by Katie Ford
“Now,” I add. It kills me to be so rude to her, but it’s better this way. She can’t keep sniffing around me.
No. If only she was literally the daughter of any other man, I wouldn’t be forced to do this.
“Okay,” Allie says. She gets to her feet and I can tell she’s struggling to hold back tears. “Um, Dane?”
“What?”
“Did I do something to make you not like me anymore?” Allie can’t meet my eyes as she speaks. “Or make you upset?”
Oh, just that you’re the sweet, innocent daughter of a wicked man and I ruined you, I think. But I can’t reveal that to Allie.
I couldn’t ever force her to choose between me and her father.
“No,” I say. “I’m just a very busy man, Allie.”
Allie sniffles. She nods miserably, then gives me a baleful look before heading into the foyer and buckling her heels on her plump feet.
“Bye,” Allie calls. She lingers in the foyer, obviously hoping that I’ll change my mind and ask her to stay.
And God, do I ever want to.
But I don’t cave, and finally Allie opens the door and steps out into the hallway.
A sick, empty feeling envelops me and I stand there like a dying man, watching the door and hoping that she’ll come back.
She won’t, though.
And even though I know things are better this way, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve just ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.
Chapter Thirteen
Allie
Hanson drives me home. I keep wanting to pester him about Dane, but if he’s anything like Nick, he makes it his practice to stay out of his clients’ personal lives. I cry the whole way, and more than once I catch Hanson giving me curious looks in the rearview mirror.
He’s probably used to this. I bet Dane beds and discards women all the time. God, it hurts so much that I can hardly breathe.
The worst thing is, I know I must have done something to turn him off. But what could have possibly happened overnight? Dane was so possessive and dominant last night. I really felt like he needed me.
Did I fart in my sleep or something? Deep down, I know that’s probably not it. But I have no idea what would happen to make Dane push me away. I’ve never seen him like this before. He was so cold and frosty, I wonder if maybe he finally came to his senses? Or maybe he woke up and saw the big girl in his bed and realized he’d made a colossal mistake.
Either way, it hurts more than anything I ever thought possible. I feel like Dane reached into my chest and ripped out my heart before stomping on the pieces and setting them on fire.
When I check my phone, I see that I have six missed calls. My heart leaps at the thought of Dane calling me and begging me to come back. But then I realize that they’re from Mara and the tears start flowing fresh again. I can’t bear the thought of talking to her right now, so I turn my phone off and tuck it away.
Hanson drops me off at my parents’ house and I sneak inside. I’m hoping to grab a snack from the kitchen and go upstairs to cry in solitude, but to my surprise my father is waiting for me in the kitchen. It’s a rare sight – I can’t remember the last time I saw him at home during daylight hours.
“Allie, come sit with me,” Dad says. He clears his throat. “How is school?”
I blink. I can’t remember the last time Dad had asked me that – it has been years. “It’s fine,” I said.
“Good.” Dad cocks his head to the side and hands me a little box. “This is for you.”
“Thanks,” I say nervously. Plucking the box from my father’s hand, I sit down at the table and open it. Inside is a small silver pendant on a chain. “What is this?”
“It was your grandmother’s,” Dad says. “I thought you might want it.”
“Thanks,” I repeat. It strikes me as really strange – I’ve only met Grandma Ida once, and she’d made it clear that she would have preferred it if I’d been a boy – but I do like that my dad is making an effort.
“Of course,” Dad says smoothly. “Listen, Allie, you know you can always talk to me, right?”
“Um, sure, I do,” I reply. “Thanks, Dad.”
Dad chuckles. “I thought it would be nice tonight if we could all go out and have dinner as a family. It’s been a long time, and your mother and I would love to hear all about what you’ve been doing at school. Maybe we can even talk about studying abroad.”
“Really? Wow, that would be great,” I say enthusiastically. A wide smile spreads across my face and I look down at the silver pendant still clutched in my hands.
Inside, my heart is torn and aching. Dane has broken it, and I don’t think it will ever be whole again. But maybe this is a sign – from God, or something. Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy and fall in love.
And maybe, just maybe, this time will finally give my family what we need to heal.
My father purses his lips and nods. “Yes,” he says. “You look a little disheveled. Maybe you should go upstairs and lie down for a while.”
I shift and the wet crotch of my panties drags against my pussy. Flushing hotly, I turn and bolt up the stairs so my father won’t see my red cheeks.
As soon as I’m in the safety of my room, I heave a huge sigh and collapse on the bed without even unzipping my dress. I know it’s probably ruined by now, but I don’t care.
Why would I want a lingering reminder of my failed relationship with Dane?
I roll over and bury my face in the pillows. My body is a raging storm of emotions. Heartbreak, anger, confusion...and a surprising addition of hope. My love life may be over, but now it’s finally time for me to bond with my parents, the way I should have done years ago.
Before I realize it’s happening, I fall into a deep sleep.
I wake up hours later. My room is dark and I can hear my parents talking downstairs. As quickly as I can, I take a quick shower and dress in a loose black cotton dress that hides the bulge of my waist. After swiping lip balm on my lips and twisting my unruly curls into a loose bun, I feel that I look okay.
Downstairs, Mom and Dad look surprised to see me. Another surprise: my father actually smiles at me.
“Are you ready to go?”
My stomach rumbles and I flush as I nod. I expect Mom to make a snide comment about how I’m always hungry, but she stays silent as Dad leads us outside. Nick is waiting by the Town Car. He nods at me as he opens the back door for me to climb inside.
“So, Allie, what did you do all afternoon?” my father asks.
My eyebrows shoot up. I can’t remember the last time my father asked me about my daily activities.
“Um, I studied,” I lie. “Finals are coming up.”
My father nods. “Ah, yes,” he says. He clears his throat.
Suddenly, it hits me that my father is just as nervous of interacting with me as I am with him. The thought is strangely comforting. Maybe my parents have always yearned for a relationship with me, too.
God, I can’t wait to be part of a real family.
The limo stops in front of a fancy Italian restaurant. Inside, mouth watering smells of Bolognese and homemade pasta assault my senses. I lick my lips with anticipation as a glamorous hostess leads us to a large corner booth.
My father raises a hand in the air and a waiter appears tableside.
“The most expensive bottle of red on the menu, I don’t care what varietal,” my father snaps. “Three glasses.”
The waiter looks miffed as he retreats. Inwardly, I’m cringing. Dane would never act so crass in public. Just thinking about his name sends a bolt of pain through me and tears come to my eyes.
No, I tell myself as I look down at the menu. That part of your life is over. You’re never going to be seeing him again, so get over it.
Besides, I can tell that my father is trying his best. It’s not his fault if he’s never learned fancy dining manners. He’s always worked hard to provide for my mother and me.
I feel ungrateful for all the yea
rs where I actively avoided conversation with my parents.
“So, Allie, what looks good to you?” Dad asks.
“Everything,” I say honestly. “But the goat cheese ravioli with asparagus and brown butter sounds great. Oh! And garlic bread, too. With cheese,” I add timidly.
That’s when my mother cuts in. “Allie, you should really be watching your—”
“Shut up, Donna,” my father snaps. He turns and gives me a nice smile. “Sweetie, eat whatever you want. Don’t worry about your mother. She’s just jealous because you’re young.”
My mother looks murderous, but I can’t help relaxing a teeny bit. Just knowing I have one parent on my side feels so good, like basking in the rays of a really powerful sun. I don’t know what I’ve finally done to earn his love and respect, but whatever it is, I’m going to keep at it.
When the waiter comes with the wine, he pours a taste for my father. My father narrows his eyes in response.
“What the hell,” my father says loudly. “I want a full glass, you idiot!”
The waiter raises an eyebrow and clears his throat. “It’s for you to taste, sir,” he says.
My father grabs the glass and downs the whole thing at once. “I already fucking bought the bottle, who cares what it tastes like? Besides, it’s the most expensive one on the menu. I’m sure it’s great.”
My mother looks mortified, as if she wants to melt into the supple leather of the booths, but I can’t help but feel a little pity for my dad. Maybe one day, when we’re closer, I can show him how to dine at a fancy restaurant and he can teach me about his business.
“Very well, sir,” the waiter replies. “Have we decided on a meal?”
“We’ll start with cheesy garlic bread and an order of fried calamari for the table,” my father says. He looks at me and winks. The gesture is so boyish and unexpectedly charming that I can’t help smiling. “And for an entrée, I’ll have the lobster Fra Diavolo.”
The waiter takes my order of ravioli before turning to my mother. With a pinched expression on her face, she orders a garden salad with the dressing on the side.
“So, Allie, were you still interested in studying abroad?” my father asks. He takes a long sip of wine. “We can make that happen, you know.”
I purse my lips and nod. Before this morning, I wouldn’t have wanted to go. The idea of being away from Dane was far too painful, but now that I know I’ll never be with him again, I want to be as far away as possible.
“Yes,” I reply. “I’d love that.” I try the wine. It’s not the best I’ve ever had, but it’s not bad.
“Well, I think you deserve something for doing so well in school,” my father says smoothly. “Bring home the forms you need and I’ll make sure the deposit’s on time.”
My cheeks stretch into a smile. “Thank you, Daddy.”
My father smiles. It’s unfamiliar and almost strange, but I love that he’s trying.
“Of course,” my father says. “Anything for my little girl.”
The rest of the evening is equal parts confusing and magical. When my food comes, it’s heavenly. My father seems to relax with every passing minute and by the end of the night, even my mother seems to be enjoying herself.
In the Town Car on the way home, my belly is full of delicious carbs and I feel sleepy and content. My heart is still twinging and aching from Dane’s harsh rejection, but I have a feeling if I pour my energy into bonding with my family, I’ll eventually recover.
When we get home, my father pauses in the foyer before going into his office.
“Did you have a nice time tonight, Allie?”
I nod and yawn sleepily. “Yeah, Daddy. It was great. Thank you.”
Dad smiles. “Good,” he says. “I hope we can do a lot more things like that as a family.”
“I hope so, too.” I smile awkwardly.
“Just know that I’d do anything for this family,” my father says. His voice turns more serious. “And I expect the same from you and your mother.”
I frown. “Of course, Daddy,” I say. “What makes you think I wouldn’t?”
Dad narrows his eyes. “Don’t worry about it,” he says. “Have a good night, sweetheart.”
“You too, Daddy,” I reply.
Alone in my room, the feeling of happiness and contentment begins to fade as thoughts of Dane come rushing back tenfold. By the time I’m in bed, I’m having a hard time keeping the tears back.
I guess it’s better this way.
But God, it hurts so bad.
Chapter Fourteen
Dane
“Mr. Andersen?”
My head snaps up and I see Lea peering at me inquisitively. She’s holding a mug of steaming black coffee and it smells like heaven.
“What?” I groan. “Why did you wake me up?”
Lea trembles as if I’m about to yell at her. The truth is, I want to – if for no other reason than to get the anger out of my body. She takes a gulp before answering me.
“You have a meeting with the shareholders,” Lea says. “And you’ve been asleep for most of the morning. I brought you this.” She hands me the coffee and I sit up, careful not to spill on my Brooks Brothers Oxford shirt.
“Thanks,” I mutter. “When is the meeting?”
Lea flushes. “It was supposed to start ten minutes ago,” she replies. “They’re waiting for you in the private conference room.”
“Shit,” I grunt under my breath as I get to my feet. I slurp down the coffee, burning my tongue, and thrust the mug back at Lea. Running my hands through my hair, I bolt out of my office and into the small conference room on the executive floor.
“My secretary fucked up the meeting time,” I growl as an excuse as I make my way to the head of the conference table.
My shareholders don’t look amused. “Mr. Andersen, we were hoping to discuss expansion to Dubai,” Mark says.
I narrow my eyes and look down at the papers in front of me. “The Tokyo office is opening next week. I don’t think we should divert resources away from that at this time.”
Mark frowns. “Dane, we’ve done so well lately. We’re on a real streak. I feel that we shouldn’t slow the momentum. It might frighten your other investors.”
“I won the fucking Excellence Award for the fourth year in a row. You seriously think they’ll be frightened away now?”
Mark is silent. Another shareholder, Ben chimes in. “That’s definitely not our intention,” he says slowly. “We just want to capitalize on our current success as much as possible.”
“By allocating resources to a third office when the second isn’t even open yet?” I demand. “You have to be fucking kidding me!”
Mark and Ben exchange a nervous look. I know that I shouldn’t be batting around my shareholders like mice, but I can’t help it. I can smell when people are frightened, and it always just makes me angrier.
“You obviously weren’t prepared to negotiate,” I snap as I get to my feet. “So call me when you’re ready to listen.”
As I storm out of the room, Mark and Ben look shocked. I don’t give a fuck. In fact, part of me wants to run back in there and scream in their faces until they cower.
But I don’t have the energy. All I want to do is go home and drown my sorrows in a bottle of aged Scotch. I walk into my office and slam the door, ignoring Lea’s confused expression.
Ever since I pushed Allie away, I’ve been a miserable husk of a man. I can’t take joy in anything.
Nothing is the same. All food tastes like ash to me and even the most expensive champagne is horrid to choke down. Every time I close my eyes, I see Allie happy and laughing and smiling. Or I see her gasping with pleasure as I suck on her hard clit.
Then the images change and I see her biting back tears in my foyer as she leaves my condo for the last time.
Enough time has passed that I realize I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I’ve always had a hunch that Allie is special, but now I know it’s true. She’s precious
and rare, and I threw her away like a used tissue.
All because I couldn’t be a man and tell her the truth.
God, if only she wasn’t the daughter of James fucking Carter. That nouveau riche piece of trash has no right to call my special girl his daughter.
But that’s not exactly how biology works, is it?
I barely remember my own parents. I don’t know how it would feel to learn that one of them had done something despicable, but I do know one thing: Allie is an innocent. She’s a naïf, a tender-hearted little girl.
Hell, I imagine that she still worships her parents. She’s twenty fucking years old, I’m sure that her old man is still her male ideal.
Which is a sick joke considering he and I used to work together.
It’s better this way. My life is miserable and empty. I’ve got piles of money and no gorgeous girl to spend it on. I should buy a private island and live out the rest of my days as a hermit repentant for his crimes against an innocent child.
The worst thing about this is no matter how many times I tell myself it’s for the best, I can’t stop thinking about Allie’s magnetic presence. Her sweet innocence, which will no doubt be ruined in a few short years by the vulgarity of the world