by Lisa Lace
“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way? You and Sam both tell me one thing, and then he acts like it’s another business agreement of his.”
“Because he’s an asshole. A lying asshole,” Riley corrects herself. “But he’s an asshole that you love, so I support you.”
“I guess this is a bad time.” A voice comes from the doorway.
“Sam!” Riley admonishes from my bed. “You said you weren’t coming!”
“My meeting got canceled. But I see I’m right on time for a Max-bashing.”
“You better believe it.” Riley crosses her arms.
“Hey, don’t get mad at me. I didn’t do anything,” Sam surrenders.
“You’re guilty by association,” Riley declares. “You better not try anything like this with me.”
“I won’t. You wouldn’t go for it anyway.” He looks at me. “No offense.”
“Damn straight.”
Sam moves towards a now prickly Riley to kiss the top of her head and give her a side hug. “So, what do you need help with?”
Riley gives him a cheesy smile. “Well, she’s not moving to Milan.”
Sam raises his eyebrows and looks at me. “You two worked it out? Wait, no. You were just calling him a lying asshole.”
“I’m going to tell him how I really feel. Right after I burn one last bridge before I chicken out.” Excusing myself, I take my phone into another room and leave the lead designer a detailed message. I tell her how much I appreciated every opportunity that came my way, but that I appreciated her support in the last couple weeks even more. She’d been so understanding of my family emergency. When we spoke soon after I got to New York, I’d hinted that I might not return to Milan, and she’d understood immediately.
“This job definitely has its advantages but it’s not for everyone. Whatever you decide, we’ll support you. The ball’s in your court.”
I hang up and look at the time. I have less than an hour before Max is supposed to be home. Yesterday, we decided it was a good idea to sit Bella down and talk to her together about what’s going on.
I think about what Max said about it last night. I’m not sure how much we’re going to tell her, but I think we can feel our way through, and see how much she can handle.
Hearing a commotion below, I can tell by Bella’s squeals that Max has made it home early. My heart skips a beat, and I feel nervous all over again like the first time I saw him in the office. I can do this. It feels strange to put myself in such a vulnerable position, even though he is technically my husband. My husband. I never want to stop saying those words. “Hey.” Riley backtracks in the hallway when she sees me off the phone. “You alright?”
“Yeah, I just left a message.” I clear my throat, not moving.
“You can do this,” Riley encourages me. Either she can read my mind, or she’s noticed how pale I am.
“Thanks. Can you guys watch Bella for a bit? I want to talk to him alone, and it can be hard to tear her away these days.”
“No problem.” Sam emerges behind Riley. “I got a game on my phone that holds her attention for at least thirty minutes.”
“Yeah.” Riley smirks. “It’s a princess game among all his professional apps. So sweet, but I love to tease him about it.”
Sam gives her a sidelong glance. “Laugh all you want, but I know the way to her heart.”
I follow them down as they argue. The two successfully rope Bella into sitting in the kitchen with them. “I’ll fix you a huge ice cream sundae,” Riley promises.
“That sounds amazing. I’d love one.” Sam licks his lips in an exaggerated fashion.
“Not for you.” Riley sniffs. “For her!”
“Yeah, but she’s not going to want it once she gets my phone, so you know who’s going to finish it.”
Max is sorting through the mail when I come down the last step. I drink in the sight of him. He looks up and gives me a broad smile. “Hey. I thought you’d be upstairs packing.”
Is he happy about me leaving? I waver slightly, but I hold firm to my earlier resolve. I have to do this, even if it means a huge rejection. There’s just no other way to find peace.
“Hey, can we talk?” My voice sounds huskier than I thought it would.
“Yeah, of course. Is this about Bella?” Max walks towards the garden. “Let’s go out here.”
“Okay,” I agree, wringing my hands as we go. “And no, it’s not abut Bella.” I pause at the bench where I usually sit at with Bella, but he continues on down the path. When he realizes I’ve stopped, he turns around. “Can we sit?”
He frowns. Maybe it wasn’t part of his plan, but I can see the change in his face when he relents. “Sure.”
“We can’t avoid talking about this.”
“I don’t want to.” He looks away from me. “Can we walk a little further down and sit there?”
“No.” I reach my hand out and touch his face, hoping he’ll understand me. “You control too much in our relationship. I’m not going to go along with it anymore. I want to talk right here. I’m not saying you can’t have your way…sometimes. Once in a while, we will go for a walk when I want to sit. What I’m saying is you can’t dictate everything that happens between us. It’s not equal, and it’s not fair. It’s going to make both of us unhappy in the long term.”
“Wait a second. I thought you were going back to Milan?”
“I called and said I couldn’t work for them anymore.”
“What?” I see the confusion and hope in his eyes. “Why?”
“Because of what I came down here to tell you.”
He holds up his hand.
“Can I say something first?”
“Okay fine, but…”
“Thank you.” He cuts me off and I cross my arms across my chest, feeling annoyed.
He takes my hands. I feel like something momentous is about to happen, but I have no idea what.
“Laura, from the first time you punched me in the face…”
I open my mouth in astonishment and wrench one of my hands away to smack him on the arm. His face bursts into a smile.
“Don’t interrupt me this time.” He lets go of one hand to shake a finger at me before taking my hand again. “From the first time we met, I’ve been fascinated by you.”
Fascinated. My heart beat faster. That sounded better than a contract by a long shot. But it wasn’t enough. I needed more.
“Yeah?”
“And after we slept together…” He stops. “I mean, after we made love, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“Really.” I use a skeptical tone, but my pulse is fluttering, and I don’t want to hope he’s going to say what I think he’s going to say.
He nods. “Really. I love how hard you work. How creative you are with your designs. The way you seem to make everything better. And the way you are with Bella is more important to me than I can say. She really has a mother now. I don’t want her to lose that.”
I frown. This isn’t going the way I had hoped. “You know what, Max? I have a lot of packing to do.” I stand up and start to walk away.
“I love you.” He’s speaking to my back, blurting out the words as if they are the hardest things he has ever had to say.
I turn slowly and study him, not knowing what to think.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Does that mean that you don’t love me back?” His eyes are bright, but it can’t be from tears, can it? It must be just a trick of the light. “I love you so much, Laura. I was a mess when you were away. I need you. I need everything about you. Your brains. Your hot body. The way you take care of my motherless child. The way you take care of me.”
His voice breaks, and he stands up.
“I’m going to be down at the gazebo, if you want to talk to me. If you don’t come, I’ll understand.”
As I watch his muscular back disappear down the path, I’m torn. Could he really mean it? Could he really love me? I thought back to all the
things Riley and Sam had pointed out that showed that he cared. Could it be he didn’t know how to tell me all this time?
I came down here to tell him I love him, and I’m going to do it.
When I get to the end of the path, my mouth drops open.
Inside, it’s lined with gold and lavender roses. Tables are being arranged with similar centerpieces, and at least twenty workers are arranging a stage and other decorations.
“What’s all this?” I’m astonished.
“The wedding we never had. I know every time I open my mouth, I screw everything up. I thought if anything would get your attention and show you how I feel, it’s this. I love you so much. There’s no way in hell I’d let you go back until you knew exactly how I felt. If you decide you don’t want to be with me, I’ll concede. Maybe.”
“Max.” I’m flabbergasted. And angry. He’s doing it again. He’s set up a wedding without even asking me first. I can’t believe the nerve.
“So?” He steps down from the gazebo and looks into my eyes. “Will you marry me? Here? Tonight? For real?”
My answer is immediate and unequivocal. “Hell no.”
“What?” His startled face would be funny if the situation wasn’t so infuriating.
“I love you, Max.” He starts to beam but the smile falls as I keep speaking. “But you have to understand something. If our relationship is going to work, we have to be equal partners. I won’t be some woman who says ‘Yes, husband.’ and agrees every time you decide something for us. No way. What century are you living in? You’re so used to being able to pay for everything to go your way, you don’t realize it’s not normal. Normal people co-operate and compromise.”
“I thought we were a team. A good team.”
“Not that team thing again.” I shake my head. “Look, I love you, but unless you can figure out I’m not a doll for you to position as you want, in a career, in your household, in a wedding, then we’re not right for each other.”
“What? Laura, no. Please don’t leave again." There's anguish in his voice and it tears at my heart. "What about us? We love each other.”
“I’m not leaving. I won’t do that to Bella. But we’re not talking. We’re not fucking. And there is no us until you get yourself sorted out.”
I turn and stalk away, wondering if I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Maxwell
I've spent the last two days thinking. I haven't gone to work. I've barely left my study except to spend time with Bella.
I hope I've finally figured myself out.
The way I see it, Laura needs to feel like she's an active participant in this relationship, and not someone who's along for the ride. I would hate it if she were making all the decisions for me.
I understand now. I get why she's upset.
She has every right to be.
I spent the first day putting myself in her shoes and trying to figure out what wasn’t working. I imagined my horror if she had wanted to set up my career for me. Or if she had suggested that instead of having a relationship with feelings, we should have a contract and nail everything down. Or if she had set up a wedding without me and said, “Surprise, we're getting married.”
It definitely would not have gone over well with me. But that was exactly what I had been doing to her.
I was a complete idiot and a jerk. I had only been thinking of myself and my own feelings. Not about her at all.
I took the second day and tried to figure out how to make things right. She needs to feel like she was in control, or that we’re making decisions together.
Now I had a plan, but I didn’t know if it was going to work.
I pace back and forth in the study. When I’m ready, I text Laura to come down. I need to talk to her. I only hope there’s enough between us for her to give me a final chance.
The door opens and I straighten my back. I have to do everything right so I don’t lose her forever.
“Max?” She peeks through the door opening.
I almost tell her to enter, but manage to catch myself.
“Will you come in?”
I can see she's startled. “I will. Thanks for asking. I don't have a lot of time. My flight leaves in an hour and I want to have enough time to say goodbye to Bella.”
I thought I had more time than that. I thought her flight left tonight.
It didn’t matter. Either I could show her I understand her, love her, and I'm willing to make changes. Or I couldn’t.
We both sit down on the couch and I turn to face her.
“Laura, I've thought a lot about what you said. I was wrong and self-centered. I want to do things differently. But I need help. You’re going to have to point it out to me when I'm doing it because I’m not going to see everything.”
“Really?” She seems incredulous and hopeful at the same time.
“I'm going to need your help with some other things too.” Her brow wrinkles in such a cute way I want to kiss it. But I hold back. I want to make sure I do everything I planned. “Will you come look at something?”
“Sure.” She jumps to her feet, looking pleased. The flicker of hope inside me bursts into flame.
“First of all, there's twenty samples of wedding cake to try.” I lead her over to my large desk completely covered with tiny plates.
“What?” She covers her mouth in astonishment.
“I have four types of wedding invitations. We can order other ones if you don't like any of these, I asked the stationary store to send samples of their most popular ones.”
“Max, this is too much.”
I smile at her and keep talking. “I thought you could have your wedding dress designed by one of your favorite designers. But if you want to get it from a catalogue, or a thrift store, or you want to wear your jeans, that's fine too.”
“Max!” She starts laughing.
“There's a whole folder filled with styles of wedding decorations for the venue and...”
“Stop.” She puts her finger on my lips. I want to suck it. But I hold back. There will be time for that later.
“Laura, can we have a discussion bout whether me proposing to you and getting married like regular people is a good idea? I love you. I don’t want to live without you.”
“Max Brideau.” She looks at me and I imagine I can see the love in her eyes. “I will point out when you forget and start making decisions for the two of us. And yes, we can discuss getting married and decide together.”
I can't wait any longer. I have to know now.
“So, what do you think? Should we get married?” My heart pounds as I wait for her answer.
“Do you know something?” She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body against mine. “I think we should.”
“Is that enough discussion?” I tilt my head and pretend to think. “Maybe we should make a list of pros and cons. Weigh the benefits and drawbacks.”
“Stop talking.” She laughs. I love making her happy. “You're babbling.”
“I never babble. It's unmanly.”
“Come here.” She covers my mouth with hers. It's the best kiss we've ever shared. Better than the first one. Better than any of them. Because this time when we kiss, I know it's authentic.
I know we love each other.
I know it will be forever.
Epilogue: Laura
One year later
I stand on the sidewalk with Bella dancing around me and a baby on my hip. I still can't believe Sadie is ours. Max and I completed the adoption a month ago, and there's been a lot of adjusting.
I'm so happy I could burst.
When he arrives, I don’t remember what we say, but I remember the hug. He takes the baby and we walk into the empty house. It's the eighth one we've looked at and I wonder if we’ll ever find the right one.
We're moving because I've accepted a job working at the American branch of the company in Milan. They called me about the job and had hired me on the spot after the interview. I had nego
tiated a work from home arrangement .I could still be there for Bella and Sadie, but I would also be starting to build my career in fashion. I would only be working part-time until Sadie was two, then I would go back to work full-time.
“The real estate agent is running late and asked me to stop by and get the key. She'll be here in a few minutes. She said we could go in and look around.”
We walk through the house and I feel terribly excited. It feels right. I know this is the one.
But we have to discuss it first.
Max and I don't make any decisions that involve our family without talking about it together.
“What do you think, Bella?” Max picks her up and spins her around.
“I love it. There's a big backyard. It’s not too big. I wouldn't get lost in it like our house.”
Max and I share a wry smile, remembering the havoc she caused getting lost at home. But it also brought us back together.
Things have a way of working out for the best.
“And little Sadie?” Max addresses her seriously as if she can understand everything. “What do you think, sweetheart?”
She spits up on his shoulder, and we all laugh.
“Sadie says she likes it too.” Bella translates.
“What about you, Mama?” Max's words are teasing, but his eyes are looking into my soul. He really wants to know my thoughts.
“I love it, but if you don’t, we don't have to get it.”
A broad smile spreads across his face.
“I love it, too. I think it's perfect. This room can be your office.”
I dance Sadie around the room.
“We're getting a new house!”
She squeals and wraps her chubby hands around me, holding me tightly.
“Group hug.” Bella wraps her arms around me and Sadie. Max comes over and encircles us all.
I never thought my life could be like this.
I always thought happiness would be temporary.
Now I know it's permanent.
Me and Max? And our family? We're forever.
Unwrapping Daddy