When he arrived tonight, when he came through the door with Jack, Michael sensed each of the couples drawing a little closer together, not literally but with brief glances and subtle adjustments of posture—as if Michael were the Spirit of Loneliness, the End of Love, even the Angel of Death. He had not felt bad about that. It gave him a feeling of power, and having power, Michael could be comfortable. He was embarrassed by what gave him that power, but it was another person who had done that, someone capable of emotions so black and intense Michael found it hard to believe he had been that person. He liked to think he was separated from that person by the raised seams on his wrists. Whenever Michael was nervous or depressed, he absentmindedly stroked his wrists through his cuffs, following each scar to its end, reminding himself where he had been.
He would die. Everyone in this room would die. It was one thing to know that, and something else to feel it. Mortality made most of their failings seem minor, tender, and bearable.
Michael knew he would continue to feel shame, guilt, and irritation. He would continue to think guiltily he had become Jack’s burden, on days he didn’t irritably think Jack had become his. He would continue to humor Jack’s clumsy concern for his shifting states of mind, humor him out of shame, duty, respect, and affection. They would probably go to bed with each other, which would spoil what peace they had, forcing Michael to choose between the cruelty of refusing to be Jack’s lover and the cowardice of consenting. He would finish school and choose to do something with his life, which he would later regret.
And yet, Michael felt he could live with all that, just as he lived with Jack, just as he lived among the foolish, well-meaning men and women chattering around him, just as he lived with himself.
Immortal, he thought with a sudden grin that caused everyone to look at him, people would be unbearable.
About the Author
Christopher Bram is the author of nine novels, including Father of Frankenstein, which was made into the Academy Award–winning movie Gods and Monsters, starring Ian McKellen. Bram grew up outside of Norfolk, Virginia, where he was a paperboy and an Eagle Scout. He graduated from the College of William and Mary in 1974 and moved to New York City in 1978. In addition to Father of Frankenstein, he has written numerous articles and essays. His most recent book, Eminent Outlaws: The Gay Writers Who Changed America, is a literary history. Bram was a Guggenheim Fellow in 2001, and in 2003, he received Publishing Triangle’s Bill Whitehead Award for Lifetime Achievement. He lives in Greenwich Village and teaches at New York University.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Excerpt from “Little Gidding” in Four Quartets, copyright 1943 by T. S. Eliot and renewed 1971 by Esme Valerie Eliot, reprinted by permission of Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc.
Copyright © 1989 by Christopher Bram
Cover design by Mauricio Diaz
978-1-4804-2455-5
This edition published in 2013 by Open Road Integrated Media
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014
www.openroadmedia.com
EBOOKS BY CHRISTOPHER BRAM
FROM OPEN ROAD MEDIA
Available wherever ebooks are sold
Open Road Integrated Media is a digital publisher and multimedia content company. Open Road creates connections between authors and their audiences by marketing its ebooks through a new proprietary online platform, which uses premium video content and social media.
Videos, Archival Documents, and New Releases
Sign up for the Open Road Media newsletter and get news delivered straight to your inbox.
Sign up now at
www.openroadmedia.com/newsletters
FIND OUT MORE AT
WWW.OPENROADMEDIA.COM
FOLLOW US:
@openroadmedia and
Facebook.com/OpenRoadMedia
In Memory of Angel Clare Page 24