He shook his head. “You had every right to be angry, Jax. When your mother left, I wasn’t doing too well, and you suffered for it. You were just a kid. Maybe I should’ve gotten some therapy myself back then.”
“The important thing is that it all happened a long time ago. I hope we can be a family again.”
His hand landed on my knee with a smack. He looked like he was about to burst into laughter, or into tears. It could be either.
“That would be really nice. I’m sorry about everything. I wish I had done it differently.”
I sighed, and another problem reared its head in my mind. “Since we’re putting everything behind us, I need to know. Why did you think it was a good idea to keep Anna out of my life?”
Dad stood up and avoided my gaze. “Okay, what happened between us was my fault, and I’ll do whatever it takes to fix that. But when it comes to Anna, Liv made the decision. She had the right to do as she pleased. She asked me not to tell you, and I wasn’t going to turn my back on her like I turned my back on you. I was the only family Liv had. I did what I had to do to protect her.”
I realized I’d held my breath throughout his entire monologue. A lump formed in my throat. Dad was right.
“I’m glad Liv and Anna had you. Clearly, they trusted you. They loved you enough to move in right next door. You’ve been great to them. I’d thank you, but you say they’re your kids first, so my thanks would sound misplaced.”
“You’re damn right. I wasn’t doing it for you.”
I chuckled. “Gee, thanks, Dad.”
A short groan escaped me as my dad’s wiry arms wrapped around me, squeezing me tight in a hug. I stiffened, feeling awkward and strange.
This was new.
I tapped his back because that’s all I could do.
When he pulled away, his eyes were brimming with tears. “Now go get some sleep. You must be tired with all the back and forth between this home and that home.”
I headed toward my old bedroom. “It’s a good thing. I’ll get used to it. Do you think you can tolerate me in your home once a month?”
His face lit up, and he nodded. His voice was a croak. “I’ll keep the fridge stocked with proper food.”
“Oh god! Thank you!”
He chuckled, closing the windows as he prepared to go to bed.
“Oh, Dad. One more thing. I think you need a new microwave. That one is older than I am.”
“It isn’t. Works just fine.”
I shook my head, thoroughly enjoying the banter. “And God knows what kind of trees are growing in those containers in the fridge.”
“I threw them out.”
“I’m afraid, Dad, that’s not enough. You might have to throw the whole fridge out. Oh, and the showerhead needs to go.”
He squinted at me. “On one condition.” He looked like he meant business.
“Okay?”
“You visit three times a month.”
I leveled my gaze on his. “Twice a month.”
“Done.”
Two hours later, I was in bed in my old room, staring out at Liv’s house. I couldn’t rest, knowing that Liv had bottled up whatever she wanted to say to me.
If she was angry at me, it was well-deserved. I’d made a shitty mistake in trusting Mark. It had completely shattered her privacy.
I couldn’t sleep. I threw off the covers and pulled on a pair of old trousers I’d found in my drawers.
The leaves crunched underneath my feet as I made my way to her window. The paparazzi were gone for the night because I’d promised them a press release and a chance to ask questions in two days. I had also ordered them more pizza than they could eat.
I glanced into Liv’s bedroom window. The drapes were drawn, heavy ones that completely blocked out all light. I tapped on the window even though it was clearly dark inside. There was no way Liv was asleep after the day she’d had.
She pulled the drapes aside, and her brows furrowed and she opened the window. “What are you doing here? I thought someone was trying to break in.”
“They wouldn’t knock though, would they? That would make for extremely polite home invaders.”
She bit her lip to fight her answering smile. “What is it?”
I didn’t expect her to be so…not angry. What wasn’t she upset?
Anna wasn’t around to watch Liv lose her shit at me. I could’ve sworn Liv was upset earlier. Fighting an emotional battle that would later explode at me, at a convenient time.
Where was the anger?
“I wanted to let you know, that—” I suddenly didn’t know what to say. I’d expected her to lead the conversation with her anger. I’d then offer an explanation. But she wasn’t saying anything.
I improvised and got to the point. “I’ve arranged for a press conference in the school auditorium in two days. That’s the biggest building that would house all of those guys. I’ll leave right after the media frenzy dies down. I promise.”
Her jaw clenched, the cordiality gone from her eyes. They turned dark as she pursed her lips.
Uh oh. What did I say wrong?
“You stay right there!” She hissed and slammed the window shut so hard I jumped.
I saw her storm toward me from the back of the house. I tried to ignore the fact that she wore a green tank top that hugged her breasts. Her shorts barely covered the tops of her thighs. Her bed head messy. Her cheeks dewy and fresh. She looked eighteen, not twenty-nine.
“That’s the problem with you, Jax. That’s always been the problem with you.”
I wanted to know what the fuck was happening. But I was scared to say something wrong that would set her off more.
I didn’t know why she was so upset. I was trying to fix things here! I had questions too. As far as I knew, she was still waiting on that coin toss to decide if she wanted to be with Greg from the bookstore.
“You’re always so keen to run away, Jax. Always!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that you made it a point to come back here. Just to tell me how much you don’t want me, and how you are going to leave the second you get a chance.”
“What the fuck,” I snapped. “You’re the one who didn’t want me in Anna’s life. You’re the one who didn’t want me in your life. You have your suitors lining the block.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Greg!”
“Oh my god!” she hissed to the skies, clutching her head in her hands. “You’re so frustrating.”
“Why are my questions frustrating? How do I even know you want this? You keep pushing me away. And the suitors awaiting your hand in marriage aren’t really helping me, are they?”
“I told you, I turned down Greg’s proposal.”
I closed my eyes to steady myself. “Why is he back, then? Did he ask again?”
“Listen. Three months ago, I told Greg I couldn’t let him waste his time with me when I wasn’t going to commit. Ever! He was leaving for business anyway, to Europe. He believed I’d change my mind after spending some time apart.” She shrugged.
“Did you feel differently after he was gone?” I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer.
“I did feel different. Yeah. I was happy to be off the hook.”
“What?”
“Being with Greg, trying to be something he wanted me to be, was exhausting. I was happy without him. And when he pulled the ring out this time, I swear I would’ve preferred to put my hand through a shredder than commit to him. That sucks because he’s a wonderful, kind man.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “So you basically broke up with him three months ago. It was final? Then why did he even come back?”
“His business is here, and so is his home. I don’t own Ashland, you know? He had to come back no matter what. I only went out with him in the first place because everyone thought I should be dating. Clara. Even John. They kept telling me my happily ever after was with a man. I went out. It didn’t work. We broke up.�
��
I was so relieved I could sing. Greg didn’t matter. It was just a mountain I’d made out of a molehill because I was a jealous fuck. One more thing I’d screwed up.
I had to hand over all control to Liv. I’d do whatever she wanted, her way. Otherwise, I’d keep screwing shit up. “Just tell me what you want me to do.”
“No, you tell me. What do you want me to do?” She glared at me, stepping closer. “The moment you got here to hide out from your Bellevue home drug fest, all you could rave about was the day you’d get to go back to your Seattle star life. What do you expect me to do? Do you want me to beg? Fall to your feet and sob? Please stay. Please love me,” she fake cried.
Her words pierced me only when I saw the moisture shining in her eyes.
She was right. What could she expect when I’d made clear, repeatedly, that all I wanted was to return to my life? A life without Liv.
“I refuse to feed your God complex, Jax. I refuse to make you choose me. I can’t beg you to not leave me. I didn’t beg back then, and I sure as hell won’t beg now.”
29
Liv
“I can’t believe it.” I pressed my eyes to my fingers, trying to force the tears back into them. My voice quivered, even as I fought the emotion and pain swirling in me.
“I can’t believe you can still find ways to hurt me so much. I thought I was over you. I thought you were done with breaking my heart, but you keep coming back to stomp on it some more. Using me to get a PR facelift. When will you be done with me? When will you say, she’s had enough, that poor girl. Let me just leave her the fuck alone now!”
I fought the urge to run. Cry in solitude.
I didn’t want to stand here and humiliate myself some more. There was no way my story ended with Jax in the picture. I had to let him go.
I jerked when his hands caught the sides of my face. I glanced up in surprise, my sight blurry from the tears. He gently cradled my head against the center of his chest.
I stiffened, a rock in his arms.
My eyes darted over the dark-shrouded backyard from my vantage point. That’s before his hand slid down my spine, then back up, gently squeezing my shoulder before gliding down the bumps of my spine again.
I couldn’t fight the warmth seeping through me. Especially when he whispered in my ear.
“I love you, Liv.”
My eyes clenched shut. I battled with the helpless emotion coursing through me, warming me like coffee on a cold night. Fixing me, soothing me.
Despite my wildest efforts to stay stiff in his arms, the eighteen-year-old heartbroken girl inside me melted.
“I love you, Liv. I’ve never loved anyone else. I promise you. I’ll do anything to make you see that I’ll stay. That I won’t leave you behind. Not you, and not Anna. I’m here, and I won’t budge an inch until we figure this out. You and me.”
I couldn’t believe the sincerity in his voice, but the emotion on his face totally floored me.
“I thought you didn’t want me here.” His voice was husky, the back of his fingers sliding over my jawline. “I wanted to stay. I really did. But you had your own family dynamic with Anna. I saw that it worked. There was no room for me in there. I tried.”
“Long-distance won’t work.”
He cupped my face between his hands. “You know why Diane and Mark were in my house?”
“Yeah, to tell you to dump the girl next door.”
He laughed shortly, a mirthless, cold sound. “They came all the way here to convince me to come back. Because they’d been begging me for a week. My pilot was at the airstrip for five days waiting for me. And I refused.”
“Because of me?” The disbelief swirled through me, a force of habit. But a part of me believed every word because of the look in his eyes.
“I wanted to stay. For you, and for Anna. To see if I could be part of your little family.”
I shook my head wildly. All the old worries flooded back. This was all too good to be true. I couldn’t risk believing it. Everything would soon go to hell.
“Why didn’t you just say it?”
“I told you I’d do anything. You didn’t believe me.”
“That’s because you also said you’d go back to Seattle. You said you hate this dump. ‘I have to go back. I have to go back.’”
“I’d changed my mind. Ashland isn’t so bad. My feelings were all over the place. But I was ready to stay.”
“Here? In this dump?” I fought back tears.
“For you and Anna, I’d live anywhere. You have an awesome business here. I couldn’t bring myself to ask you to come to Seattle. Seattle is a frenzy of activity. You’re comfortable here.”
“Comfortable? That’s not good enough, is it?” She sounded confused.
“I know you love Ashland. I’m proud of you and your success. I wanted you to be happy, do what your heart wants.”
I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to curl up against his chest and sob. The other half wanted to go hide until all this blew over.
If I said yes now, it was a risk. I was making myself vulnerable and open to be thrashed with yet another emotional beating. Even though I wanted to be happy and see where this took us. It was hard to believe.
I couldn’t bring the walls down enough to let him in. I was trying. Something held me back. Even though every word he said touched the chords of my heart.
“And Anna. She loves her school here. I couldn’t be so selfish as to ask you guys to uproot and follow me to Seattle. Returning to Ashland smacked that sense of self-importance and superiority right out of me. I wanted what you wanted. I couldn’t bear to ask you to follow me to Seattle.”
“But what if you did!” I cried, shoving at his chest. He didn’t even budge. I stumbled back instead.
“What?”
“What if you did ask me? Why don’t you stop doing the right thing and just freaking ask? You’ll never know what I’d say. You’re making up a hypothetical situation in your stupid head, where you’re asking questions, assuming responses, and calling judgment on the whole thing.”
She was right.
“Jax, if that’s not an exalted sense of self-importance and superiority, I don’t know what is. I can’t believe you don’t even need me to get my answer. Wow. You’ll just spin it yourself. You’re that fucking good!”
He looked at me like I had lost my mind. “Are you saying you want me to ask you to come to Seattle?”
I clamped my mouth shut. The battle in me was simmering down. I was helpless. But at the same time, I felt like I could accomplish anything. I crossed my arms across my chest as one final act of defiance against him.
“I mean, you could ask. You could ask me to move to Seattle. I’ll turn you down. Just so it feels nice inside.”
“I feel like this is trick question after trick question. Do you really want me to ask?”
“I’m waiting.”
“Liv, this is serious,” he snapped. “I know how massive the change would be for you and Anna., and I don’t think—”
He looked down and swallowed audibly. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down in his throat as he toed a weed out of the ground. My heart flipped over. I could only whisper.
“You don’t think what?”
His eyes met mine, and the tears glinting in his eyes offset the harsh clench of his jaw. “I don’t think I’m worth the trouble.”
A sob escaped my lips. I grabbed handfuls of his shirt at his chest and pulled him lower as I lifted onto my toes. My mouth covered his, the same possessive, consuming way he always kissed me. He clutched my hands to his chest as he responded to my kiss with rushed, greedy ardor.
I fell back on my heels, and the hot contact of our lips broke. Sniffling, I slid my hands up to his shoulders and then his neck before dragging my nails against his stubble.
“You are. You are worth the trouble. I hate that I feel this way, but you really are.”
The last three words were whispered onto his mouth before I ca
ught his lower lip in mine.
When I surfaced from my euphoria, I lay in his bed. Moonlight filtered in through the flimsy, useless curtains. I kicked off my shorts and pulled my tank top over my head. All the while watching him.
His shorts left his body and his cock was rock hard as he kneeled on the bed and climbed atop me.
My legs parted to make room for him. As he settled between my thighs, his hands slid under me, squeezing my hips, lifting them up to take him. I clawed at his back to bring him closer, absorb him inside of me somehow.
He took me swiftly. Clearly, he couldn’t wait to be inside me.
His hands were rough on my skin. He explored every inch of me, his mouth following suit. Warm breath and moist lips traced every inch of my body. His fingers pushed on my clit as he lunged to bring me to shivering orgasm over and over again.
Hours later, my eyes drifted closed as he held me. I was snuggled into his warm, strong, oh-so-familiar shoulder, when I thought I heard him whisper, “You’re all mine now.”
“I was always all yours, Jax,” I answered in my heart.
Or maybe I said it out loud.
Because his arms squeezed me tighter just as I fell asleep.
30
Jax
My heart raced.
It had been racing since this morning.
I’d spent the day with Anna, shopping for things she needed. She was starting sixth grade in less than a week, and I could barely control my own excitement. It was the first time I was by Anna’s side, a part of an integral milestone in her life.
I’d spent the morning going grossly overboard, trying to buy everything she looked at.
“Anna, let’s get this box of pencils. It’s got a hundred.”
“I don’t need that many.”
“Woah, Anna. Check out this backpack. It’s covered with these color-changing sequin things you love.”
“You already got me two backpacks, Dad! I’m going to sixth grade, not stocking up my own back-to-school store.”
I loved the preteen arguing.
I was happier than I’d ever been in my life. Every single fucking day.
Baby's Daddy: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 19