by Sierra Cross
“The hell I’m leaving her like this—” Asher stepped closer to me, practically vibrating with anger. Every muscle in him wanted to close the distance between us. I wondered if, underneath the bluster, he felt responsible for my getting injured.
“Please,” I croaked in a feverish whisper. “Asher. I’ll call you.”
Asher’s composure faltered. A few moments later the door slammed behind me, and I knew he was gone.
“All right, let’s do this.” Matt’s voice held no warmth as his big, rough hands lifted my shoulders. Jostling my aching head, he slid underneath me and propped my chilled, clammy body on his lap. His hard thigh muscles supported me while I inhaled his masculine scent. Apparently even at death’s door I was still susceptible to this man’s hotness. Soon the heat rolling off his core chased away the arctic temps that had invaded me.
His hands hovered over my shoulder, inches from the already-festering wound. Concentration worked his face into harsh lines, but no gold light emerged from his hands. He took a deep breath and tried again. Nothing. In a not-so-fluid move, he pushed me off him and stood up, running his hand through his hair. As the pain ricocheted inside of me, a wail escaped me. He rushed back over to me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why it’s not working.”
It was practically the longest sentence he’d ever spoken aloud about his mysterious healing power, and part me of didn’t want to push him further. But the thing is, I did know what was wrong. “It’s okay, I get it.” I groaned between breaths. “You’re mad at me. You have every right to be. And you don’t have to do this. We can use a poultice instead. Asher can—”
Matt swiped the soiled rug and coffee table to the side in an explosive motion. Bowls and knickknacks and books tumbled onto the hearth. He knelt by my side, awkwardly pressing himself close to the couch to get a good angle on my shoulder. Golden magic was pouring off his hands. Like ice on a burn, relief flooded through me instantly. But the look on his face was fraught with indecision or the pain of betrayal. I couldn’t tell which. Maybe both. The storm in my stomach subsided, the chill in my blood dissipated. A deep sigh emerged from my lungs as the pain went quiet.
But though I soaked it up like sunshine, his healing energy felt stolen somehow. Not given freely. For the first time, there was zero comfort in it.
“Matt, can we talk about what happened? I’m so sorry—”
He put a hand up to stop my apology. “Right now you need to sleep.” His words clipped, neutral. Giving me no information. “I don’t want to move you. I’ll crash in the bedroom.” With that he was gone. At least he didn’t slam the door.
My parents’ faces bubbled up in my weary brain. The two of them after an argument making, what I called at the time disgusting kissy faces. Mom always said, “Never let the sun set on a quarrel.” I couldn’t leave it like this with Matt.
Throwing my legs over the side I sat up—and instantly regretted it. My head swam, as if my blood hadn’t gotten the message to go with the vertical move. My head smacked the arm of the couch and sleep took me.
CHAPTER TEN
T hrough white plastic kitchen blinds, I could see the peek-a-boo views of the sun breaching the tops of the low-rise buildings of the Spelldrift. The sky was a Van Gogh-like masterpiece, a wash of yellow-magenta to midnight blue. The stars at the height of the darkness twinkled their last pulses of light before daylight engulfed them.
When I’d woken up on the couch, the throw rug I’d puked on had vanished, as had the shards of the broken coffee table. So Matt must have cleaned up after I passed out.
The bedroom door opened, and my heart thumped, till I heard Matt go right into the bathroom. My teeth found my lower lip as I waited for the coffee to finish brewing. I’d never felt anxiety this powerful before. For the first time in my life, I was on the verge of losing something I couldn’t live without. So much had been ripped away from me, blindsiding me. But I’d never been here before. I had to fight to keep what I wanted—and what I wanted was so complex. It was magic, my coven, Matt, friendship, belonging. My chance for happiness, my destiny, so close to slipping through my fingers.
Matt came in and the nervous butterflies did a hula dance in my gut. I handed him a black coffee in a two-toned Strong Brew mug—at least whoever owned this crappy rental had good taste in coffee. He took so long to accept the cup that I thought for a moment all my worst fears would come to pass. It was coffee, but so much more. It was a private language we shared. He finally relented, and sat down hard on the spindly chair.
“Alexandra, I can’t—” he started. And whatever was going to come after that, I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t let him say it, not yet.
“Wait, just wait.” Trying to keep on breathing at a normal pace. “I screwed up. I know that. I went off on my own again, without the group. But this time, I learned from it. And this will be the last time, I swear.” A sob escaped me and tears flowed freely from my eyes. My breath came in hiccups and the ability to form words eluded me. I tried to command my breathing but that made it worse. I wasn’t a crier. I didn’t sob so hard I couldn’t talk. Matt looked on with a face as unreadable as stone, but he didn’t rush me.
“I didn’t see it until last night. I mean, it didn’t click until everything went so wrong,” I said as my breath steadied. “Everything you’ve been telling me—about how I need to rely on you, trust my coven—makes sense now. As my guardian, I need to let you in. And I haven’t, not really. I didn’t know how. The only person I ever relied on was my aunt. And we know how that went.” He was about to say something, but I needed to get this all out. “No, I’m not making excuses. I’m telling you how it is for me. Letting people in isn’t in my skill set—yet. But, but…” I couldn’t help it. The tears started again. “This is what I was born to do, be a part of this coven.” This quirky, ragtag band. “With you and Liv and Asher. I know you feel it too. We all do. I couldn’t bear losing it. I’ll learn whatever I need to learn to make this work. I’ll make whatever sacrifices I have to.” When I said that, I thought of Matt’s kisses, how I yearned for them. How complete I felt with him. But I’d let go of all those fantasies to keep my coven. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make this coven work, to make it strong.
“I’m asking for a second chance. I’m asking for you to trust me to do what’s right,” I gulped again. “I’m asking you to not walk away and shatter the only future I want.” And then I waited, trembling with the effort not to cry again. His rough hands were on my shoulders, he pulled me into his warm chest, my tears soaking into his T-shirt. I couldn’t help but feel the heat between us, but I refused to let that jeopardize my destiny.
“Shhh, Alexandra…” Matt’s soothing arms held me until my tears dried up. I put my palms on his rock-hard chest and pushed back, looking into his dark eyes. I didn’t have to ask the question, he knew what I was waiting for.
He stepped back before answering and my gut twisted in anticipation.
“Of course I forgive you,” he said. “After everything you’d been through, you, more than anyone I know, deserve a second chance.” And my knees almost buckled with relief. He continued, “I get how hard it must be for you to let me in, let us all in. I was raised to function as part of a unit. I don’t know anything else. And to be honest, I’m ashamed of how I walked off yesterday outside the comic shop. The asshole warlock had a point.”
My mouth dropped open. “You gonna tell him that?”
“Hell no.” Matt downed his coffee, his gaze clouded as if in deep thought. “If it’s hard for you to let people in,” he ventured, “must be extra hard to let someone in who’s so…so…”
“Perfectly virtuous and honorable?”
“I was going to say rigid and judgmental.”
I let myself smile through my tears. “Well, now that you mention it…”
“I know I’m wound tight, Alexandra. The Solstice battle left a lot more scars than the ones you can see.” On both of us, I thought ruefully. “But I want
to make this coven work.”
“Me too! More than anything.”
“I believe you.” He squeezed my hand briefly. “And I’m not going anywhere. We’ll work through this. Together. But I’m also not going to lie to you about where we stand today.” His face was set in sorrow. “With all the secrets you’ve been keeping from me, I don’t feel like I can totally trust you. At least not yet.”
I nodded. Painful as it was to hear that Matt didn’t trust me, I could work with that. We’d have to rebuild our trust together, day by day.
But he wasn’t the only person I needed to let in.
“Alix.” Asher’s body language was cool when we knocked on his door the next day. “Glad you’re among the living.”
He completely ignored Matt’s presence, and I could see a cut on his full lower lip from yesterday’s fight and a purplish bruise on his cheek. At least he let us into his office.
In the lab’s cozy corner, Liv was already perched on the edge of the couch. From her folded arms and faraway look, she seemed to be stewing in her own cloud of mad. I hoped it was merely that Asher had just clued her in on the fact that she missed a potential demon fight. But given the tensions that surrounded our coven lately, I had reason to suspect that Liv’s hurt might run much deeper than that. Only days ago, she’d been hanging on Asher’s every word and spell, over the moon about their first kiss. But lately Liv had seemed hot and cold on Asher, on everything. And she sure wasn’t opening up about it to me. Then again, with all my secret-keeping, I probably wasn’t giving off a friendly open vibe.
If I truly was a leader, I had to set an example.
I settled onto my forest green leather loveseat and mustered my courage.
“I’ve been doing a whole world of things wrong.” I was aware of how choppy and awkward my voice sounded. Also that everyone’s eyes were suddenly focused on me. I didn’t go around saying things like that, didn’t let myself be vulnerable. Would the others knock me down, reject me, like in my deepest fears? Either way, I had to get this out. And it wasn’t going to be flowery, but real. “I need to change that. Because…I need you guys. Scratch that, we need each other.”
Asher gave a withering glance at Matt. “Need is a strong word.”
Logical Liv tried a different tack. “I like to think of it as, we’re all complete without each other but we enhance each other’s—”
“Don’t even. We. Need. Each other. You know I’m right.” When they didn’t argue, I continued. Looking at Asher I said, “I screwed up when I made you go to Millennium Dynamics last night—”
“Witch, please, you couldn’t make me do—”
“Asher. You wouldn’t have gone. I talked you into it,” I said flatly. “Just let me get this out, please. For some reason, magic has brought us together and given us the gift of being a powerful, effective coven—if we don’t let petty mistakes screw that up. And that gift is a responsibility. I get that now. The only real crime that could happen here is if we let this coven fall apart. It’s my destiny. I feel that in my bones. I’m betting you all feel that too.”
A tear slid down Liv’s cheek. Matt and Asher avoided each other’s eyes but the tension in the air seemed to have broken.
“Let’s do this,” I said. “Let’s commit to Coven of Fire before all else in our life. Let’s let pride and ego take a back seat to the call that brought us together.”
No one said anything, and I wondered how long the silence would go on.
Then Liv stood and hugged me, dragging Asher into a lopsided group hug. Matt looked like we’d lost it as I reached out a hand and dragged him in. And even though it was just a hug and no vow was spoken, I could feel the magic surge as we pressed together. Like we had made a sacred pact.
But it was the shortest, sweetest group hug in history. The guys stepped back and puffed up all manly. Liv play-pushed Asher and he flopped down on the couch, which made Matt laugh.
“But there’s something else I need to tell you.” Once again, I had to conjure my resolve. The laughter subsided and the room went quiet as I told them about the runes I’d irradiated, thanks to the lump in my solar plexus and the green light that was still inside of me. I told them how I felt drawn to go into the cave-basement at Millennium Dynamics. I even told them about the dreams I had about Eric—though I did leave out the lusty bits. I talked until I felt I had sliced my soul open for all of them to see. And rather than feeling vulnerable, I felt like I’ve taken a jacket off that was too sizes too small. Breath filled my lungs more fully than it had in weeks.
Matt was beaming like he couldn’t believe how proud he was of me, but when I tried to catch his eye he met me with a formal nod and then looked away. He was proud of our coven, and maybe of the brave the step I’d taken today in coming clean to the group. But the distance between us was still measured in miles. Trust couldn’t be rebuilt overnight, I reminded myself. But it still hurt.
“There’s one more thing,” I said. “I saw the Omni. He was camped out in front of the Fidei offices.”
“How did you know it was him?” Asher asked.
“I saw him change from a crow to an eagle. He swooped down and looked me in the eye.”
“You should have reported that deviant.” Matt scolded me. “Omnis, Amalgams, underage vampires—they shouldn’t exist.” What the hell did he mean by that?
“It’s for the good of all magicborn.”
“You can’t possibly believe that—” Asher started, but stopped himself and addressed me. “You should’ve told us, though.”
“I swear it won’t happen again. Coven first, forever.”
Asher and Liv seemed to let it go, but Matt was all tensed up.
“All right, how do we do this?” Liv mimed rolling up her sleeves. “How do we remove the rest of the green light from her?”
“I thought we had already.” Asher sighed. “Where did you say this lump was?”
I put my palm on the space above my navel. Asher shucked off his gloves and extended his hand to scan my midsection with his gold magic. At his touch I felt a cool, invigorating sensation, totally unlike Matt’s warm healing magic. Asher’s brows knitted in concern.
“Do you feel it?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, and I braced myself for his answer. “It feels like scar tissue. Totally inert.” His voice took on an uncharacteristically gentle tone. “Is it possible that you’re ascribing power to it out of fear?”
Was I? Maybe Asher was right. I’d felt this dark thing in my body and wondered. Was it some kind of cancerous demon tumor? I’d been too afraid to even admit the fear to myself.
“I’ll research it more,” Asher said. “See if there are any ablation spells that might work.”
“And you don’t feel out of control?” Liv asked. “Or like you want to choose the dark?”
“No,” I said honestly.
Matt and Asher turned to each other for a moment as if comparing notes.
“Sounds to me like it’s residual,” Matt offered.
“And lessening.” Asher nodded. “I’ll dig up a clearing charm to add to her coven necklace. It’ll be at least some help.” He turned to his back work-table and began rummaging through a bin. Then he stepped up behind me. His smooth, warm fingers brushed my neck as he opened the clasp of my necklace. A small iridescent bead slid down the chain and fell next to my coven charm. I hoped this little gem would do some good.
“Hey, while we’re at it…” Liv turned to the guys, a mischievous glint in her eye that I hadn’t seen in a while. “Let’s get you guys each a Coven of Fire charm too.”
“Don’t do necklaces.” But at least Matt sounded amused, not flustered.
“Of course you don’t.” Liv’s look of disappointment didn’t last long. “I know! We should all get matching coven tattoos!”
“I’m game.” Asher had a playful lilt to his voice. “Guardian?”
“Ain’t happening.” Now he was entering flustered territory.
“Come on, maybe w
e can talk you into it.” I couldn’t resist pushing him a little further out of his comfort zone. “Why don’t we take a coven field trip to chat with the tattoo artist? Next Friday, after we get paid…”
“Yeah, if we can stay out of jail that long.” Asher’s punchline brought me out of the lovefest smack dab back into reality.
“We need to find out what’s up with that freakin’ amulet.” Matt said, bringing us back to problem solving. “Why would Tenebris need a skinsuit? And binding a powerful deviant like the Omni to a Caedis...one who happens to be residing in the demon realm? How much danger does that put the Spelldrift in?”
“Before we track down that future skinsuit, we need info,” I sighed, knowing exactly what that meant. “Back to the vamps.”
Matt and I went off to see the vampires, while Liv took a charter to Poulsbo and Asher promised to go off and research my green light problem. I tried not to worry about that too much. He’d come up with something or…or we’d get really good at Neq corpse disposal. What mattered is I was no longer keeping secrets. Once inside Bonaventura’s gate, I parked my car on the far side of the fountain…next to a gleaming, brand new jet-black Maserati Quattroporte. I gestured to Matt as if to say, check that out. Starting price over a hundred grand. I knew because I used to catch the bus in front of the Maserati dealership on the corner of 12th and Madison for a part-time job I had during college. I’d drooled over a car very similar to this.
And as a broke bartender whose apartment had magically burned down last month, drool was all I could do. I couldn’t keep the wistful note from my voice. “Must be amazing to drive.”
“Not worth the price,” Matt said and I knew he was talking about the vampire choice rather than the dollar amount.
The same mousy human maid let us in. Since we didn’t call ahead, Fiona explained in a nervous voice, we’d have to wait in the foyer while she saw if Bonaventura would see us. As she spoke, I realized she was probably younger than my first impression of her. Thirty-five or so, but her tight ballet bun hairstyle showcased twin worry lines on her high forehead. Her perpetually haunted expression didn’t speak well of her employers, but since the vampires hadn’t killed her yet—or even forced her to get Botox—perhaps they were more bark than bite?