There’s so much in those three little words that make my heart race, leaving me wanting.
What does he mean by that? Why do I feel like he’s talking about more than just skiing?
“Don’t think too much into it,” he mutters softly, the green in his eyes darkening for just a bit as he looks at my lips. “I just haven’t had time to come out here.”
Of course. After what his father did, the scandal of his family and him taking over, I knew he’s handling a lot, but still, I can’t help but wonder who helps him? Who does he have left?
His mother—like mine, abandoned him. Alex lives all the way across the country with Raea, and he and Noah aren’t exactly on speaking terms.
Is he as alone as I am?
“I…” I stutter, bringing myself back from that sinkhole of self-pity. “I wasn’t overthinking it.”
He looks back at me, a ghost of a smile on his ever expressionless face. “Liar.”
Okay, that’s fair. I was overthinking but the fact that this guy is a mystery is no joke. And I’ve known him since I was seven years old! I’ve known his secrets for just as long and in all these years, I feel like the most important thing to me has been his heart.
It kills me that he’s been pushing himself with everything all his life. Doing extreme sports and all the racing, all the fighting that he promised me he wouldn’t do anymore but still, I hear the rumors.
But as always, it’s as if he doesn’t care.
“Well, I for one am glad you’re not skiing.”
I hear him sigh. We’ve had this fight before.
“Ivy…”
“And you have no idea how happy I am that you don’t play football anymore,” I rush to say. I see him almost shutting down in front of me, but I don’t care. “I just need to know that you’re fine.”
“It’s still beating, Ivy.”
I fall silent, watching him.
Yes his heart is still beating, but for how long?
That’s the great unknown that makes me wake up crying with fear in my chest. Trying to swallow the ball lodged in my throat, I look away and stare out the window.
Fear of the unknown has always been a threat to me, ruling my life when I didn’t want it to. I feel like a fool when I don’t know what’s going to happen next and right now, I know nothing.
All I know is I’ve been losing Emmett from the day I heard his heart stutter.
Sensing the heaviness between us, and the fact that everyone is listening, I decide to change the topic.
“Do you know where we’re going?” I question, looking out at the vast acres of snowy forest.
“My question exactly,” Noah mumbles from the back.
“Knowing King, I guess the cabin is up in the mountains, somewhere secluded,” Emmett explains, pulling me deeper into his trap with that forceful gaze when I turn back to look at him.
I nod, unable to look away at the beauty in front of me.
“It’s so beautiful here,” I whisper. I haven’t been away from Westbrook Blues, not even for something as fancy as a holiday getaway. Not since our mother dropped my brother and I in front of Gran’s door in the middle of the night nineteen years ago. I force my gaze away from Emmett and look out the window. “Like really beautiful.”
King chuckles. “Star said you might like it here more than anyone else.”
“Of course, you’re right, you sneaky witch,” I say with a smile. Raea laughs.
“So, I’m forgiven?”
“I’m not mad at you for this. I love it so much, my fingers are itching to get out my sketch book so I can draw out this snowy evergreen pine landscape.”
Why did I say that?
“You draw?” Alex questions.
“I try,” I mutter, once again feeling Emmett’s shocked gaze on me, but this time, it’s so intense, I can barely breathe. If I was prone to blushing or if it actually showed, I would’ve been dying right now. Thank God for my melanin.
“She does more than draw, that dude Picasso has nothing on my sister.” My brother brags as he always does.
“Stop it, Samuel,” I mutter, flustered by the attention on me now.
“What? It’s true. You should draw more often.”
I want to smack my brother upside the head. He talks too much.
“I didn’t know you draw,” a voice says in a rumble behind me and I tense up.
“It’s nothing serious.”
He doesn’t say anything, just watches me with an unreadable gaze. I’d give anything to know what he’s thinking. I’d give more for him to kiss me…
I look back and see my brother watching Emmett with a narrowed gaze, but he looks away when his phone rings.
“Hey, girl,” he drawls. “I was just thinking of you.”
I frown then spot Noah chuckling to himself as my brother sinks into his flawless role of a major player, lying to some unsuspecting little dummy.
Ignoring my fuckboy of a brother, I turn around and catch Emmett’s heated gaze on me. It’s like looking into burning emerald gems.
“What?” I mouth.
Without another word, he reaches for my hand and holds it in his large palm. Without looking down, he traces my hand, touching each of my fingers as if looking for something.
Zaps of electricity run down my body. He’s never touched me like this before. I don’t know what to think.
His calloused fingers connect with my own, and then he looks into my eyes, seeing something there that makes my breath catch.
“A goddess in every way, really,” he whispers and I all but die right then and there.
Me? A goddess?
I know Gran has raised me to think like a king and be as classy as a queen but a goddess?
Unable to breathe, I feel Emmett’s minty cool breath blow over my exposed neck when he leans over, making the hairs there stand up with the sharp awareness of him.
“Breathe, Angel,” he mouths.
Holy shit.
I close my eyes to do just that, breathe, but when I open them, he’s so far away from me like I burned him. What was that? Did I imagine that?
I blink at him like a cartoon character, then glance down at my hand, still feeling the tingles and the heat of his touch.
Before I think I’m losing my mind, Alex speaks.
“Ah, and how would you know?” King questions and I swear there’s a shadow of a smirk on his face when I catch his reflection in the mirror.
“Yeah, Em, how do you know she’s a goddess?” Raea questions with a pleased smile on her face.
“I just know,” Emmett says, his voice brooking no argument and I’m just a mess.
What do I say? I already find it hard to talk to him and now this?
But the way he just looked at me just now? I felt stripped bare in front of him being seen in a way that’s too raw, and so damn uncomfortable, I shut it down immediately. I can’t have him see the inner workings of me. It’s a mess in there.
“So, the god knows, huh?” Alex taunts, good-naturedly, you wouldn’t think that these two actually fought over Astraea at a party just a few years ago. A bloody fist fight that’s engrained in my mind because of the repercussions after that night.
I catch Emmett’s gaze, his eyes almost matching the green pines out the window, but not quite. There isn’t a shade of green that’s been made that can quite match his eyes. Trust me, I’ve searched, the pathetic, inexperienced mess that I am.
“You’re damn right,” he says softly, answering Alex but I’m pretty sure he’s talking to me. “A god knows.”
I hold his gaze for a split second, wanting to say so much in that second, ask him what he means by that or what he meant by the text that’s still on my phone, not responded to, but just like on the plane, I settle for something generic.
“You believe in gods now, huh?” I mutter.
“I should,” he says softly. “Rumor has it that I am one after all.”
I burst out laughing, silencing the mildly loud chatter in
the van. Several pairs of eyes land on me. I try to muffle my laugh but Emmett is watching me with a shadow of a smile on his chiselled, sexy face that’s been crafted by the gods themselves. Just as defined, just as cold, and just as untouchable.
“Share the joke, Ivy?” Noah hollers from the back where he’s sweating like a recovering junkie.
“It’s nothing,” I say nervously.
“Nope, Em said he’s a god and Ivy burst out laughing,” Alex announces with a chuckle. “Bet she smells bullshit.”
Everyone starts laughing, all good-natured and shit, but even then, I get the sense that they’re just laughing because of my naivety.
Like there’s an undercurrent of truth to the mystery that is my childhood crush. But more than that, these people have deeper bonds between them than I know.
I remember when I was younger, wanting so bad to be on the in with the five of them.
I made up a game in my head, to categorize them.
There was Alex the king—aptly named if you ask me—then Noah the fuckboy knight, George the reliable bishop and Emmett, the other knight but darker, all of them going to war and avenging their queen Astraea, the girl who every other girl wanted to be. Including me.
But in actual fact, there were and will always be, the asshole king, the dark knight, the fallen don, and the cold, cold, god. Respectfully.
My brother was pretty close to all of them. First with Craig, Noah’s late brother, and then with all four boys—now men. He’s even the holder of some of their pretty sinister secrets and dealings but me…
I was always on the outside, steaming the stained glass with bated breath just so I could get a glimpse of what it’s like with them. Each view wasn’t so pretty, like looking at a bad accident in slow motion, but that only worsened my appetite for them.
Sure, there were the occasional few weekends I got to spend with them, eating out with them and hanging around all the cool spots they made their own in Westbrook Blues, but the drama was always present. Not for me to entertain myself. All I wanted was to fight for them, to defend them against people who came for them—which was stupid of me. It wasn’t like they couldn’t take them on if they wanted to.
I tried telling myself that it’s because of my Gran that I cared, because she cared for all five of them, but I knew it was more.
Even with all the drama that looms over them like a dark cloud, I felt like I wanted to be one of them. I still want in. Even Kim, who only came to Westbrook Blues two years ago is definitely on the in with all of them—though that seems shaky as hell right now.
“When on earth are we getting to this damn cabin you fucked in?” Noah whines. “I want to piss and get a drink.”
“There will be no heavy drinking for the next few days,” Raea says seriously, looking at Noah.
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” he bursts, his face all red with frustration, I doubt he’s feeling well right now. “You expect me to just take being around certain liars and traitors that come a dime a dozen without any alcohol?”
Someone sucks in a harsh breath, then, “Fuck you, you spoiled, ungrateful asshole,” Kim says.
“You’ve already done that,” Noah says smoothly. “Did I lie? You’re as two-faced and not worth much, just like a penny at the bottom of my wallet.”
Smack.
The car stops. My brother pauses as we all turn to look around.
Noah is cradling his cheek with a hard glint in his eyes as he stares at Kim who’s breathing fast and hard. After slapping a man that hard, sis needs to catch her breath.
“Truth hurts, huh, Kim Possible?” Noah mutters, his words gritted and rough. “You could beat me to death, it wouldn’t hurt as much as what you did to my fucking heart, Kimmy.”
And with that, Noah reaches forward, opens the door at Emmett’s side and jumps out before anyone can react.
“Oh my gosh, Noah!” Raea cries, but he ignores her, marching into the cold.
“I got it, see you up there in a bit,” my brother says with a sigh, then he’s out of the car, following after Noah, closing the door behind him.
“Told you he needs to grow the fuck up,” Alex says with a shrug and starts the car again.
“Noah,” Raea says softly, longingly but I just look at Kim who’s sitting in the corner, trying to make herself look small.
I can see the unshed tears in her eyes. I can honestly say I’ve never seen Kim shed a tear in all the time I’ve known her.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
She just shakes her head and looks away, her signal for space.
I catch Raea’s concerned gaze, and smile softly at her. She has good intentions, that much is clear, but I think she pushed it with this holiday thing. It won’t end well.
Silence soon falls over us. You can feel the tension building in the air, unresolved issues making it hella uncomfortable, it’s almost giving me a migraine.
“This is going to be one hell of a holiday,” Emmett mutters beside me. I glance at him and he winks.
“It’s going to be just fine, it’s Christmas after all!”
“If you believe that, you’re even more optimistic than your company deserves,” he says softly.
Well, then.
“We’re optimistic as well,” Raea says. I smile at her.
“As you should be,” I say. “Thank you for inviting me out here.”
I won’t tell her how loneliness has fucked me up all my life to the point where this, being surrounded by this amazing group of people, feels like I’m imposing.
“Ah Ivy, this wouldn’t be a holiday getaway without you,” she says.
Kim’s shoulders tremble a bit, but she doesn’t look away from the window. Tense silence falls over the car.
King shoots Emmett a meaningful yet undecipherable look through the rearview mirror but I see him roll his eyes.
Yeah, I see what Emmett meant, this is going to be something else. As if he can read my thoughts, he leans closer and I suck in a silent breath at his nearness.
“Get ready for the Christmas war, Angel,” he whispers in my ear. “It’s going to be bloody.”
Angel… There it is again!
He hasn’t called me that in… well, since the first time he croaked it out when he was under heavy meds ten years ago, right before his surgery.
With my breath caught in my chest, I turn around to look at him fully, but he’s looking out the window, sitting back, breathing deep and sure, his handsome face revealing nothing, as if he didn’t say anything at all.
Angel.
Calm down bitch, you probably imagined it. For the second time.
All this snow and talk of gods is deluding your nerdy brain.
He was right of course. But I’m pretty sure I missed the war part or whatever he warned me about because Emmett Easton plays dirty.
I don’t notice that we’re on the driveway leading to the cabin until it widens for the last stretch leading to the beauty built at the side of the mountain.
“Wow,” I whisper, unable to hide my awe as the cabin house comes to full view. This place is gorgeous! Straight out of Architectural Digest.
As if sensing my excitement, Emmett has the door on our side of the car open as soon as the car comes to a stop.
Jumping out, he holds out his hand for me to take so I step out gracefully, but that’s a fail the moment my hand slips into his rough, calloused, large hand.
A plethora of emotions washes over me in a rush.
Electricity pulses between us. I look up and my gaze immediately clashes with his and for a moment, we’re stuck in that second. I’m pretty sure we’re both not breathing as we stare at each other.
There’s something in his dark green gaze that tightens my chest, twists me up inside. It’s hunger and something else that makes me want to step closer to him. A longing, almost violent and brazen, I can’t breath.
“Emmett, I…”
“Come see the cabin, Ivy!” Raea shouts from somewhere in front of th
e van. “You’ll love this!”
Jolting apart, I almost fall back onto the seats behind me, but a strong, muscular arm wraps around my waist, pulling me into his warm, almost hot embrace.
“Still clumsy, huh?” Emmett whispers harshly, the anger in his voice catching me by surprise.
“I…”
“Watch where you walk before you plant your face in the snow,” he mutters. Next thing I know, he’s lifting me up from the van and then puts me down on the snow covered ground. But he doesn’t move away.
He doesn’t let me go, his arm still around my waist.
The tingling excitement in my blood and the overwhelming need to be close to him has me almost panting, but I hold myself together. I can’t let him know that I’m a fool for him. I’m sure he already thinks I’m pathetic as it is.
“Thank you,” I say, about to take a step back, but he doesn’t let me go.
“Anytime.”
We stare at each other.
Ignoring the chaos going on behind us on the other side of the car, I step closer to him and he inclines his body toward me, knowing exactly what I want.
“I told you before, it’s still beating,” he murmurs, for my ears only.
I look up into his eyes, hating the way he’s so cavalier about this, as if he doesn’t care but I know for a fact that he cares.
“Sure,” I whisper. “But I want to hear for myself.”
“Go ahead,” he says, and I step even closer just to catch the silence, like there’s nothing there. Holding my breath, I wait and then…
Beat…silence…beat, beat…silence…beat, beat, beat.
His heart thumps in that irregular fashion that makes me nervous and grateful all at the same time.
Besides the nightmares that make me wake up in a cold sweat sometimes, I’m always grateful that I never receive that call, you know the one that makes you wish you were the one who dies instead of the person you love? Yeah, that one.
All of my nightmares are the same, waking up in a world where his heart would fail to beat after the silence.
“Good enough for you, Doc?” he says sarcastically, anger flashing in his eyes as he lets me go.
“No,” I whisper. I won’t pretend that hearing his heart beat like that is enough for me. “But it’s just right.”
Frosty Blues: A Westbrook Blues Novella Page 12