“We can’t just pick up where we left off, Addi. I’m sorry. As much as I want to make love to you… and believe me, I REALLY fucking want to, too much has happened for us to just sweep it under the carpet and act like it doesn’t exist.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? I want you so badly right now, my dick fucking aches. Do you know that’s how much I want you? Do you know that’s how much I need you? Do you understand how much it hurt when you left me?”
“I’m so sorry, Carter.” He cups my face in his hands.
“I don’t want you to apologize again. I don’t want you to think that I’m punishing you by withholding sex, which is what the look on your face suggests. PLEASE… believe me when I tell you that this is torture for me, but that’s how much I love you. I’m in this for the long haul, Addi. I am all in. I need you to trust me and I need to be able to trust you, but never, ever, doubt that I want you more than my next breath. I’m so fucking in love with you it’s ridiculous.”
I crack a smile at that last part.
“I love you, too.”
“Good. So, are you going to put me out of my blue balls misery and distract me with dinner and a movie?” His mischievous grin is back, something I haven’t seen in a long time, and it’s a beautiful sight to behold.
“Well, just because you put it so eloquently… let’s go, Casanova.” He leans down, giving me a chaste kiss, before opening the door for me.
“Romance is my middle fucking name.”
Our laughter echoes in the hallway as we enter the elevator and head out into the safety of surrounding ourselves with strangers. It doesn’t always work for us, but Carter is fighting our overwhelming passion for each other; his noble intentions winning out over animalistic desire. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to stand it. I want to do as he asks and take it slow, but it’s hard when every fiber of my being is screaming at me to seduce him; to make him mine again, to let him take me as his own, claiming me, only for him.
CARTER
Six Weeks Later
These past six weeks have been fucking torture.
I’m trying to be the good guy. Thinking with my head rather than my cock, for a change, but I swear I’m getting calluses on my right hand from my frequent meetings with palm and her five sisters. I haven’t jacked off this much since I was thirteen. I’m going to end up with carpel tunnel at this rate.
Every time I see Addi, she looks even more beautiful. Her breasts are fucking amazing, growing and filling out, readying her for motherhood. Her stomach is rounded and it’s plain for all to see that she’s carrying my baby. It’s such a turn on I can’t even describe it. To know that I did that to her, that I’m the only man that will ever do this to her – it calls to my most primal urges and desires when it comes to her.
We’ve been trying to take it slow, but we’re talking about me and Addi – slow has never really been our style. There have been a few nights that I just couldn’t leave; I couldn’t resist my desire for her. We’ve made love, we’ve fucked, and we’ve devoured each other on a few occasions. I know that Addi doesn’t want to take things slow, she’s said as much, and when she sets her mind to seduction, I’m a fucking goner.
I’m starting to notice a change in her. I feel like she’s beginning to trust me; really trust me. I don’t want to get carried away though; we have a long road ahead, and plenty of time before the baby is born for her to completely freak out and try to shut me out again.
Vittoria is back in town, and anxious to catch up with us, although, truth be told, I think she’s more excited to see Addi than her big brother. I’ve invited Xander and Lily to come over to my place tonight, and Logan with whoever his latest victim is. Vittoria’s seeing someone; some mystery guy. I told her to bring him, but she said he’s out of town on business. Loser is probably scared to come and meet me, and rightly so. I would have no problem beating the shit out of any guy that I don’t think is good enough for my little sister, and that’s pretty much every fucker that looks at her.
Before I can spend the evening with Addi and Vittoria, I need to go and interview a prospective manager to oversee the running of my clubs. I toyed with the idea a few months back, and now that the baby is on the way, I figure it’s the perfect time to take a step back and enjoy some time with Addi and the baby. I hope this guy is better than the last one I interviewed; I swear I wouldn’t have let that guy manage his own bowel movements. If today’s interviewee can tie his own shoelaces it will be a step up!
With a new manager hired and my girl here beside me, my day just keeps getting better. Addi is making herself at home, cooking up a storm for everyone while I shower and shave. When I walk back out into the kitchen, it’s the best damn feeling in the world watching her treat my apartment like it’s her own.
Her sweet baby bump is perfect, making her even more beautiful as she dances around my kitchen, singing along to my iPod; ingredients covering every available surface. It’s like watching an angel, a dream – my dream. This is what I want for us; a home together, a family, and just… normal, everyday life. It takes her a few minutes to notice me, but she doesn’t stop, doesn’t miss a beat. She simply gives me a mischievous grin and a wink of her eye. It’s adorable.
When the doorbell rings, I’m reluctant to let anyone else intrude on my time with Addi, but when she eyeballs me for ignoring it I give in and open the door.
“Hey, cock blocker!”
Xander starts laughing. “Nice to see you, too.”
Lily just stares at the two of us. “You guys are weird. I’m going to go see if Addi needs any help.” She kisses Xander, and I observe them, envious of just how easy their love is. I hear his breath catch as she turns and makes her way over to Addi.
“You’re a lucky son of a bitch, Xander.” He has a stupid grin on his face.
“Don’t I know it.” Lily reappears with two beers, holding them out to us before leaving without a word. “Fancy a thrashing on the Xbox before dinner?”
“Sure. I can take twenty minutes out of my day to kick your ass.”
“You wish.” We head down the hall to the game room.
This is my hideaway; my man cave. A massive plasma screen, with surround sound, and every console on the market. I rarely get to come in here with the clubs taking up all of my time this past year or so.
I don’t even get a shot fired on Call of Duty before Xander starts in on me.
“So how are things with you and Addi?”
“We’re taking it slow. I told you that.”
“Yeah, and I know you. You’re a moody bastard when you’re not getting laid.”
“Fuck off.” He pauses the game, and turns to look at me with a serious scowl.
“What are you waiting for, Carter? You say you want to take things slow, but I can see it’s tearing you up. You can’t bullshit me, man, we’ve known each other since we were born. You’re holding back. Why?”
“Of course I am. Look what happened the last time I let my guard down with her. She ripped my fucking heart out and left me for dead.”
“If you can’t get past that, there is no fucking hope for you two. You need to let it go and give her a real chance to prove that she’s changed. You want what’s best for the baby? You and Addi working your shit out, that’s what’s best for the baby.”
“I know, but give me some fucking time man. I can’t go through that again. The women, the drinking, the getting arrested – I can’t ever be that guy again. I’m going to be a dad. I need to get my shit together, and keep it together. Addi and I are the fucking polar extremes. I can’t seem to find the middle ground with her. We’re either so loved up that we make you and Lily look tame by comparison, or…”
“Hold the fucking phone! Tame is not a word that will ever be used for Lily and me.”
“Fuck off, Xander. I know you guys are fucking perfect and your sex life is fucking amazing. I was just making a point. Sue me!”
“You’re a dick.”
“You’re right – I have a HUGE dick! Anyway… the point I was making before you so rudely interrupted, was that Addi and I are either ripping each other’s clothes off, or ripping each other’s heads off. How the fuck do I channel that all-consuming, crazy level of passion, and stop it from becoming completely toxic and poisoning what we have?”
“I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. You don’t need to channel anything. What you feel for Addi, isn’t just physical, it’s much more than that. I get it man, it’s overwhelming and sometimes it feels like you’re on a rollercoaster that you can’t get off. I hated how I acted when I met Lily, I still hate how goddamn possessive I feel of her every minute of the day. I swear sometimes I can’t concentrate in meetings because of how badly I want to be with her. I know she could rip my heart out and leave me completely broken, but I trust that she’s not going to do that, because she loves me the same way.”
“I get that. And that’s amazing for you guys, but Addi did leave, and she did rip my heart out. I did take that leap of faith when I first fell for her; I put it all out there at her mercy. I don’t know how to do that again. I want to, so fucking badly, but how do I do it?”
“Just close your eyes and jump. She loves you, Carter; she’s the mother of your child, and for what it’s worth, I think she’s learned her lesson. She doesn’t want to lose you again. You didn’t hear this from me, but she’s really struggling with you guys taking things slowly. She’s scared you’re not all in man. I know you shouldn’t have to be the one to trust first, after everything that happened, but she needs that from you.”
I sit running my hands through my hair. I’m really fucking scared to jump.
“You know I’ve always got your back, Carter. I want you to be happy, and I think that Addi is a big part of that for you.”
A familiar voice booms from the door.
“I knew it. I leave you two alone for a few months and you’re butt buddies.” It’s Logan. We haven’t seen him since the wedding; he’s been travelling a lot for work, dealing with some British band that he wants to bring over to the States.
“Hey, dickhead! How the hell are you? Long time no see!” He plops himself down in one of the chairs, with a beer in his hand.
“I’m good. Your sister’s here and colluding with your women while you guys have been busy having your love fest in here.”
“Vittoria’s here? When did she arrive?”
“What am I, her damn keeper? I don’t know. I just got here.”
“It was a simple question. You need to get laid, loosen up a bit. Where’s your latest victim? She out talking to the girls?” He flinches, but quickly composes himself.
“No. I didn’t bring her. It’s… complicated.”
“Complicated? Does she actually have opinions, instead of blindly doing whatever you ask?” He starts laughing.
“You have no fucking idea!”
Xander’s retort makes me laugh. “Have you met my wife and his girlfriend? Opinionated, bull headed, and complicated as hell. Welcome to the club!”
Addi appears in the doorway, her sweet smile doing strange things to my insides. I want her so badly.
“Are you boys coming to have dinner or are you going to sit in here playing with your joysticks?” There’s the smart mouth I love so much.
“Coming, baby.” She gives me a sly grin.
“Oh, you definitely will be later. I can guarantee it.”
My dick twitches in my pants as I watch her, following her blindly, my friends all but forgotten.
I hear Xander and Logan chuckle, speaking in unison behind me. “Pussy-whipped.”
I turn and give them a wink. “I do love to whip a good pussy.”
Addi smacks me in the arm before dragging me over to the dining table, where my baby sister is sitting with a massive grin on her face, but it’s not directed at me. She’s looking straight past me… at Logan.
When I glance back at him, I see the same shit-eating grin on his face, and I wonder how I could have been so blind all this time. They have feelings for each other. What the fucking fuck? I am going to kill him.
Dinner was amazing, it always is when Addi is cooking, but I’m distracted and she knows it. I’ve been watching Logan and Vittoria. They seem to be acting the way they always have – friendly but distant. But, every so often, a look passes between them, and I know there’s something I’m missing.
The girls are deep in conversation when I hear Addi ask the question I want the answer to.
“So, Tori, tell us about this hot new guy you’re seeing. We need details.”
“Nothing to tell really. We rarely get time to see each other, our schedules are pretty crazy.”
“Oh, come on, you can do better than that. You told me last week that he gave you, and I quote, ‘the most phenomenal orgasm you’ve ever had.’” I need to jump in here.
“What the fuck, Addi? Brother in the room here. I don’t want to hear shit like that. Lucky the son of a bitch couldn’t make it tonight.” I turn my gaze to Logan. “ANY man that lays a finger on my sister, better be prepared to take a severe fucking beating from me.” He just stares me down, but I know he understands exactly what I’m saying.
“Oh, shut up, Carter. I’m a grown woman and you can’t punch every guy that I date.”
“Of course I can, and I will, happily.” To my surprise, Logan speaks up.
“If Vittoria’s happy, surely that’s what matters?” Everyone turns to look at him, waiting for my response. We all know what’s really happening here.
“No. What matters is that this new guy is clearly not good enough for her. He couldn’t even be bothered to show his face tonight.”
“Or maybe, he’s trying to respect her wishes.”
“And why are you such an expert on the guy, LOGAN? Do, fucking, tell!”
“Goddammit!” He stands from the chair and strides around to where Vittoria is sitting. “Because it’s me, but you already worked that out, so let’s not play games.”
Vittoria stands, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I want to see where this goes. Please don’t make it harder than it needs to be. I want you to be happy for me.”
“HAPPY? One of my closest friends has been fucking my little sister behind my back, and I’m supposed to be happy about it?”
Logan squares his shoulders, holding Vittoria in a protective stance. “Don’t talk about her like that, Carter. You know this is more than that, or I would never have let anything happen. We both travel all the time, but we’ve kept in touch since the wedding, and we’ve only seen each other twice since then. There are no guarantees that we can make this… arrangement… work, but I want to give it a chance. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, you’re like a brother to me. And I certainly would never hurt Vittoria.”
I am so fucking angry right now.
“Well, if I’m your brother, that would make her your sister, and that makes your ‘arrangement’ just fucking sick.”
He moves Vittoria out of the way, before stepping up to face me.
“Say one more word like that, Carter, and I won’t be responsible for my actions.” His voice is low and menacing, but I’m not scared of him, I could take him down without breaking a sweat. He’s not the only one that can sound threatening.
“Get the fuck out of my house… NOW!” He takes Vittoria’s hand, striding toward the door.
“Tori. Don’t you dare walk out of here right now, especially not with him.” She gives me a sympathetic look before she speaks.
“I have to go with him, Carter. If you can’t at least try to be happy for me, then I guess we won’t be seeing each other much for a while. Please… don’t make me choose.” Everyone else sits in stunned silence as I watch my sister walk out the door with Logan.
It feels like hours before anyone speaks; Xander’s voice cutting through the tension in the room. “I think Lily and I should go and let you wrap your head around this.”
> Addi ushers them out, saying her goodbyes and apologizing for the abrupt end to our evening. When she walks over to where I’m leaning on the counter top in the kitchen I can sense her disappointment.
“Well, that was a great way to handle it, Carter. Drive your sister and Logan away. Why can’t you just be happy for them?” She puts her hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off.
“You have no idea what she’s been through. He’s no good for her. You’ve seen how he is with women. He uses them, controls them, and then discards them. He’ll hurt her, and she’s been hurt enough to last a lifetime.”
“I know you want to protect her, but you need to give them a chance. You need to give Logan a chance to prove himself to you. You weren’t exactly a boy scout when I met you, but look how you are now. Don’t you think that he could change for Vittoria?” I slump down onto the bar stool next to me and think about that for a moment.
“Logan is like a brother to me, but I don’t want to take the risk that he doesn’t change, and that he breaks her heart. People’s hearts can only be broken so many times, Addi. There comes a point when one more break would shatter it for good, and nothing could piece it back together.”
She forces my legs open, positioning herself in between them, her little bump resting against my chest as she pulls my head against her, enveloping me in a tender embrace.
“We’re not talking about Vittoria now, are we?”
“I guess not.”
She weaves her fingers through my hair, pulling my head back until I’m looking up into her tear-filled eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Carter. I wish I could go back and change what happened; change what I did, but I can’t. I can only stand here and promise you that I will do my very best, every single day, to make you trust me again. To make you trust in the love I have for you. I’m scared, too. I don’t think I could cope if I lost you again. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I thought I was doing it for the right reason. I was wrong.”
She dips her head to kiss my lips; tears rolling down her cheeks.
Relentless - Manhattan Knights Series Book Two Page 23