Love for Imperfect Things

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Love for Imperfect Things Page 11

by Haemin Sunim

Perhaps we interfere in other people’s lives

  because we are too afraid to face

  the emptiness and loneliness in our own.

  * * *

  *

  Even the person who looks like he has it all

  is living in a hell of his own.

  We all face challenges that others can’t imagine.

  Remember that appearances aren’t everything.

  * * *

  *

  Often the real cause of depression

  is not sadness but anger.

  Although you were very angry,

  you had to hold your anger in.

  And then you felt weak and pathetic

  for having been stepped on like a doormat.

  Your anger then ended up attacking you

  instead of the person who made you angry.

  If you are suffering from depression,

  consider whether you are suppressing anger.

  * * *

  *

  If you think about only your own problems,

  they seem big and unique to you,

  and you can become depressed.

  But if you begin to care about the problems of others,

  you realize that yours are neither big nor unique.

  * * *

  *

  One way to overcome

  feelings of emptiness, irritation, or depression

  is to perform a small act of kindness for somebody else.

  Try saying to yourself,

  “Even though I’m busy,

  today I will treat someone else with kindness.”

  The small gesture expressing that good intention

  can become the seed of great change.

  * * *

  *

  Find happiness not in financial or business success,

  but by spending time with friends and loved ones.

  When you’ve achieved your professional goals,

  you end up setting new and higher ones,

  making you feel you still don’t have enough.

  Happiness then becomes a mirage, forever out of reach.

  But time spent with friends brings us happiness

  not in the future but in the here and now.

  Having close friends whom we can share

  both the good and bad times with

  is one of the sure ways to happiness.

  * * *

  *

  When your life feels empty and mildly depressing,

  see if you can do one of the following.

  1. Learn something new: It could be anything—

  a musical instrument, a craft, a sport, a foreign language.

  2. Spend two to three hours a week volunteering:

  You will feel good for doing something meaningful.

  3. Invite friends for lunch:

  When we feel connected, we feel less depressed and lonely.

  4. Meditate on the truth of impermanence in this world:

  It is natural for things to change.

  Willingly accept that change.

  * * *

  *

  Imagine that you’ve achieved everything you had hoped for.

  You found a good job, a loving spouse, and the house of your dreams.

  You got promoted, and your children are doing well in school.

  You survived illness, and you have ample savings.

  You can finally relax and stop worrying, right?

  But how about two or three months from now?

  You will inevitably find new things to worry about.

  Even if our circumstances change for the better,

  if our habit of mind hasn’t changed,

  we will wind up finding new things to be unhappy about.

  * * *

  *

  Even if we are born in heaven,

  some people will still find fault.

  They will say that heaven is too perfect and too nice.

  * * *

  *

  “I think everybody should get rich and famous

  and do everything they ever dreamed of

  so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

  —JIM CARREY, VIA TWITTER

  * * *

  *

  I went to a smart new café in my neighborhood.

  I wanted to order a delicious-looking slice of cake,

  but when I heard how expensive it was,

  I just ordered some tea.

  But I had that cake in my mind for the rest of the day.

  After two days, I still couldn’t get it out of my mind,

  so I went back to the café, bought a slice, and ate it.

  It was delicious, but not extraordinarily delicious.

  This must be the kind of feeling people have

  after winning the Nobel Prize or becoming president.

  * * *

  *

  We sometimes find it difficult

  to control our emotions.

  At such times, take some quiet time alone.

  Go for a walk on your own, watch a great film,

  read a new book, or do some meditation.

  Give the suppressed emotion space

  until it can breathe easily.

  * * *

  *

  In Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village,

  one day a week is a lazy day,

  when people greet each other by asking,

  “How lazy are you today?”

  Give yourself the gift of a lazy day one day a week.

  Make friends with the blue sky or the cool breeze.

  * * *

  *

  There are times when all you want to do

  is lie on the couch and watch TV.

  It’s about time you gave your hardworking mind a moment to relax.

  You can’t be productive all the time.

  * * *

  *

  When the world knocks you down,

  get back up and keep on walking.

  Even if the pain makes you cry,

  even if you want to die of embarrassment,

  just carry on.

  As you keep on walking, things will get better.

  As you keep on walking, things will be forgotten.

  You are a brave soul, choosing to grow through pain.

  I am rooting for you!

  * * *

  *

  “Suffering is a door

  that opens onto a new world.”

  —CARDINAL KIM SOU-HWAN

  There is always a gap

  between what you know and how you act.

  Just because you have read an inspiring book or received a great lesson from a spiritual teacher, it doesn’t mean your life will change instantly.

  Only when you put your new knowledge into action, slowly and with a lot of effort, will change begin to come.

  In Buddhism, too, the experience of enlightenmentis followed by a lifetime work of bodhisattva, helping all living beings in this world to close this gap.

  Chapter Seven

  ENLIGHTENMENT

  The true nature of our mind is like the sky.

  Our thoughts are like clouds,

  our emotions like lightning,

  and the sky accepts them all equally,

  watching as they shift and move across it.

  The weather of thoughts and emotions rises and passes away,

  but the sky remains the same—clear, luminous, open.

  THE MIND’S TRUE HOME

  AFTER TWO DAYS OF SUMMER rain speeding the advance of autumn, the sky finally cleared, poking its blue face out from between the clouds. With the blue
sky for a backdrop, the trees’ leaves danced excitedly in the wind, like red and yellow waving hands. For me, early autumn is always a time to go on a meditation retreat. I usually go to a mountain monastery in Korea, but this year I went to Plum Village, the Buddhist community near Bordeaux, France, established by the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. When Thich Nhat Hanh visited Korea in 2013 along with his disciples, I served as his interpreter for his public talks and formed a precious relationship with him. I had always wanted to see for myself how his wonderful teachings were put into practice in Plum Village, so when the opportunity presented itself to visit, I seized it.

  At the time of the Vietnam War, Thich Nhat Hanh led the antiwar movement inside and outside of Vietnam. Seeing his efforts, Martin Luther King Jr. was greatly moved and nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize. After the war, Thich Nhat Hanh was unable to return to Vietnam, so he settled in France, where he started a small Buddhist community together with those who came to seek his teachings. As time passed, what had originally been a small commune attracted ever larger numbers of visiting practitioners. Unfortunately, Thich Nhat Hanh’s health has been in decline since 2014, and he has been unable to give public teachings. In spite of this, many people from all over the world still visit Plum Village in order to practice mindfulness meditation.

  * * *

  *

  WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED AT PLUM VILLAGE, I was immediately struck by how slowly everybody walked. It was a marked contrast with daily life in towns and cities, where everybody is always in a rush. The monks and lay practitioners of Plum Village walk slowly not only to deepen their mindfulness but also to enjoy the act of walking itself. And I discovered that it wasn’t just walking; they also eat very slowly, a mouthful at a time, quietly savoring the meal. No matter what delicacy we might have in front of us, if our mind wanders while we are eating, then we won’t be able to taste a thing. But if our mind is fully alert, even a mouthful of tea can taste like nothing we have ever experienced before.

  * * *

  *

  THICH NHAT HANH’S MOST IMPORTANT teaching is that the mind must be fully present in the here and now, including while we walk and eat. Rather than getting caught up in its own thoughts, mulling over past memories or future worries, the mind stays in the present moment because the place of enlightenment that practitioners seek is in the here and now, the mind’s true home. When our mind is fully present, it naturally becomes calm and centered, without many distracting thoughts, allowing us to enjoy our lives fully and focus on what we do—whether it is having a conversation with our friends, cooking a meal for family, or cleaning floors.

  Thich Nhat Hanh also teaches that we should be mindful of our breathing, as it is an important bridge between body and mind. If our breathing is calm, our mind will be calm, and if our breathing is agitated, our mind will be agitated. The same goes the other way around: Frantic minds make for frantic breathing, and peaceful minds produce peaceful breathing. In addition, breathing always happens in the here and now and thus anchors our mind in the present. As we breathe more calmly and deeply, the mind follows suit, savoring deep and peaceful silence.

  * * *

  *

  AS MY PRACTICE OF MINDFUL breathing deepens, the door of wisdom begins to open. People typically equate the mind with thoughts, as if thoughts are the only things there. However, once experiencing the peaceful silence that lies in the gap between one thought and the next, I see how a thought appears from that silence and also disappears into it by itself. Consequently, I don’t attach too much importance to each thought but pay more attention to the quiet space in between thoughts. The space of silence then gradually expands, and I begin to feel that even a good thought is not as pleasant as the peaceful silence.

  Eventually I come to realize that this peaceful silence exists not only inside my body, but outside it as well, as it is impossible to pinpoint precisely where the silence begins and ends. The conceptual division between the self and the world collapses, and I come to realize that the silence is the mind’s unshakable true nature as well as the unmanifested ground of the universe before its creation. I finally come to understand the Zen proverb “There is no difference whatsoever among the mind, the world, and the Buddha.”

  * * *

  *

  WHILE THE SKY IS DYED ORANGE and red by the sunset, a monk solemnly rings the evening bell. The sound echoes reverently throughout the grounds of Plum Village. It is accompanied by the sounds of gentle footsteps, as people make their way toward the meditation hall. Seeing all this, my heart blooms into a flower of gratitude and contentment.

  * * *

  *

  When you eat your next meal, try closing your eyes.

  We tend to rely on sight far more than on the other senses.

  If you close your eyes and slowly savor the taste,

  a whole new world will open up to you.

  * * *

  *

  Five ways to clear your thoughts and find peace in the present:

  Look at beautiful scenery, and smile.

  Close your eyes and breathe deeply ten times.

  Listen to music with your eyes closed.

  Enjoy walking without a destination in mind.

  Shift your attention to your body, focusing on how your shoulders and back feel.

  * * *

  *

  When you are lost in thought,

  you might not see what is right in front of you.

  But if you concentrate on what is right in front of you,

  you will be able to pause your thoughts.

  Rather than struggling to stop your thoughts,

  simply look at what is in front of you.

  This brings the mind to the present.

  * * *

  *

  Breathing is an incredible time machine,

  bringing our minds

  from thoughts of the past or the future

  back to the present moment.

  * * *

  *

  When a baseball player hits a home run,

  after passing first, second, and third base,

  he returns to home base, where he started.

  When we begin our spiritual journey,

  we leave home in search of something wonderful,

  only to realize that what we long sought

  has been inside us all along.

  * * *

  *

  When your mind focuses on your breathing,

  becoming fully alert and free of idle thoughts,

  you suddenly realize

  that the peace and contentment in your mind

  is more precious than anything you can buy.

  * * *

  *

  If you get up very early in the morning,

  with your house dark and the world quiet,

  try listening to the sound of silence.

  Feel both its emptiness and fullness.

  Silence is tranquil, immaculate, and comforting.

  It doesn’t demand anything from you.

  No matter where you are,

  the feeling of calm wholeness is available

  to anyone who just listens quietly.

  * * *

  *

  Don’t assume that a still mind is boring.

  Inside the stillness

  hides the utmost peace and contentment.

  If the mind is fully alert to that stillness,

  it will also discover its true nature,

  indestructible even after death.

  * * *

  *

  Your true nature is not something

  you can obtain by searching for it.

  It will reveal itself to you

  when the mind grows quiet.

  * * *

  *

&nbs
p; When the sky is empty of clouds,

  we can see its blue depths.

  And when the mind is empty of thoughts,

  we can feel its true nature.

  * * *

  *

  “Silence is deep as Eternity;

  speech is shallow as Time.”

  —THOMAS CARLYLE

  * * *

  *

  Thoughts and emotions surface and recede inside the mind.

  But what is it that registers their coming and going?

  Is it another thought, or something else?

  If it is another thought, then that thought must be known as well.

  And then what is that which knows that thought?

  If you look deeply, it is not another thought.

  It is the inner silence that knows.

  That formless and immaculate silence is your true nature.

  * * *

  *

  The mind is like a mirror,

  which nothing can ever mark or mar.

  In the mind’s mirror, jealousy, hatred, and greed

  can be reflected as fleeting images.

  But these are only reflections on the mirror’s surface;

  the mirror itself is not marked by them.

  Do not see yourself in mere reflections,

  mistakenly imagining that they are yourself.

  * * *

  *

  When thoughts or emotions arise,

  do not attach the word “I” to them,

  assuming that they are

 

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