I said nikapauca Betsy.
Betsy put her hand on my shoulder.
She said Chance look at me.
I looked at her.
She was beyond doubt the most beautiful blonde on the face of Planet Earth.
Her big pale-blue eyes glistened with tears.
Her lips trembled.
She said Chance I love you.
I shrugged.
Betsy said what does nikapauca mean?
I said it’s just a Winnebago word.
Betsy’s voice quivered.
She said if it means something bad I know I deserve it.
She said tell me what it means.
She started to cry.
When Betsy cries she breaks my heart.
I shrugged.
I said Betsy nikapauca means my love for you is warmer than the sun and deeper than blue waters and it fills my heart to overflowing.
I said or some goddam thing.
Betsy gulped.
She stared at me wide-eyed.
She said oh dear God Chance that’s simply beautiful.
She put her face next to mine.
Her tears were hot on my cheek.
They rolled down into my collar.
She said Chance say it again.
She said oh please say it again.
I shrugged.
I took Betsy’s face between my hands.
I looked into her eyes.
I said nikapauca sweetie.
Betsy gave a tiny squeal of delight.
She wiggled like she was sitting on a hot coal.
She threw her arms around my neck and squeezed hard.
She covered my face with kisses.
She said nikapauca my darling nikapauca nikapauca!
I shrugged.
I said anytime you say.
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
Where I sat upon marble chairs;
Amidst all my great gain
I encountered great pain
When I fell down the marble stairs.
Monroe D. Underwood
More from Ross H. Spencer
The Chance Purdue Series
The Dada Caper
Chance Purdue may be better at a lot of things than he is at detecting, but he’s the only man for the job when the FBI comes looking for someone to take on the Soviet-inspired DADA conspiracy.
Plus, he needs a paycheck. Chance gets off to a rough start as he’s led a merry chase through Chicago’s underbelly and drawn into a case of deception that can only be solved with the help of a mysterious femme fatale who’s as beautiful as she is cunning.
The Reggis Arms Caper
Try as he may, Chance Purdue can’t seem to escape the world of private investigation. The now tavern owner returns to action to protect Princess Sonia of Kaleski, who claims to be the wife of an old Army buddy. Convinced he’ll get to the bottom of things at his Army battalion’s reunion, Chance indulges in the entertainment while leaving the more serious detective work to his new colleague, the scintillating Brandy Alexander. For Chance, the case provides more fun than intrigue, and yet its solution is a surprise for everyone involved.
The Stranger City Caper
A quick and easy buck sounds good to Private Investigator Chance Purdue. But the paycheck seems to be a bit harder to earn when the job entails more than just looking into the a minor league baseball team in southern Illinois. His new client, the gangster Cool Lips Chericola, is definitely leaving out details. Enter Brandy Alexander, whose unexpected appearance in Stranger City, Illinois complicates things. Then throw in the Bobby Crackers’ Blitzkrieg for Christ religious crusade, and you’ve got a super-charged powderkeg of a caper, with Chance holding both the match and the barrel.
The Radish River Caper
Private Investigator Chance Purdue and Brandy Alexander work in tandem on a case that finds them traveling to the Illinois town of Radish River. The CIA continues to need help putting a stop to the DADA (Destroy America, Destroy America) Conspiracy, a terrorist organization whose latest plot is completely under wraps, except that it promises immense destruction. Things prove difficult for Chance and Brandy as they do what they can to remain focused on the task at hand. But it’s hard when distractions from football-playing gorillas, chariot races, copious booze—and especially each other—weave in and out of their lives and keep this case on the back burner.
Death Wore Gloves
When Sister Rosetta’s niece goes missing, the nun (whose favorite poison is anything bottle-bound and boozy) hires shifty P.I. Tut Willow to find dear Gladys. But as Tut pulls back the curtain on Gladys’ checkered past, he also finds that someone doesn’t want her found, and soon bodies begin to pile up. Is Sister Rosetta, lured by a twisted sense of family loyalty, behind the deaths of those out to harm her niece, or are Tut and Gladys just pawns in a much darker game?
Full of laugh-out-loud comedy and the darkest of intrigue, the author of DEATH WORE GLOVES draws together femme fatales, a not-so-saintly nun, and a gumshoe willing to do anything to help an old flame.
Kirby's Last Circus
When the CIA chooses Birch Kirby, a mediocre detective with a personal life even less thrilling than his professional one, no one is more surprised by the selection than Birch himself. But the Agency needs someone for a secret mission, and Birch may be just the clown for the job. Going undercover as a circus performer, he travels to Grizzly Gulch to investigate the source of daily, un-decodeable secret messages that are being transmitted to the KGB. Birch interacts with wildly colorful characters while stumbling through performances as well as his assignment. With the clock ticking, Birch must hurry to take a right step toward bringing the curtain down on this very important case.
The Lacey Lockington Series
The Fifth Script
Detective Lacey Lockington always gets the job done, but making the omelets of solved cases usually involves breaking a lot of eggs. So when Lacey gets suspended after tabloid columnist Stella Starbright names him as a “kill-crazy cop,” he has to find new work as a private investigator. It’s a step down, for sure, and one of his first cases is an unlikely one: former “Stella Starbrights” are turning up dead on the streets of Chicago, and the current one, the reputation ruiner herself, turns to an unlikely source for protection.
Going against his gut, Lacey agrees to keep tabs on Stella to keep her from sharing the grisly fate of her former namesakes. In the midst of all the madness, Lacey hunts the real killer, someone looking to silence gossip columnists for good. But can Lacey crack the case before another victim makes a different section of the newspapers?
Sex…violence…booze! This deadly mix will keep you on the edge of your seat in Ross Spencer’s jaded-but-jaunty tale about a hardened cop with nothing but his reputation to lose.
The Devereax File
Former cop, now private investigator, Lacey Lockington gets lured into a case of something less smooth than his usual tipple: the death of his old drinking buddy and ex-CIA agent Rufe Devereaux. No sooner does he start his investigation than he finds himself chased by the Mafia, hunted by the CIA, stalked by a politician-turned-evangelist out to kill him and “helped” by the sultry Natasha, a KGB agent who always knows more than she lets on. Sucked into the dangerous world of international espionage, Lacey knows he is in way over his head. What started as a search for the truth behind his friend’s death turns into a whirlwind tour that leads Lacey from the gritty bars of Chicago to Miami’s cocaine-filled underbelly and culminates in an explosive ending that must be read to be believed!
The Fedorovich File
The Cold War heats up when trouble comes knocking on the door of ex-cop turned Private Eye Lacey Lockington. Lacey is hot on the trail of Alexi Fedorovich after the high-ranking general publishes a controversial exposé detailing that Glasnost/Perestroika is a hoax. Federovich goes into hiding in the last place he suspects someone will look for him—somewhere in Youngstown, Ohio.
For someone who’s pretty mu
ch seen and done it all, Lacey’s unnerved when he starts dealing with Russian spies, Federal Agents, a man who doesn’t want to be found, and an increasing body count of all his leads. Will Lacey, along with former KGB agent and live-in lover Natasha, get to the bottom of it all before Fedorovich finds himself on the wrong end of a firing squad?
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The Abu Wahab Caper Page 10