightmare. So why don’t you hedge your bets?”
“Meaning?”
“Keep working at Emery, but throw some feelers out there job-wise. There have to be other restaurants around where you can learn from super chefs who don’t want to punch you in the titty every day.”
“Hmm, that’s not a bad idea.”
“Yeah, give it a shot. You never know. In the meantime, don’t let that mean old chef bully you around. You tell him, I’ll whoop his ass if he does.”
I laughed. “Now, that I’d like to see.”
***
By the time I got back to my apartment, I was feeling infinitely better about my life. Talking with Jamie always cheered me up.
Her advice echoed in my head as I laid out my work clothes for the next day. It couldn’t hurt to see what other opportunities were out there. Emery was one of the best restaurants in Seattle, but there were others.
Screw it.
I fired up my laptop and went back to the site where I’d found the job posting for Emery. A few top tier restaurants had openings and I decided to send them my resume. But first, I had to update it.
Working at Emery was a unique kind of hell, but it would be on my resume for the rest of my life. It was a definite feather in my cap.
I laughed. No. It was more like a Purple Heart. Either way, it would open doors for me in the future. And where it would suck royally not to get to stare at Chef Harrison all day at work, it would be better on my frazzled nerves. Hot guys were a dime a dozen, and it wasn’t like I was interviewing for a date. Hell, he didn’t even seem to notice me in that way. I was trying to build a career. Maybe doing it under someone who was a little less volatile was a smart move. Ever since I was a child, I had one career that pulled at my heart strings. I wanted to be the best at it that I could possibly be.
Too bad I could only fantasize about making my sex life just as great. Sigh.
CHAPTER FIVE - LUKE
I laid in bed for a few extra minutes, just enjoying the silence all around me. Another night of useless dreams. My muse was an unruly bitch who taunted me with great dishes and the sweet moans of ecstasy all at the same time. The woman in my latest fantasy resembled the newest girl in my kitchen.
“Amber,” I whispered as my body tensed. My cock twitched, thick and hard from just waking up. Fuck. I wasn’t going to get by with ignoring it for too much longer. I’d slept with someone a few weeks before, but it was time to find someone else.
One night stands, they had become the bane of my existence, and yet, they were the only way to keep myself safe; to keep Em safe too. There was no way in hell I was bringing a woman into the house.
I slid my hand do
wn my stomach under the covers and tapped the head of my cock, the bastard weeping sticky warm fluid as if he knew what was coming. I needed to take care of this or I’d go mad. I stood up out of bed and made my way to my bathroom. Stepping on the chilly floor, I walked to my shower and turned on the water.
Stepping inside, I groaned and straightened my body so that every inch of me would be under the frigid spray. Defying the laws of nature, my cock didn’t shrink at the cold. It remained awake and ready for someone that should never be mine.
My eyes closed in an attempt to focus my brain and find a solution to the problem. However, all I thought about was Amber. Instinctively, my hand drifted down to my massive erection. Behind my closed lids, I saw Amber’s sweet mouth wrapped around my cock. I wondered how much of me she would be able to take and how deliciously smooth it would feel. I pictured her tits bouncing and her long dark hair wrapped around my hand as I worked myself in and out of her lips.
I knew that even fantasizing about her was wrong, but for some reason, the forbidden aspect of it made the whole thing even sweeter. Before I knew it, my balls were tight, and my body felt like it was dangling from a precipice. I held onto the wall in front of me and kept Amber’s face and tits front and center in my mind as I sped up my movements until my body finally erupted with one of the strongest orgasms I’d ever had.
Once I was done, and she was still in my thoughts, I stood under the cold water waiting for my breath to return to normal and realized three very important things. The first was that working with Amber would be hard as hell. The second was that since I was doomed to be around her every day, showers like this would become frequent. And finally, the third and most important, was that I was incredibly fucked.
***
“Emery, time for breakfast!” I called from downstairs.
It was the second time I yelled up the stairs, but she still hadn’t come downstairs. Odd. She was usually up as soon as I was, bouncing around like a little ball of energy. I headed upstairs to find out what was going on.