“Forecaster wasn’t very specific. Merely said that if we stayed to protect Alan, the answers would be made clear.” She paused. “And that we had to see it through until the end.”
“It doesn’t look all that clear to me,” I said in an annoyed huff.
“It’s not an ideal situation.”
“I’ll say! At least with the Forgers, we knew what Project Regen was about: finding new ways to trigger people’s powers. But with SynergyCorp we’re completely in the dark. I mean, why the hell would SynergyCorp risk its position as a legit organization by kidnapping people? We know nothing about their methods, and when they might attack next. And if they succeed, we have no way of staging a rescue. I doubt they keep their hostages at their central location on Maple Street. We’re going into this completely blind.”
“But we don’t have to,” Dawn said.
I paused, turning to her. “What do you—”
“When we fought Black and Blue. When Calypso began to take over. I got a glimpse into my own mind.” She paused to swallow. “And my memories of Project Regen, they’re still there. Just behind a locked door.” She turned to Lilah. “And if you’re a psychic…”
Lilah frowned.
I shook my head. “Dawn, if you’re implying what I think you are, then I don’t—”
“But I do,” she said, giving me a hard look. “If what we need to protect my brother is information on Project Regen, then it’s all up here.” She looked back to Lilah. “I just need you to help me open that door.”
5
Dawn
It wasn’t the sun that got me up, but Lockheed. I woke up to find my cat kneading my blankets like some furry, feline baker. His eyes were half closed, paws digging into the quilt I used in the winter months. And while I’ve never minded having a cat in my bed, I found myself wishing for someone else.
Right now, it would have been nice to wake up next to Alex.
Whiiiich was kinda an impossibility. Sure, my mom accepted that I was an adult and had probably mentally come to terms with the fact that being an adult came with a certain range of adult-like activities. But her willingness to tolerate it had limits. Especially given that she had just met Alex two days ago.
How could so much have changed over one weekend?
After announcing to everyone that I wanted Lilah to unlock my memories, I received a range of reactions. Alex had hated the idea. My brother, still drowsy from the tranquilizer, had been a mixture of puzzled and concerned. Connor…well, he had really liked that rock wall.
But it was Lilah’s reaction that convinced me I had made the right call. For a moment, she had remained quiet, a frown on her face.
“Forecaster wasn’t very specific. Merely said that if we stayed to protect Alan, the answers would be made clear.” There was a long pause before she spoke again, this time looking me straight in the eye. “But it’s not going to be easy. Dawn, recovering lost memories like this? It won’t be like remembering what you had for breakfast yesterday. It will require you to relive them, and while the process will take place entirely in your head, it won’t feel like that to you. Are you sure you want to volunteer for something like this?”
I had told her yes, and she told me to sleep on it. And then I had woken up yesterday just as convinced that I was right.
But today…
I felt my stomach sink as I walked past my suitcase, already packed the night before. Was I really ready to face these memories? Memories that I had spent so many months running away from?
After showering and dressing, I made my way downstairs to where my mother was drinking a cup of coffee and looking over the day’s mail. She nodded as I entered the kitchen.
“Good morning, Dawn,” she said. “Are you ready for your trip?”
Ah, right. The ruse.
According to Lilah, sorting through two months of lost memories was going to take a day or more. To explain my absence, we had roped in Sunshine. Surprise, surprise! My bestie wanted some company on that photo shoot we had just happened to talk about over our dinner party. Wouldn’t it be great if Alex and I went along? We’d even stay in some fancy ski resort for free! How could I resist?
“Um…yeah?”
“You don’t sound very excited.”
Wonderful, still really bad at the lying thing!
“What I mean is I’m suddenly remembering the one time you and Dad took us skiing as kids,” I answered in a rush. “And, um…the results?”
“You took quite a tumble. It’s a miracle you didn’t break something.”
“Pretty much! They really need to mark those trails better.”
I swallowed the first bite of my bagel and, well…it didn’t go down quite right. None of this felt right. After all, this wasn’t the only thing I hadn’t been completely honest with my mother about.
Why was it so difficult for me to talk to her sometimes?
“Um, Mom, there’s one thing I want to let you know before I go. It’s about Alex.”
“Oh?” She placed down her cup of coffee.
“It’s…not just that he didn’t go to college,” I said, my chest tightening. “Alex…he didn’t finish high school. Something he regrets!” I added quickly. “And he got his GED. But he, uh…feels like he really wasted his education. And given how much you’ve always valued our education, and how you reacted to the fact that Alex never went to college—”
“Dawn!” My mother raised a hand. “It’s okay.” She paused. “Albeit a little troubling.”
“How troubling?” I felt my stomach sink.
“It’s not the lack of a specific degree that concerns me, nor is it the financial stability that such an accomplishment brings. You are more fortunate than many young women in the fact that your trust fund will allow you to stand on your own two feet without the financial support of a spouse. No, it’s what the degree represents that concerns me, dedication and hard work, two necessary qualities if your relationship is to become serious. I want whoever you end up with to be an equal partner to you, and certain financial discrepancies inevitably complicate that. Do you understand?”
I nodded, having noticed such “complications” already. Like the fact that Alex refused to let me pay for his meal when we went out on dates. He seemed hyper-aware of his financial situation in a way that was foreign to me.
“I hope it also means that you’re willing to give Alex a chance?”
My mother’s lips curved into a smile.
“If he means that much to you.” She raised her coffee to her lips and took a sip. “That, and I must admit, I already prefer him to that last boy you dated. Although it seems in poor taste to say so, given how things ended up.”
I felt my face fall. Mark, who had likely been abducted by Project Regen as well. Whom I thought so little about nowadays. Would I discover his fate in my lost memories?
Okay, Dawn. You can do this. Just put one foot in front of the other.
I’ll admit it; I spent a full minute standing at the back of Birchwood Realty, the Forgers’ headquarters in Bailey City. And a full minute of a whole lot of nothing is a really long time. I swallowed, reaching out to the door handle in front of me, and took a deep breath.
Only to pause when I heard footsteps coming up from behind me.
I turned to see Alex jogging around the corner. A wrinkle had formed in between his eyebrows, his face beginning to twist into a scowl.
“No Jetta today?” I asked.
“No, Mariah needed it for a class,” Alex replied. “Damn bus was late.”
“That sucks.”
He jogged up the stairs. When he stopped to stand by my side, I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t even out of breath. Had I done the same while out of costume, I would have been dripping with sweat in a very unattractive way.
Ugh. I really needed to get in shape.
A moment of silence settled between us, drawing up an emotion I was all too familiar with.
Awkwardness. Double ugh.
“
Well,” I said, trying to sound light, “time to go!”
And with that, I reached for the door and opened it wide.
We remained completely silent as we walked through the building and to the bay of elevators. When Alex didn’t suggest taking the stairs, I knew something was wrong. His powers gave him the ability to see how things could break, which made him a little paranoid when it came to anything mechanical.
We stepped inside, and the doors rolled shut. I pressed number three.
“Dawn,” Alex said.
I turned to see that he was staring at the doors. I swallowed, a lump suddenly forming in my throat.
“Are you sure you wanna go through with this?”
“Gee, I dunno if ‘want to’ is the word choice I’d go with,” I replied, attempting to be upbeat.
“You know what I mean.”
His voice was so serious, I felt all the cheerfulness I was trying (and failing) to muster fade away. I swallowed before replying.
“I need to do this, Alex. For one thing, it wouldn’t be fair to Alan. Back when my dad died…He’s always done everything within his power to help me. What kind of sister would I be if I wasn’t willing to do the same?”
“Fair enough,” Alex replied. “But if he has always looked out for you, then I can’t see why he would want you doing this. Does he fully understand what’s going on?”
I nodded as the elevator doors rolled open. I stepped out first.
“I explained everything over the weekend. He understands. And yes, he’s uncomfortable with it. But I’m not just doing it for him.”
“You’re doing it for the other people too. The ones that may be in trouble if SynergyCorp is successful in reopening Project Regen.”
“That goes without saying,” I replied. “But I’m also doing it for me.”
“Oh?”
“Lilah and me? We’ve been talking about my famous desire to run away from things that scare me, like being completely honest to my mother about the person I’m dating?”
A small smile quirked on Alex’s lips.
“We’ve talked about how the desire not to be hurt is quite natural. But when fear of being hurt ends up controlling you…that’s when it becomes a problem, you know?” I hugged my left arm to my chest as I spoke. “I’ve been letting my fears control me for almost a year now. I’ve run away from what seems scary or dangerous for far too long.”
“I’ve seen you run toward danger quite a few times.”
“That’s different. That’s as Hikari, not as Dawn.”
“They’re both you, you know.”
“I know. As weird as it is to think about it that way.”
I turned toward the Birchwood Realty office at the sound of a door opening. It was Lilah.
“I’m sorry if I disturbed you,” she said. “Please, take all the time you need.”
“It’s fine.” I squared my shoulders. “I’m ready.”
The room Lilah led us to was all too familiar. I had recovered here from my fight with Black and Blue, after all. The sheets on the bed even looked the same. Alex placed my suitcase next to it, his face somber.
“Thank you, Alex,” Lilah said.
“Nah, it wasn’t all that heavy,” he replied with a pained smile.
“Not for that, but for letting Dawn make her own decisions.” Her gaze clouded over. “I know how difficult that can be sometimes.” She turned to me. “But before we get into anything, I need you to fully understand what it is you’re getting into. You already know that you will be reliving these memories in full. It won’t be like with your friend Dana.”
I nodded. Back in the fall, Dana had discovered that Amity Graves had rewritten his past when he was around my age, completely changing his personality. When those old memories had been unlocked, they didn’t hit him all at once, but slowly over time. Now, even months later, something seemingly normal might trigger a memory of, according to Dana, “me doing something borderline sociopathic or similarly fucked up.”
Which was pretty yikes. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about that.
“My job is to help you unlock these memories and provide a bit of a safety hatch. If things get too intense, I’ll pull you back out. Only, to do that, I will be serving as a bit of an observer. Dawn, you may have agreed to relieve old, painful memories, but you did not agree to give up your right to privacy. If that’s too much for you, then I need you to let me know.”
I ducked my head, tucking a strand of hair beneath my right ear.
“Um…knowing that I won’t go through this alone is a big help.”
“You won’t be alone.” Alex took a step toward me.
“Actually, I have an idea for you,” Lilah said, turning in his direction. “We’re going to want to work on this as quickly as possible. So, if it’s okay with you, I’d like you and Connor to go out to the spot where Dawn’s last-known memory left off. Once we’re able to piece together more information on where she was held, we’ll contact you. You’ll be able to move on it a lot faster if you’re already outside of the city.”
“You’re just trying to keep me from pacing back and forth in this room.”
“You seem like the type of person that would be more comfortable having something to concentrate on, rather than hover.” Lilah sighed. “I don’t know if sending you out there is a good call. For all we know, Dawn could have been airlifted to some place more remote. That is why I am leaving this decision up to you.”
“I understand,” Alex said, “and I appreciate your honesty.”
“Then you’ll appreciate this.” Lilah closed her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking again. “I believe we may have been set up.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, hugging my left arm with my right.
“When Forecaster sent me to you, he was very specific in his instructions. That once we had committed to protecting Alan, our path for success would open up. And the moment we filled you two in, Dawn volunteered to have her memories uncovered.”
“I…wondered if you thought that,” I replied. “Seeing your face after I volunteered.”
“All right, I’ll bite,” Alex said. “If Forecaster knew that the answers are in Dawn’s memories then why wouldn’t he tell you about that in the first place?”
“Perhaps it was a decision that Dawn needed to come to on her own.” She shrugged. “More likely? He foresaw that I would refuse to go through with the plan if I knew what I was signing up to ahead of time.” She turned toward me. “There’s a good chance that you experienced significant trauma last summer. Forcing people to relieve something like that is not what my powers are for. They’re for helping people heal.”
“Is Forecaster even trustworthy?” Alex crossed his arms. “I mean, we know that the guy can see the future, but that doesn’t necessarily make him a good guy.”
“Forecaster…” Lilah’s voice trailed off. “He’s a complicated man. Not a nice man. I don’t even know if you could call him “good.” But unlike most of the Higher-Ups, his concerns go beyond the Forgers and preserving our way of life. He cares about humanity as a whole. And sometimes, having such a large world view means that he forgets individual needs.”
“Including yours?”
The look on her face was difficult to read. Was she sad? Frustrated? She spoke again before I had a chance to make up my mind.
“Regardless, I need to clear up a couple of last-minute things with Connor. I’ll be right back.”
She nodded toward the both of us before leaving the room.
“Why does it seem like she just wanted to give us a moment to say good-bye?” Alex said with a chuckle.
“She’s…sensitive like that,” I replied. “Even on the phone, she was always very aware of my needs. And I always appreciated that.”
“I like her a lot. She’s smart and honest but isn’t a jerk about it. I can see why you’ve always admired her.” He paused. “Connor, on the other hand…”
“Oh no,” the words escaped my lip
s in half a gasp.
“What?” Alex turned to me, a look of concern on his face.
“It’s just…I notice that you get along really well with most people. I, uh…kinda envy that about you. But the people you don’t get along with…” I winced.
“That’s probably true. But I’ll play nice with Connor. Scout’s honor.”
“You were a Boy Scout?”
“Yeah. Until they kicked me out for bad behavior.”
I laughed. Alex took that moment to draw me in with a large bear hug. I accepted it, burying my face in the warmth of his chest, the pleasant smell of his leather jacket filling my nostrils.
“I don’t like this,” he admitted. “But I understand why you need to do it.”
“Thank you,” I said, my words muffled by the fabric of his shirt.
“What was that again?” His voice was teasing.
I repeated myself with a laugh, thinking that this would be the perfect time to say the three words I had been holding back for so long. You know, the big ones. And I had come across tons of perfect opportunities. Only, whenever the moment arrived, something held me back. I wondered if Alex felt the same way. He hadn’t said anything either.
“You’re gonna get through this,” he said. “I know you’re strong.”
I buried my face deeper into his chest, hoping his faith in me was not misplaced.
“All right, bro! I hear we’re going on a road trip!”
I swore I could hear the sound of Alex’s teeth grinding as he turned to the door. I followed suit to see Connor standing at the threshold.
Looking…older.
Silver Shot and Golden Strike took up their masks in their final year of college, when they were still in their early twenties, putting them in their mid-thirties now. Lilah looked…well, I hoped I looked that great over a decade from now. Connor, on the other hand…I’m not going to say he looked old old, but the sharp crease across his forehead, the crow’s feet around his eyes, and that gray hair at his temples—the combined effect aged him quite a bit.
Silver and Gold (Red and Black Book 3) Page 5