“Oh really lil freaky, sneaky young nigga?” I said as I rushed over to fake punch him in the stomach before I balled him up and held him over my head. He giggled and squirmed as I shook him and then lowered him back down to the ground. “You can’t be looking at my girl, young nigga. That’s wifey right there, your soon to be auntie. Aite my guy?” I asked my nephew as I tickled him and he smiled up at me.
I tickled him again as he laughed his head off and I got a warm feeling in my heart. I loved all of my nieces and nephews with all of me but Rodney Jr. and I had a special kind of bond. Not only did he look just like me and not his father, but that young nigga had my quiet, calm demeanor as well. Like me, Lil Rod as I called him, was also a productive of his environment, a boy forced to grow up too fast with no guidance. My nephew had a smart mouth and witty mind accompanied by a quick temper he inherited from both of his parents. He had depth and demons already before the age of 10 destined to be a true hell raiser if that wild side wasn’t tamed. He was my lil mini me in so many ways and I loved him. I loved all of my sisters’ kids and I felt having them around was going to be good for all of us.
“Let me run into the bathroom to freshen up though. I would tell you to just go ahead and I’ll be down there when I’m done, but I know you’re just like me and would never leave even if I told yo bad ass too.” I said as he smiled sneakily at me and he nodded his head yes while I laughed back at him. “See, that’s what I already know so I’m just gonna say stay right here until I’m done. Sit yo lil nasty ass right here by the door until I get out and don’t go over there fucking with the covers or shit. Aite?” I asked my nephew as I made a serious face and a scared look spread across his.
I quickly laughed when I saw that face, to show him I was playing before I mushed his head, grabbed my clean boxers, t-shirt, and sweats, off the dresser, and dashed into the bathroom.
“Okay uncle Sha. She beautiful ANDDD thick, but anyway everybody wants to see you.” Rodney Jr. said as he laughed and yelled at me through the door.
I damn near fell as I got into the shower when he said that. I could do nothing but catch myself and laugh after that. “You a wild, smart, and smart mouthed ass young nigga. I fucks with you though.” I said to Rodney, Jr. as I laughed while I speed washed and he laughed too. I laughed and joked with my nephew through the door the entire time I showered and got dressed. By the time I came out of the bathroom fresh and fully dressed both of us were giggling like lil females.
“Yea, you came out just in time. She was almost my girlfriend.” Rodney Jr said as we both laughed and I wrapped him up in a chokehold really fast. I held him around the neck with one arm as I tickled him with my right hand and he begged for mercy. “Please okay, okay uncle Sha I was just playing. I’m gonna pee!” Rodney Jr. said as he laughed and I instantly let him go. “Oh hell nawl, no pissing youngin’.” I said as we both laughed and I pushed him in the back away from my door.
“Okay, I ain’t gonna pee, but I will get yo girl.” Rodney, Jr. said as he laughed and I smacked him across the back of his head. “No, okay forreal uncle, I’m happy to see you. Everybody want to see you bad.” Rodney Jr said as he turned from little, mature hood boy to the little innocent kid he was at heart. “Well lead me to them smooth young nigga.” I said to Rodney before I turned back around to yell at the sleeping beauty I had inside.
“BABY GET UP!! EVERYBODY AT HOME!!” I yelled to Lydia before I turned around and laughed as I jogged down the steps behind Rodney, Jr.
As soon as we got down stairs and I turned the corner to walk into the family room I was attacked by a half dozen little bodies as the hugged and clung to me. “UNCLE SHAAAAAAAA!” The all yelled as I picked the girls; A’Miracle, Tania, and Talaya, up one by one and kissed their foreheads while I told them how beautiful they were. They all giggled, glowed, and kissed my cheek before I sat them back down and they smiled their beautiful smiles. After than I turned to give Rodney, Jr. another dap then hugged Ryan in my arms.
“Damn young nigga, you big ass hell now. You remember me?” I asked him as he smiled that little shy, smile and shook his head yes. “They all remember you. That’s all they talked about the entire ride here, seeing their uncle Sha. It’s clear that they love their uncle Sha, and I love you too my beanie baby.” My sister Tisha said as he got up from the couch besides Jerrod and came over to hug me.
I hugged her tightly in my arms and enjoyed the feeling of her loving embrace. I was happy to have my sister home safe and sound, or at least where I could help protect her. I felt like a nothing ass nigga as I laid up in that damn hospital bed and my sister risked her life trying to make shit better for all of us. I hated that and that’s why when God gave me yet another chance at life, I vowed to never repeat past mistakes by taking care of my business and helping my sisters any way I could. “I love you too big sis. Thank you. Thank you for everything you do for so many people.” I whispered in her ear as I kissed her on the cheek and she began to weep. “Awww, don’t start all that crying and sht. Jerrod said as he laughed and came over to grab Tisha out of my embrace just as a beautiful, messy haired Lydia walked into the living room and everyone roared to life.
After I formally introduced Lydia to the kids we all sat down on the couches to talk while the kids got engrossed in a game of bowling on the WII. “So Lydia, how did your transfer to UCLA go? My co-worker said his sister is still waiting to get her letter.” Jerrod said as we all sat on the couch and talked, which drifted my mind back to my own sister.
Suddenly Terricka was all I could think about so I stood up and asked Tisha if she could come talk to me in the next room as Jerrod and Lydia finished their conversation. As soon as we were in the kitchen I could sense the nervous energy in my sister as she went over to the refrigerator and pretended to look for something. I stared at her as she moved around juice, and then went through the fruit drawer and pulled out an orange. “Tisha, stop all this dodging and shit. Wassup big sis? Where Terricka at? What happened Tish?” I asked as my sister stared at me with suddenly sad eyes and I knew shit was fucked up.
My heart raced like a muthafucka as I followed Tisha with my eyes and she walked around the island to the barstools where I sat and she took a seat beside me. I could tell she was about to lay some heavy shit on me when she suddenly touched my hand and said my name. “Shamel, bruh.” Tisha began as I sat there in a daze, focused on every word that she said.
I sat there numb as fuck, while I listened and she went through every sordid detail of what had happened since we left her in Memphis. She told me all about how Terricka’s mood changes and how she went back into her drug haze and even how she paid to get her out and Terricka said kiss her ass. She told me everything I didn’t want to hear as a piece of my heart broke with each word that she spoke. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the screams inside of me that said just go find my sister and make her listen. I had the same desire that Tisha had and that was to fix Terricka, however; deep in my heart I knew I could never do that.
“Sometimes to truly love is to let go lil brother, I’m learning that. It seems the more we try to save Terricka and pull her in the harder she pulls away. I just don’t know what it is lil brother, but it’s like she wants to dwell in her pain.” Tisha said as I shook my head and tried to deny what I knew was the truth. “No I can’t believe that big sis. I can’t believe anybody wants pain. I don’t want to believe that. We gotta do something else. We gotta find a way to pull her out.” I said as I looked at Tisha and she shook her head.
“Ain’t no pulling out a drowning person if they never extend their hand Sha. We can’t make her want to live and be a mom. All we can do is love on the kids she brought into this world and hope that we can end the vicious cycle that began long before we were brought into the world. That’s all we can do without constantly hurting ourselves and allowing her to hurt us. Do you know I put up my printing press up as collateral for the other $45,000 worth of property on her $50,000 bond? Wonna know what she said to me when we
talked and she was out of jail? She laughed in my face and said she hopes I didn’t put my house up because she wasn’t going to court. My sister! Our sister!! She said fuck me and all I worked so hard for. Sha, I think the Terricka we once knew is gone.” My sister said to me as tears welled up in my eyes and I put my head down and covered it with my arms.
In seconds I felt Tisha’s arms around me as she hugged me and told me everything would be alright. I wanted to believe her but that was easier said than doing seeing that our situation was hopeless. “It’s okay little brother. We have to be strong, keep living life, and make things better for the kids. When Terricka get ready to change we can still be there for her. Jerrod found Buddy yesterday and he had already found her new cell number and talked to her on the phone. I’m confident he will find her and get her back on track. In the meantime, let’s stay focused, okay? Now, what is this good news I heard you have?” My sister asked as I tucked away my emotions, wiped my face, and then looked at her and smiled.
I smiled away my fear and sorrow as I accepted what could be the evitable and tried to focused on the rays of sunshine that had finally began to shine on my life. I told my sister about getting the chance to test and re-interview for UCLA. I told her about how much I loved Lydia and how I found a job, and wanted to get married and have kid. I was surprised that when I finished talking my sister was totally on bard with everything I said. She was happy I want to finally begin to live life and offered to support us in any way that she could.
“You know I got you Sha and I’m so proud of you little brother. I can’t wait for you to be a husband and a father, let me tell you being a spouse and parent are the best roles in the world. I think Lydia and you will make great parents and be very happy together. I will help you with the baby and from no on you don’t have to worry about work. I see you still draw even though you told me you quit. Well, yo ass just unquit because I need a new lead graphic designer down at Pen Hustlas Publications. And we pay $68,000 a year with full benefits to start off. That’s enough to start a family with. So what do you say lil brother?” Tisha asked me as I sat there in a daze and tried to process what she said.
“Hell yeah big sis. Oh damn. I don’t know what to say to no shit like this. I don’t really know what you will expect from me in this role, but I promise I will work my hardest to get it. This is exactly what I need to get on track in case she is pregnant. Thank you big sis.” I said as I hugged my sister and felt like everything was falling in place.
The rest of the day I kicked it with family as Jerrod and I cooked crab legs, lobster tails, and crawfish for the entire family and we all sat out on the back patio and enjoyed a wonderful dinner. I went to bed that night happy as fuck with Lydia by my side and love in my heart, and once again there were no nightmares to keep me awake and remind me of the torture I once had to endure. The next morning, I woke up feeling better than I had in years and rushed down stairs to cook breakfast only to find my sister had already done it. I inhaled all of the delicious smells deeply and smiled at her as she sat on a barstool with a satisfied look on her face and letter in hand.
“What Tisha? What is it that had you looking all happy and shit?” I asked her as I took a seat next to her and she put the envelop in my hand. I stared down at the UCLA emblem and almost died when I saw admissions office. I turned the thick, heavy envelop over in my hand as I looked at the seal and thought about whether I wanted to open it or not. That envelope was the key too my future and the life Lydia and I talked about. As I sat there with it in my hand I was too nervous to open it and find out.
“Here, open it please.” I said to my sister as I handed her the envelop and then put my hands on my head before I leaned on the counter. I listened with my eyes closed as she opened the letter and read to herself until she got to a line she was sure I wanted to hear. “CONGRATULATION MR. LEWIS YOU HAVE BEEN ADMITTED INTO UCLA ON A FULL SCHOLORSHIP FOR OUR GRAPHC AND CONCEPTUAL ARTS DEGREE PROGRAM!” Tisha said as she yelled and I opened my eyes to look at her and be sure I had heard her correctly.
“WHAT?” I said as I grabbed the letter out of her hand as I stood up and held it to the light. I read over the same words she just had and as soon as I finished I squealed like a project girl who was just given ten free bundles of Brazilian hair.
“Awwwwww shit. They gave a nigga a chance. It’s on now big sis!” I said as I jumped around and Tisha ran into my arms to jump too.
We hugged and yelled for the others to come as my heart cried for the little boy who should have died long ago. “We made it big sis. We became everything they said we would never be. Everything she said we never be or overcome we have done it. We beat all odds and yet we’re still not done proving them wrong. Two out of three ain’t bad odds big sis. I love you sis.” I whispered to Tisha as we continued to yelled and jump while Lydia, Jerrod, and all the kids ran downstairs.
We all celebrated that day, a Monday, by having a big breakfast and going to an amusement park after the kids left school. The next day I went in to UCLA, finished my admissions, got my classes, and found out I had student housing in the form of a two-bed room apartment on campus. The only thing I was responsible for was my daily needs and the lights in my place, besides maintaining good conduct and grades. I figured I had that down pact since I would be with Lydia all the time and I didn’t party so I could study.
After I got all that situated I went to the café on campus where I had applied for a job as a cashier. I walked in to tell them never mind since I had a job with Tisha, but I walked out with my uniform in hand. I figure I really couldn’t get in trouble if most of my time was occupied so I took the part-time job for the weekend during the morning hours just to have something else to do. After that I fell into a happy little routine really fast with classes weekdays from six in the morning until noon and work at the publishing company from two in the afternoon until seven in the evening. I worked like that with the café on the weekends for about a month until Lydia and I moved into my apartment right before Thanksgiving break.
That was around the time things started going to good and I knew something bad was on the horizon. It all started when we got a call from Buddy in which he told us that Terricka had been in several fights and he heard she had broken her arm recently. He said she was with him for a few days and he had her on track until she ran away one day he was at work and he hadn’t seen her since. That really fucked up my head that morning he called as I walked to the café for my shift. I tried not to let it show on my face as I went about my job, but my co-worker Janey could instantly tell something was up when I kept snapping on customers.
“What’s wrong with you Sha?” She asked me after I had excused myself from the register and went to bust tables so I wouldn’t have to talk to people. I almost went off on her lil short, pudgy, nosey ass too when she said that, but I knew her question came from a good place and I was just on edge. “I’m okay Janey, I just got some bad news about my family this morning.” I said to her as she walked closer with a smile on her face.
I glanced at her out of the side of my eye as she continued to smile and look towards the door, then I shrugged it off as I continued to work. “Ohhh I knew it was something. Well, maybe I have something that will lift your mood.” Janey said as she grabbed my attention. “It’s a gentleman by the door looking for you and he said he’s your father.” Janey said as I instantly snapped to attention and glanced at the door where Shaheim stood and looked right in my direction.
I felt rage boil up inside of me as I looked at him with that smug ass expression on his face and he motioned for me to come over. In my heart I knew from the jump that meeting was not going to be good and that I should have just walked into the kitchen, but I didn’t. Instead I told Janey to tell the boss, Mr. Donaldson, that I was about to step outside and asked her to cover the tables for me. After that I stormed to the door and out of them right past my father as I yelled for him to follow.
“COME OUT HERE DOG!” I yelled as I walked out and I
heard him laugh as he trailed behind.
When we got out there and I turned to stand face-to-face with him as he clapped his hands and looked at me from head to toe. “Well, well, well, if it ain’t my son, the college boy. Look at you Sha, working and in school and shit. I bet you think you something now huh? Think you big shit huh? Bet these people don’t know the truth.” He said in a loud tone as I realized he was drunk. A couple of people on their way into the café stopped to see what was going on as I stepped up into Shaheim’s face and put my mean mug on.
“Look here ole drunk, pussy ass nigga. Don’t come up here to my muthafucking place of employment and try to blow up the spot. Yea I’m in college working and doing very well. I’m doing everything yo bitch ass said I never would and it burns you up don’t it? Well, that’s yo problem bitch, not mine. However, it will be yo problem if you bring yo weak ass up here again. That’s my word.” I said through clenched teeth as I bumped past him on my way back in and he grabbed my arm.
I jerked my arm back as soon as he touched me and spent around ready to whoop his ass while he smiled and a small crowd lurked around us and whispered. “Oh the retard mad. You gonna show them who you really are huh? Show them the crazy, violent, retard, thief that you really are.” My dad aid before I reached out and grabbed him in his collar to pull him closer to me. “Listen bitch...” I began as he cut me off with a demand of his own. “No you listen little bitch. Now if you like the way you’re living now I advise you to listen up. I know you’re living with your sister and work for her company, and that this lil job a cover up. I know you make real money now so its time you pay restitution. Now I can tell the police where you are and let them come snatch yo bitch ass up, take you to jail, and end this college shit before it really begins. I’d get my restitution then. Or you can play nice and give me uhhhh, $10,000 and I will call it even. The choice is yours though boy. I’m sure your sister would be hurt if all that happens. I now where y’all live to so make this easy on her. I’m sure she doesn’t want any more drama right now with her sister missing and all. Think about it young nigga.” He whispered as I suddenly though about Tisha and all of the people around me as they stared and I let him go.
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