by Heidi Swain
‘Shall I let you into a secret,’ he said, punctuating each word with another kiss, ‘that night down at the beach huts all those years ago, was my first kiss too.’
‘Really?’ I smiled.
‘Scout’s honour,’ he smiled back.
‘Hey guys,’ I heard Joe say. ‘I’m sorry to break things up, but you’ve got barrels to sign for, Sam.’
Although disappointed to feel his hands move away, I knew we were going to have plenty of opportunities, and more private ones than this, to carry on where we’d left off.
‘I’ll see you tonight,’ Sam whispered. ‘And we’ll do more of this very soon.’
‘Lots more,’ I agreed, ‘lots, lots more and very, very soon.’
‘And don’t you even think about leaving Wynmouth,’ he commanded. ‘You go back to the cottage and unpack right now. Do you hear me? You need to stay put in Wynmouth for at least a few more weeks.’
I very much liked the sound of that and I didn’t need telling twice. Hope and I walked back to the cottage together, still giggling about the mistake I had made in assuming she and Sam were a couple, and when she left, I hastily unpacked again and switched my phone back on. I didn’t bother even looking at the older messages but focused on the last text which had landed from Dad.
Darling Tess, I know that me turning up here earlier and telling you everything must have been a shock. Please let me know how you are feeling as soon as you get this. Please also know that it was never my intention to hurt you, or make you think any less of your mother, I just couldn’t live with the secret any longer and felt you deserved to know the truth. I hope, in time, that you will come to understand.
It was a relief to be able to message him straight back and say with complete honesty that I was feeling surprisingly fine, even though I knew that the revelations about Mum would take some assimilating. It was incredibly sad to think that she had lived a lie for much of her life and I wished things could have been different, for all our sakes. Had she not died so young – and given what Vanessa had told Dad – then it might have been, but that was something I couldn’t dwell on. Nothing would be gained from wasting time grieving over the unknown.
What I could say with complete certainty, however, was that it wouldn’t take me long to get used to the idea that Hope was my sister. The fact that I knew her and Sophie so well was obviously a huge help and I already loved them both dearly.
I ended my text back to Dad with words that I hoped would settle his head as well as his heart:
Coming back to Wynmouth and getting to know Hope and Sophie has made me realize the true value of female friendship and I’m looking forward to a future which includes these wonderful women in our little family.
Dad’s message also said that he would see me soon and requested that I didn’t open his letter. Thanks to our earlier exchange, I already had an idea of what the missive said and was happy to leave it. Guessing that he had headed back to work, I returned my attention to thoughts of my three friends and the fun we were going to have as a result of finally getting our relationships on the right tracks.
*
Thankfully, it was a warm, dry night and the tide had been on its way out for some time when we met down by the rockpools. Hope came carrying leftover snacks from the café, Sam had bottles of beer and Coke in an ice bag and Joe and I had blankets and candles. We lay in a row, quiet for a while, staring up at the stars and revelling in the fact that Wynmouth had almost zero per cent light pollution.
‘This is nice,’ said Hope, who was lying next to me with our respective fellas either side.
‘It is,’ I agreed, giving her hand a squeeze.
‘All finally feels right with the world,’ she sighed, turning her head to look at me, a very content smile lighting up her pretty face.
‘It certainly does,’ I smiled back, feeling amused to have earlier worked out that she had inherited Dad’s awful pen-sucking habit.
I wondered what other Tyler traits we had in common. We were in complete agreement that we wouldn’t share our news about being half-sisters for a few days at least, and only then if Sophie and Dad were happy for us to go ahead, but I knew that when the time came the boys would understand that we had needed to get used to the change in family dynamics first. That said, I was very much looking forward to seeing the expressions on their faces when they did find out.
‘Do you agree with that, Joe?’ Sam asked, pulling himself into a sitting position and unzipping the bag with the drinks in. ‘Do you feel as though everything’s right with the world?’
Joe sat up too and Hope and I then followed suit, passing on the bottles Sam handed out.
‘Of course, he does,’ said Hope. ‘Don’t you, Joe?’
He didn’t answer straightaway and we all twisted around to look at him.
‘Almost,’ he eventually said, ‘it’s definitely better than yesterday anyway.’
Hope looked concerned and I guessed that my hunch in the pub earlier had been right. There was still something between him and Sam.
‘Do you think we should tell them?’ Joe then asked, leaning forward so he could see Sam.
‘That’s entirely up to you,’ Sam answered. ‘It’s your call, mate.’
Joe took a long swig from his bottle and then stuck it in the sand.
‘What is it, Joe?’ Hope asked. ‘Is it something to do with the crash?’
I had a feeling she was on the right path and when Sam’s eyes met mine and he nodded, I felt sure.
‘Yes,’ Joe said heavily, ‘it’s everything to do with the crash. Sam and I talked about it earlier and we were going to just keep it between ourselves, but now we’re a foursome, and I get the feeling that we always will be, I want to tell you and Tess too.’
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during this earlier meeting between the two men. They hadn’t had all that long to talk, but it was obvious they hadn’t wasted a single second and I was glad about that. They should have had the conversation years ago of course but I did understand that what was often obvious for someone to see and easy to say from the outside, could be hidden on the inside.
‘I always wanted to believe that Sam’s memories of that night were hazy,’ Joe began. ‘I told myself that the length of time he was in a coma and the trauma of the surgery and the fact that he never said anything, meant certain things were never quite as clear in his mind as they were in mine. But,’ he added, his lip trembling, ‘I did sometimes wonder if he suspected . . .’
‘Suspected what?’ I asked, looking between the two of them.
‘That he wasn’t the person driving,’ Joe said quietly. ‘If he knew that it had been Jack.’
My hand flew up to my chest and Hope looked like she might faint.
‘Are you sure it was him?’ she whispered. ‘Are you sure it was Jack behind the wheel?’
‘Yes,’ Joe continued, ‘completely sure and it was all my fault.’
‘Why?’ Hope and I asked together.
‘Because I was the idiot who took him out drinking,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Even though he was ridiculously underage. I thought it would be a laugh. I thought it would be fun to have my little brother bending the rules I was always so determined to break, but it all backfired because I was also the one who couldn’t stop him jumping into the driving seat when Sam came to pick us up.’
Hope and I looked at each other. The expression in her eyes told me that she had no former idea about any of what Joe was saying. She was as shocked as I was, more so because she had been a part of Wynmouth when the crash happened.
‘By the time I had come out of the trance the shock of the crash had plummeted me into,’ Joe continued, ‘everyone was running with the assumption that it was Sam who had been driving because it was his car.’
‘But you were never charged?’ I said, turning to Sam. ‘You weren’t arrested, were you?’
‘No,’ he said, ‘I wasn’t. Joe always maintained he couldn’t remember which sea
ts he’d pulled me and his brother out of and so there was insufficient evidence to arrest me.’
‘But I did know,’ Joe elaborated with a sob rising in his chest. ‘I knew it was Jack, but seeing my parents so bereft and so broken by the loss of their boy, I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t tell them that, or confess my part in it. I was the biggest coward.’
‘No,’ Sam said, ‘like I told you earlier, you weren’t a coward, Joe.’
‘And, I never wanted to leave Wynmouth either,’ Joe carried on, refusing to acknowledge Sam’s kindness and sniffing hard as his tears flowed, ‘or the farm, but I couldn’t stay here and live with the guilt. I might have saved my parents from further heartbreak, Sam, but there hasn’t been a single day since that horrific night when I haven’t hated myself for letting you shoulder the blame.’
‘Did you know?’ Hope asked, turning to Sam. ‘Did you know it was Jack?’
There was a beat of time before he answered.
‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘I always knew. I had got out to open the back door, because the car was old and it stuck, and that was when Jack jumped in.’
‘But why didn’t you ever say anything?’ Hope asked, her tone was incredulous. ‘I barely left your side in that hospital and you never said a word.’
‘Because to begin with I wasn’t sure whether or not Joe could remember,’ Sam explained, ‘and by the time I had worked out that he did, I knew I wasn’t going to be charged and that calling him out would have been too much for his poor parents to bear.’
‘So, you let everyone think it was you,’ Hope whispered, and Sam nodded.
I had heard the occasional muttering from various Wynmouth locals about things from that night not adding up and I was fairly certain that no one was entirely convinced that Sam had been responsible, but having no proof, and no denial from the man himself, they had let it lie. That said, I could now see Sam’s reaction to Joe’s return for what it really was and understand why, given his track record, people had assumed the farm sale was Joe’s doing. Hopefully now things were settled, and the friendship between Sam and Joe was re-formed, they would see that he wasn’t the same person he had been back then.
‘I didn’t have it confirmed that Sam knew the truth about that night, that he wasn’t the cause of the crash, until earlier today,’ Joe told us.
‘The farm sale wasn’t the only thing we talked about earlier,’ said Sam. ‘And when Joe said he had something to tell me about the crash, I shocked the hell out of him by telling him that I already knew.’
‘I can’t believe you’ve carried it all these years, Sam,’ Joe said huskily.
Sam shrugged.
‘I would never have told anyone,’ he said, ‘but I did always hope that you would come and talk to me about it, and today you have.’
In that moment, I fell even deeper in love. Not only was Sam the best kisser on the planet, he was also the most compassionate and generous person. He had been prepared to sacrifice his reputation to save a friend’s family from further hurt. There couldn’t be many people willing to go to such extraordinary lengths to deliver an act of such unprecedented and unselfish kindness.
‘I would have said sooner,’ Joe began.
‘But you wanted to get the farm situation sorted first,’ Sam finished for him and Joe nodded.
‘I can’t tell you what a relief it’s been to get it all off my chest,’ he sighed, drying his eyes and letting out the longest breath.
‘Oh,’ Sam smiled, ‘I’ve got a pretty good idea.’
Hope leant over and kissed his cheek.
‘And,’ he added, ‘I want to keep this between the four of us. There’s no need to rock the boat by announcing any of it to the great and good of Wynmouth. It won’t change anything. Some would argue that Joe should have spoken up at the time, but I understand why he didn’t. I’m just grateful that he has now and I want this to be the end of it.’
We clinked our bottles together to seal the deal and quietly finished our picnic. After all the weeks of wondering what was really going on between the two men, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted.
When I thought back to the day Joe told me about the crash, I was certain that he’d never said that Sam had been the one driving. At the time it didn’t register because given that it was Sam’s car, I thought it was obvious, but now I knew the truth. Joe hadn’t pointed the finger of blame at Sam because he wasn’t the one responsible.
‘What a day,’ I sighed, as I thought back over everything that had happened with Dad and Sophie too.
Hope smiled and nodded in agreement. The guys didn’t know the half of it. It was little wonder I felt so exhausted.
‘I don’t know about you lot,’ Hope yawned, ‘but I’m all in. I think I’m going to call it a night.’
She stood up, stretched out her back and then offered a hand to pull me to my feet. She was clearly intent on giving the guys some ‘alone time’ and I didn’t think that was a bad idea at all.
‘I’m with you on that one,’ I said, quickly kissing Sam before she pulled me up. ‘I’ll walk back with you, Hope.’
Once off the sand, we linked arms and when out of earshot began quietly discussing our day.
‘Sisters,’ said Hope, squeezing me into her side. ‘Can you believe it?’
‘I couldn’t to begin with,’ I admitted, ‘but I’m quickly getting used to the idea.’
‘Well, that’s because I’m so brilliant,’ giggled Hope, with a hip-swaying swagger. ‘Who wouldn’t want me as a cool younger sister?’
‘Exactly,’ I laughed. ‘Brilliant and modest. Two very admirable Tyler qualities.’
‘You know,’ she said confidentially, lowering her voice even though there was no one else around, ‘this was what Sam and I argued about.’
‘What?’
‘I wanted to start searching for my dad,’ she told me, ‘but am said I shouldn’t. I think he was worried that it might upset Mum, but then lo and behold Dad turns up anyway and it turns out the pair of them have been in touch for years!’
‘And how do you feel about that?’ I asked her.
‘I was a bit miffed to begin with,’ she admitted.
I could understand that.
‘But it wasn’t as if I’d ever really wanted to know who he was before. I had always been more than happy that it was just me and Mum.’
‘So, what changed your mind?’
‘Going to visit family,’ she said without any hesitation. ‘Having seen everyone together, even if they didn’t live together, was the thing that did it. Everyone’s lives seemed so complete – not necessarily perfect, but full – and I was pretty certain by the time I came back that I was going to try and track my dad down. I was a bit nervous, but as it turned out, I didn’t have to worry about how he might react if I turned up on his doorstep, because he turned up on mine!’
I tried and failed to imagine what I would have said, had I opened the door at Dad’s house and found Hope standing there. I was just about to say as much when two other midnight strollers appeared out of the darkness and Hope and I practically jumped out of our skins.
‘Dad!’ I gasped.
‘Mum,’ Hope gulped.
‘What are you doing here?’ we all said at once and then burst out laughing.
‘Tess and I have been on the beach,’ said Hope.
‘And we’ve spent the day talking,’ said Sophie, looking fondly up at Dad, ‘so we thought we’d come out and get a breath of air.’
From the colour I could just about make out that Dad had turned, I wasn’t sure they had been talking all day. Hope looked at me and raised her eyebrows, but neither of us commented.
‘I thought you’d gone home,’ I said to Dad, then teasingly added, ‘you are aware, that’s it’s the middle of the week and there’s no Tyler to keep on top of things in the office?’
Dad laughed again.
‘I have to hand it to you,’ I said to Sophie, ‘
you really must be one very special lady if you can keep Dad away from work on a Wednesday.’
‘Why, thank you,’ she smiled, ‘but it’s not all down to me.’ ‘
No?’
‘No,’ said Dad, ‘you’ve all played a part in dragging me away from my desk. Starting with you, Tess.’
‘Me?’
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘you. Your sudden departure got me thinking about a lot of things.’
‘Like what?’
‘Well,’ he said, ‘for a start, how terrible I felt when I realized that I’d been completely oblivious to how difficult you were finding things at work.’
‘I see,’ I nodded, thankful that he had finally noticed, even if Joan had had to help him get there.
‘And then,’ he carried on, ‘once I’d grasped how little of a decent work-life balance you had, I began to realize that I wasn’t faring any better myself.’
‘But when I called you . . .’ I began.
‘That was the conversation that really got me thinking,’ Dad cut in. ‘You said that I should take some time off, and I know,’ he carried on before I had a chance to remind him how scathing he had been about the suggestion, ‘that I was dismissive, but you were right.’
That wasn’t the first time he’d owned up to being wrong about something since he’d arrived and I looked at him with fresh eyes. He appeared different, standing next to Sophie. There was no tension in his shoulders and his brows weren’t pulled tight in a frown. It was refreshing to see him looking so relaxed.
‘It was your resignation that was the clincher, Tess,’ Sophie then joined in.
Clearly, she had been aware of the transformative awakening Dad had been going through during the previous few weeks.
‘You had decided to leave for good,’ Dad said to me. ‘And that was so brave and I recognized that I needed to be brave too. Work had been my refuge when your mother was alive but now . . .’
‘She’s gone,’ I said for him.
‘Yes,’ Dad nodded, ‘now she’s gone and I don’t need it anymore. Now, I have the chance of a whole new life. I can finally get to know my other beautiful daughter and spend time with her equally beautiful mother.’