“Lizzy, I will miss you! You will be living so far away from me.”
“Thomas said that you will all be invited to Sappingford and that we would travel into Hertfordshire often. Will you write to me?”
Jane laughed. “Only if you promise to write to me.”
“You know I will.”
“I know how upset you were yesterday and how strong your feelings were for Mr. Darcy. Are you sure you love Mr. Grinly as you ought?”
“I do care for him, and I know that I will soon love him.”
“Have you no thoughts of Mr. Darcy?” Jane felt that this conversation was more for Elizabeth’s benefit than her own. She wanted Elizabeth to speak aloud the words that would put Mr. Darcy in her past and Mr. Grinly in her present and future.
“I have come to your way of thinking, Jane. If Mr. Darcy loved me, I would be preparing to marry him, not Mr. Grinly. I shall soon cease to think of Mr. Darcy at all.”
“Then I am happy for you.” Jane took her hand. “I am sure Mrs. Thomas has tea ready by now. Let us go back in. We do not want to keep Mr. Grinly waiting for you any longer that we must.”
Mr. Grinly was anxiously awaiting their return, hoping for some indication of how their conversation went by the expressions on their faces. When the ladies walked into the room, they both looked at him, one with a smile and the other with a look of affection. He was satisfied. All would be well.
* * * * *
Netherfield
Darcy,
I appreciate your recent letters, and I do accept your apology. Let us speak of it no more.
You must believe me when I tell you how happy I am. Jane fills my life with love and makes each day a precious experience for me. I only hope that someday you will be as blessed as I have been.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Bingley is still rather angry with you. She feels that you were trifling with Elizabeth. I am confident, because of circumstances that have just occurred, that this, too, will soon be forgotten.
It is to this effect. Elizabeth has consented to marry Mr. Thomas Grinly of Wiltshire who is a distant cousin. Mrs. Bennet invited him to Longbourn and he has been there since my wedding. While it was a short courtship, Jane believes that Elizabeth is genuinely attached to him. It is obvious that Mr. Grinly loves her very much.
Mrs. Bingley extends an invitation to you to come to Netherfield. She knows I miss your company. It is conditional, for she has assured me that you will be asked to leave the house immediately if you make any attempt to endanger Elizabeth’s happiness with Mr. Grinly. Though you are my lifelong friend, my first allegiance is to my wife and her family, particularly Elizabeth, whom I admire very much. Please come to us, but I beg of you, stay away from Elizabeth.
With regards, &c.
Charles Bingley
* * * * *
A FOOTMAN BROUGHT DARCY A letter, and he began to smile in anticipation when he saw the directions. It was from Netherfield. It could only mean one thing. Bingley had accepted his apology and wished to renew their friendship. He quickly tore open the seal with an expectation of pleasure. The letter was short and did not take long to read.
“NO!!” he screamed. “NO! No, no, no . . . ”
* * * * *
GEORGIANA HAD BEEN WORKING QUIETLY in the drawing room when she heard her brother’s cry. She ran to the library and breathlessly entered the room. “Fitzwilliam, what is it? What is wrong? Please tell me!” She was shocked at the sight of her brother sitting at his desk. Agony was written on his face.
“Georgiana . . . ”
His head fell onto his arms.
“Georgiana! Georgiana!”
If she had never known fear before, she did so now. Never had she witnessed such an outpouring of emotion. Never had she seen him so distraught.
“Oh, Brother, what is it?”
She ran behind his desk and embraced him. She was startled when she felt herself suddenly encircled by his strong arm and crushed against his chest.
“Georgiana,” he whispered.
“Fitzwilliam, please . . . ”
He released her and pushed her back an arm’s length. “You shall know all.” He handed her the crumpled letter.
She took it from his hand, smoothed it out, and began to read. It was astonishing, and she never would have thought it possible, but Fitzwilliam had somehow offended Mrs. Bingley. Mr. Bingley and her brother had been friends forever. What could this possibly have happened?
She continued reading, and her own heart nearly stopped. “Elizabeth has consented to marry Mr. Thomas Grinly . . . ” Miss Bennet was to be married! It was no small wonder that he called out.
“I am so very sorry.” Georgiana stepped behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. She could feel the tension in his body.
“I do not know what to do. I do not know what to do,” he repeated. “I love her.”
He was then silent, and the ensuing pause was horrible to Georgiana.
In a voice filled with anger, he continued. “I have failed her, and I have failed myself! She cannot love him, for I know she loves me, yet I have driven her into his arms. He will take her from Hertfordshire, she will forget about me, and I shall never see her again.” Darcy buried his face in his hands.
Georgiana could feel his body quake with emotion. She had never seen such pain before nor experienced it herself. How was she to relieve his suffering? What could she do for him? The truth was awful. She could do nothing. There was no telling how long he would suffer because of his actions and mourn Miss Bennet’s loss. Indeed, she was now dead to him, the only woman he ever loved.
“I blame myself and my own stupid pride! Had I followed my heart, had I done what I knew to be correct, rather than striven to live up to the expectations of other people — our parents, our dead parents — if I had done this, she would be mine, and I would be filled and made whole because of her.” A sob racked his body. “I realized my mistake too late, forever too late.”
Georgiana knew he was no longer aware of her presence. She looked at him with tear-filled eyes until it became too much for her. She quietly slipped out of the room, unable to bear his anguish any longer.
* * * * *
ELIZABETH WAS LEANING ON MR. Grinly’s arm as they walked through the garden at Longbourn. She felt liberated from the pain of her affection for Mr. Darcy, knowing that she had relinquished him. The air was fresh, the sun invigorating, and she felt loved.
“Elizabeth, have you ever been into Kent?”
“Except to go to London to stay with my aunt, I have never traveled beyond the neighborhood of Meryton. I have heard that Kent is a beautiful place.”
“It is. Many years ago, Julia and I went . . . ” Mr. Grinly interrupted himself. “I am sorry.”
Elizabeth pulled on his arm to stop their progress. His eyes were fastened on the ground as he tried to recover from embarrassment. “Thomas,” Elizabeth began in a soothing voice, “I am very sorry that your wife died, but please do not be afraid to speak of her to me. I am not afraid that you will love me any less.”
Those words were exactly calculated to calm his misgivings. He took her hands and kissed them. “Indeed, my love, I know nothing about ‘less’ when it comes to loving you.”
She smiled her approval and felt that with every minute she spent with him, her confidence increased and her commitment deepened.
* * * * *
DARCY SPENT A TORMENTED NIGHT reviewing his relationship with Elizabeth. It started off well enough, to be sure. Watching over her and caring for her while she was at Netherfield had been an exquisite pleasure. He remembered loving her even while she slept, entranced by her beauty and the delicacy of her skin, and then she had awakened and confirmed the desire that had inflamed him. Her eyes, her laugh, the sound of her voice, all spoke to his heart. He could see love in her eyes and a return of the passion he felt for her.
He awoke with a start from a familiar dream. He had returned to Netherfield, and she had met him once again by the strea
m, his eyes following her progress as she approached him with outstretched arms. Just in the very moment when he reached out to take her hand, her image faded, and he could see nothing. Every night it had been the same.
He had never opened his heart to anyone the way he had to Elizabeth, but with her, it had been so natural. He remembered the comfort he received from holding her hand. She strengthened him. She excited every good thought that came to his mind, and to be worthy of her love, he resolved to be a more attentive brother, a loyal friend, and to put aside cynicism and distrust. He had resolved to do all these things, and he had utterly failed.
Why had he let her go? Now he was desolate and felt her loss immensely. How could he face the future with the pain that he felt? How could he despise himself enough for turning against her? All she wanted was to love him. There was not sufficient hate in the world to describe his self-loathing
Knowing full well that he deserved every wretched feeling he would be called on to bear, Darcy left London for Hertfordshire. He told himself he was going to repair his relationship with Bingley, but he knew he was going there to see Elizabeth. He wanted to know if she really loved Mr. Grinly.
Darcy had answered Bingley’s letter and was now on the road to Netherfield. It was a noisy ride. Each time he grew comfortable or became lost in thought, a rock would dash against the underside of the carriage or the coach would jar its way over a rut. All he wanted to do was sleep. All he could do was remember.
* * * * *
“WELCOME TO NETHERFIELD, DARCY. IT is good to see you again.”
“Thank you, Bingley. It is good to be here.” Darcy hesitated. “I realize that I am not to mention, at your particular request, my transgressions, but you must allow me to beg once again for your forgiveness and apologize for my arrogant interference in your affairs.”
Jane walked up behind her husband in time to hear Darcy’s speech, though he did not notice her.
“All has turned out as it should. Let us put the subject behind us.”
“How is your wife? Is she —”
“I am well, thank you. How was your journey, Mr. Darcy?”
“It is pleasant to be out of the carriage.” He could not meet her eyes. “The roads were a bit rough this trip. Mrs. Bingley, thank you for inviting me back to your home.”
“You are welcome, Mr. Darcy.”
Bingley ushered them into the drawing room, and after they were seated, Mrs. Bingley turned to her guest.
“So, Mr. Darcy, how long do you expect to be with us this visit?”
“At least until Eliz . . . your sister’s wedding.” He looked away, feeling the weight of Jane’s scrutiny upon him. “Mrs. Bingley, I beg that you will please forgive me for all that I have done to offend you and your family.”
“And just what is it that you have done, sir?”
Darcy shifted nervously in his seat. “I have been proud, assuming myself to be better than my fellow man. I have been narrow-minded, believing that my way of living is the correct way for everyone. I have been weak, unwilling to commit to your sister because of the fear of offending a parent who is long dead. I have been deceitful and blind, and I have caused hurt and pain to an innocent heart. I do not believe I can truly be forgiven of these crimes. Despite your willingness to invite me here, I must have fallen in your esteem, and how could I not? Bingley, my friend who relied on me and trusted me, now has cause to doubt both my sincerity and integrity. And what is most painful to me, and what I will always regret, is that I was loved by your sister, yet I rejected that love. I have lost her. She will belong to another man, and I will spend the rest of my life regretting her.”
“Mr. Darcy, I do honestly forgive you. Charles loves me, despite all my deficiencies . . . ”
Darcy cringed at that comment.
“ . . . and my sister’s heart has healed, and she will soon be wed to a generous man who cares deeply for her. I believe that anyone seeing them together will realize what a good match Mr. Grinly is for Elizabeth.”
It was impossible for Darcy to respond to that in a manner that would be agreeable to Mrs. Bingley, so he remained silent.
Mr. Darcy’s feelings for Elizabeth were plain. Jane had imagined that when he left Netherfield, Mr. Darcy had conquered his feelings for Elizabeth, and that he and Mr. Grinly could associate without any danger to her sister. She knew that Elizabeth’s love for Mr. Grinly was not what it should be and was now afraid that any suggestion from Mr. Darcy that he held any affection for Elizabeth would endanger her relationship with Mr. Grinly. Jane now knew it had been a mistake to invite Mr. Darcy back to Netherfield.
“What have I done?” she whispered.
The gentlemen did not hear her.
* * * * *
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY to be out of doors, and as Elizabeth took great pleasure in sharing her happiness with Jane and in walking with Mr. Grinly, she prevailed on him to call again at Netherfield. Constance had joined them, but lingered as far behind as she could. Though inexperienced in the ways of love, she was certain that her father and Elizabeth would have things to say to each other that they would not wish for her to hear, and Constance would do anything she could to promote their happiness. Truly, their happiness was her own.
* * * * *
“Elizabeth, what would make you the happiest woman in the world?” Mr. Grinly kicked a rock off the pathway in front of him as they walked together towards Netherfield.
“Other than being married to you?”
“You have no idea how pleased I am to hear you speak thus.” His voice was warm and affectionate, and had they been truly alone, he would have responded to that comment the way it deserved.
“I have always wanted Jane to be happy. She is my best friend and favored companion . . . Oh, but do not worry, I believe I shall learn to like you, also,” she teased. He laughed with her. “She sacrificed her own pleasure to be of use to our family, and now that she is married to Mr. Bingley and is so happy, I do not know for what I could wish. I know that the rest of my family will be well cared for by Mr. Bingley, and I am to be married and happily settled myself, so I am content. Thomas, just love me. That is all I want.” They walked on for a moment in silence. “But what about you, Thomas? What would make you happy?”
“I am already happy. To have met you and to be loved by you brings me more joy than I had imagined I would ever feel. If there is not a smile on my face, there is one in my heart. When I see how close you are with Constance, my joy is complete. There is nothing else for which I could wish.” He turned to face Elizabeth, taking her hand that she freely offered. “Well, there is one thing, I believe.”
“And what would that be, sir?”
“A brother or a sister for Constance.”
A blush overspread Elizabeth’s cheeks. “I wish for that, too.”
He offered her his arm, and they resumed their walk towards Netherfield.
* * * * *
THE HOUSEKEEPER LED ELIZABETH, CONSTANCE and Mr. Grinly through the wide hall and into the drawing room where they expected to see Mr. and Mrs. Bingley. Elizabeth had entered Netherfield in good spirits. As Mrs. Grinly, she knew she would be loved and cherished. Her whole future looked bright. She knew she had made the right decision, and because of that, would soon forget about . . .
“ . . . Mr. Darcy!”
“Miss Bennet!”
Chapter 15
A FLASH OF WHITE LIGHT passed through Elizabeth’s mind as the color faded from her cheeks. Her first instinct was to run away, but her feet would not move. She could not turn away from Mr. Darcy. She raised one hand to cover her open mouth and with the other, gripped more firmly onto Mr. Grinly’s arm. Her breath caught in her throat as she understood all that Darcy conveyed with his eyes. The love and the raw passion he felt for her were expressed in that look. He did love her! He did want her!
Darcy thought he had steeled himself against the time when he would see Elizabeth with Mr. Grinly, but their sudden appearance at Netherfield taught h
im the futility of that effort. He was assailed with jealousy, anger, and hurt. He had a desire to lash out at Elizabeth and demand an explanation for why she would not marry him, until he remembered that it was he who had abandoned her.
Just before Elizabeth turned away, Darcy recognized and acknowledged the look she had given him. Elizabeth did not love Grinly. She had greeted him with such an expression of passion and delight that he knew she still loved him. He ached to touch her and make her a part of him. Her skin, her lips, her delicate hands — all — all were meant for him. Never had he loved her more than at this instant of reunion, and never had his heart been rent as it was when the look of joy faded from her face.
Elizabeth caught sight of Mr. Grinly watching her with a look of astonishment. Her heart sank. She was betrothed to Mr. Grinly, not to Mr. Darcy. She was honor bound to Mr. Grinly, but at that moment, she realized she could never be his. She turned away, her vision blurred by the tears that were forming in her eyes.
Constance was looking at Elizabeth, expecting that she would introduce her to Mr. Bingley’s friend, when she was stunned by her reaction. It could only mean one thing. It could only be one person.
“It is him!”
* * * * *
MR. GRINLY WAS STARTLED BY the intensity of Darcy’s reaction to Elizabeth. Without a doubt, a gentleman should rise when a lady entered the room, but Darcy had exploded from his seat. Mr. Grinly was alarmed when Elizabeth released his arm. And how was it possible that Constance knew that man?
Jane and Bingley exchanged worried glances. They had hoped to orchestrate this meeting by giving each party advanced knowledge of the other. Now, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy had been thrust into each other’s company when neither was prepared. It was obvious that Mr. Grinly had no idea who Mr. Darcy was and what he had once been to Elizabeth. Constance’s recognition of Darcy confused Jane because she was certain they had never met.
Jane stared at Elizabeth, willing her to look her way, but Elizabeth’s eyes were fixed on Mr. Darcy. Jane could see that those eyes were filled not only with pain but also with a love for the man that had not waned over time. Regardless of what Elizabeth may have stated before, her heart was not free of him.
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