“I don’t want you to treat me differently once you know.” Her cheeks flushed, and she turned her face away from me.
It took only a second for it to register in my brain. I swallowed thickly and managed to ask, “Are you referring to how I treat you in the bedroom?”
She kept her eyes pointed away from me when she nodded just one time. I sucked in a sharp breath. The sudden pain in my chest was excruciating. Had she been…? I couldn’t even think that word in regards to her. I was rough in bed, rougher than most. And I was a big man. Much larger and stronger than her tiny frame. And she’d been through something so traumatic at such a tender age. I couldn’t breathe. All I could feel was pain...and shame.
Her voice managed to break through the barrage of emotions slamming into me, but not enough to completely pull me back to the present. “I wasn’t raped, Chase.”
She rose to her knees and grabbed my face with both hands. She placed her nose against mine and repeated herself, “I wasn’t raped.”
Those words only relieved part of the horror churning inside of me. “Have I ever hurt you?” I asked as one tear rolled down my cheek.
“No, baby. Never,” she whispered against my lips. “I swear it.”
Sweet relief washed through me. I slid my arms underneath her and gazed into her eyes. “I love you, Harper Jackson.”
She gave me a genuine smile. “I love you, too, Chase Walker.”
“Did you mean what you said at Duke’s?”
My brows furrowed in confusion. I wasn’t one to say anything unless I meant it, but I had no idea what she was referring to. “I said a lot at Duke’s. Can you narrow it down for me?”
“About me being you’re Old Lady. I understand if—”
“I didn’t say it out of anger. I fucking meant it,” I said and pressed my lips to hers.
“Okay,” she said without breaking our kiss. When her lips left mine, she sighed. “I guess we should get back on track.”
“In a minute,” I said as I tightened my hold around her and buried my face in her neck. We had a serious discussion to get through, but I wanted to hold her close and savor her for a few more minutes. I didn’t know what she was going to tell me, but I knew it wouldn’t change the way I saw her or the way I felt about her. I loved her, and she loved me; we could get through anything.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Harper
I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to relive the memories my nightmares were made of. I knew that I had to share this part of myself with him if I wanted to have a relationship with him, but knowing it didn’t make it any easier to get the words out.
“Baby, I know this is hard for you. Do you think it would be easier for you to give me a brief summary of what happened and then I could ask questions?” he gently asked.
That was a perfect example of why I had so effortlessly fallen in love with him. He understood me; he seemed to know what I needed without me saying a word. “Yes, that would make it much easier. Thank you.”
He kissed my cheek. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
I took a few moments to gather my thoughts and prepare myself to venture back to the most horrendous time of my life. I just needed to give him an idea of what happened. I could do that without going into detail. It was the details that got to me every time I tried to talk about it.
I took in a deep breath and started, “When I was 10 years old, I was kidnapped. The man that took me had 10-year-old twin daughters, and one of them died. The surviving twin was having a hard time with her sister’s death, and nothing was helping her deal with the loss. I looked almost exactly like them. I don’t know how they found me, but they did, and they took me. As long as I remembered to act like her, everything was fine. I was there for almost three months before Duke found me and rescued me. He moved us to Devil Springs immediately after my rescue. Aunt Leigh and Judge took us in. I lived with them until I was 18 years old. I moved to Sugar Falls for college, and here we are.”
He gave me a few minutes to myself before he spoke. “May I ask you a few questions now?”
I nodded. Surprisingly, I was okay. I had never made it through a long or short version of that story without turning into a hiccupping mess of snot and tears.
“Did anyone hurt you while you were there?”
“Define hurt.”
“Were you sexually abused in any way?”
“No.”
“Were you physically abused?”
I swallowed audibly and felt the color drain from my face. “Yes,” I whispered. “If I didn’t act like her, I was punished.”
I watched the rage build inside of Chase. His muscles tensed. His fists balled. His nostrils flared. “How?” he asked through his clenched jaw.
“Corporal.”
He stood and began to pace. I watched him warily. I wasn’t scared of him, but I didn’t know what to expect from him either.
“The thought of someone hurting you infuriates me. I’m just trying to work off some of my rage. Let’s keep going.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“What happened to the family?”
I didn’t like reliving this part of the story either. “I don’t believe anyone knows this part, other than Duke and me and I’m only telling you because you’re a Blackwing. Okay?”
He stopped pacing and met my eyes. “Okay.”
“Duke killed the father. The mother killed herself not long after her husband’s death.”
“You sure he killed him?”
I could feel the bile churning in my gut. “Yes. He didn’t make me watch him do it, but he made me look at his dead body before he took me out of the house. Duke said I needed to see him to know that he could never come after me again.”
“What happened to the other little girl?”
I swallowed thickly. “She went to live with her aunt and uncle in another state. She struggled after losing her entire family and ended up in a mental hospital for years. When she was 18, she was found dead in her apartment from an overdose. Not sure if it was accidental or intentional.”
Chase had resumed his pacing, from one end of his bedroom to the other, over and over. “Tell me about the punishments.”
I frantically shook my head. “I can’t do that. Please don’t make me do that.”
“I only want to know what he used.”
I managed to utter, “A paddle or a belt,” before the memory consumed me.
The only warning was the sound of the paddle slicing through the air before a line of fire streaked across my backside. Before the scream could leave my throat, the next strike landed.
“What is your name?” he bellowed as the paddle continued to harshly land against my skin.
“V-V-Vanessa,” I wailed.
“You. Are. Vanessa.” he screamed, each word punctuated by a strike of the paddle.
He left me there when he was finished. He always left me there, tied to a support beam in the basement. Sometimes it was just a few hours, and sometimes it was over 12 hours. As I watched my tears drip to the floor, I wondered how long I would be left there this time.
“Harper! Baby, please!” I heard Chase’s desperate pleas and felt myself being cradled in his arms.
“I’m okay,” I mumbled. I was never completely coherent immediately after a vivid flashback.
“No more, baby. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.” He placed kisses all over my face and head. I tried to move but found myself wedged between Chase at my front and something at my back. Reaching back with my hand, I discovered Titan was pressed firmly against my back.
“He jumped on the bed and used his body to maneuver you to your back when the flashback started,” Chase told me, a hint of pride in his eyes.
“Impressive, Titan. Good boy,” I praised while petting his head. I was skeptical about Titan and his supposed abilities at first, but he’d proven me wrong two different times in one night.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, s
earching my eyes for the answer.
“I’m sure. I have flashbacks or panic attacks from time to time. It happens more when I’m stressed or if I’m in a tense situation with raised voices, particularly male voices. My go-to response is to cower and mentally withdraw.”
“That’s what happened at Duke’s tonight, isn’t it? You fainted right after we started yelling.”
“I’m not sure. That was different. I didn’t have a flashback, and I’m not scared of you or Duke. It was weird. One second I was fine, the next I felt lightheaded and then I was going down.”
Chase was on his phone before I could protest. He handed the phone to me. “It’s Patch. He’s a club member and a doctor. He wants to ask you a few questions.”
I spoke to the man on the phone and answered his questions. In a few short minutes, he determined that I needed to eat something with some protein and get some rest. Chase took those words to heart. He made steak for both of us, as well as the dog, took a very chaste shower with me, and tucked me into his bed.
***
I was surprised when Duke showed up at Chase’s place the following morning. Not because he was there, but that it had taken him so long to show up. I thought he would have been there within an hour or two of us leaving his house.
Chase opened the door and blocked the view with his body. “Look, man, if you’re going to say or do anything to upset her, I can’t let you in. She doesn’t need the stress right now.”
“I’m here to apologize, to you and to her. May I please come in?”
“Let him in, Carbon,” I called from my place on the sofa.
Chase reluctantly opened the door to let Duke in. However, it appeared he needed to apologize to Titan as well. My beautiful dog was standing in front of me, a low growl coming from his throat. Duke froze mid-step. “Harper, can you call off your beast?”
I laughed and raised an eyebrow. “Which one?”
Duke snorted. “That one,” he replied, pointing to Titan.
“Calmati,” I softly said, and Titan’s growling instantly stopped. He glanced back at me, as if double checking my decision, then resumed his position on the floor by my feet.
Duke kept his eyes on Titan and slowly made his way to the love seat. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees before meeting my eyes. “I’m sorry about last night. I would’ve been here sooner, but I honestly didn’t know if it would make things worse for you.” He looked at his feet and took in a shaky breath. “I’ve never been the cause of a flashback. I’m so sorry, Harper.”
I was on my feet and across the room in seconds. My brother was hurting, and I couldn’t have that. Grabbing the hand closest to me, I held it tightly while I spoke, “You weren’t the cause last night. I didn’t have a flashback at your house. I fainted. Patch thought it sounded like my blood sugar was low. He told me to eat some protein and go to bed. I guess he was right because I feel much better today.”
“You would tell me if I was the cause of one, wouldn’t you?”
“Duke, there is only one person to blame for my flashbacks, and you killed him a long time ago.”
Duke’s head shot up. “I told Carbon everything last night. He needed to know to understand your reaction and, in turn, my reaction. I should’ve told him before now, but you know how much I don’t like talking about it.”
Duke’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You told him everything?”
“I didn’t go into extreme detail, but yes, I told him all the major points of the story. I hope you’re okay with that.” I’d seen my fair share of therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists over the years, but no one besides Duke knew the whole story.
“It’s your story to tell, Harper. If you’re okay sharing it with him, then so am I.”
“I only told him about your part in it because he’s a Blackwing,” I assured him. I was well aware of the trouble my brother would face if our story got out. Regardless of the reason, my brother killed a man, didn’t report it, and fled to the other side of the country. I didn’t want him to think I would share our story with just anyone.
Duke nodded and remained silent for a few moments. Finally, he asked, “Are you happy with him?”
“Very much so,” I said with a broad smile on my face.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “I love you, Harpie.”
“Love you, too, Dukie.”
A throat clearing broke up our family moment. “Harper, I think there are some other things we should share with Duke,” Chase said with a raised brow.
Shit. Another discussion that I didn’t want to have, even though I knew he was right. I took in a deep breath and met Chase’s eyes. “Fine, but you can do the talking this time.”
I sat quietly while Chase filled Duke in on everything from our relationship to the break-in to Titan. Duke listened to him intently and took things better than I expected. When Chase finished, Duke turned to me and asked, “Why did you go to him about the break-in and not me?”
“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t go to him. He called and could tell that I was crying when I answered the phone. I told him I was watching a sad movie and ended the call. He didn’t buy it and showed up at my house a few hours later.” I felt my cheeks redden as I started the next part. “I had to tell him about the break-in so he would understand why I shot at him when he entered my house.”
“You shot him?”
“I shot AT him,” I explained.
“I wanted to get the club involved, but she refused. I was lucky to get her to agree to have Judge install a security system,” Chase added, casually taking the focus off me shooting at him.
I held up a hand to stop Duke before he got started. “I didn’t want to involve the club because they would want me to stay at the clubhouse until who knows when. I’ve taken a lot of time off work recently, and I can’t miss any more right now. The other option would be for me to have one of the club members follow me around everywhere I went, and I didn’t want that either. Judge installed the security system, and Carbon showed up with Titan. Problem solved.”
Chase’s phone pinged with a message, followed by Duke’s phone doing the same. “We’ve got Church in 30 minutes. Do you want to stay here or hang out at the clubhouse?”
“I’ll stay here.”
“Okay, baby. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CARBON
Duke and I were the last to arrive for Church. When I walked through the doors, I could feel the charge in the air. We already knew something was going on because Phoenix had called us in for an unscheduled meeting, but the tension in the room had my hackles rising.
Standing at the head of the table, Phoenix waited for Duke and me to take our seats. He banged the gavel once and started pacing, which did nothing to dispel the unease churning in my gut. I had only seen Phoenix lose his shit one time, and that was when Ember showed up. There was only one reason I could think of that would explain his current state.
“I found her,” he said, almost sounding pained. Holding up his hand to keep us quiet, he continued to pace.
“I’m leaving in the morning to go get her. I’ll be gone for two weeks or so. As far as everyone else is concerned, tell them I’ve gone on a run and will be back when I get back. Badger will run things while I’m gone, and Copper is only a phone call away. For the next two weeks, I am not your president. Until I return, do not breathe a word about this to anyone. If Ember or Coal gets wind of it, you’ll pay for it with your cut.” He slammed the gavel on the table and plowed through the door, leaving the lot of us sitting there stunned speechless.
“Before any of you say anything, I’m just as concerned about him as you are, but he’s a grown man, and this is something that he needs to do by himself. He doesn’t need us there to witness their reunion, be it good or bad. What he needs is for us to be here ready to support him when he returns to Croftridge, especially if he comes home alon
e,” Badger informed us.
Duke asked me to join him at the bar before I went back home to Harper. “About the break-in, do you agree with the cops? Do you think it was personal?”
My jaw clenched at his words. “It had to be. Nothing was stolen and the damage done to her house was odd, to say the least. It doesn’t sit well with me, brother.”
“Me either. Thanks for getting her the dog. After seeing him in action, even though it was against me, it makes me feel a little better about leaving her in Sugar Falls on her own. I wish she would move here or back to Devil Springs.”
I smirked. “I sure wouldn’t mind having her living in Croftridge.”
“Don’t even go there, man.”
I laughed. “Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it?”
“Seriously, what do you think we should do about this?”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “There’s something else that hasn’t been mentioned yet. I thought it was the reason Phoenix called us into Church today, but it looks like it got sent to the backburner since he located Annabelle.” Duke nodded and waited for me to continue. “Someone broke into my condo and stole one of my guns. It was found at the scene of a murder a few days ago. I was pulled over and arrested on the way back from Sugar Falls. Harper got a printout from the security company showing the alarm was set all night. She also had a few pictures that proved I was at her house with her that night. Otherwise, I would still be in jail.”
“What?!” Duke bellowed, pushing back from the bar. “When exactly did all this happen?”
“They dropped the charges yesterday. We came back to Croftridge as soon as she got off work.”
“And you’re sure it’s your gun?”
I looked at him incredulously. “Of course I’m sure. It’s registered to me. I just don’t understand why that was the only gun they took. It was the little .38 I bought for Reese years ago so she could use it for target practice. I’d meant to give it to her, but never got around to it.”
Carbon (Blackwings MC Book 4) Page 9