by Twain, Mark
“Huck, it’s a new thing, and we’ve discovered it, and will go down to prosperity along with Guttingburg and Fowst, and be celebrated everywheres, and can take out a patent on it and not let anybody use it except for conspiracies, and not even then unless they have a pure character and are the best people in the business.”
So it come out right, after all. And it’s mostly so, when things is looking the darkest, Tom said, you only have to wait, and be trustful, and keep your shirt on.
And I asked him who was the Sons of Freedom, and he said the people would think it was the ablitionists, and it would scare the cold sweat out of them. And I asked him what that nut was for, at the top, and he said it wasn’t a nut, it was an eye and an eyebrow, and stood for vigilance and was emblumatic. That was him—all over; if a thing hadn’t a chance in it somewheres for the emblumatics it warn’t in his line, and he would shake it and hunt up something else.
He said we must have a horn of a solemn deep sound, for the Sons of Freedom to make the signal with; so we chopped down a hickory sapling and skinned it and got a wide strip of bark that was plenty long enough, and went home to supper, and carried it to Jim that night, and he twisted it into a tapering long horn, and we took it into the Widow Douglas’s woods on the front slope of the hill towards the town and Jim clumb the highest tree and hid it there. Then home and to bed; and slid out, away in the night, and down to the river street, and slipped into Slater’s alley when the paterollers was asleep, and so up back behind the blocks and come out through that crack that was betwixt the julery shop and the post-office, and tacked our bill onto the board, and back the way we come, and home again.
At breakfast in the morning a person could see that aunt Polly was kind of excited about something, becuz she was nervous and absent minded, and kept getting up and going to the window and looking out, and muttering to herself; and once she sweetened her coffee with salt and it made her choke and strangle; and she would take up her toast and start to butter it and forget what she was doing and lay it down; and when Tom put the little Webster spelling book in the place of it when she was staring haggard towards the window she buttered that and took a bite, and lost her temper and throwed the book across the house, and says—
“There, hang the thing, I’m that upset I don’t know what I’m a doing. And reason enough. Oh, dear, you little know what danger you’re in, poor things, and what danger we’re all in.”
“Why, what is it, aunt Polly,” Tom says, like he was surprised.
“Don’t you see the people flocking down street and flocking back, and talking so excited, and most of them gone half crazy? Why there’s an awful bill sticking up, down at the postoffice, and the ablitionists are going to burn the town and run off the niggers.”
“Goodness, aunt Polly, it ain’t as bad as that, I reckon.”
“What do you know about it, you numscull! Hain’t Oliver Benton been here, and Plunket the editor, and Jake Flacker, and told me all about it, and do you reckon you are going to lay abed asleep and then come down here a-reckoning and a-reckoning and a-reckoning, and suppose that that is going to count for anything when a person has been listening to grown people that don’t go reckoning around, but digs up the cold facts and examines them and knows?”
She wouldn’t let him say a word, but said if we was done breakfast, clear out and get hold of everything that was going on, and come and tell her, so she could prepare for the worst. We was glad of the chance; and when we got out in the street we see that everything was working prime, and couldn’t be no better; and Tom said if he had died he would always regretted it.
Down at the postoffice you couldn’t get anear it. Everybody was there, and scrowging in to get a look at the bill, going in red and coming out pale and telling all about it to them that was on the outside edge pawing and shouldering to get in.
Jake Flacker the detective was the biggest man in town, now, and everybody was cringing to him and trying to get something out of him, but he was mum, and only wagged his head as much as to say, “Never you mind, just leave this thing to me, don’t you worry;” and people whispered around and said, “I bet you he knows them rascals, and every move they make in the game, and can put his hand on them whenever he wants to—look at that eye of his’n; you can’t hide nothing from an eye like that.” And Colonel Elder said the bill was a most remarkable one and proved that these warn’t no common ornery canail, but blackhearted biggots of the highest intelligents. It pleased Tom to hear him say that, for he was the most looked up to of any man in town, and come from old Virginia and belonged to the quality. Colonel Elder said the bill was done in a new and ockult and impossible way, and showed what we was coming to in these abandund days; and that seemed to make everybody shudder.
And that warn’t all the shuddering they done. They shivered every time the signals was mentioned. They said they would wake up some night with their throats cut and them awful sounds dinging in their ears. And then somebody noticed that the kind of sound it was going to be warn’t named distinct in the bill. Mostly they reckoned it was a horn, but said there warn’t no proof of it; it might be blows on a anvil, Pete Kruger the German blacksmith said; and Abe Wallace the sexton said yes, and it might be blows on a bell, too. And then they all up and cussed the uncertainty of it, and said they could stand it better, and maybe get some sleep, too, if they knowed what it was.
Colonel Elder spoke up again, and said yes, that was bad, but the uncertainty about the date was worse.
“That’s so,” they said; “we don’t know when they’re coming—the bill don’t say. Maybe it’s weeks, maybe it’s days,—”
“And maybe it’s to-night,” says the Colonel, and that made them shiver again. “We must take time by the firelock, friends; we must get ready; not next week, not to-morrow, but to-day.” They give a little shout, and said the Colonel was right. He went on and made them a speech and braced them up, then Claghorn the justice of the peace made one, and by this time everything was booming and the most of the town was there and they turned it into a public meeting; and whilst the iron was hot, Plunket the editor got up and spoke, and praised up Colonel Elder, which was in the last war and at the battle of New Orleans, and knowed all about soldiering, and was the man they needed now. And he moved to elect him Provo Marshal and set up martial law in the town, and they done it. And then the Colonel he thanked them for the honor they done him, and ordered Captain Haskins and Captain Sam Rumford to call out their companies and go into camp in the public square, and put details all about town to guard it, and issue ball cartridge, and have them in uniform, and all that. So then the meeting broke up, and we started along.
Tom said everything was working splendid, but it didn’t seem so to me. I says—
“How are we going to get around, nights? Won’t the soldiers watch us and meddle with us? We are tied, Tom, we cant do a thing.”
“No,” he says, “its going to be better for us than ever, now.”
“How?” ’
“They’ll want spies, and they can’t get them. They know it. And Jake Flacker’s no good. He don’t know enough to follow the fence and find the corner. I’ve got a ruputation, on account of beating the Dunlaps and getting the di’monds, and I’ll manage for us—you’ll see.”
He done it, too. The Colonel was glad to have him, and wanted him to get some more, if he could, and he would put them under him. So Tom said all he wanted was me and Jim. He said he wanted Jim to spy amongst the niggers. The Colonel said it was a good idea, and everybody knowed Jim and could trust him; so he give Tom passes, for us and him, and that fixed us all right.
Then we went home and told about everything except spying and the passes; and soon we heard drums and a fife away off, and it come nearer, and pretty soon Sam Rumford’s company went a marching by—tramp, tramp, tramp, all the feet a-rumbling down just as regular, and Sam a-howling the orders, “Shoul---der—ARMS! by the left file, for- - - -word!” and so on, and the fifes a-screaming and the drums a-banging
and a-crashing so you couldn’t hear yourself think, by George it was splendid and stirred a person up, and there was more children along than soldiers; and the uniforms was beautiful, and so was the flag, and every time Sam Rumford whirled his sword in the air and yelled, it catched the sun and made the prettiest flash you ever see. But aunt Polly she stood there white and quivery, and looked perfectly gashly. And she says—
“Goodness only knows what is coming to us. I am so thankful Sid and Mary—oh, Tom, if you was only with them.”
It was Tom’s turn to shiver—and mine, too; and we done it. The next thing, she would be arranging for him to go out somewheres in the country where some family had had scarlet fever and would take him. Tom knowed it, and knowed there wasn’t any time to waste; so we went out back to fetch some wood for the kitchen, and paddled over to the island to think up what we better do to get around this trouble; and Tom set down, off by himself, and thought it out, and took a pine block and carved this on it and printed a lot of them with red ink.
We fetched them home, and away in the night we went spying around and showing the passes when the soldiers stopped us, and stuck one on Judge Thatcher’s door and fifteen others, and on aunt Polly’s; becuz Tom said if we didn’t stick them on anybody’s door but aunt Polly’s the people might suspicion something. We had lots of them left, but Tom said he reckoned we would need them.
In the morning—it was Wednesday—it made another big stir, and them that had them on their doors was thankful and glad, and them that hadn’t was scared and mad, and said pretty rough things about the others, and said if they warn’t ablitionists they was pets of them, anyway, and they reckoned it was about the same thing. And everybody was astonished to see how the S. of F. gang had managed to come right into the town and stick up the things under the soldiers’s noses; and of course they was troubled and worried about it, and got suspicious of one another, not knowing who was a friend and who wasn’t; and some begun to say they believed the town was full of traitors; and then they shut up, all of a sudden, and got afraid to say anything; and got a notion that they had already said too much, and maybe to the wrong people.
I never see a person do such a noble job of cussing as the Colonel; and Tom he said the same. And he had up the captains to headquarters and said it was scandlous, and said he couldn’t have things going on like this, and they’d got to keep better watch, and they promised they would.
Tom told me to set down the name of everybody I heard talking against people that had our protection-paper on their doors, and he done the same.
Aunt Polly was comforted to have the paper on her door, and not scared any more, like she was; but Mrs. Lawson the lawyer’s wife come in, in the morning, and made her feel bad about it. She let on she didn’t know aunt Polly had one, and said thank goodness she hadn’t any, and didn’t want it, but at the same time whoever wished to be protected by ablition secret gangs and warn’t ashamed of it was welcome for all her. And when aunt Polly colored up a little and couldn’t say anything, she got up and says “but maybe I’m indiscreet, please forgive me,” and went out very grand, and aunt Polly’s comfort was most all gone.
That night we stuck the papers on all the doors we took the names of, and stuck one on Mrs. Lawson’s, too. It shut up a lot of people’s mouths, and made Mrs. Lawson quiet; and comfortabler, too, than she was before, I reckon. And we found Jake Flacker standing watch asleep down by the lumber yard, and stuck one on his back. Me and Tom went about town in the morning, and lo and behold some of the papers was missing from some of the doors—five—and there was five papers on doors that we hadn’t put them on.
And he said wait till next morning and we would see something more that was fresh. And it was so. Everybody that had a paper had wrote his name on it to keep people from stealing it, for it was all over town how they was being smouched. Aunt Polly had her name on her paper, wrote large and plain, and the same with Mrs. Lawson.
When Saturday come all the town that hadn’t the papers was tuckered out and looked seedy, becuz they had set up the most of three nights listening for the signals, and then laid down to sleep in their clothes when they couldn’t keep awake any more. Then, just as the excitement was wavering a little and getting ready to go down, on account of no signals yet, the paper come out and started it all up again; for it was full of it, and just wild about it; and it had extracts from papers in Illinois and St Louis about it, and showed how it was traveling and making the town celebrated; and so everybody was proud as well as worried, and read the paper all through, and Tom said they hadn’t ever done that before. So he was proud, too, and said it was a good conspiracy, and we would go ahead, now, and give it another boom.
Chapter 5
SO EVERYTHING was all right, now, and we went around in the night and stuck up the reward-bill for the runaway nigger-boy; and Jim was along, on spy-business. Then we laid the plans for next afternoon—like this. Towards evening me and Tom would go up to the hanted house on Crawfish Branch, and whilst Tom was in there dressing to play nigger, I would go on up to Bat Bradish’s and tell him I knowed where the nigger was that was advertised, and would show him the place if he would give me some of the money when he got the reward. Then I would fetch him and turn Tom over to him, chain and all, and Tom was to have the extra key along, and unlock the chain in the night and escape and go back to the hanted house and change clothes again and wash up, in the Branch, and carry his nigger clothes home; and Jim would blow the horn-signals in the high tree at midnight and set the town wild; and in the morning of course Bat would come to town and tell about his nigger that was escaped, and that would make everybody sure that the ablishonists was on hand to a certainty; and that would fire things up worse than ever and make the conspiracy the best success we ever had; and Tom could be a detective and help hunt for himself, and have a grand time.
So next afternoon towards dusk we come in sight of the hanted house, and was about to step out of the woods into the open, but Tom pulled me back, and said somebody was coming down the Branch. And it was so. It was Bat Bradish. So Tom told me to go and meet up with him and tell him, and then get him out of the way until Tom could go and dress in the hanted house. I left Tom waiting in the bushes and went out and when I got to where Bat was I told him about the nigger. But stead of jumping at the chance he looked kind of bothered; and scratched his head and cussed a little, and said he had just got one runaway nigger a half an hour ago, and couldn’t manage two in these skittish times; did I reckon I could keep watch of mine a few days and then come?
I didn’t know anything else to do, and of course it could take some of the tuck out of the conspiracy and Tom wouldn’t like that, so I done the best I could the way things stood and told him I reckoned I could manage it. That cheered him up and he said I wouldn’t lose anything by it, he would look out for that; and said the nigger he had got was a splendid one and had a five hundred dollar reward on him, and he had bought the chance off of the man that found him for two hundred cash and would clear about three hundred, and a profitable good job, too. He was going down to town now to see the sheriff and make his arrangements. As soon as he was out of sight down the Cold Spring road I whistled to Tom and he come and I told him the bad news.
It just broke his heart. I knowed it would. He had been imagining all kinds of adventures and good times he was going to have when he was washed up and hunting for himself, and he couldn’t seem to get over it. It looked to me, in a private way, like Providence was drawing out of the conspiracy; and so, by and by I made a mistake and said so. It made him pretty fierce, and he turned on me and said I ought to be ashamed of myself—a person without any trust, and not deserving any blessings; and then he went on and give me down the banks; and said how could I know but this was one of the most mysterious and inscrutablest moves connected with the whole conspiracy? He had got a good start, now, so I knowed everything was going to be comfortable again; for if I let him alone and didn’t interrupt, he would hammer right along with his argum
ents till he proved to himself that this was a planned-out move and belonged in the game. And sure enough, he done it. Then he was gay and cheerful right away, and said he was glad it happened and said he was foolish and wicked for losing pluck merely because he couldn’t see the design straight off. I let him alone and he rattled along, and finally he got the notion that maybe he had guessed out what the new design was—it was for him to go yonder and trade places with that nigger. And so he was going straight to dress and get ready; but I says—
“Tom Sawyer, that’s a five-hundred-dollar nigger; you ain’t a five-hundred-dollar nigger, I don’t care how you dress up.”
He couldn’t get around that, you know; there warn’t any way. But he didn’t like to let on that I had laid him out; so he talked random a minute, trying to work out, then he said we couldn’t tell anything about it till we had seen the nigger. And said, come along.
I didn’t think there was any sense in it, but I was willing to let him down as easy as I could, so we struck out up the hollow. It was dark, now, but we knowed the way well enough. It was a log house, and no light in it; but there was a light in the lean-to, and we could see through the chinks. Sure enough it was a man, and a hearty good strong one—a thousand-dollar nigger, and worth it anywhere. He was stretched out on the ground, chained, and snoring hard.
So then Tom wanted us to go in and look at him good. But I wouldn’t do it. I warn’t going to fool with a strange nigger in the night in a lonesome place like that, I will get you to excuse me, I says. Tom said, all right, I needn’t if I didn’t want to, nobody was forcing me. Then he pulled the latch-string easy and got down on his hands and knees and crope in, and I kept my eye to the chink to see what would happen. When Tom got to the other end where the nigger was, he took up the candle and shaded it with his hand and examined the nigger, which had his mouth wide open to let the snore out. I see Tom look surprised at something; and I reckoned it was something the nigger said in his sleep, becuz I heard him growl out something. Then Tom took up the nigger’s old battered shoes and turned them this way and that, examining them like a detective, and something fell out of one of them, and he picked it up, and looked around the place a little, here and there, same as a detective would, then set the candle back and crope out, and says come along.