My entire outfit is black. The only thing of color is my hair.
Death should be depicted this way—savage, feral, untamed.
It’s exactly how I feel in my outfit. Ready to avenge and take no prisoners.
I miss you, Cass.
Instead of putting my contacts in, I leave without them. It feels right. Might not be, but my brother feels present somehow, almost as if he wants me to do this, to see what the students are all hiding. Let’s hope I don’t get quieted like him.
What were you into, Cassidy?
Why didn’t you come to me?
I’m not even done shutting my door before my phone goes off. Staring at the caller ID, I notice my best friend’s name. A tiny sigh of relief escapes as I answer.
“I miss you.” Usually, that wouldn’t be my first response, but our conversations have been limited to texts and quick phone calls when we’re both free.
It’s been hell without her.
“If I liked pussy, I’d marry you,” Yang jokes.
We’re both laughing. It feels good to genuinely enjoy living for a moment.
“I miss you too, Colty.”
“How’s Duponte?” I ask.
It’s been a few months since we’ve seen each other and caught up. She’s busy settling into college. It’s not exactly easy when you’re as energetic as Yang Park. She’s so spacey, I’m surprised her grades were ever better than mine. We were inseparable the last two years. Then, she had to graduate, leaving me in this hell alone.
“Pretty sure coming here’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made,” she says, her voice both sarcastic yet somehow serious. “The guys here are bangable, though.”
My face breaks into another big smile. She’s the only living person who gets me, who truly gets me.
“But enough about me. We both know you’re hiding around my life to avoid talking about yours.”
“Hmm. Not sure what you’re referring to.”
“Bullshit.”
“Let’s not. When’re you coming to visit?”
“At that soul-sucking hellhole? Never would be too soon.”
It’s not a joke, but we both let out forced laughter.
“I’m serious,” I mutter.
“So am I.”
Yeah, I get it. I do.
“I’ll come for Christmas. I’m sure you’re avoiding both moms, no?”
“God. I almost hate how much you know me,” I groan. I pass by the elevator, and my heart crumbles into a bazillion ashy speckles. I need to be off the phone when they finally notice me. “I’ve gotta go, babe. Text me.” I hang up before she can argue.
If only there was another way down. My eyes catch the metal box, and sweat lines my forehead. By the only staircase, sans the emergency exit that’s always locked and armed with an alarm, stands the boys. Standing is a loose term, especially since two aren’t.
Ross leans against a wall, one foot up against it as he stares at his phone. He’s dressed in skinny jeans, a fitted but long tee, sporting his expensive watch, the only thing that shows how rich he truly is.
Lux stands opposite him in a fucking suit. It’s blood red and so fitting it shows his bulky figure. He’s the only one out of the four who has zero piercings and tattoos. Lennox DeLeon has always looked like a goddamn politician’s son. Guess it’s fitting that he is.
Bridger, the coiffed pretty boy with eyes darker than ash and a soul to match, is crouched down, nearly touching the floor as he talks to Tennison. They’re gazes are locked, and whatever conversation they’re having must be a deep one, since Ten looks seconds away from punching Bridger in the face.
Ten rocks board shorts, high tops, and a Coheed and Cambria tee.
He’s the only guy who reminds me of me. Tennison, my Ten. He’s still in conversation with Bridger, whose expression is relaxed, the mood shifting from when I first glanced at them. I know their conversation is more cohesive than it ever is with me. Those two could discuss the world and never run out of a single thing to converse about.
Bridger’s attire is more basic—fitted black jeans, a button-up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and loafers of some kind.
Of course, it’s Lux who notices me first. His eyes connect with mine on a level that scares me. With a single stare, he dissects me. He always has. It’s like he takes the bare bones from me, analyzes each of them, and then spits them out with distaste because I’ll never be enough for him, even if he won’t admit it’s because of how broken he is and not the other way around.
“Bloodsucker,” he taunts, biting the inside of his lip like he knows a secret I don’t. I’m sure he does. They all do.
It’s on me to find out what that secret is.
“Fuckface,” I respond coolly, wondering where Jordan is. He’s supposed to pick me up.
Three other sets of eyes connect with my body. I would say my eyes, but we all know they’re looking anywhere but.
It’s Bridger who gets to me this time. His eyes are so dark, even more endless than usual. You could see the entire world reflect in them normally. Now, it seems like nothing can be visualized but black and more black. His jaw ticks as he devours me from head to toe. It’s unnerving, having a guy stare at you as if you’re beneath him while also memorizing every inch.
These boys are hot and cold, and I’m not interested in either.
Right?
Sometimes, we lie to ourselves because the truth is both damning and terrifying.
“Why are you here?” The question slips out, and I’m not sure which guy to stare at in hopes of a response. They’re staring at me like I’m a meal, and if they think that’s going to happen again, they’re fucking mad. It never truly happened... just almost.
“A little birdy admitted he invited you to a Crystallites get-together.”
I bite my lip ring, hating that said little bird is Jordan. Was this all a ploy? They wanted to get me alone to corner me?
“Is that so?” I ask.
“Yes,” Ross responds, pushing from the wall and coming straight for me.
My body wants to retreat, but my mind says to stay and not show any type of anxiety. They’ll eat it up.
“But like that little message on your hip, he’s overstepping.” He’s in front of me now, lifting my top, seeing how hard I scrubbed until it was gone. “Looks like you’re in agreement.”
I swat his hand away. “Why are you here?” I repeat, my voice faltering a little.
He touches my chin the way he always seems to, all the guys behind him watching. “Because you’re mine.”
It’s such a simple response, like there shouldn’t be an argument.
I glare at him. “No, I’m really not.”
My skin prickles as he pinches my flesh with intent. “You’ve been mine since you kissed me, ragdoll.”
Ragdoll. That’s a new one. I roll my eyes as I notice Lux approaching. Dammit.
He pushes Ross away, taking his place in my personal space. “He’s wrong, you know. Technically, you’re ours. Student Gov’s.”
Their cocky standoffish attitudes make me want to stab a knife in their hearts, to make them feel what it’s like to live without the one person who loved you unconditionally.
“Good,” I provoke. “That means Jordan can have me.”
Immediately, four sets of eyes glare at me.
“What? He’s a part of your bullshit posse. That means he gets a piece of the pie.”
It’s really just me trying to push them back, but it seems to have the opposite effect on these guys.
“Oh, Greenie. We were hoping you’d see it that way,” Ten muses with a smile.
He’s faking it. All the niceties, fucking me at that party, and playing good cop since school started... They’re all up to something, and fuck if I won’t find out what.
“You can come out now, Walker. Seems she’s ready for this show to go on,” Lux drones out, but unlike his bored voice, his eyes are molten with promise. Whatever that promise is, I’m scared.
“Fuck, Colton. You clean up good.” Jordan whistles, coming from behind Bridger. His voice is hardened and low, not soft, not boyish, not at all like he pretended to be since that day in the hall.
How I missed him, I don’t know, but the nice new boy from the start of school is nowhere to be seen in the navy blue of his eyes.
“Glad you finally took off those contacts,” he continues, coming face-to-face with me. “They ruined the whole packaged deal.”
“Get bent,” I nearly spit, not understanding what I’ve gotten myself into.
“You guys weren’t lying,” he comments, looking at each member. “Cassidy’s little sister is one helluva spitfire. Hot as fuck, too.”
The way he says my brother’s name with such familiarity has me finally backing up. My gut warned me something was off with Jordan the first moment he walked up to me. They say the gut is an early warning system to danger. Why didn’t I listen? Why am I always betraying my body’s knowledge for dicks?
“Don’t scamper off now,” Lux drawls, following my retreat. “We’ve got a lot planned tonight.”
“I’m not playing your games. None of yours.” It’s directed at each of them, but comes out fragile like my heart and confidence.
Bridger stays near the stairs as I continue retreating. Warm hands clasp my shoulders from behind, and I’m screaming. One hand clamps over my mouth to stifle the noise. Right as I’m biting into it, Ross is hushing me.
“Shh, Colty.” Ross removes his hand as I stare back at him.
“Don’t be scared,” Jordan adds.
“It’ll be a perfect night,” Lux promises.
Too bad his promises are always dark and never enjoyable.
Instead of regarding them, I watch Bridger and how he seems disinterested like normal. He’s the hardest to read, and it’s why my gut reactions never work with him. Or any of them. My hormones got me in trouble when we met. Seems like they continue to fuck me without protection.
“It’s time,” Bridger finally speaks, tapping his watch before trailing down the stairs.
“Hope you’re not this scared when you finally figure out what tonight’s about,” Lux mocks. “You’re going to wish your parents moved you to Cello, Bloodsucker. We weren’t lying when we told you to go home. You don’t belong here anymore.”
What is he talking about?
Nineteen
“So, it was all pretend?” I question Jordan, hating how broken my voice sounds. If I were half as strong as I pretended to be, I’d be able to cover up how upset his lies truly made me.
He eyes me as if it’s simple and I’m over-thinking it. Hell, maybe I am.
“The nice-guy bullshit? Yeah.” He nods. “The thinking you’re fucking hot? Absolutely not.” Jordan winks as if that makes this all better.
“Why lie?” The guys all escort me toward Crystal Tower as my body shakes with anticipation. It’s not excitement, either.
“Needed to see if you’d give in. Can honestly say, I’m surprised you held out so long. Chicks tend to fall at their feet for me.”
“Do you not hear how fucking ridiculous that sounds?” I grit, hating all these guys even more.
“It’ll all make sense one day.”
“Cryptic bullshit, how nice,” I mutter, ignoring him and running to catch up with Bridger. While he’s never been super emotive, he doesn’t tend to lie to me. “Why do you do it?”
He stops for a second before he continues walking. “You think you know me. You don’t,” he bites out.
“I could argue that.”
“Then you’re fooling yourself,” he answers, frowning. “You should’ve stayed away. Made life easier on us all.”
“Why? So you guys can get away with murder?”
He fully stops then, glaring at me. “You don’t know a goddamn thing, Freak. Don’t push for information. Stop chasing. Forget Student Gov. Us. Fuck, forget Cass, too. Let it go.”
He rushes past me, and I don’t have the heart to chase him. What does it all mean? They talk in circles with their stupid secrets and lame excuses. It’s getting to me, though. All of it.
My phone beeps several times again and again.
Where are you?
We were supposed to meet.
Colttttttt. Don’t ignore me.
Mel’s messages keep coming before I text her. Totally forgot. Meet me there. I’m here.
Really?! You went without me? What about our plan?
“What plan?” Ten asks from behind me, making me jump.
I lock my phone and shove it in my bra. “Nothing.”
“You’re a horrible liar, babe.”
“You’ve really got to stop calling me that, Ten. It’s not... fair.” That’s the only word I could settle on.
And it’s not fair. He and the rest of these menaces fucked me over. Even as I play nice, I’m going to keep digging while playing dumb. If they would have left me alone, this would be over. But unlike their lies, they keep pushing me. I’m not the one prodding them.
“Can’t change facts. You’ve never stopped being mine.”
“Yes, I did. I stopped being yours the night my brother was taken from me as you fucked my innocence away.”
He stops me, holding my shoulders. “If I recall, you were there, your legs spread wide, your moans against my lips, and your orgasms at my fingertips. Doesn’t sound innocent to me, Colton.”
Colton. Not babe, Greenie, or Vamp. He’s mad. Ten is the softest of all of them. There’s a side he gave me he probably shouldn’t have. It showed me the truth beneath his mask, how broken he is. They all are, cracked puppets of their parents’ making.
Isn’t that us all?
“Fine, but it was all fake.”
He pushes against me, his pelvis hitting mine, the hard ridge of him rubbing against the softness of me. “Does it feel fake? Do you really think I can pretend that well?”
A tear trails my face, surely making the black of my makeup run with it. Even with setting spray, tears are the blood of the makeup industry. You can’t hide or waterproof the saltiness of emotion.
“You guys done being emotional?” Lux sneers at us.
What broke that guy’s heart? He’s seriously soulless.
“Done being a dick?” I counter.
He laughs derisively.
“Guess that’s a no for us both,” I insult, hoping he’ll someday break the hard shell protecting his heart like Alcatraz. Such a lonely life he must live.
We make it to the tower, and nausea overrides all thoughts for me. Though this isn’t the last place I saw my brother, it’s where the entire night began.
Past
“I NEED YOU TO STAY at the dorm tonight, Col.”
My eyes connect with my brother’s, and I notice the bags underneath, how his cheekbones seem gaunt, and his lack of color.
“Why?” Ten wants me to go, practically begged me. I can barely say no to the guy.
“It’s not a place for you, sis. Believe me. You’re meant to be happy and alive and not at a Crystallites shindig.”
What he’s saying doesn’t make sense. Alive? What does that even mean?
Why is he going if he’s unwilling to let me go? Sounds pretty ass-backward to me. Cass isn’t secretive, at least not until I started Arcadia. He’s in the grade above me, but it never broke our bond being separated.
“Just tell me why, Cass. Why can’t you just tell me?”
He closes his eyes, and it’s then I realize how much weight he’s lost and how stressed he’s had to have been to appear this frail.
My brother has always been way bigger than me. While I’m curvy, I’m shorter and smaller. He’s built and strong. Right now, or maybe it’s been for a while, he’s slimmer. He’s almost too thin. I’ve been so preoccupied with Ten, Bridger, Ross, and Lux to notice, but Cass hasn’t been around. He’s never in the classes we share, and he’s never at our shared dorm. Come to think of it, he’s always busy. Away. Nowhere to be found.
“Wha
t’s going on?” I ask.
He still hasn’t opened his eyes. They remain closed as his face shows pain. Is he hurting? Is someone the cause? What is going on? My mind rushes over every worst-case scenario and still, he doesn’t say anything.
“Please, Cass. How can I help y` 12ou if I don’t know what’s wrong?”
“Don’t need your help, baby sis. Need you to stay home tonight.” His voice cracks, only slightly, but it’s enough to have me nodding.
“Okay, I’ll stay.”
Too bad neither of us listen to each other.
Not even two hours later, Cass is at Crystal Tower, and I’m trying to hide the fact that I came here, too, with four guys.
It started by drinking too much with Ten at his dorm, which led to dancing with Bridger and making eyes at Ross and Lux. It’s a dangerous dance the four of us do, one that won’t end well when I’ve finally got to make a choice. A girl can’t possibly have them all. They know it. I know it. The world knows it.
It’s not natural.
Not normal.
Not acceptable.
“Come with me?” Ross whispers in my ear, coming from behind me as Bridger holds my waist fervently. They glance at each other, a silent conversation flowing between them.
I nod at them both. As Ross leads me away, Bridger follows. Maybe they all do. I’m too entranced in the heat radiating from Ross’ hand to be certain.
We make it to a room. There’s a huge bed in the center. A California King, I’m sure. It’s too big to be anything smaller. Plush, fluffy, and wide as fuck, offering me a pillowed comfort for what’s about to happen. He directs me there, backward, and my heart rate picks up. My legs connect with the bed and bend naturally. His fingers find my silver hair, the strands almost like silk in his hold. His hands, calloused and warm, cup my cheeks. Our lips connect soon after, and it’s like melting in the sun on the hottest day in July. A little moan escapes me, and a growl is the only response.
Bridger comes toward us. His hands brush my shoulders reverently, gently, with purpose, but as Ten stalks in, they both back away, as if they had a silent conversation that makes no sense.
Here Lives a Corpse: A Dark Bully Academy Romance (Here Lies Book 1) Page 13