When I arrive at her building and step inside the elevator, I feel a sense of urgency, I just need to see her… now.
I stand knocking on the door for a few minutes, thinking maybe she hasn’t heard me. “Addi. Are you in there? It’s me. You never showed up for lunch. I was worried… and fucking annoyed! The appointment with the OB/GYN is in forty minutes.”
Still nothing.
“Goddammit, Addi. I don’t want to play games with you. I thought we were past this.”
I can hear something. It’s faint, but I’m sure I can hear her voice. I press my ear to the door.
“Addi.”
“Help… me.” Holy fuck. She’s in there.
“Open the door, baby.”
“Help.” I can barely hear her over my own pulse, hammering in my eardrums. I try to open the door but it’s locked.
“Can you get to the door?”
Silence...
“Stay back from the door, Addi. I’ll need to break it down to get to you.”
Silence...
Nothing else matters except getting to her. I stand back, readying myself to kick it in with every ounce of strength I have in me. One almighty kick and the door bursts inwards, the wood splintering where my foot makes contact.
I immediately scan the apartment, looking for Addi, and that’s when I see a trail of crimson.
“Addi?”
The red marks seem to have come from the hallway and they disappear behind the counter. I run over to the kitchen, dread and fear choking me from the inside out.
“OH, FUCK.”
I drop down onto the floor.
“SHIT. Addi, baby, can you hear me? Talk to me.”
She’s completely surrounded by the deep red liquid pooling on the floor; covered in it from the waist down. I’ve never seen a person so pale. I try to pull her close to me, but she’s a dead weight, unconscious and completely limp in my arms.
“Addi, baby, you need to wake up.”
Her head slumps down onto her chest.
My brain finally kicks in and I grab my phone from the inside pocket of my jacket to call 911.
“I need an ambulance. My girlfriend is pregnant and she’s covered in blood, she’s unconscious and I can’t get her to wake up.” I quickly give them the address and they assure me that the paramedics will be with me in minutes.
Sir, I need you to check for a pulse.
This can’t be happening. She text me this morning. She was fine. My hand is shaking as I press two fingers to her throat, terrified that I might not feel a pulse. I’m so relieved when I feel the faintest flutter on my fingertips.
“She’s alive, but her pulse is weak. Please, hurry.”
I hang up the phone and scoop Addi’s fragile, blood stained body onto my lap, holding her close to my chest. She feels so cold. I scramble out of my suit jacket, careful not to move her too much. Draping it over her shoulders, I pull her tight against the warmth of my chest; stroking her hair, rocking back and forth trying to calm the panic – the complete and utter terror.
I start rambling; talking to her in hopes that she’ll wake up and say something so ridiculous and completely Addi-like to me; and I can tell her how wrong I was, and that we need to be together, no matter what.
“Stay with me, Tesoro. Mi stai spaventando ora. Ho bisogno che tu resti con me. [You’re scaring me now. I need you to stay with me.] You can’t leave me, baby.” I can feel her breath getting shallower as we wait for help to arrive.
“I need you, baby, more than I need air. Tu sei tutto per me. Il sole, la luna, le stelle, e tutto il resto. [You are everything to me. The sun, the moon, the stars, and everything in between.] We’re supposed to be a family, Addi. You, me, and our baby.”
I feel tears trickling down my face, dripping onto her beautiful hair as I cling to her.
“Siamo tenuti a invecchiare insieme. Non puoi lasciare dietro di, Addi, io non ti lascerò. Tu sei mia e io sono tuo, per sempre. Io non sono pronto a dare che fino. Non posso. Abbiamo ancora molto da fare insieme il mio dolce, bella Tesoro.” [We’re supposed to grow old together. You can't leave me behind, Addi, I won't let you. You're mine and I'm yours, forever. I'm not ready to give that up. I can't. We still have so much to do together my sweet, beautiful treasure.]
She lets out a long, labored breath, and I wait for her to breathe in, but it doesn’t come. This can’t be happening. She can’t…
I quickly lay her down on the cold tiles, pressing my ear to her chest, but I can’t hear a heartbeat.
“FUCK. Please, don’t do this to me, Addi.”
I quickly straddle her small frame, linking my hands together and locating the point on her chest where I know I need to start compressions. The room has become a vacuum. There is no sound, there is no air, and there is no… life.
I start pumping her chest the way they teach you in first aid, stopping to breathe air into her lungs after thirty compressions. Her lips are turning blue, I can feel her slipping away, and with her… the life of our baby.
“Please, baby. Please fight. Goddammit, Addi… you need to fight! This can’t be how it ends for us. The baby needs you Addi. I NEED YOU!”
I keep up the compressions, praying to God that she will come back to me.
“FUCKING BREATHE. HOLY SHIT… BABY… I NEED YOU TO… BREATHE. FOR. ME.”
Time has stopped. Life has stopped.
I feel an arm pulling on my shoulder. I shrug it off as I continue my efforts to get Addi’s heart started.
“Sir. I’m a paramedic. Please, step aside and let me work on her. Let me help.”
I turn to see the man talking to me; two others standing beside him with bags and boxes that might just bring her back.
“I don’t know how long it’s been. She’s not breathing. She’s thirty weeks pregnant.”
“Sir. I need you to move. Now.”
I remove my bloodstained hands from her chest and slump down onto the floor beside her, letting them move in to try and bring her back to me.
“Please. Please, help her. She’s… she’s… everything.”
Time is ticking by in slow motion as I watch them try to revive my reason for breathing. I don’t think I take a single breath until I hear the words that give me a sliver of hope.
“I’ve got a pulse. It’s faint, but it’s there.”
I grab her wrist, needing to feel the life pulsing through her veins. That tiny flutter is the best thing I have ever felt. She’s alive.
“We need to get her to the hospital, sir. She’s lost a lot of blood and she needs immediate medical treatment.”
I let go of her hand, bereft, and desperate to be by her side as they lift her fragile body onto the gurney. I follow them into the elevator, down through the lobby, and out into the waiting ambulance. They allow me to ride with her, but I can’t get close. They’re working tirelessly, trying to keep her as stable as possible until we get to the hospital. The sirens blare as we speed through the streets in a race against time, in a fight to keep her and the baby alive. When the doors fly open and a team of doctors swarm her, I know that she is far from out of the woods. Getting her pulse back was a small victory in the war that has been waged on her body.
I run in behind them, following until one of the nurses turns around, stopping me in my tracks.
“I’m sorry, sir, you need to stay out here. You need to let the doctors do their job. I’ll come and let you know when they’ve stabilized her.” She turns to head into the emergency room with the rest of the doctors and nurses.
“Please, miss. Please keep her alive. I need her. The baby needs her.”
She places her hand on my arm, giving me a sympathetic smile. “We will do everything we can to help her and the baby. She has the best doctors working on her.”
“Thank you.”
As she disappears behind the double doors, I catch a glimpse of Addi, her small body laid out on the table, her dress cut open; her arms hooked up to all kinds of tubes and needles; a mask over h
er face, forcing oxygen into her struggling lungs. She looks so small and helpless; her perfectly rounded bump protruding, with monitors covering it, searching for signs of life from our baby. How can this be happening?
I drop down into a chair, my head in my hands, trying to breathe; trying to comprehend the gravity of the situation. I reach into my pocket and dial Xander.
“Hey, Carter. How was lunch with Addi?”
I don’t even recognize my voice as I tell him what’s happening. “She’s bleeding, Xander. Blood. Everywhere. She stopped breathing… She wasn’t breathing, man.”
“We’re on our way now. What hospital?”
“Mount Sinai.” I drop my phone to the ground - a numb feeling taking over my body. I start to shake, the image of her lifeless body ingrained in my brain. My hands are covered in her blood; my shirt drenched in it. No one can lose this much blood and survive, can they?
I hear Lily before I see her.
“Oh my God. Carter.” She drops down in front of me, her face etched with despair as she takes in the sight of me.
“Is she?” She can’t even bring herself to say the words.
“They’re trying to stabilize her now. They haven’t told me anything.”
She pulls me into her arms, clinging to me for dear life. “She’s going to be ok, Carter. She’s a fighter.” I grab onto her, the only person that loves Addi almost as much as I do.
“She has to be, Lil. She just has to be.”
Xander strides over to the reception desk, demanding that someone comes to speak to us as soon as possible. It’s the first time I’ve been truly grateful that he’s a pushy bastard. Normally I’m the same, but I’m so fucking scared right now, I almost don’t want to find out what’s happening. If they walk through those doors and tell me they couldn’t… that her and the baby… I can’t even think it. It’s too horrific.
A few minutes later, the doors swing open and a solemn looking doctor walks toward us, her scrubs covered in blood. As I stand to speak, I feel like the ground is crumbling beneath my feet; my world is falling apart.
“Are you Addison Warner’s family?”
“Yes. She’s my wife.” I don’t care if it’s a lie. As far as I’m concerned at this moment in time, it’s a fucking technicality. Xander and Lily are silent at my side, not even a look of surprise at my declaration. They know as well as I do, that if Addi makes it through this, I will fucking marry her and chain her to my side for the rest of her very long life. “How is she?”
“We’ve managed to stabilize her enough to get her up to the OR. She has extensive bleeding, we’ve transfused five units already, but she’ll need more. We have to go in and find the source of the bleeding.”
“What about the baby?”
“The baby is alive, with a strong heartbeat, under the circumstances.”
“Thank God.”
“I don’t want to give you false hope, sir.”
“Carter. Call me Carter.”
“Okay, Carter. Our priority at this time is to stop your wife’s bleeding. We are aware that she’s only thirty weeks into the pregnancy, but there is a strong possibility that we will have to deliver the baby today. Addison’s body is struggling at the moment. If we can put off delivery, we will, but that all depends on what we find when we get her into the OR.”
“I understand. Please do whatever you have to. Just keep them alive.”
“I will do my absolute best. I need to go and scrub in. There’s a waiting room up on the surgical floor. The receptionist can give you directions. Someone will keep you updated.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
As soon as she turns to leave, I sink back down into my seat. Holy Shit. The baby is so premature. There is no guarantee that it will survive being born at this point. Addi will be devastated if we lose the baby; I will be devastated. Above all else, today, I need Addi to pull through. If she doesn’t…
“Come on, Carter. Let’s get you cleaned up and then we can head up to the waiting room. Addi’s parents are on their way and so are your mom and dad.”
“I don’t need to get cleaned up, man. I’m not leaving here.” Xander pulls me into a hug.
“I know, brother. I’m going to go pick you up some fresh clothes and I’ll be back in twenty minutes. Lily is going to stay here with you. Look after her for me. You two need each other right now.”
I watch as he comforts his wife, her eyes red with tears for her best friend. It makes me ache for Addi. The one person that could offer me any kind of comfort, is the one person that I can’t be with.
When Xander leaves, Lily and I find out where we need to be and head up to wait. It’s all we can do now… wait… and hope.
ADDI
I’m vaguely aware that I’m not at home anymore. There are people all around me, unfamiliar voices, frantic and shouting orders. I don’t really understand what they’re saying. I hear snippets of words that scare me – blood… critical… STAT… the baby. OH MY GOD. The baby. My baby. Our Baby.
I was supposed to meet Carter for lunch, but the last thing I remember was going into the bathroom to take my vitamins, and then I was consumed by a blinding pain. I ended up on my hands and knees trying to crawl to my phone, to get help; to get Carter. The pain was so intense, like being crushed from the inside out, I must have passed out before I could call for help. I think Carter found me. I have flashes of him calling my name, intense pain, and then nothing after that.
Now I’m here, alone, in a room full of strangers.
“Carter.” I manage to whisper.
A soothing, almost ethereal voice answers me. “Addison. I’m Doctor Field. We’re going to take you into the operating room now. You’ve lost a lot of blood and we need to get it stopped. We’re going to do everything we can for you and your baby.”
“Carter.” I croak.
“Your husband is outside waiting for you. I’m afraid he can’t come in here.” I can feel my panic rising.
There’s a hand on my shoulder. “You need to stay calm, Addison. For the baby. We’re going to take good care of you. I promise.”
I open my eyes, but all I see is black. “I can’t see. What’s happening to me? I’m blind.”
The voice in the darkness returns. “Your blood pressure is dangerously low right now, Addison. That can cause temporary blindness, but as soon as we get it back up, you’ll be fine. That’s why you need to stay calm, honey. I’m here with you.” She grabs my hand and squeezes.
“The baby? How is my baby?”
“She’s fine. She’s a fighter.”
“She? It’s a girl.”
“I’m sorry, Addison. I should have asked if you already knew the sex. Yes… it’s a baby girl.”
In my darkness, a ray of light. “I’m having a baby girl.”
“Congratulations, Addison.”
“Addi. Just Addi.”
“Do you have any names picked out, Addi?” Slow, silent tears course down my face.
“I always wanted a girl. Verona. I wanted to call her Verona.”
“That’s beautiful. Is that Italian?”
My fear chokes me as I try to speak. “Yes. Her daddy is Italian. He’ll be an amazing father. Please tell him I wanted to call her Verona.”
“You can tell him yourself. When you wake up from surgery - you are going to tell him.”
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Laurie, and I’m going to be by your side throughout surgery, Addi.” That gives me a small amount of comfort.
“I’m scared. I don’t want to die. I want to be a mommy, and I want to tell Carter I’m sorry, and that I love him.”
“You need to fight, Addi. For Carter, and for Verona. You hear me?”
A sob escapes me. “Yes. Please, promise me, though. If I don’t make it, please tell him I love him. He’s my whole world. Him and Verona.” I take a deep breath, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “If it comes down to it – save her; save Verona. Please. Promise me.”
Although I can’t see her, I feel her stroking my hair. “I promise.” She continues to hold my hand as other voices begin to speak, telling me that they’re going to put me to sleep now. A cold sensation creeps up my arm as they inject me with something. My head starts spinning almost immediately.
“Count back from ten for me, Addi.”
I try to choke it out. “Ten.”
My brain is racing, my survival instincts pushing me to stay awake.
“Nine.”
I don’t want to die. I want to wake up from this and be a mommy. I want to raise my daughter.
“Eight.”
I might never see her beautiful face. She has to survive. I couldn’t save my first baby, but Verona needs to survive.
“Seven.”
An image of Carter holding a gorgeous baby girl, our baby girl, fills my mind, soothing my fears. He’ll look after her. He will protect her, and love her, and give her everything she needs. Even if I can’t.
“Six.”
My body is numb, my thoughts fragmenting; fleeting images of Carter, Verona, and a baby that never had a chance; a baby that I couldn’t protect, that I never had the chance to love and cherish. My heart breaks for that baby, and for the baby that I have felt growing inside me these past few months. All I can do is pray that she fights to survive; that she fights to live.
“F… i… v… e…”
I feel myself being pulled into the darkness, into my worst nightmares…
Four Years Earlier
I run out of his dorm, the tears practically blinding me as I try to make my way through the crowded halls. I feel like I’m going to be sick; choking down the sobs and screams that want to break free from my throat. I knew he was messing around a little, but fucking another girl? Have there been others? I feel like such a fool. I really thought if I did everything he wanted, I would be enough for him – that he would love me again.
I’m almost out of the building, when a familiar hand curls tight around my wrist.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going, baby?”
“Let go of me.”
Relentless - Manhattan Knights Series Book Two Page 26