His expression said the message bothered him. Julia had the urge to reach out. Smooth his troubled brow. Let him lean into her strength, making both of them stronger.
Silly, of course. What would a man like Tanner need support for? He was big, strong and rugged. And yet, every now and again, she sensed an emptiness in him. She recognized it because she’d felt that way several times over the past few years. She’d lost her unborn daughter, then her mother, followed by her father’s wretched diagnosis with Alzheimer’s and Vic’s affairs with younger women. The multiple crises had tested her faith and endurance, but with each sorrow she’d clung to motherhood as her mainstay. Putting the boys first meant she couldn’t wallow in pain or sadness. Her strategy worked. Faith, motherhood and keeping busy kept her focused on tomorrow as she struggled to put the roughed-up yesterdays in perspective.
She glanced at her watch. “We’ve got to go. They’ll want to close up here, and I’m at the hospital early in the morning. And then I’m going to see if they’ve made any progress at all on my poor house...”
“The weather’s made rebuilding that back wall a challenge, hasn’t it?”
“That’s for certain. It’s time for winter to end and spring to take hold,” she said. She reached for her jacket, but he was too quick. He held it open, and stepping into the sheepskin coat felt like stepping into his arms. Warm. Inviting. Cozy. “I know it’s only mid-March, but I’m so done with winter.”
He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze of agreement. “A little madness in the spring is welcome even for the king.”
“You quote Dickinson?” Julia squinted her eyes at him. “Poetry lover, lawman and all-around nice guy?”
“Yes to the latter two. And I was required to have four credits of English at Fredonia. Poetry looked easy. It wasn’t, by the way.”
She laughed, waved good-night to Tina and preceded him out the door. “I love poetry, but it’s rare to find a guy who can quote something older than lines from Star Wars.”
Tanner grasped her hands as they reached her car. He lifted them to his mouth, kissed them, then opened her car door and probably had no clue how the gallant gesture affected her. Rain? What rain?
“Get in. You’re getting soaked.”
Right then, she didn’t care. At this moment, the rain and wind meant nothing, but she climbed in and opened the window as an invitation.
Tanner didn’t need to be asked twice. He leaned in, ignoring the rain pelting his back and lingered over the kiss good-night.
Her breath caught. Her heart stammered because she knew, oh, she knew right then, that this man had captured her heart.
It felt marvelous to throw caution to the winds and fall in love with Tanner. Right now, she didn’t want to ponder what-ifs. She’d have plenty of time to reflect on that later, but now she let herself get trapped in the romance of the moment, the wind, the rain, the warmth, the kiss...
“Julia.” He whispered her name and set his forehead against hers, his breathing ragged.
“I know.”
He smiled. She felt the curve of his lips and the rise of his cheeks in the darkness and then he planted one last kiss on her mouth before easing out of the car window. “I’m soaked.”
She nodded. “It’s your giving nature. I love that about you, Tanner.”
His grin widened. “Good to know. I’ll stop in to see the little princess tomorrow.”
“I’m at the hospital until three.”
“If you’re busy when I get there, I’ll leave a note.”
She laughed and waved to him as he climbed into his car.
A note. Cute. Fun. Romantic. No one did that kind of thing anymore, did they?
The old-fashioned idea left her anticipating the chance of getting a note from Tanner. When she got home, her father and Laura were sitting on the couch watching one of the last preseason baseball games. “Didn’t I just leave you at the restaurant?” Julia asked as she hung up her wet jacket by the fire.
“I ducked out when you guys were half-done,” Laura replied. “Tina’s closing up. Marty said there was a fire, baseball and popcorn over here. What woman can resist an offer like that?”
Marty’s smile said it had worked.
“Who’s winning?”
Two guilty looks said they hadn’t been paying much attention to the game. “Well, I’m on call first thing, so I’m going to bed. Good night, guys.”
“Good night, honey.”
“’Night, Julia.”
She climbed the short staircase to her room. Ice-cold rain and wind scrubbed the west-facing windows but the shared look from her father to Laura D’Allesandro downstairs said regardless of the cold, wet weather, spring was definitely in the air.
Chapter Twelve
Tanner read the text from his attorney one more time.
The court had set a preliminary hearing date for the following Friday. In six short days, he could be face-to-face with the medical professionals in charge of Ashley’s prenatal treatment. He’d waited for this day for over two years.
Now?
Dread filled him like a slow-moving storm front. What had felt right in the depths of his loss and anger, seemed cold and unconscionable now that he knew Julia, saw her work, her goals, her heart and, yes, her soul.
You wanted to blame someone. Somebody had to be at fault. Maybe you’ve learned that’s not always the case?
He had, but what to do about it? He walked through the dark condo once again, surveying the storm beyond the insulated glass, but not really seeing it.
He texted the lawyer back. We need to talk ASAP.
He didn’t expect a reply tonight, but he got one. Call tomorrow @ 1.
He’d call him off, Tanner decided, and when he made that decision, a thousand-pound weight slid off his shoulders. Weeks earlier he’d been vested in this course of action, but everything had changed since meeting Julia.
And falling in love with her.
He needed to end the lawsuit and move on with his life. Was it chance that put him on that snowy overpass the night Julia decided to check out the new clinic with her flashlight?
No. God, he decided. And while he wasn’t too up on the whole faith thing, his life had been changed that evening. Seeing her. Realizing that he was being thrust into situations to shake him out of his doldrums.
It had worked. Somewhere in the ensuing weeks, he’d begun to live again. Love again. Laugh again. And he wanted to do more of that with Julia and those boys.
His phone rang, unusual for a Friday night. Neda’s name showed up in the bar and he answered the call quickly. “Hey, sis. What’s up? Everything okay?”
She hesitated and he sensed her surprise. “I didn’t expect you to answer because you never do, which makes me wonder what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I am. Yes. Finally.”
“Really, Tanner? Because I’ve been worried about you for so long that it’s going to be really hard for me to stop, but I’m willing to do it! Just say the word.”
“I’m better. Much better. And you shouldn’t be wasting your time worrying about me when you’ve got a beautiful family there to take up your time.”
“You’re my family, too,” she insisted. The warmth of her voice reminded him of growing up side by side, dealing with their parents. They’d done all right eventually, but he saw the residual scarring more clearly now. He’d been in danger of becoming harsh and embittered, like his parents, but Neda had persisted to love him. Stay in contact. Even when he wouldn’t answer her calls. “And I’ll spend my time as I see fit, big brother. Praying for you wasn’t a hardship. It was an honor. But I’m so glad to hear you sounding like the old Tanner. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he told her. He wished he could take back the past years of shying away from her ki
ds, their birthdays, their family celebrations. Shame on him for being that guy. From this moment on, he was determined to handle whatever God sent his way. “Are you doing anything special for Easter?”
“We’re going to Jeremy’s parents’ after Good Friday services here. You should join us. There’s plenty of room, plenty of food and the kids would love to see you.”
He’d like to see them, too, but Julia would be sending her boys back to Ithaca the day after Easter, which meant he’d really like to share the day with them. “How about if I come down for a day during spring break? Are you guys going away?”
“We’re staying right here, so that would be wonderful. I’ll cook all your favorite foods.”
“Steak on the grill and bakery rolls. Perfect.”
She laughed. “Works for me! The kids made Easter cards for you. We mailed them today, so watch for them, okay?”
“I will. And, Neda? Thanks for calling. I love you.”
“Me, too. Talk to you soon.”
He hung up the phone, glad he’d answered it. He slept that night, the whole night, and woke up in the morning feeling good. Strong. Invigorated.
He stopped by the hospital just before noon. The duty nurse smiled when she saw him. “Perfect timing. Julia was here earlier but our little princess was a sleepyhead. Now she’s awake and fairly sure we’re starving her. Would you like to feed her?”
“Absolutely.” He settled into the oak rocker and accepted the precious bundle from the nurse’s hands. “Hey, Princess? You’re awake now, aren’t you? And very, very hungry.” He set the edge of the nipple against the side of the baby’s mouth and when she quickly turned and grasped it, he felt as if he’d done something marvelous. “I think she likes when I feed her.”
“It would appear so.” The nurse’s smile said she was half teasing, but Tanner didn’t care. To have this beautiful newborn depending on him meant something. No matter what happened, he intended to make sure Princess’s life worked out all right.
“And we’ve got good news,” the nurse continued as she restocked diapers and blankets on the nearby trays. “Someone from the family has contacted the social worker. I don’t know what that means, but at least this baby isn’t completely on her own anymore.”
“Family?” Tanner had to push down a note of dread, because Gracie Jayne’s existence didn’t lend itself to being family friendly. “Her mother’s family or her father’s family?”
The nurse shook her head. “I’m not sure, the social worker just left a message that we might have visitors on Monday and she’d get back to me with more details. She knows we can’t let anyone in here without prior approval of parents or staff, so we’ll know more after the weekend.”
He started to ask if Julia was aware of this news, but then the nurse added, “And it seems they found a letter in the mother’s belongings that stated she wanted Julia Harrison to take charge of her child if Julia was willing.”
“Gracie Jayne left a letter?” That was news to Tanner. She’d come across that parking lot with nothing but a thin, worn shoulder bag and the hospital had required him to witness the contents of that bag, then sign his name. There was no letter in the bag. “Where did they find this letter?”
“Some place in the hills. Luke and Seth Campbell came by to see Julia earlier. Of course I don’t know any more than that, but with family coming in on Monday, this could get interesting.”
“It already has.” Tanner stared down at the baby, born bereft. “Has Julia been over here?”
“Twice. And she asked about you, too.”
The nurse’s grin said she was reading between the lines, but a curl of foreboding hit Tanner, midsection. What if Gracie Jayne’s family wanted the baby? What if they weren’t the kind of people who should have this child? And what of Gracie Jayne’s wishes, that the one person who showed her kindness should have her daughter?
He was jumping to conclusions, but he’d heard the backstory about the Montgomery family. Gracie Jayne hadn’t lived up to their expectations and they’d banished her. So what chance would this child have, growing up in similar surroundings? And was a letter worth anything in court? Did Julia want custody of this child, or was the entire scenario a bad scene from a low-rated movie?
The baby squirmed. He stood up and walked her around the small area, patting her back to encourage a burp, and when she offered him a lusty one, he held her out to congratulate her. “Well done! That was a lumberjack-style belch for sure, little girl!”
He didn’t know what he expected, but the baby’s eyes grew wide. Two tiny eyebrows shot up. And then she seemed to see him, or at least his eyes, and her mouth relaxed into a wide-open smile. Fleeting, yes, but he saw it, and his heart expanded to record proportions. “She smiled at me. Just now.” He waved the nurse over. “I was talking to her and I congratulated her on such a good burp and she looked right up at me and smiled!”
“I expect she knows a good thing when she sees it.”
Julia’s amused voice made him turn. “Is this normal? Do babies smile at people this early?”
“Only the handsome ones,” Julia joked. She reached for the baby, took her into her arms and kissed her soft cheek. “You smell so good, sweetie.” She looked up at Tanner. “No note?”
“If I get to see you in person, there’s no need for a note,” he explained. He met her smile with one of his own and reached out to brush loose tendrils of hair back, away from her face, but then his hand lingered there of its own accord. “Did I hear correctly that Gracie Jayne left a letter asking you to take care of the princess?”
She sighed, snuggled the baby and nodded. “But someone from the Montgomery side of the family is coming in on Monday, and I’m going to spend the next forty-eight hours praying for God’s will on this whole situation. I always wanted another baby or two,” Julia confessed. “I love big families, I love having kids around, so I never understood Vic’s reluctance to do things with the boys. What man doesn’t want sons to play with? Have a catch with or take to a monster truck show?”
He’d wanted all that and more, and his heart broke when it was denied him, so he was pretty sure Vic was a first-class jerk. Now he wanted Vic’s loss to be his gain. A woman like Julia deserved to be loved, honored and cherished all the days of her life, a task he’d like to undertake. “Sacrificial love.”
She nodded, emphatic. “Yes. For me it came naturally, but then I realized that a lot of people just don’t see it that way.”
“They’re morons.”
She didn’t disagree. “But I also know what it’s like to long for peace of mind, and what if this person’s joy rests on this baby?” She slanted her eyes down to the bundle in her arms. “Maybe loving this child will be their amends to Gracie Jayne? Do I then push a court case on someone because Gracie Jayne was grateful for the little bit of help I offered? Or do I take this as a sign from God that this child is supposed to be mine? Because going to court, fighting others, demanding my rights, well...” She shook her head, her face bemused. “That’s just not me.”
Her reply was succinct, and she’d most likely hate him more when she found out he was the plaintiff in her associate’s suit. Which meant he better go call that lawyer and see about getting his action dropped. “Are you free tonight?”
“No, Sue’s got the stomach bug that’s going around, so I’m staying right here. I’ll catch some sleep before church so I’m in good form for monster trucks.”
He hesitated, torn, wanting to spill it all now, get it out in the open, but a glance at the clock said he should be calling his attorney in the next five minutes. “I’ll pick you up at one-thirty tomorrow, okay?”
“Bring coffee.” She peeked up at him and smiled, and the sight of her, a little mussed after a morning of work, holding the now-sleeping baby, ignited sweet feelings within him. “Cream, sugar—”
“And a shot of caramel.”
She laughed softly. “I wouldn’t say no.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead, then the baby’s cheek, wishing he’d come clean weeks ago. He trudged out of the NICU, went to his car and hit the attorney’s number, and when Darren answered, Tanner got right to the point. “I need to withdraw my suit against Southern Erie Women’s Medical.”
“You what?”
“I need to have the suit dismissed. Withdrawn. Whatever it is you guys do. I don’t want to settle, and I don’t want to go to court. I just want it over.”
The lawyer argued the costs and the time involved, but in the end, he agreed to withdraw the suit against Ashley’s doctors and her midwife. “This makes no sense,” he told Tanner gruffly, when he finally listened to Tanner’s argument and agreed. “To be this close to settlement and pull out. It’s a costly mistake, Tanner, and I really think you should take a few days to think about it.”
Tanner didn’t need any more days. He was done looking back and from now on, the only way he wanted to go was forward. And hopefully...
It would be with Julia and her boys.
“The mistake was in trying to blame someone for what happened,” he replied. “Once I made this decision, I slept all night for the first time in three years. And I tell you, it felt good.”
“I’ll draw up the papers and notify the court on Monday.”
“Thank you. And they’ll notify the practitioners right away, won’t they?”
“I’ll send their counsel the letter of withdrawal, as well. The defendants will be informed at that time.”
“Good.” He’d already caused those people enough worry. It was time to put things right in all aspects of his life. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And you know, Tanner,” the lawyer hesitated, then said, “I respect what you’re doing. I know they were going to settle with us, and I know that most people wouldn’t be able to shrug off the lure of that kind of money. I won’t deny that I’m feeling the sting myself right now, but I have to say you’re one of the few people around who put character ahead of greed.”
Healing the Lawman's Heart Page 14