by H. M. Bailey
“Maybe you should move that one down the list, Buddy, I don’t think Santa can bring that to you.”
“Santa can do anything!” Andrew exclaimed, reaching into his bag for a Christmas picture book to look at.
Standing in line, Hannah glanced around at some nearby stores. There was a window display of mannequins wearing pretty cashmere sweaters and it made her wonder what she had in her own closet that she could pull out for tonight. Not that she wanted to impress Ben, of course, but he had seen her so far in her teaching clothes and sweats, so she wanted to wear something nice. But what?
She decided it wouldn’t hurt if she looked around in a few stores. It had been so long since she’d bought anything new for herself and she was just standing in line, anyways.
“Say, Mom, would you mind if I left Andrew in line here with you and Dad while I check out a few stores?”
“Sure, dear. I thought you said you were done shopping, though?”
“I am. I just…was thinking I might by something for myself to wear tonight.”
As soon as the words were out of Hannah’s mouth, she worried that she’d regret admitting that. She wanted to play it down and didn’t want her mother to think she was excited for their dinner. Because she wasn’t. Well, maybe just a little bit.
Her mother’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Oh, yes! That’s a great idea! Get something really nice and maybe some new jewelry to match.”
Hannah just smiled and shook her head as she walked away. “Ok, I’ll see what I can find. Just text me when it’s almost Andrew’s turn.”
“Ooh, and you look really good in blue! Maybe you should try to find something in blue!” Tess called after her.
It took her less time than she thought it would. At first she wasn’t sure exactly what it was she was looking for, she didn’t want a dress; that would look like she was trying too hard. It wasn’t a date so she didn’t want to look like she was on one. She got lucky at the first store she tried where she found a beautiful midnight blue ruffled sweater with a silver lace tank to wear underneath. She smiled to herself thinking her mother would be tickled to find out she’d chosen something blue.
At the counter, the cashier asked her if she’d like any matching jewelry to go with her purchase. Despite her mother’s suggestion, she hadn’t even thought about it, but now that the cashier brought it up, she hesitated and took a glance at the rotating jewelry display near the counter. The cashier helped her pick out silver earrings with a matching bracelet that went with the sweater set perfectly.
Because she was done a lot faster than she expected, she thought she’d head to the food court and bring back some treats for her parents and Andrew who were still waiting in line. She was happy about her purchase and walked with a spring in her step. Although she usually wasn’t much of a shopper, being around all of the Christmas decorations and cheerful music further heightened her happiness.
The food court was incredibly crowded as if everyone decided to stop for lunch at the same time. She scanned the different options, looking for the counter with the shortest line when she saw him.
Ben.
He was on the other side of open space at a table by himself. He wasn’t eating but had a soda on the table in front of him and he was reading a book. Hannah’s heart skipped a beat when she saw him. Maybe there was such a thing as fate. First the gas station meeting, then Ben bringing Shadow back and now here he was at the mall.
She hadn’t yet decided if she’d go over and speak to him. For now, she was simply enjoying the view from afar. Then, without warning, that view changed, causing Hannah’s fluttering heart to drop into her stomach. She saw Ben look up and smile at someone. It was a woman and a young girl walking up to the table where he sat. He put the book down and stood up to hug the woman.
Hannah’s breath caught in her throat as she watched the young girl jump up into his arms. He spun her around and Hannah got a view of the pretty girl’s face. It looked just like Ben. His daughter.
He had a wife and daughter.
What a fool she had been. Letting herself indulge in a crush like a silly schoolgirl. With a married man of all people!
Her physical attraction to him caused her to mistake his being friendly with her with flirtation. It had been so long since anyone had flirted with her she couldn’t even tell the difference. And the dinner invitation that she had told herself that he accepted to spend more time getting to know her. Just a polite gesture for a family whose dog he found. It hadn’t helped with her mother and Andrew carrying on…oh no, she thought, they are going to be so disappointed. They had all but married her off to him.
She couldn’t watch them anymore, feeling like a voyeur to a tender family moment. She shouldn’t have felt so crushed and was feeling guilty that it was affecting her that way. Before going back to the Santa line she stopped at the boutique and returned the sweater, tank and jewelry. Thankfully the cashier didn’t ask for an explanation when she told her that she just changed her mind.
By the time she met her parents, Andrew had already sat on Santa’s lap. She had missed it.
“Don’t worry, dear, I took some pictures for you. Didn’t you get my text?” her mother asked.
“Um, no, I guess I must have missed it. Thanks for taking Andrew through the line.”
“Sorry I missed seeing you on Santa’s lap, Buddy,” she told him. “How’s Santa doing today?”
“He said if I keep being a good boy and eat my vegetables I’ll stay on the nice list!” Andrew answered, eliciting chuckles from David and Tess. Hannah just barely managed a smile.
“Are you okay, Hannah?” Tess asked. “You’re not holding any bags, didn’t you have any luck looking for a new outfit.”
Hannah hesitated before answering, wondering if she should tell them what she had seen. She decided not to, for now. “No,” she answered, “I didn’t have any luck. I’m sure I can find something in my closet that will work fine.”
*
Once home, Hannah announced that she had a headache and wanted to take a nap before dinner.
“I thought something was up with you,” Tess remarked. “You were so quiet the whole ride home. Why don’t you take something for your headache and get a good rest while I start dinner. Your father’s going to take Andrew outside to build a snow fort.”
Upstairs in her room, Hannah had a hard time sleeping. She really didn’t have a headache; truthfully, it was more of a heart ache. But the fact that she was having heartache bothered her greatly. Even if she did decide that she wanted to start dating again, there were plenty of men out there. It’s not like Ben Murphy was the last man on the planet. Although, she hoped that when she did start dating, she’d find someone who’d make her feel the tingle she felt when Ben smiled at her.
She wished tonight were over already. She reminded herself to remember that when he smiled at her, it was a friendly smile only and to control her feelings. This was going to be hard. She decided she wouldn’t be the one to tell her family, she figured it would come out at dinner somehow.
An hour later she was dressed and downstairs, sitting on the living room couch, waiting for Ben to arrive. She’d chosen to wear jeans with a red pullover sweater. She was sure her mother would probably have preferred her to wear blue, but the red put her in the Christmas spirit and her chestnut hair looked nice against it.
She watched Andrew play video games with his grandpa and she could smell the aroma of hot apple cider and her mother’s famous meatloaf wafting in from the kitchen where Tess was finishing dinner. It all felt warm and cozy and happy and Hannah thought about what a wonderful night it would be if Ben weren’t able to make it. Just as she was wishing that maybe he’d call and cancel, she heard the doorbell ring.
Tess ran from the kitchen into the entrance to the living room. She looked excited. “Hannah, maybe you should get the door.”
Hannah hesitated, wincing and her father must have caught a glimpse of her reaction because he offered to get i
t instead. She silently thanked his intuitiveness and kindness.
“Hi Ben, nice to see you again, come on in,” she heard her father’s hearty voice welcoming him in.
Tess came up behind her husband, smiling at Ben. “Let me take your coat for you! We’re so glad you accepted our invitation, it’s the least we can do to repay your kindness.”
“The pleasure is mine, Mrs. Miller. I just did what anyone would do.”
From her spot on the couch, Hannah could see that Ben was looking more handsome than ever. He was wearing a collared, button down shirt in the same forest green as his eyes. This was going to be mercilessly hard.
“Well, you’re too modest,” Tess cooed. “And please, call me Tess. Dinner will still be a little while but why don’t you go into the living room with everyone. Oh, Hannah’s there on the couch, you can go sit by her if you’d like.”
Hannah cringed. Why was her mother being so obvious in her attempt to set them up. Now she was wishing she would have let her mother know that he was married. This could get ugly. Ben looked over at her and smiled.
The smile. Oh, that smile. How many times had she told herself that afternoon that she was going to control herself. And yet here she was, feeling like she was going to melt from one flash of the first smile of the night. Lord, give me strength, she prayed silently.
Ben came in and sat next to her. “Hi Hannah, it’s nice to see you again.”
“You too.” Short, simple, polite.
“I like your sweater, red is a great color on you.”
Friendly, Hannah, she told herself; he’s just being friendly.
“Thanks.”
Andrew put down his video game controller and turned to greet Ben. Ben noticed the screen and his jaw dropped open in mock amazement. “No way! Is that the new hockey game that just came out this year?”
Andrew’s broad smile covered his whole face. “Yeah, I just got it yesterday. Do you want to play?”
“Only if I’m not intruding on your game with your grandpa”
David happily handed his controller to Ben. “Please, be my guest. I think I need a break from all of my losses. It’ll be nice for Andrew to play with someone who can challenge him.” He said with a laugh.
“Well, I don’t know how much of a challenge I’ll be to him; he looks like he’s set some amazing scores, there, but I’ll give it a shot.”
As Hannah watched them play together, she felt a twinge of pain in her heart. It was obvious that Ben was great with kids. He was a fun-loving, big kid at heart himself. He was making Andrew laugh and she was enjoying watching them together. What a great dad he must be, she thought.
Shadow hadn’t left Ben’s side since he got there. She’d heard it said that dogs have a sixth sense about people and if that was the case, then Shadow sensed a kind soul with a heart for animals. Of course he had a heart for animals, after all, he was a vet. So many great qualities in one package. If only…
She was jarred from her thoughts by hearing her name being called from the kitchen. Tess was asking for some help so she excused herself and went into the kitchen.
“How’s it going, Mom, what can I help you with?”
“Oh, you can…” she looked around as if she wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted Hannah to do.
“Why don’t you set the napkins on the table for me. What I really called you in here for was to find out what’s going on with you. Why are you being so short with Ben? You’re not being very outgoing and he’s bound to think you’re not interested.”
“But that’s just it, Mom, I’m not interested. And I’m being polite, aren’t I?”
“Wait, what do you mean you’re not interested? He seems like such a nice man and we’ve only begun to know about him. Give him a chance, Hannah.”
“Well, I already know one thing about him. He’s married.”
Tess stopped mashing the potatoes and looked at her daughter in shock.
“What? Married? He told you that?”
“No, he didn’t have to. I didn’t say anything earlier but I saw them at the mall today with his wife and daughter. She looked just like him.”
“Oh my gosh. I had no idea. I just…the way he looked at you yesterday…I would have never guessed it.” She looked down into the potatoes and started mashing with a greater force.
Finally she looked up at Hannah again. “I guess what’s meant to be we’ve yet to see, sweetheart. I know there’s someone out there for you, you’ll meet him when the time is right. And in the meantime, we have a meatloaf dinner to eat. Why don’t you call the men to the table.”
Hannah walked back into the living room where Andrew and Ben were finishing up a game. It was obvious that Andrew had just won by the way he was jumping up and down in triumph and Ben leaned back and covered his face with his hands in exaggerated defeat. It made her smile at the site of them.
“Grandma says it’s time we wash up and head to the dinner table, guys. Make sure you turn the game off, Andrew.”
Ben looked up at her with a twinkle in his eye. “Say, Hannah, are you sure this is a new game for Andrew? He plays it like a pro.”
Andrew jumped in, “It is new! I just got it yesterday. The hockey one is my only game so far, though. I asked Santa for more games. I just saw him, today, at the mall.”
“You were at the mall, today?” Ben asked. “I was there, too, but I didn’t see Santa.”
Hannah couldn’t help but interject. “I saw you there, today, actually. I was too far away to say hi, but I saw you with your wife and daughter. I thought maybe she was there to see Santa, too.”
Ben looked at her like she’d just told him that her family were aliens there to abduct him.
“My wife? But, I’m not married.”
“You’re not?” Now Hannah’s face looked equally confused. “I don’t understand. Who did I see you with, then?”
Then, a knowing smile slowly crept over Ben’s face. “Oh, I think I know what you saw. That was my sister, Kim, and my niece, Megan.”
“Sister?”
“Yes, my sister. I dread shopping; malls kind of scare me,” he chuckled. “I met my sister at the mall so she could help me with my Christmas shopping; I have a lot of nieces and if it were left up to me, I’d probably get them all hockey games or something they wouldn’t like.”
Andrew giggled.
“So, you thought I was married?” He asked, now understanding the change in her behavior towards him tonight.
“You’re not married…” Hannah mumbled in disbelief.
Ben held up his left hand and wiggled his fingers. “See, no ring here.”
Hannah could have kicked herself. His ring finger, oh why hadn’t she checked it before? She felt her cheeks flushed with color at her misunderstanding. All of the doubt and disappointment that she had felt since seeing him at the mall vanished in a heartbeat. And that heart was beating faster and her stomach filled with butterflies as she held his gaze. She had been right all along, he wasn’t just being friendly. He liked her, his smile-it was for her.
Andrew and David had already left the room to wash their hands before dinner, leaving Ben and Hannah alone, standing in the living room staring at each other. Yet, even if the room had been full of people, they wouldn’t have noticed. They would have still felt like the only ones in the room.
Finally, Hannah spoke up.
“Your niece just looks like you.”
“Cute kid, isn’t she?” He winked at her.
She laughed and said, “I guess we better get to the table.”
They walked together to the dining room where David and Andrew were just getting seated and Tess was carrying in a platter of meatloaf. She looked at Hannah with sympathetic eyes but then noticed Hannah’s flushed cheeks and bright smile. She cocked her head and gave Hannah a look that asked what was up.
While Ben excused himself to quickly wash up, Hannah looked at Tess and pointed to her ring finger while mouthing the words, “not married”. Tess’s face lit
up like a Christmas tree at the news. She set the platter down on the table which held a feast-meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, buttered green beans, salad and homemade rolls.
“Wow, look at all of this, it looks delicious,” Ben said as he came back into the dining room. “I guess I was pretty lucky that Shadow picked my barn to take shelter in.” His glanced wandered from the food on the table to Hannah, seated across from him, as he spoke. The double meaning wasn’t lost on her and she felt her heart beat even faster, if that was possible.
Once everyone was seated, David, at the head of the table, asked that everyone bow their heads as he led them in prayer.
“Dearest Father in Heaven,
We offer our humble thanks for the bounty spread before us. Thank you for providing us with food, good health, family and friendship. We ask your blessing over our meal and for those who are gathered around it. Amen.”
Hannah was slow to lift her head, silently adding her own prayer, “And God, thank you for hope. The hope you’ve given me this Christmas season. Hope for my future. Hope for love. Amen.”
They ate a happy dinner and enjoyed each other’s company. Hannah was so thankful that she had mentioned his ‘wife’ when she did, otherwise the dinner would have been awkward and uncomfortable for her. But now, she was enjoying the best dinner-food and company-that she’d enjoyed in a long time.
After dinner, Ben jumped up right away to clear off the table, insisting that Tess take a break after all the work she’d put in cooking their meal. Hannah offered to help him clean up.
As she was loading the dishwasher, Ben brought in a stack of plates and set them on the counter.
He looked at her sheepishly. “I have a confession to make. When I first met you, the day you dropped your purse, I thought you were married, too. I noticed your wedding ring when you were putting everything back into your bag. Then the day I brought Shadow back over. I found out that you were actually widowed I was happy.”