by Nashoda Rose
And, yeah, to erase that fear I’d seen on her face last night.
With my finger under her chin, I tilted her head. “Eva,” I whispered before I kissed her.
She sagged in my arms as my mouth roamed over hers. I tasted the mint of her toothpaste as her velvet lips melded under mine. I groaned when her body quivered and I deepened the kiss.
When we broke apart, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes soft and gentle. I loved her stubborn and sass, but her soft and gentle undid me.
“You found the toothbrush,” I murmured.
She smiled. “You remembered everything.”
I kissed her again, loving how her mouth surrendered to mine.
Last night, we’d fucked hard then gentle, and when she woke in the middle of the night and kissed me, I fucked her lazy from behind while spooning, both of us half asleep. I’d never done that before and I liked that it was a first with her. Fuck, everything felt like a first with Eva.
I knew the night I met her she was more. Confirmed it in the morning, and why I and kicked her out so abruptly. But Eva wasn’t a woman to fuck and forget. She invaded. Not full force, but soft and quiet with a bit of sass that worked its way through the cracks in my armor.
I knew in the beginning that protecting Eva was in some way trying to repair where I failed my mom. But it wasn’t possible to fix something broken when all the pieces weren’t there. Particles of me existed, floating around in the darkness. I’d never tried to find my way out. Never cared.
Until now.
“You sleep okay?” She picked up her mug, curled both hands around it and sipped.
“You have a great bed,” I replied. “Too many pillows.”
She laughed, and the sound filtered into me. “I like the pillows.”
“I like the pillows under your ass when I fuck you,” I teased.
She licked her lower lip and her cheeks flushed. Christ, I liked that, too. “I might have to pick up bigger ones,” she said.
I chuckled then leaned into her and kissed her again.
Christ, I was falling hard for this woman.
Eva truly was rare. She was determined. Stubborn, but still vulnerable. Sweet and compassionate, but strong.
But Eva didn’t know about Crown. The person or the place. She didn’t know what my mom had been. What I’d done for years after she was brutally beaten. My mom’s death had been the stepping-stone that led me down the wrong path. A catalyst into the darkness. Because the underworld sucked me in and I’d become someone the immoral respected. Fuckin’ coveted.
It was Deck who dragged my ass out of the death cages. He locked me in a room and refused to let me out until I found some sort of sanity and civility.
It was opening Crown and finding purpose in hunting criminals that in some way offered me a path to personal redemption, even though that redemption would never be found. The particles were lost in a sea of wrongs and I’d done more wrongs then I cared to admit.
Even now, I skirted the law when I dealt with the scum of the Earth.
There wasn’t a place I called home. I never settled in one place long enough to make it a place to call home. Even Ireland. Finding scum took me all over the world, sometimes for months.
Eva’s hand touched my forearm. “You okay?”
I forced a half grin. “Yeah. I want coffee with you on your swing.” Everyfuckin’day.
“I want you to fuck me on that swing,” she said, sliding her teeth over her lower lip. “Not now because it’s light out and I don’t want to scare my new neighbors by having sex on the front porch on my swing. But I’ll be on top so your feet can keep the swing steady.” She squished her lips. “Or not. Maybe it will be good swinging. I’m not sure yet.”
Jesus, Eva dragging her teeth over her lip, saying fuck and discussing her swing and the two of us fucking on it, was like a hit to the solar plexus.
I raised my brows. “You’ve thought about this a lot, I take it. We may have to test it out a few times.”
She laughed. “Yeah.”
I picked up my mug and slid my fingers between hers as I led her out to the front porch swing. The sun rose over the horizon and offered a yellow glow across the yard and the summer breeze carried the scent of freshly cut lawns.
I held Eva’s mug and waited until she settled on the swing with her legs curled to the side of her, then I passed her the coffee. I lowered into the swing beside her and placed my hand on her naked thigh, thumb slowly stroking back and forth.
I didn’t know where this would go or end up. A long-distance relationship was impossible, and her coming to Ireland was out of the question with Crown and the darkness that surrounded me there. And whatever was happening with Seth Garrett in Toronto was a consequence of that. After seven years, I’d somehow become a threat to him, and I didn’t know why. The problem was, the guy was like a shadow and impossible to find.
I’d left Eva those five days to ask my old contacts in Ireland about Seth Garrett. Then I asked the girls at Crown. Information was worth money and they listened. I didn’t like it, but what they did wasn’t up to me. My name gave them the protection they needed and if anyone fucked with that, they’d end up in a body bag.
Eva rested her hand in mine and lightly squeezed. “I like you here, Deaglan.”
It was a simple gesture, but my insides warmed and my heart skipped a beat. Fuck. I wanted all of her, but I’d never get that without giving her all of me. Who I’d been. What I’d done. About Crown. I wasn’t ready to give her all the ugly. Not yet.
I inhaled a ragged breath. “There are things I haven’t told you, Eva.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “Don’t just leave. Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”
Jesus. I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me. “I wouldn’t do that to you, baby.”
But we both knew it was a lot more complicated than leaving without a goodbye.
“Now, this is a big boy burger, princess,” Tyler said to Vic as he piled his burger high with every single condiment laid out on the patio table, including condiments that weren’t meant to be condiments, meaning ketchup-flavored potato chips. “No wonder why you’re so feeble, eating beans and shit.” Vic had a plate full of bean pasta salad.
I bit my lip to keep from laughing aloud. Tyler was looking to get his ass kicked, but he didn’t seem too concerned about it. And by Vic’s stone expression, he was used to Tyler’s banter.
We were at Kai and London’s house in their backyard after their daughter’s Muay Thai exam. They lived near Casa Loma, a famous old castle that the neighborhood was named after. Their massive, stone house backed up to a ravine and had a salt-water pool.
Last night, while Deaglan had me naked on the marble kitchen island, he’d asked if I’d come with him today. Of course, I would’ve said yes either way, but I hemmed and hawed about it until Deaglan sank deep inside me and told me to answer the question.
I was living at my new house full time, albeit with no furniture except the bed, barstools, and the porch swing. The moving company was coming Tuesday because I had to work tomorrow and Monday. But the phone company came yesterday and hooked up the cable and Internet and two unlisted phone lines for the women’s center. I also had workmen there, workmen Deaglan checked into thoroughly, who were putting in a separate entrance on the side of the house where I’d have an office.
I felt unstuck and even though it was scary as hell to face my demons, the idea of helping other women who were going through what I did gave me the will to push forward. Deaglan gave me the will to push forward.
He also didn’t let me think too long about decisions that needed to be made. But he let me make them, just on a shorter time frame.
But over the last few days, Deaglan had been tense and didn’t crawl into bed with me until near morning. I knew he and the guys from VUR were searching for Seth Garrett and Curran, although not much was said about it.
I understood why Deaglan had to find Curran. He’d never fo
rgive himself if anything happened to me. Just like I suspected he never forgave himself for being unable to protect his mother.
But he’d been twelve years old. A kid. How was he supposed to protect her against a man like that?
Today he was relaxed.
Today I was with his friends, whom I really liked.
Hope was adorable, showing off her kicks and punches. And even cuter when her eyes looked to her father, Kai, for approval. But pride was all over his face and I had no doubt, he’d be proud no matter what she did.
It was later into the evening, when everyone was getting ready to leave, that I glanced over at Deaglan. Hope was in his arms while he chatted with Connor. Her head lay on his chest, and her palm on his forearm where she traced the tattoos with her finger.
He laughed at something Connor said and the sound filtered into me. He was completely at ease with the little girl in his arms.
My heart swelled and tears filled my eyes as I watched him.
He was beautiful. Every part of him.
The way he was with me, knowing when to push and when to let me do my thing. How he did things for me without any expectations in return. His protectiveness. His support and patience when I got stuck.
And then there was this side of him, like when we met. Relaxed and casual with his friends. His playfulness and overabundance of cockiness. Earlier he’d tossed Connor into the pool, and when I laughed, he slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and threatened to jump in.
I laughed and screamed and he ended up carrying me into the bathroom where he kissed me until my lips were swollen.
Right then it was as if a mallet slammed in to my stomach and left me breathless.
I loved him. I loved Deaglan Kane.
Completely and totally.
There was no denying it. And maybe I had been trying to deny it for a while. But there was no pretending that this was temporary, because it wasn’t. There was nothing temporary about how I felt. It was consuming, just like I knew it would be.
And it was too late to stop what I felt for him. I wasn’t sure when it happened exactly, but it crept up on me. Not the attraction to him. That had been like hitting a cement wall the moment I saw him. This was deeper. This was him.
The problem was I didn’t have enough of him. Even though he shared a piece of himself, there was still a wall around him that I couldn’t penetrate. Hidden parts.
But the love I felt at this moment for Deaglan was like being swept up in a tidal wave. It had the power to take me wherever it chose to, and there was no fighting it. I could ride the wave or drown in the destruction of its force.
Deaglan kissed the top of the little girl’s head, then put her down. He said something to Connor and they shook hands before he made his way toward me.
My heart burst with love, but also with heartache because it was going to hurt like hell when the wave crashed into shore and it ended.
Kendra was right. He was going to break my heart. We were on different paths and it was impossible for them to intersect even if we both wanted them to.
When we arrived at my place, Deaglan unlocked the door, turned off the alarm then grabbed me by the hips and shoved me against the wall.
His mouth collided with mine and I sagged in his arms. Teeth jarred. Mouths fused. Tongues danced.
It was desperation. Need. Urgency. And for me, it was love for this man.
I raked my fingers through his hair and moaned beneath his bruising assault.
“Baby,” he murmured, as he trailed nips across my chin and down my neck. “Fuck, you’re easy,” he said.
“Easy?” I smacked his chest and tugged on his hair to pull him away. “I’m not easy, asshole.”
He nipped my neck. “Shut up, Eva. That’s not what I’m saying.” He stopped kissing me and cupped my chin as our eyes locked. “Easy to be with. It’s effortless. And today… Eva, you mingle. You laugh. You’re comfortable with my friends and easily get along.”
My heart thumped. “It’s easy when the people are great and really nice.”
He chuckled. “I wouldn’t call Kai or Vic nice in front of them. They’d take offense.”
I slid my hands over his shoulders and down his chest, my palm settling over his heart.
God, I never want him to leave.
He ran his finger down the side of my face, then tucked my hair behind my ear. “Baby, I spoke to Deck tonight about staying.”
My breath stilled and my fingers tightened on his shirt. “You did?”
He nodded and a few strands of hair fell in front of his face. I brushed them back with the tips of my fingers. “I can stay here on a work visa, but the processing takes time. Reckon Deck can pull some strings, though.”
“A work visa,” I murmured as if the words weren’t real.
“Deck said he’ll hire me as a VUR specialist.”
My heart slammed into my ribcage and skipped beats all over the place. Deaglan was trying to stay. He might not return to Ireland. Well, he would in that he’d visit his brother, but he would stay here. Live here.
“With me?” I asked, still trying to grasp that this was happening.
He smirked. “Yeah, Eva. With you. You good with that?”
“Does that mean you’re still going to hunt the worst motherfuckers in the world.”
He nodded. “Baby, I already do that, but now I’ll be part of Deck’s team.” He tilted my head so I was forced to look at him. “This is what I do, and I need to do it.”
“Yeah.” I knew he did. That was part of what made him Deaglan. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. “I know.”
“We have a lead on Seth. We need to jump on it tonight.”
“Oh,” I said. “So, you’re sure it’s him? The man who is after you?”
He nodded. “Seth disappeared seven years ago. It was after we had issues, Eva. Suddenly there’s movement and it’s against me.” He smoothed his hand over my head. “The police are outside and I have Kai’s man Ernie watching the house. Luke will be here in the morning if I’m not back.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He lowered his head and kissed me.
And in that kiss it was all of him. All of us.
He pulled back and I caressed his jaw with my finger before meeting his eyes. “Be safe, Deaglan.”
He tightened his hold and whispered, “Eva, I’ve never wanted to live as much as I do knowing I have you.”
I woke to my phone vibrating.
Rolling over, I snagged it off the nightstand and with one eye squinting open, I pressed answer and placed it to my ear.
“Eva?”
I bolted upright the instant I heard the tremor in Ally’s voice.
“What’s wrong?”
I reached for Deaglan to wake him, but his side of the bed was cold. Right, he’d gone hunting bad guys.
“Don’t freak,” Ally said.
“You saying don’t freak doesn’t help, Ally.” I threw my legs over the side of the bed. “What’s wrong?” I pulled my phone away from my ear and glanced at the time. It was five in the morning.
“Is Deaglan with you?”
“No. He’s with Deck. Or, I think Deck, he didn’t really say. He could be with Vic or Tyler. Maybe all of them.”
“Oh,” Ally said.
“What’s oh?” I tugged on panties and jeans with my phone pressed between my shoulder and my ear. “Ally Schmidt, tell me right now.”
“The rental house blew up.”
I froze. My heart stopped pumping and my stomach dropped out and landed on the floor flopping around like a fish out of water.
Shit, breathe. Breathe, Eva.
“No one was in it,” she blurted. “At least, they don’t think so because you’re not there.”
“My house blew up,” I repeated. “My house blew up?”
“I saw it on the news,” Ally said. “Your neighbors were being interviewed.”
Holy crap. My house blew up. Like Deaglan’s warehouse blew up.<
br />
Deaglan. Please, Deaglan, be okay.
“I’m coming over,” Ally said.
My phone beeped and I pulled it away from my ear to look at the screen. Deaglan calling flashed across the screen. A wave of relief poured over me.
“Ally, Deaglan’s calling. I’ll call you back, okay?”
“Okay. But swear you’ll call?”
“Yeah.”
I switched to the other line, and before I could say anything, Deaglan spoke. “Eva. We’re five minutes out. Do you have medical supplies there?”
My breath hitched. “What’s wrong?”
“Eva. Do you have shit there to deal with a gunshot wound? Deck’s guy is out of town.” Deaglan ground out as if he were in pain.
Gunshot? Deck’s guy?
“Eva,” he barked.
I inhaled a ragged breath. “Yeah. Yeah. In my car I have a first aid kit, but the hospital is—”
“Baby, we don’t need questions.”
Shit. Doctors were required by law to contact the police if a victim came to the hospital with a gunshot wound.
I swallowed and tried to calm my racing heart and the nerves that cannonballed through my body. “Were you shot?” Please say no.
“It’s minor. Four minutes out.”
The line went dead. He was gone.
I stood frozen for a minute, my mind scrambling to catch up to everything that was happening. My house blew up and Deaglan had been shot.
What the hell was happening?
I ran into the kitchen and shoved everything off the island for a place to treat the wound. God, I had no idea how much blood he’d lost.
If he lost too much, he’d have to be taken to the hospital. I wasn’t risking Deaglan’s life because of questions being asked.
I pressed in the alarm code and ran to my car and yanked the first aid kit out of the trunk. I saw Kai’s guy, Ernie, on his cell across the street, his eyes on me. Luke was with him.
I ran back inside and opened my bag on the kitchen counter and took out what I thought I’d need. I was a goddamn nurse, not a doctor. I couldn’t do surgery. Shit, did he expect me to do surgery?
There were no tires squealing or loud announcements they were here. The VUR boys were calm and cool as Deck walked in first, then Vic, Tyler, and finally Deaglan.