by Leigh Riker
“Another baby,” Annabelle murmured. He’d lost his wife and son, and he’d also lost their unborn child. “Finn, I shouldn’t have pried.”
“No, that was my fault. You weren’t prying. Maybe I wanted you to see all this even when I’m not ready,” he said, closing the drawer then turning her toward him. Finn had let her glimpse the deepest part of his heart, and she saw that in his eyes, though he didn’t go on. The baby was an additional loss for Finn, but what else did he not want to share with her?
No matter what it was, she owed him the same honesty he’d just given her. She’d stalled long enough.
“I can’t imagine how you feel,” she said. “I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I have to leave Emmie. I know that’s not the same, but... I’m taking that first step. I’m going to Phoenix.” The rest of the words didn’t come easily, and when she’d finished explaining, Finn’s expression remained impassive. He’d already challenged her for meeting with the mayor, but his reaction to the course wasn’t at all what she expected.
“A different school? Huh. I can see why you wanted to confront Harry so quickly.” Finn asked about the dates she’d be gone then took a breath as if he were about to plunge into a deep pool but couldn’t swim. “While you’re away I could watch Emmie if you want, take her to day care, pick her up when I leave the station. She’d love being at the farm with Sarge, Freckles...maybe she wouldn’t miss you quite as much.”
Shocked, she said, “Is this the same man who once wanted nothing to do with her?” She glanced at the closed bureau drawer. “Are you sure?” Clearly, that would remind Finn of Chicago, Caro and Alex and the baby, but after another moment he nodded.
“Mostly sure. I think Emmie would be fine.”
“Finn—”
“I know this thing with the mayor isn’t easily resolved and you’ve spent most of your life feeling isolated because of your parents, feeling as if you need to escape—but you don’t have to go it alone.”
Annabelle’s throat tightened. He’d already helped her with the closet. “I really appreciate your offer, but we’re talking about a first, short trip for ten days—not Emmie’s entire future. And if I could keep her with me...forever, I would. But that’s not the right choice. For her. It’s not practical.”
Finn’s tone hardened. “And you’re always practical.”
“After I get my certificate, I’ll be building a business. I’ll need to put a lot of effort into finding clients.” Her voice gained strength. “I’m thinking of doing a mix of adult and student tours—like their class trips on spring break to Washington, DC—but other people would want to see Europe or Asia. Remember, it’s a twenty-four-hour job. It would be too difficult to take Emmie with me. Once she starts school—”
“All of that could be worked out. I’ve watched you with her. If you can’t see the love in your eyes for that little girl, just look in a mirror—I can. My role as a father was taken from me. You have the chance I’ll never have with Alex. You can watch her grow up and become a good person, provide the kind of secure home she never had with Sierra. That’s not simply a matter of place, Annabelle. Or time. So what if Harry Barnes is Emmie’s father? He might not accept her, but you can. You can give Emmie what she needs. You already have.”
She almost wavered. “I’m not the person you think I am. My parents didn’t show me how to be a good mother, and I won’t risk ruining Emmie as they did me.”
“That’s not true. Maybe you didn’t know at first—no one does—but you’re better equipped now. Your bad experience doesn’t mean you can’t give her a good life.”
“You don’t understand. I have to—”
“What?” Finn shot a look at the bureau drawer. “Get away from here? Well, let me tell you something. You can travel the world, but unless you make peace with your parents, they’ll always control you—even if you never come back to Barren. You still won’t find what you’re looking for. I should know,” he said. “I fled from Chicago, hoping to make some kind of life here, trusting that Cooper would help find justice for Caro and Alex, that I’d find some way to forget—” He shook his head. “It doesn’t work. Your memories will go with you. Even after you found the courage to look in that closet.”
“Maybe they will, but I need to do this. To try.”
“I turned my back on my father years ago,” Finn went on. “He never had time for me, yet he still crowds into my thoughts. But when my uncle died, then I lost Caro and Alex, I never even had the chance to say goodbye. My uncle was shot on duty and I wasn’t there. With Caro and Alex, I was, but everything happened too fast. I couldn’t stop their bleeding. The cops didn’t get there for eleven whole minutes, the longest minutes of my life, and the ambulance came behind them. You told me there was nothing I could do, but there is something you can do for Emmie.”
“I’m not coldhearted, Finn.” Her voice thickened. “It will be hard to let her go, but I feel that’s what will be best for her.”
“Or easiest for you?” With his back to her, he walked across the room to the door. “We don’t always get what we want, Annabelle. I should know that, too.”
“Yes you should,” she said. “But that new life you wanted?” She gestured at the bureau though he didn’t see the motion. “Those mementos are heartbreaking, Finn, but you’ve all but buried yourself here just as you tried to shut away your memories in that dresser drawer. The way you keep hoping to find justice for your family when that may never happen.”
He turned around. “Even from here, with those killers still loose in Chicago, I’ll find a way if it takes the rest of my life.”
“And turns you into a bitter man?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “If it does, there’ll be no one else to suffer. But, you, Annabelle? I can’t believe you’d just walk away from Emmie.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
FINN STARED OUT the window at the driveway, the falling snow and the last wink of red taillights from Annabelle’s car. Minutes ago she’d walked past him through the bedroom and down the stairs, roused Emmie from sleep then left him to regret what he’d said. He knew she’d never leave Emmie with the wrong person, which apparently included him because he couldn’t see Annabelle letting him keep Emmie now even for ten days.
Just when he’d been feeling better about things, even his past, and tempted to give in to his feelings for Annabelle, he’d blown it.
Finn turned from the window as his phone rang. Wondering if it might be her, he saw the caller ID and tried not to feel disappointed. “Hey, Cooper.”
“Donovan?” A different voice sounded harried. Why did he have Cooper’s cell?
His stomach tightened in dread. “Yeah. Who’s this?”
The man identified himself as Jimmy O’Neill, Cooper’s current partner. “I thought you’d want to know. His new ‘informant’ for The Brothers turned out to be a setup. I warned him—”
“So did I.” Fear pounded through Finn’s veins. Eduardo Sanchez’s face, his dark eyes blank and soulless, filled Finn’s mind like a bad movie. “What’s happened?”
“We got caught in an ambush. You’d remember the site.” O’Neill mentioned the old building used as the gang’s clubhouse where Cooper and Finn conducted the raid that had led to his family’s deaths. “When we went to talk with this woman who claimed she had evidence, all hell broke loose. We were surrounded by those punks, heavily armed.” He said, “Cooper’s in surgery now. I had his cell phone with your number in his contacts. Before they took him to the OR, he asked me to call.”
Finn’s hands felt clammy. “How bad?”
“I’m praying he’ll beat the odds, but he’s pretty torn up, gut shot in fact.” Which Finn knew was often a fatal wound. “The bullet spiraled through all kinds of places and it wasn’t the only one. Cooper’s a tough guy—you know that—but I don’t want to get your hopes up. If that was me, I’d already be dead.”
Jimmy O’Neill promised to keep Finn in the loop, and after they hung up Finn gave himself a pep talk. The hospital was top-notch and had saved more than one cop in its time, but all he could think about was Cooper on the operating table fighting for his life.
Safe in Barren, Finn had let his partner do the heavy lifting in Chicago, just as his family had paid the price for that raid, and the vicious gang was still in business. Finn wanted to strangle the woman who’d betrayed Cooper.
Ten minutes later, Finn had a plane ticket to Chicago. His heart rate must be in the danger zone, but he couldn’t sit on the sidelines any longer. He had lost Caro and Alex and the baby. Even if Finn died trying, he wasn’t going to lose Cooper too.
* * *
“HEAR YE, HEAR YE.” At the end of the large table in the center of the diner’s main room, scattered with the remnants of their dinner, Olivia raised her water glass in a toast. “How excited are you, Belle?”
The other members of the Girls’ Night Out group lifted their glasses in honor of Annabelle’s upcoming trip to Phoenix, yet she detected a general lack of enthusiasm.
“Very,” she said, though that wasn’t quite the word. “I’m really looking forward to the course.” Outside, the snow kept falling, weighing down the branches of the trees and piling up on cars parked along Main Street.
Annabelle hadn’t heard from Finn. She’d finally called the station today only to learn he’d left town on “personal business,” and after last night at his farm, she kept turning over his words in the darker shadows of her mind. I can’t believe you’d just walk away from Emmie.
Annabelle regretted their argument, but on both their parts the words had been spoken and couldn’t be taken back. Still, Emmie’s welfare preyed on her mind.
Tonight she was with Grey and Ava who planned to watch movies, play games and make popcorn. The little girl who’d come to Annabelle, fearful and alone, who’d mourned her mother in silence, had become a social butterfly with her friends on the Circle H, at Wilson Cattle and with Seth Barnes in day care, which Emmie now seemed to love. Even her temper tantrums were becoming less frequent, and her language development seemed to be improving.
Annabelle smiled. “Emmie’s been so cute. Last night she talked to me for what seemed like hours, reporting everything that happened that day at what she calls her ‘school,’ and after riding the pony at Finn’s place, she likes Janie Wants to be a Cowgirl even better.”
Shadow groaned. “Please don’t mention that story. If Ava and I read it once, we’ve read it a thousand times. Whenever Emmie comes over, they read it together.”
“She’s going to miss you, Belle, even for a short while.” Olivia ran a finger around the rim of her glass, and Annabelle felt another twinge of guilt.
She would miss Emmie too. She’d even almost miss cooking every day at the diner. Who would she share a meal with in Phoenix? Strangers, when right here she had Blossom, Shadow and Olivia who knew her, really knew her. She and Grey’s stepmother Liza had become friends too, and from across the table Liza sent her a probing look.
“Are you sure about this?” she asked. “You’re taking a big step. I don’t simply mean your course. Are you really committed to selling this diner, your house, then moving away from everyone you know, including us?”
Yes, she wanted to say—and not feel guilty—but she couldn’t seem to voice the thought. She already missed Emmie, and the little girl was only fifteen minutes away at Wilson Cattle. How would she feel when Emmie was here, and Annabelle was sitting in a classroom far away, preparing to leave her for good? Would Emmie cry when she left? Would she?
“The diner has been shown—thank goodness—several times now,” she said, “and wonder of wonders today Jack Hancock came to see it.”
Shadow said, “I thought he was happy running the dinner service at the café.”
“But he doesn’t own it. He’d also like to have his own restaurant, and apparently he’s been considering the diner since my sign went up in the front window.”
“Has he made an offer?”
“Not yet. My asking price seemed high to Jack—when I’m practically giving it away. He’ll get back to me after he’s talked to Wanda.” She added, “He’d have to make any offer through my Realtor, hopefully by the time I get back.”
Olivia took a last sip of water. “After that, things may move fast.” A short silence fell over the group. “Well,” she said at last, “it seems you’ve made up your mind.”
“The longer I wait, the older I’ll get, the bigger Emmie will be, and sooner or later making that choice will seem like too much change. I’ll be stuck even deeper in my rut.” Annabelle flushed. “I don’t mean you guys or Emmie are part of that—”
Blossom shifted. “But we are, Belle. I’m getting uncomfortable.” Did she mean with their conversation? Blossom pressed a hand to her chest. She’d left her baby at home with Logan who couldn’t provide any nourishment. “Sorry, ladies. I have to leave.”
“Stay a few more minutes.” Olivia cast a worried glance at the others. “We need to say our goodbyes before Annabelle takes off—her first time away from us—and shed some tears. I wish Nell was here.”
“She couldn’t make it,” Annabelle said, a growing lump in her throat. These women were her dearest friends. She’d watched Blossom fall in love with Logan—the right man for her this time—shared their joy when the baby was born. She’d been Shadow’s confidante more than once about Grey. She’d seen Olivia through her divorce then her reunion with Sawyer. Every significant moment of her life had been spent or shared with these people, in this place. And some with Finn who’d helped her through Sierra’s last days, stood beside her at the cemetery until he couldn’t stay, not to mention being with her when she opened the closet door. He’d let her see into his heart, and known how to handle Emmie when Annabelle could not.
The others murmured their agreement. Blossom rose from the table, looking regretful. “I really hate to cut this short—especially tonight—but, Belle, you know I wish you the best. I love you like a sister,” she said, folding Annabelle into a tight hug. “I wish you were staying though I understand why you’re not.”
Olivia’s tone turned gruff. “As Sawyer says, I hope you’re leaving for the right reasons. Your parents aren’t here to make you unhappy now—and I can’t help wondering if this has something to do with our hunky sheriff, too.”
Everyone’s eyebrows shot up in unison.
“Of course not.” But her pulse tripped at the mention of him. She missed him, despite their quarrel about Emmie.
Olivia’s mouth tightened. “Grey thinks Finn more than likes you, and I speak for all of us when I say we’ve known ever since he moved to Barren how you feel about him. It’s in your eyes whenever he’s mentioned. Like now. Why not stick around? See where that can go?”
Annabelle began to stack their dinner plates. “Before he left for Chicago, Finn and I...” She trailed off, wondering what business he had there. Did it have to do with Caro and Alex? Maybe he’d gone to see about his storage unit. “I can’t say we broke up when we never went that far, but...whatever it was, it’s time for me to do what I’ve always wanted to do.” Escape, he’d said. “I have to go.”
Every face fell. Olivia’s eyes filled with tears and Shadow pressed her trembling lips together. Blossom busied herself, taking a last sip of tea, fiddling with her coat and gloves. Liza toyed with her turquoise-and-silver necklace.
“My dear friends...” Annabelle couldn’t go on.
No one seemed able to speak. Instead, they drew her into a group embrace.
“Well.” Blossom pulled away first. “No more of this or I’ll be drowning in tears the whole way home. I know you’ll be back—for a while—”
“Give Logan a hug from me and a kiss for Daisy,” Annabelle said.
“I will. Thanks.” She added, “Thanks,
too, for being my friend. When I came to Barren, I didn’t have anyone here and you’ve always been so kind.”
“I love you all,” Annabelle managed to say, watching Blossom walk to the door and open it, letting in a sharp blast of wintry air. “Drive safely.”
“I will.” But Blossom didn’t leave. She closed the door. “Belle, have you decided who will care for Emmie? Logan and I would be happy to have her.”
“So would Sawyer and I. Nick would get to practice being a big brother.” Olivia fussed with her napkin. “I know you’ll be back after the course to tie things up here—and if the trial run has worked for everyone, we’d certainly have room for her in our home and in our hearts. We can decide then.”
Liza stepped in, sadness in her gaze. “I’d love another grandchild to spoil.”
What were they saying? She couldn’t imagine better people to care for Emmie, but all Annabelle would have then was her broken heart. “You all mean...permanently?”
“Yes,” everyone said at once.
Shadow added, “If you’re determined to leave, we won’t see her with strangers. Grey and I would love Emmie to join our family. I don’t even need to ask him.”
“Go,” Olivia said, a tear tracking down her cheek. “Enjoy Phoenix. Emmie will be fine with us. Maybe we’ll let her spend a few days with each family in turn. How would that be?”
“She’d like that. She adores Nick, Ava and Daisy. She’s never really had a family. Or a home.”
“Until she came to you,” Shadow pointed out.
As they all hugged one last time, saying goodbye, Annabelle fought back tears. Crying in front of her favorite people wouldn’t accomplish anything, and as everyone started for the door, chatting and managing a laugh or two to cover emotion, she held herself in check.
From the doorway Annabelle watched each woman get into her car, the headlights come on, the cars turning away as they headed down Main Street. The diner, the house, the town, even Finn, would be in her rearview mirror soon enough. With everyone gone, she locked up, hung the closed sign on the door and drove off herself to put the last of the clothing and toiletries in her suitcase. Soon, she thought.