by K. A. Finn
‘Yeah. I need to understand. I need to know why the person I’ve known my whole life became an addict in the space of a few weeks. We saw each other at Christmas. You were fine. The tour was going really well and you’d gotten number one for the second year in a row. Everything was great. What the fuck happened?’
‘Don’t curse.’
‘Stop treating me like I’m a kid. I’ll curse if I fucking want to. If I added to a swear jar every time you cursed, I’d be worth more than you are at this stage.’
‘Seriously? You’re having a go at me about cursing now?’
‘No, I’m having a go at you because you won’t talk to me. You can’t expect me to be okay with you if you’re being dishonest with me.’
‘Hey, don’t go there. What the fu—’ he pauses and swallows the curse. ‘What have I been dishonest about?’
‘There’s no way you fell into taking something like heroin out of nowhere. Do you think I’m stupid?’ She sniffs and wipes her face on her arm.
Tate looks over at his sister. She’s crying. He did that.
‘Do you have any idea what it was like to get that call from Mum? Tate’s in hospital. He’s unconscious. It looks like a drug overdose.’ She looks at him and wipes more tears away. ‘How would you feel if you got that call, huh? You’d want answers, wouldn’t you? You’d be desperate to know why it happened so you could do everything in your power to make sure the person you love would never get into that situation again.
‘You’d second guess every single thing they said and did in the weeks leading up to it. You’d wonder if it had been going on for longer and you just didn’t notice. Or if something terrible happened to them and they couldn’t deal with it. All these thoughts would be racing around your head, over and over again. Then when they eventually wake up after six terrifying days unconscious, they won’t tell you a thing. No reason. No explanation. Nothing to help you to help them.’
‘Bria—’
‘You were my damn hero, Tate. You protected me from the monsters under the bed, from the goblins I swore were hiding in my wardrobe. You remember how the left-hand door would never close properly? I swore there were things hiding in here, looking out the open door. You propped a chair against it to keep it closed.’
‘Yeah. Didn’t help though. You thought I was doing it to keep the goblins inside and if you moved the chair they’d fall out and come after you. You didn’t go near the thing for going on a year.’
She laughs and wipes her face again. ‘I hated that wardrobe.’ She falls into silence and looks at the waves crashing further down the beach. He feels like she’s just reached into his chest and beaten the shit out of his heart.
He gets it. It shouldn’t have taken her saying all that for the truth to sink in, but he absolutely understands why she wanted nothing to do with him when he woke up. He never thought about her getting that phone call. He had focused on the fact his parents found him, but never thought about her hearing what he did.
‘I’ve been using for years, Bria.’
‘What?’
‘Nothing as serious as heroin, but using full stop was fucking stupid. Doesn’t matter what it was.’
‘Do Mum and Dad know? Do the guys know?’
‘I don’t think Mum knows, but Dad does. I didn’t use alone. Dillon and Luke did too. Gregg a little, but he was the one who eventually kicked us all into shape. We took a step back, but never fully stopped.’
‘Right. You managed to keep that well hidden.’
‘It wasn’t all the time. Anyway things escalated after Christmas. I started remembering stuff about my past... from before I was adopted.’
Bria looks over at him but doesn’t say anything.
‘My father, at least I think he’s my father, hit me. I think I blocked it all out and forgot about it until Christmas. I got really intense nightmares. Every single night. Then the memories would hit when I was awake. I couldn’t escape them. I couldn’t sleep. I was knackered from the tour anyway and this just made it worse. I tried blocking it out with drink, but it didn’t work so I stepped it up.’
He shrugs and picks at some seaweed beside him. ‘I didn’t think about what I was doing. It didn’t register that I was taking heroin. I just kept focusing on the fact that when I took it, I didn’t care about the dreams and my memories. They went away.’
‘Were the nightmares that bad?’
He nods. ‘It’s a shite excuse and I can’t tell you how much I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I can’t.’
She reaches out and takes his hand. ‘Are you still getting nightmares?’
‘Sometimes. I don’t want Mum and Dad to know about this, okay?’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I’m saying I don’t want them to know.’
‘Fine. I won’t tell them. Have you been tempted to...’
‘Use again?’ She nods. ‘I don’t want to, but I can’t promise it won’t happen. All I can do is keep up with my appointments and take it day by day. Not a great answer, I know.’
Bria leans against him and strokes his arm. ‘It’s an honest answer. Do you remember anything else from when you were a child?’
‘Nothing definitive.’ He’s disgusted how easily the lie comes to him. ‘It’s just images. Kind of like watching snippets from a badly filmed show with no sound. All I know is that I’m being hurt. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to remember. I’ve been doing okay so far not knowing what the fuck happened.’
‘I know, but maybe you need to—’
‘No, Bria. I don’t. I’ll be grand so please leave it.’
She gives him one of her disapproving looks but doesn’t push him. They’re both too stubborn for their own good. She knows they could easily spend the next hour going over this with neither side backing down.
‘Does Chloe know about all this?’
‘I had to tell her. It wouldn’t have been fair to see her and not be honest with her. She deserved to know what she was getting in to.’
‘You really like her, don’t you?’
‘Probably shouldn’t until I get myself sorted, but yeah. I really do.’
‘So what do you have planned this weekend?’
‘I was going to do some writing, but I don’t have to. You want to do something?’
Bria pushes away from him and looks at him like he’s speaking another language. ‘You’re joking, right?’
‘You could just have said no. If it’s too early to—’ He grunts as she punches him in the shoulder. ‘What the fuck was that for?’
‘Chloe’s birthday is on Sunday.’
Tate stares at his sister as the words take their sweet time to register with him. ‘Her what? This Sunday? As in the Sunday at the end of this week?’
‘Yes, this Sunday. She didn’t tell you?’
‘No, she didn’t. Why didn’t she tell me?’
Bria shrugs. ‘Maybe she thought you had too much on your plate already? Whatever the reason, you know now, so what’s the plan?’
He doesn’t have a plan. Where does he even start sorting out a plan? He’s never done anything like this before. When one of the guys had a birthday, they’d go out and get wasted. Not a good idea or anything Chloe would appreciate.
‘I haven’t got a clue. We’ve only been with each other for a few weeks. What the hell should I do? It’s not a big birthday, is it?’
‘You’re off the hook there. She’s turning thirty-one. Okay, no need to panic. There’s plenty of time. What are you up to today?’
‘Sounds like I need to crack on and get her a birthday present.’
She gets to her feet and brushes off her jeans. ‘And organise a dinner or a party or something special. C’mon, you don’t have time to be sitting on the beach staring at the sea. It’s the first birthday with you as a couple. It has to be special.’
‘Great. Thanks. No pressure then.’
∞
Chloe straightens the hem of her top and makes a face at
her reflection. Her sister is due to pick her up in half an hour and take her for a birthday dinner with the family. She hasn’t seen Steph for a few months and is looking forward to a proper catch up. Someone will be missing from the evening and that’s the part that’s making her a little less enthusiastic.
It’s her fault for not telling Tate it’s her birthday. The event had completely slipped her mind until a few days ago then he’d gotten drunk and any thoughts of her birthday were pushed to the back of her mind.
She wants to see her family again, but she wants Tate there too. By the time she plucked up the courage to tell him earlier today, he had already arranged to spend the evening in the studio. He’ll be less than happy when she does tell him, but she didn’t know what else to do.
An hour later, she’s still kicking herself for not coming clean with Tate. Although after being asked the millionth question about him by Steph it’s probably a good idea he’s not coming tonight. It didn’t help that she was a fairly big fan of his and knew more about his music than Chloe herself did.
Chloe manages to dodge yet another probing question about Tate as Steph drives up the gravel driveway and parks her car in a vacant spot beside all the other patrons. The country house is spectacular. Dozens of trees lining the driveway are covered in white fairy lights. The place is beautiful.
‘Wow. I’m impressed.’
‘I found it on the net. It gets brilliant reviews.’
‘I’ll give it five stars for the outside alone.’
‘Good start. Come on. Mum and Dad are probably waiting.’
Steph leads the way through the stone archway into a medieval style entranceway. A well-dressed attendant smiles as they approach.
‘We have a table booked under the name Quinn.’
He disappears down the corridor and around the corner. Chloe’s stomach rumbles as the enticing aroma of dinner hits her. It’s a shame Tate can’t be here to see this place, but she is still going to enjoy her evening.
He comes back and gestures for them to follow. He opens a set of heavy, wooden double doors into a breath-taking dining room. The ceiling stretches high above them, supported by exposed beams. Wrought iron chandeliers hang from the beams, each one filled with dozens of candles. Chloe sits on the chair he pulls out and smiles at her parents.
‘Oh my God. This place is gorgeous.’
Her mother looks around the room and smiles. ‘It is, isn’t it? So, how has your day been so far?’
‘Not too bad. This is certainly the highlight.’
Her parents laugh and Steph joins in. They sit back in their chairs and look at her, each one with a ridiculous smile on their faces.
‘Okay, what’s with the cheesy grins?’
‘Have you looked around you?’ Steph asks.
‘Of course I have.’ Chloe is seriously confused. Her family is acting like she’s missing something glaringly obvious. The room suddenly falls silent. She glances to her left and sees a familiar face at the table next to her. And the one next to that. And the one next to that. She knows everyone in the room. They’re all her friends, family or work colleagues. ‘Oh God. What’s going on?’
Steph points to the doorframe behind her. Chloe looks over her shoulder and sees an enormous banner. Happy Birthday, Chloe.
The applause starts and builds as everyone stands and claps. ‘You did this?’ she asks her family. Her mother shakes her head and points to her right. Chloe follows her direction and spots Bria sitting at a table on the far side of the room. Right behind her is Tate. She gets up and walks over to him, hugging him tightly as he stands.
‘You did this for me?’
‘Happy birthday.’ He kisses her and the room erupts in clapping and caterwauling. ‘This okay?’
‘Are you freaking kidding me? I can’t believe you organised this.’
‘Well I had a fair bit of help from Bria and your folks.’ He takes a step back and looks her up and down. ‘You are fucking gorgeous.’
Chloe smiles at him. She’s never had someone say that to her the way he does. People throw that compliment around quite a bit but every single time he tells her she knows it’s the truth. He thinks she’s gorgeous. Then again, in his navy suit, white shirt, and navy tie, he’s rather impressive himself.
‘A suit twice in the space of a few weeks - and a tie this time. I could get used to this.’
‘Yeah, well don’t. It won’t be a regular occurrence. First time meeting your parents. I have to make a good impression. How about some grub? I hear it’s pretty amazing.’
∞
Tate can’t keep his eyes off Chloe as dinner is served. He thought organising a surprise dinner might not have gone down well but after having a chat with her gran who then put him in touch with her parents, they assured him she would love it. Seems he was right to trust them.
It looks like the venue is a hit too. She mentioned she likes these old-style buildings with beams and monstrous fireplaces, and he can’t argue with her. Give him something like this any day over the sterile hotels he’s spent quite a few nights in. That’s part of the reason the band decided to do self-catering. They couldn’t relax, couldn’t switch off being cooped up in a featureless white room.
He smiles as she runs her hand over his leg under the table moving dangerously close to something she’ll be getting a whole lot of later. He’s a little ticked off that she felt she couldn’t tell him about her birthday, but he has a fair idea why she didn’t.
He had been pretty absorbed in his own issues lately. Getting into a drunken stupor hadn’t helped and that’s not sitting well with him. She’s his girlfriend. She shouldn’t be keeping things to herself because she’s scared about overloading him.
She pulls her hand away as the main course is served and Tate spends the next hour answering numerous questions from her parents. He’d spoken to them briefly on the phone and they’d seemed happy enough about him being with their daughter, but he was still nervous as hell meeting them earlier this evening.
After a thorough visual drilling, they warmed to him. Well, he hopes they did and aren’t just being polite. He’s just glad he made the effort and wore the suit. He catches her mother looking at his hands a few times during the meal but he doesn’t mind. If his tattoos are their main issue that’s more than fine with him.
Chloe’s father wipes his mouth with his napkin as he looks across the table at him. ‘So, Tate. Do you mind me asking how you started in this career?’
‘I guess I sort of fell into it. I was teaching and the uncle of one of my students heard me singing during the lesson. He knew someone who was in the industry and put him in touch with me. It grew from there.’
Her mother looks from Chloe to Tate. ‘Teaching? You’re a teacher too?’
He nods. ‘Music. I taught guitar and piano mainly.’
‘And you’re qualified?’
‘Dad!’ hisses Chloe. ‘Please.’
‘It’s fine,’ Tate says, smiling at her. If they want to quiz him he can’t really complain. ‘Yeah. I’m a classically trained piano and guitar player and I’ve got a master degree in music education.’ That shuts them up for a minute. It’s not something he mentions often but whenever he does it surprises people. He still hasn’t quite worked out if he should be offended by that reaction or not.
Chloe lowers her glass onto the table with a thump. ‘You have? You never told me that.’
Tate shrugs. ‘It never really came up in conversation.’
‘And you’ve no regrets about not using your qualifications?’
Chloe glares at her father again.
‘Well believe it or not, I still use everything I studied to this day. It’s like riding a horse or learning how to drive a car. When you get the foundation right from the start everything else falls into place a lot easier. I write everything we perform so it’s absolutely not going to waste. Well, I guess that could be a matter of opinion depending on whether people like what I write or not.’
‘From
what I hear, quite a few people do.’ Chloe’s father raises his glass. ‘Congratulations, Tate. Very impressive indeed.’
Tate taps his glass against her father’s and glances over at Chloe. She raises her eyebrows and shrugs. He may just have moved from his daughter’s potential problem boyfriend to one with a little bit of sense.
∞
As the dessert is being cleared away, Bria walks over to their table and leans on Tate’s shoulders. ‘Sorry to interrupt but I need to steal my brother for a few minutes.’
Tate apologises and walks away with Bria. Chloe waits until they’ve gone before she faces her family again. ‘Well? What do you think?’
Steph nods and raises her champagne glass. ‘Well done, Sis. He’s hot.’
‘Right, well no thinking of him like that if you don’t mind.’
‘Just saying I acknowledge what attracted you to him. He’s a lot more impressive in the flesh.’
‘Okay, moving on from you. Mum and Dad? Do you like him?’
‘He seems like a nice man...’
Chloe knows a but is coming so decides to get it over with. ‘But?’
‘We know about what happened to him earlier this year. We’re just worried about you getting involved in this lifestyle. It’s nothing against him. Clearly he cares about you to have gone to so much trouble, but we’re not entirely at ease with his situation.’
‘I understand what you’re saying, but he got himself help. He’s genuinely an amazing person. He’s kind and protective and—’
‘Hot.’
Chloe laughs. ‘Yes, thanks Steph. He is hot.’
‘I’m glad to hear that,’ her father says. ‘And I’m not talking about the ‘hot’ part. How do you feel about the whole celebrity thing?’
‘I’m still getting used to that part, but it’s not something he’s overly immersed in himself. He’s a private person so he tries to keep out of the limelight unless necessary.’
‘Well, he certainly has done all the right things tonight. I just love this building. It has so much character.’
‘Food’s good too,’ her dad says around a mouthful of cheesecake.
The wall at the side of the room is pushed back like a concertina and Chloe’s mouth drops open. Tate is on a low stage at the far end of the room with Gregg, Luke, and Dillon. He’s changed out of his suit into jeans and a navy shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Tate picks up his guitar and smirks at her.