by Alana Serra
Kor'ven nodded, though he suspected it would not matter. Azh'lee was set on her task, and she brought in equipment that was typically used to scan implants.
He was silent as she did this, but he watched her, and specifically watched her expression. Azh'lee was as expressive as many Karuvar, and though her ears did not move and she had no tail to give her away, her eyebrows said a great deal.
"Okay, these must be bogus results," she muttered. "Maybe I did it wrong…"
"Let me see," he said, more a command than a request.
Rising from his chair, Kor'ven crossed to the other side of the bed to examine the terminal that displayed the results of the scan. His own brow creased as he read the words: anomaly detected.
"Run it again," he said.
But again the scan revealed the same thing. Taking Azh'lee's place, he delved into the results, looking for the data the scanner compiled before it gave such a result. What he found left him cold.
"What?" Azh'lee asked over his shoulder. "What is it?"
He had seen this before. Just days ago with Adi'sun, and again in his own work many years prior. It was far too easy to identify.
"Her implant's code has been altered," he said numbly.
There was a chance someone else had done it, or perhaps it had been altered for some time, lying dormant. But Kor'ven did not believe in coincidences, and it was too much of one to think that this had simply happened by chance.
And that meant she had taken her life into her own hands, thrown away their future together to tamper with her implant. The only question now was: why?
Adi'sun awoke that evening, and Kor'ven was there the moment her beautiful eyes fluttered open. He felt relief greater than he had ever known, and gratitude to the Stars for bringing her back from the brink.
But he wished those were the only things he felt.
Kor'ven summoned the doctors and had them examine her to be certain everything was as it should be. He said nothing through this process, and tried not to be affected by the emotions he felt rolling off of his mate, or the agonized look she gave him when it seemed as if she was about to speak, but faltered.
When they were at last left alone, Kor'ven finally spoke. "You altered your implant."
It was a statement of fact, and one he knew she could not dispute.
"Yes," she admitted, though the proud tilt of her chin suggested she was not entirely remorseful. "How many know?"
"Azh'lee discovered it," he said. "It has not been disclosed."
Drawing in a breath, Kor'ven rose from his chair. His heart ached with the weight of what he knew he must ask, and what he knew he must do after he had the answer.
"Why did you do it?"
"I couldn't stand by and watch Drol'gan make this costly of a mistake. I had to prove how dangerous these alterations could be."
Already he could see moisture glinting in her eyes. Some part of him wished to stop pressing; to not say what needed to be said. But he could not.
"The genetic code built into an implant determines a great many things. When you reach maturity, when your life will naturally end. Who your mate is."
Adi'sun choked back a sob at the last few words, but Kor'ven forced himself to continue.
"Altering it… alters the course of your life. And even when it is changed back, some of the damage will persist." He looked into her eyes, barely managing to speak again. "In altering your code, you have severed your connection to me. We are no longer mates."
He saw Adi'sun grip the sheets, her jaw trembling in an effort to keep from crying. It was of little use. Tears still streamed from her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I had to."
Kor'ven's eyes closed as he slowly accepted those words; let them pass through him like a blade to his heart. Because that was what they were. He would not perish from this. But in making such a decision, she had condemned his soul to a black pit of nothingness.
If she was no longer his mate, then Kor'ven could not even fathom the future. It did not matter that he understood why she had done it--on some level, at least. It did not matter that he could even respect her decision.
She had still ripped him in two by doing so.
"As am I," he said, and turned to leave.
He heard her call his name, heard her heart-wrenching sobs, but he could not turn back.
Even if he was and would always be hers, she was not his any longer.
17
After Kor'ven left, the rest of the day was absolute agony.
She'd had a reason for making her choice, and she still stood by that reason. She believed--more strongly than she'd ever believed anything in her life--that they needed to make sweeping changes to the implants or risk opening both species up to something they couldn't yet fathom. And it wasn't about being "right." Addison would have gladly been wrong if it meant human and Karuvar would be safe from attack. But in this case, she knew she was on the right track.
Why else would she have received that note?
She still hadn't been able to speak to Drol'gan. He was making business deals aboard the Zavellan and wouldn't dock at Helios for several more days, at least. She could have conferenced him, but the doctor--and Meg, especially--wouldn't let her leave her bed for more than a quick trip to the bathroom.
And that was… honestly all right with Addison, just for today. She felt completely and utterly broken, and if she was being permitted a bit of time to wallow without looking like she was wallowing, she was going to take it.
Yes, it had been her choice. She'd made it knowingly, well aware of what might happen. She couldn't feel Kor'ven any longer. She didn't know if he was even still in the Waystation. For all she knew, he could have gone back to Selene by now.
And yes, it meant her implant wasn't making her sick because she didn't have him, but frankly, she didn't need her implant to make her miserable. Her heart was doing a fantastic job of that all on its own.
She missed him. She missed his condescending looks, the smugness in his voice when he knew he was right. She missed being challenged at every turn; being pushed to work smarter than she ever had. She missed sharing that exhilarating feeling of scientific discovery with him--seeing his face positively light up, knowing it was a perfect mirror for her own.
And she missed other things, too. The affection she was just beginning to know. The way he looked at her as if she were the single most important person in the universe. How safe and at ease she felt when she was wrapped in his arms.
It made her heartsick, and she spent most of the day tossing and turning until Ash eventually came to upload the fix for her implant.
"You know I admire the hell out of your big, brass lady balls, right?" she asked, calibrating the handheld device. "But could you maybe not scare me like that ever again?"
Addison gave her friend an apologetic smile, then reached out and took Ash's hand in hers. "I'm sorry. I had reasons, but I need to be able to speak to Drol'gan before I can share them."
Ash shrugged in a way Addison had come to understand meant she was trying to act as if she didn't care.
"I get it. And I'm sure it's some super badass thing that's gonna turn us all into superhumans, but just try not to die next time, all right?"
Addison laughed for the first time in what felt like years, even if she knew it had only been a few days at most. She squeezed Ash's hand before finally releasing it.
"Deal."
As Ashley worked, Addison tried to fight back the glimmer of hope that lit in her bruised and battered heart. What if reverting the code made her implant resonate with Kor'ven's again? What if there was still a chance they could be mates? What if it went beyond genetic and biological science and crossed into something more… spiritual?
What if they were somehow fated to be together, and it didn't matter what their implants said about the matter?
It was such a nice thought, that she could have thrown it all away only to have the opportunity to get it back later. But even if that wa
s the case, Kor'ven would never want her. Not after the choice she'd made.
Still she found herself holding her breath as the implant’s systems were rebooted. She hoped for that spark, for just a flicker of recognition. She hoped to suddenly feel Kor'ven again.
But he wasn't there. There was nothing there, and that thought was utterly devastating.
"Addi... Jesus, are you okay?"
Addison looked up at her friend and suddenly realized she was crying. No, not just crying. Sobbing as if she'd just lost someone very dear to her. And she supposed she had.
"Just… living with the consequences of my decisions," she managed. "I'm sorry, but could I… be alone for a little while?"
"Yeah, of course." Ashley gave her a sympathetic look. "I'll be around if you need me."
Once Addison was alone again, the sobbing reached a whole new level of sorrow. She felt like she was wringing out a sponge that was still sopping wet. It was a new phenomenon for her. She didn't close off her emotions, but she also didn't cry much. The last time she'd been seriously bereaved was at her mother's funeral, and that was nothing compared to this.
Living with the consequences of her decisions, indeed. And this was only day one.
She lay there and cried until she just couldn't manage it anymore. Until her muscles ached from it, until her eyes stung and her head pounded. And when she was done crying, she thought she finally understood her mother.
Because the future that awaited her? It felt so… empty now. She knew she could still achieve whatever she set out to do as a scientist. She could do the things her mother only dreamed of. But in the end, her mother had left behind a husband and a daughter who adored her. She'd lived a life full of love, and she never spoke of regretting any second of it.
Addison could already tell that when her time came, she wouldn't be able to say the same.
It was late when she came to that revelation. Helios was quiet. Addison had the space to think without interruption, and all she could think about was Kor'ven.
She didn't want to accomplish her goals without him. She didn't want to discover something groundbreaking and have him not be there by her side. She didn't want to go through life just existing for her work.
And maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way. Even without the implant.
She had to find him. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Addison fished through the bag of her personal belongings and changed into something more sensible for winning back the love of her life.
She'd just barely put her hand on the door when it swung open, revealing a man she'd never seen before, dressed all in black. She opened her mouth to scream, but he covered it quickly, a cloth in his hand that reeked of strong chemicals.
Addison fought back with everything in her, but in a few moments, the world went black.
When she awoke again, she was squinting underneath the harsh glare of a fluorescent light. She was sitting somewhere in the middle of a room that was otherwise vacant. Her whole body ached, and when she tried to move, she realized both her hands and her feet were bound.
Addison's heart pounded, a cold wave of fear washing over her. She'd been abducted, that much was clear. She could even guess the why of it, considering that note she received. What she didn't know was who had done it, and specifically how dangerous they were.
The fact that they hadn't killed her yet boded well, but there were worse things that could be done to her.
"Oh good, you're awake."
The voice that came through a speaker in the corner of the room wasn't what she would have expected of someone who had an interest in abducting still-recovering scientists.
"I was worried they'd given you a little too much."
Addison's brow furrowed. The speaker was definitely male. Human. Early thirties, if she had to guess. There was a charming lilt to his words, and she imagined a charismatic smile went along with it.
Her guesses were proven right when the door to the room opened after the buzz of some distant button.
A good-looking man in a brown uniform stepped inside, shutting the door behind him without locking it. He was well-groomed, and wearing a smile that she definitely would have considered charming under different circumstances.
As it stood, though, there was something incredibly unsettling about him. When Addison noticed the band around his right arm--a closed fist in red--she understood why.
"You're a Freedom Fighter," she said.
"That I am. The name's Dallas. Normally I'd offer to shake your hand, but you and I have some things to discuss before I can undo those restraints."
A mix of anger and fear coiled within Addison as she watched Dallas grab a chair from the side of the room. He swung it around, the back of it facing her, and straddled it, giving every indication that he was little more than some harmless mediator.
But Addison knew better.
The "Freedom Fighters" were dangerous. At one time, they'd been a peaceful organization just attempting to fight for equal human rights so that the Karuvar didn't hold all the power. That was a philosophy even Addison was behind, but sometime after she'd first started working at Helios, the Freedom Fighters became more aggressive. They started targeting Karuvar and Karuvar "sympathizers," making their presence known throughout the country.
Now, they were no better than a terrorist organization.
"If you're hoping to trade me for something, understand that I'm no more important than any other scientist working at Helios," she lied.
Dallas just smiled at her. "There's no need to be humble, Dr. Monroe. You're--if you'll pardon my language--hot shit in the scientific community. The foremost expert on the advancement of human implants."
Addison pressed her lips together. So he'd done his research. That likely meant he wasn't some lackey.
"Now, I was never very good at science, so I'm afraid I can't praise the specifics. But I know you've accomplished a lot in your lifetime. And my organization? We're big fans." His eyes caught the light, almost seeming to twinkle. It was just a disturbing contrast from how flat his smile felt right before he spoke again. "Until now."
Addison let out a shaky breath. So that note had come from the Freedom Fighters.
"You tampered with the code," she said.
Dallas clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "That's very unscientific of you, Doc. Isn't there some kind of rule saying you can't just rush to conclusions?"
Addison held strong and stared straight back at him. "By this time tomorrow, every Waystation will know what to look for."
Dallas laughed at that. A loud, boisterous laugh that bounced off the walls of the small room. He put a hand up, as if telling her to wait for him to regain his composure.
When he finally did, he said, "Oh, you're very, very wrong, Doc. But I admire the conviction, I really do. Like a dog with a bone." He growled at her, the sound making her skin crawl.
His expression changed again, almost on a dime. He was dangerous. She knew that without knowing exactly how. He just… was, and when he looked at her the way he was looking at her now, Addison felt like a caged rat.
"Here's the deal: your talents? Completely wasted out there. I mean, think about it. The Karuvar aren't ever going to let us humans catch up to them. It ruins the power they have over us."
Dallas stood then and Addison flinched despite herself. He wasn't anywhere near her, and yet she felt confident he would hurt her if he wanted to.
"But if you work for us, you'll be able to develop the implant you've only dreamed of. You'll be able to advance the human race in a way that would make your mother just… so proud."
Addison's eyes widened, and that fear grew even stronger. If he knew about her mother, what else did he know?
"And if I refuse?" she asked, summoning every ounce of bravado she still had left.
Dallas smiled at her in a way that chilled the blood in her veins. There was something unhinged in his eyes, and she knew instantly that she'd made a mistake.
&
nbsp; "Then… I guess I'll just have to kill you."
18
It was almost impossible for Kor'ven to stay away from his mate.
Even without that biological drive, he found himself wanting to go to her; to be by her side. He wanted to protect her and comfort her and ease her mind through this ordeal. He was her mate, and it was his job, above anything else, to take care of her.
But… he was not her mate, and he reminded himself of that every time he started walking toward her room. He was not her mate. She had the choice, and she had not picked him. She cast him aside, knowing full well what would happen if she made that decision. She did not want him. She certainly did not love him. Going to her now, satisfying this unfulfilled urge, would bring him nothing but heartache when it felt as if his heart had already been ripped in two.
And yet as much as he told himself those things, as much as the logical scientist within him knew he had to face the facts, he also knew that his own feelings had not changed. She was not his mate anymore, but Kor'ven felt a connection with her that he had never felt with another female, not in his long, full life. He loved her. His soul belonged to her, and the fact that she did not want it did nothing to change that.
He worried over becoming some hapless fool, though, and so he did force himself to stay away. He conversed with Teiv and made a plan for speaking with the Pathfinder, though without Adi'sun, he could not summon the confidence to believe that talk would make any difference whatsoever.
He kept himself busy, aiding the Waystation in her stead. Soon he would be sent back to Selene and it would be easier, but he managed to find enough things to do to keep from going to her during the working hours.
It was far harder at night, though, once most of Helios' workers left for the day. Nearly everything that had happened between he and Adi'sun had happened after sundown, and it was impossible not to think of those things.