“I’ll probably student teach at her school, but I’ll have meetings and stuff to do. I can’t commit to watching her.”
I braced my arms on the counter and hung my head. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I would have to find another babysitter or find somewhere that did after-school daycare. And that still didn’t solve my problem of what to do if I needed someone in the evening. And hell, there was travel involved for away football games. I would not only need someone in the evenings—I would need someone to stay overnight. The only way I’d been able to make everything work over the summer was because I trusted Rachel implicitly, and the kids loved her. I didn’t know how to make things work without her.
“Hey,” Rachel said softly, wrapping her arms around me. “It’ll work out.”
“I don’t see how it can.” I automatically returned her embrace, but for the first time, it didn’t soothe me like it normally did. I wished the status quo didn’t have to change. The summer had been almost perfect, and now I was on the brink of everything going to hell. “The kids have only been here a few months, and already it’s clear that I’m in way over my head. I can’t do this without you.”
She was silent for a moment. “I’ll help however I can. You know that.”
“Yeah.” But I didn’t know if it would be enough.
***
Rachel
“KEEP THE DOOR locked,” I told Ashley sternly.
She nodded solemnly.
“You have my number. I’ll be back in half an hour.”
“Okay. Got it.” Though she tried to come across as nonchalant, I could tell she was proud of the fact that I was allowing her to stay home alone with Emily. I was thinking that putting trust in Ashley and giving her this responsibility might help her mature. In any event, I was confident the girls would be fine in the short time I had to be out.
I dropped Ben off at a friend’s house then headed toward campus to pick up Eli. I hadn’t seen him since he’d returned from studying abroad. While we’d kept in touch via email, it wasn’t the same as our regular dinners. When he hopped in the car, I let out a bona fide squeal and wrapped my arms around him.
He laughed. “I’m happy to see you too.”
I disentangled my arms and put the car into drive. “We gotta move, though. The Chinese food should be ready, and the restaurant is on the way.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Hangry?”
“No, actually. Not this time. I let Ashley and Emily stay home, and I told them I’d be back in half an hour. That leaves me fourteen minutes.”
We made it back to the house with two minutes to spare, and I mentally patted myself on the back for my efficient errand running.
The girls took their dinner into the living room so they could watch TV, leaving Eli and me at the kitchen table.
I coated an egg roll with duck sauce. “Tell me about your trip.”
“It was amazing. I’d live in Europe if I could.” He told me all about spending time at the Louvre and other museums in Paris and about his weekend trips to nearby countries. “It’s kind of a bummer to be back, but at least I have RA training to look forward to.” He wrinkled his nose. The training was the reason he was back on campus so early. He was going to be a resident advisor in a dorm, which meant his room and board would be covered and he would get a stipend. It was a pretty good deal, especially for Eli, who spent so much time on campus in the art studio. Moving off campus didn’t make sense for him.
“I should have done that.” If I’d been smarter my freshman year, I would have pursued an RA position for my subsequent years. I wouldn’t have been able to live with Katie, though.
I took our dirty dishes to the sink then returned to the table and picked up Ashley’s costume for her drama summer school showcase. She was playing one of the female characters in a scene from Fiddler on the Roof. I couldn’t remember which one. Her costume needed patches sewn onto it, and she’d already ruined one skirt in her attempts. She’d wanted to do it herself, but she eventually became so frustrated that I offered to take over. Not that my sewing skills were much better than hers, but I had a lot more patience.
“What’s that?” Eli asked.
“Ashley’s costume. She needs it for dress rehearsal tomorrow. And crap, Emily’s uniform is in the washer. Hang on. Let me switch it to the dryer.”
When I got done doing that, Eli was smirking. “Look at you being all wifely and motherly. Maybe you fit in better with the Byrne girls than you’re letting on.”
I stared at him, unable to formulate a response. With Ashley’s costume in my lap and the way the kids’ schedules for the next day were running through the back of my mind, I had trouble making a solid argument. I’d deliberately shaped my life so that I wouldn’t follow in my mother and sisters’ footsteps, and Eli knew that.
“This is different,” I said finally. But is it really?
“I don’t know. It seems a lot like you and Jake are playing house.”
I laughed, trying to make light of his comments. It wasn’t as if I’d quit college to get married and pop out babies. I was still on the same life trajectory as I always had been, so it was irrational for Eli’s words to bother me as much as they did. So what if I do Jake’s laundry and cook dinner every night? It didn’t change anything. Besides, I wanted to do it. Don’t I?
I looked at the costume in my lap, but my tears blurred my vision so much that I stabbed myself with the needle when I tried to make the next stitch. I pushed away from the table and went to the sink to run my finger under cool water.
Are Jake and I playing house? I could see how it might look that way, but it was different. There was no way I had inadvertently slid into the role held by my mother and sisters. No way in hell.
But it was in my genes. What if I couldn’t escape it? A foreign voice inside my mind whispered, It’s okay to want that. I ignored it.
“Hey, Rach, I’m sorry.” Eli put a hand on my arm. “I was just joking. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Eli’s words had cut deep. His casual observation rang truer than if he’d been trying to hurt me, which he would never do.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I just never thought about it like that before.”
“As long as you’re happy.”
Happy… I’m happy, right? Sure, Jake had been more stressed than usual, but I’d known going in that he had a lot on his plate. I didn’t expect it to be sunshine and roses all the time.
“Sure.” I smiled brightly. “Dating the boss has its perks.” Though I didn’t know if that were true. When Jake came home late, I didn’t get mad, nor did I demand more pay. I did way more than we’d originally agreed upon, like the laundry and the grocery shopping. But I didn’t know if I was being a dedicated employee or a stellar girlfriend. I’d never stopped to think about it because while I’d done childcare before, this was my first nanny job. And I’d never been in a relationship like this one either.
Jake wasn’t forcing me to go above and beyond, though. I was doing it because I wanted to, and that made all the difference. Keep telling yourself that.
“I’m sure it does. So, listen…” Eli swallowed. “I think I’m ready to talk to Mom and Dad.” That subject change was enough to get me out of my head.
“Really?” Eli hadn’t mentioned anything about it in our emails throughout the summer, so I’d figured he had changed his mind. I hadn’t brought it up because I hadn’t wanted to influence him one way or another.
“Yes. I don’t want to hide it anymore. Will you still be with me when I talk to them?”
“Of course.” As much as I hated conflict, I wouldn’t abandon him just to save myself from an uncomfortable situation.
“You know, I was thinking, since my RA position pays my room and board, maybe Dad can put that money toward your tuition instead.”
“Hmm.” That would be fantastic, but I wasn’t holding my breath. According to my dad, I didn’t need an advanced education because when I got married, my husband would take care of me. It
was the twenty-first century, for eff’s sake. I didn’t expect his opinion to miraculously change, though.
Eli grinned wryly. “Or who knows? If they disown me, maybe he’ll give you all my college money.”
“Don’t joke about that,” I said sharply. My parents weren’t going to welcome Eli’s news, but I desperately hoped that over time, they would accept it. As much as I griped about and didn’t understand my family, I did love them. I’d always thought the reverse was true regarding their feelings toward Eli and me.
“I’m prepared either way.” Suddenly, he jumped up, knocking his chair over. “What the—”
Princess Buttercup emerged from under the table, eying Eli as if asking, “What’s your problem?” She must have rubbed against his bare leg, catching him off guard. Oh, Princess.
Eli looked at me. “What’s she doing here?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t want her to be lonely in the apartment since I’m almost never there.”
“She doesn’t even like people, so why would she be lonely? She probably prefers it that way.”
“She likes certain people, like Katie, Wyatt, and now, apparently, Ashley.” At the sound of the door opening, I smiled. “Jake’s home. Good. I want you to meet him.”
Eli checked under the table to make sure the cat hadn’t snuck back under there before reclaiming his seat. Jake walked into the kitchen, and the first thing I noticed was the bag of ice on his hand.
I jumped up. “What happened?”
“I jammed my finger, and now it’s swelling up.” He scowled at his hand like it was conspiring against him.
“Are you sure it’s not sprained?”
“It better not be. The trainer didn’t think it was. But it’s just another damn thing.” He seemed to notice Eli for the first time. “Sorry, man. I assume you’re Eli?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I grimaced, feeling like a bad sister for having momentarily forgotten my brother was sitting there. “Eli, meet Jake.”
Eli stood and held out his hand. Then he thought better of it, given Jake’s injury, and retracted it. “Nice to meet you.”
Jake inclined his head. “Same. I’m going to shower.” He walked off, and I stared after him. What the hell? I’d been looking forward to introducing the two of them, so Jake’s response hurt.
Get over it. My feelings might be hurt, but Jake was literally hurt. It was just his finger, but still. I wouldn’t put it past him to underplay how bad the injury was.
After Jake closed the bathroom door, Eli looked at me. “Maybe I should go.”
I sighed. My much-anticipated reunion with my brother had gone downhill in a hurry. “Sorry. He’s not normally so brusque. He’s been really stressed lately.” I hated feeling like I had to make excuses for him. What I’d said was true, but it upset me that Jake hadn’t been more welcoming.
Eli grinned, not seeming bothered by Jake’s rudeness. “Perhaps you should help him with that.”
“Oh my God.” I stuck my fingers in my ears. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
***
Jake
ONCE IN THE bathroom, I thoroughly inspected my finger and winced as pain shot through it when I flexed it. Goddammit. What a stupid fucking injury. I’d been healthy all summer, and now I’d jammed my finger a week before official practices started. I hoped that wasn’t an omen of what was to come.
Sighing, I turned on the water in the shower as hot as I could stand it. I wasn’t normally a diva who spent an excessive amount of time in the shower, but I motionlessly stood under the spray, which blasted into me. I was still standing there twenty minutes later when there was a gentle knock on the door.
“Yeah?”
The door opened a crack. “Is everything okay?” Rachel asked.
“Yeah.”
The door closed, and I braced an arm against the tile, letting the water hit me in the face. A few moments later, the shower curtain rustled. I wiped the water out of my eyes.
Rachel stood there. Her hair was pulled up, and her breasts were on display. “Can I join you?”
I nodded. Like she even has to ask. I had been in a shitty mood when I’d come home. And fuck. I hadn’t made a great first impression with her brother.
She pulled the curtain aside, and I took in the sight of her naked body. Though she’d spent a fair amount of time at the pool, she didn’t have any tan lines due to her excessive use of sunscreen. Her beautiful shape was covered in the same tone of creamy white skin. I loved that about her.
She stepped into the tub and hissed as the hot water hit the dimples on her lower back.
“Sorry.” I reached for the spigot.
She put a hand on my arm to stop me. “No, it’s okay. I just need a minute to get used to it.”
Still, I wrapped my arms around her and used my body to shield her from the spray. She rested her cheek on my chest. The feel of her body pressed flush against mine was bliss. “I didn’t mean to be an ass to your brother. Is he still here?”
“I just took him home.”
“Damn. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll see him again.”
“Hopefully.”
She tilted her face up, and I kissed her, taking my time. She ran her fingers up my spine, and I shivered despite the steam and hot water. I slipped my hand between us and found her clit. Gasping, she arched her back.
Her hand wrapped around my cock and started stroking. Then her second hand joined the first, applying just the right amount of pressure. Holy shit. My knees went weak, so I braced myself against the tile, keeping her against me.
She sucked on my neck, not letting up with her hands. When I was about to come, I put my hand under her chin to tilt her face up so I could kiss her. Clinging to her, I let myself go.
CHAPTER 22
Rachel
THOUGH I WOULD have preferred to stay snuggled in bed with Jake, I was in the kitchen before he was even awake. Today was Ashley’s mock swim meet, so I wanted to cook her a big breakfast. Jake deserved a big breakfast too. I felt bad for him. His injury seemed minor, but minor injuries could have major effects for someone who used their hands like he did. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it, though, so I hadn’t pressed. Hopefully, he hadn’t been downplaying the injury the previous night when he’d said it was no big deal. It was on his right hand, though, which would make taking his final exam that day a bitch.
Jake wandered down to the kitchen before any of the kids showed up, which didn’t surprise me. I fully expected to have to drag Ashley out of bed to enjoy the breakfast I was cooking—blueberry pancakes with a side of bacon.
Jake wrapped his arms around me from behind as I flipped pancakes. “Good morning.” He lifted my hair so he could kiss my neck. “Did you sleep well?”
Closing my eyes, I let myself get lost in the moment until I smelled burning pancakes. Shit. I flipped them. While they were dark, they were edible. Whew.
I looked at Jake coyly. “You know I did.” I might have been giving in the shower, but he had been even more giving in the bedroom before we’d turned out the light. “What time is your exam?”
“Ten. I need to do some last-minute studying since I didn’t get to it last night.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize, but I didn’t. He’d been the initiator in the bedroom.
I flipped the pancakes one last time. “These are ready if you’re hungry.”
He took a plate out of the cabinet and held it out. “Yes, please.” His hair dipped low over his forehead, making me think of Oliver Twist in that fateful scene where he asks for more food. Only this Oliver Twist was a man who was deliciously irresistible.
After grabbing the butter and syrup, Jake settled at the kitchen table. “I do feel bad about your brother, though. Maybe he can come over for dinner on Sunday or something.”
“Um, I’m not sure. It depends on how things go at my parents’ house. I’m not sure what time we’ll be back.”
“What?
”
I poured more pancake batter onto the skillet. “Oh, sorry. I meant to tell you last night, but I guess I got distracted. Eli and I are going home for the weekend. He’s decided to tell them.” Jake already knew that Eli was gay and that no one else in my family knew.
“This weekend?”
I tensed, instinctively feeling conflict coming. “Yes.”
“You can’t. I need you here. I have a thing this weekend.” His tone was neutral, like it was perfectly normal for him to rule over my schedule. That bothered me more than if he’d sounded angry.
I turned slowly. “There’s nothing on the calendar but Emily’s soccer party on Saturday. You never told me about anything.” I could mention that our employment agreement didn’t include weekends, but I kept that to myself. That wasn’t the issue.
“There’s a team barbecue on Saturday, our last chance to get together socially before the season starts. It’s kind of a tradition.” He stared at me, his expression indicating I should have known.
I stared right back, not recognizing him. “You didn’t tell me about this.”
He pushed his plate away and rested his forearms on the table. “I’m telling you now.”
Like that’s supposed to settle it?
“It’s too late now.” I struggled to keep my voice even. “I made a commitment to my brother.”
“But I need you here.”
I shook my head. “My brother needs me.”
“I need you.”
Under other circumstances, I might have been thrilled to hear those words from him. But at the moment, they just made me angry because they didn’t come from a place of love or affection—they were purely selfish.
I turned back toward the stove and, with shaking hands, flipped the pancakes that were starting to burn. Damn it. I felt bad enough already to be skipping Emily’s soccer party, but I thought it might be nice for Jake to take the lead on that one since he’d missed some of her games. It was a shame he had a conflict, but he would have to figure it out. It would be easy enough for him to attend Emily’s party and show up late to the barbecue. Hell, he’d had no problem being late to her events. The bitter thought wasn’t like me, but I was pissed.
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