by Lisa Lace
“Ethan?”
No reply.
A cold sense of dread fills me. I’ve been here before. I get out of bed and pull my robe around me. I start to search the apartment. There’s not much to search.
The living room is just as we left it the night before: two half-empty glasses holding cheap wine, and an empty bottle on the coffee table. There’s nobody in the kitchen, but I still turn on the lights just to make sure.
I stop a moment outside the bathroom, praying that I’ll hear running water, but it’s silent. I push the door ajar and peer inside. Ethan’s not there.
I even run to the window and glance outside, as if he’ll be taking a casual morning stroll. Racking my brain, I try to remember what we spoke about the day and night before. I know he’s in town for a convention. Was that today? Maybe he had to leave. Maybe he’s gone to get coffee or breakfast.
I reach for my cell to call him, and then remember that I don’t have his number anymore. Pacing around the apartment, I feel close to tears. This can’t be happening again.
I call Chloe.
“Lily? Is everything okay? What time is it?”
“It’s early.”
“What’s wrong?”
I pause before I answer. Chloe knows how long I’ve pined for Ethan. I worry what she’ll say when she knows I spent the night with him. “Ethan’s in Payson.”
“Ethan Steele? Holy shit, how do you know?”
“Because he just left my apartment.”
“Lily.” I hear the concern in her voice. “What happened?”
I tell her everything. How Ethan was waiting for me at the park. How I invited him back to my apartment. How we spoke about old times. How he kissed me.
“And now he’s gone,” I sob. “I’m an idiot, Chloe. A stupid fucking fool.”
“You’re not stupid, Lily. He’s a jerk. I can’t believe he’s done this to you again.”
I collapse onto the sofa, my head in my hand. The tears won’t stop flowing. Yesterday’s mascara begins to clump around my eyes. Biscuit brushes against my shin and then jumps onto my lap. I toy with his fur as I pour my heart out on the phone.
“He was acting just like the old Ethan. We were talking and laughing. He told me he was going to be in town for a while. I don’t know where he’s gone. I don’t have his number or the address where he’s staying. I don’t know what to do.”
“Do nothing, Lily. He’s not worth chasing. Not if this is how he treats you.”
“I don’t understand. It felt like it used to, like nothing had changed. He was being kind. I thought he was feeling something.”
Chloe tries to comfort me. “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just gone out to get breakfast.”
“It’s been an hour.”
“He could be at the convention?”
“Why wouldn’t he wake me to say goodbye?”
“Lily, honey, I don’t know.”
“This isn’t fair. It took me forever to get over him.”
“You never did get over him though, did you?”
I fall silent.
She speaks again. “I know you care about him, but I think he’s a dead end. Just the other night you were with Vincent Oswald. It’s not like Ethan’s the only fish in the sea. Maybe for your own self-preservation, you need to move on.”
“I wish I knew how.”
“What’s this hold he’s got over you, Lily? He left when you were eighteen. He didn’t get in touch for over a decade—I don’t think he’s any good for you.”
“I can’t believe he would lead me on, knowing how much he hurt me.”
“Maybe he doesn’t realize the damage he did the first time.”
I sniff and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “It felt so special last night. I thought he was coming back to me.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Chloe breathes. “I don’t want to upset you, but I’m worried that you’re going to get hurt. Remember the world that Ethan comes from now. He has his penthouse, his Ferraris, and all the rest. I don’t think he’s ever coming back to Payson. He’s in town on a business trip, and while that might mean the world to you, maybe he’s the one just passing the time.”
Her words are like a punch in the gut, but I know she’s trying to make me see sense. She’s right—why would Ethan ever return? He’s living the high life now, with his press releases and Italian girlfriends. I’m just a fond memory he chose to relive.
“I’m supposed to be seeing Vincent tonight.”
“That’s today?”
“He says he’s planned a surprise.”
“Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know.”
Chloe’s voice grows firm. “Lily, you should go. I know you’re hung up on Ethan, and I’m furious that he’s come into your life and messed with your head again, but you’ve got a chance to move on.”
“And who’s to say Vincent’s not the same?”
“Any guy could be, rich or poor, regardless. You’ve got to take a chance again someday.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“What are you on about? If Ethan fucking Steele hadn’t stormed back into your life, you’d be going on that date. Don’t let him set you back again. Come on, Lily—you were just starting to get somewhere.”
Mark leans in for a kiss, and I push him away. “Cut it out.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m trying to watch the movie.”
Someone from the row behind hisses at us to shut up.
Mark lowers his voice into a softer whisper. “You’re fucking frigid.”
“Charming.”
“Seriously, Lily, it’s been a couple of months now, and you won’t let me near you. Have I done something wrong?”
“It’s not appropriate in public, Mark.”
“Fine.” He stands up and storms out of the theater. I sit for a moment with the warm popcorn on my knees, then decide to follow him out.
He’s waiting in the foyer and frowns when he sees me. “Oh, you noticed when I left?”
“What’s your problem, Mark?”
“My problem is you don’t give a fuck about me, Lily!”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true. I’ve tried everything. I’ve gone the places you like to go and done the things you like to do. I traced a picture out of a book to make you think I could draw. And all the time, I know I’m never going to be as good as your precious Ethan!”
I fold my arms and turn my back on Mark. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I? No matter what we do, it’s ‘Ethan this, Ethan that.’ If any other girl I was with spoke that much about her ex, I’d send her packing, but for some reason, I put up with it from you.”
I turn on him, my voice rising. “Why are you still here, then, if I’m such a chore?”
He looks defeated and lifts his hands. “Because I thought if I waited long enough, you’d get over him, and realize I’m a pretty great guy, too. But, you’re never going to get over him, and I obviously can’t live up to him. Just remember, Lily: if he cared, he’d be the one out on a date with you. He’s not here, though, is he?”
“You’re probably right,” I say. “Ethan’s had enough chances to make things right.”
“It’s his loss, Lily. You’ve got to look out for yourself now, and try and find some happiness. Biscuit is great, but you need more company than a cat. If you wait for Ethan to man up, you’ll be watching your life pass you by.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You win. I’ll go out with Vincent again.”
“Good for you, girl. Make sure you call me and let me know how it goes.” I hear the relief in Chloe’s voice.
“I will.”
“Keep your chin up. Ethan doesn’t know what he’s missing, and Vincent’s a lucky guy. You’re a catch, Lily. Don’t settle for anyone.”
Ethan
I’m in a cold sweat by the time I reach the apartment Jennifer has book
ed on the other side of town. I rip off my jacket and throw it across the room. I’m shaking.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Ethan?
I already know I’ve fucked up. Lying in bed next to Lily this morning, I realized that I was about to break her heart again.
Three offices and four hundred twelve employees rely on me to run a business. I can’t stay in Arizona, and Lily isn’t made for New York.
This morning when I checked my cell and saw that the convention was starting, I left without waking her. I knew that if I woke her, she’d invite me to stay for breakfast. We’d talk about old times. She’d start to look at me again with those devoted eyes, and I would have to tell her I couldn’t stay.
My cell rings. “Hello?”
“About time, Ethan! I’ve been calling you all night. Are you taking this time off? I can screen your calls if you want.”
“Good morning, Jennifer.”
“Are you in Payson?”
“Where else would I be?”
“The apartment people called last night and said you never picked up the keys.”
“I’ve got them now. Everything’s good.”
“That’s fantastic, but it doesn’t explain where you were last night. You’re so weird right now.”
“I’m sorry, Jen—should I get all the women I sleep with to make an appointment in advance?”
She laughs. “Point taken. Sorry. I just wanted to know you were okay. I know your pilot likes to party. Last year, he got wasted with Bill from security, and they got arrested for taking a piss behind Walmart.”
“You thought he’d crashed the jet?”
“Or was arrested for pissing in public.”
“No. As far as I know, he had complete bladder control throughout the flight.”
“Excellent.” She laughs again. “Have you settled your beef with Vincent, then? Stolen a client? Demolished a building? Kidnapped his first-born?”
“Vincent doesn’t have kids.”
“You’ll have to save that one for later, I guess.”
“No, I haven’t dealt with that yet. I’m just about to head to the convention.”
“Ah, yes. The Payson technology convention that was far more vital than the New York Cyber Fair. Did you remember to pay the two dollars for your stall?”
“Ha ha, very funny.”
“I’m done now. I just wanted to check in.”
“Any other news?”
“Healy was impressed with the initial docs you sent over. He gave us a deadline for the final proposal. We have a few weeks left. I’m getting accounting to focus on fine-tuning those numbers, and the developers are testing the prototype day and night for glitches. So far, so good, but we don’t want any weak points.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it all under control. I knew I could count on you. Is Mitch ready for the Cyber Fair?”
“Mm-hmm. He’s good to go.”
“Perfect. Thanks, Jen.”
“No problem. I’ll let you go. Make sure you watch your back with Vincent, okay? Just keep the defense contract in mind. That’s what matters right now.”
“Got it.”
The convention is hardly more than a school career fair. A handful of stalls are promoting low-tech software and infomercial gadgets.
I’m instantly suspicious. There’s no way that Vincent is here for this. This small-town assembly isn’t worth either of our time.
People are starting to realize who I am. Excitement builds, and every start-up and beginner entrepreneur is vying for my attention.
“Mr. Steele! Mr. Steele! Take a look at this! It’s the most advanced robotics in any children’s toy. This penguin can actually be stored in the freezer!”
“Mr. Steele! Mr. Steele! I’ve written the code for a security program that can detect every single virus on the internet. I’d love to give you a copy of my résumé.”
“Mr. Steele! Mr. Steele! My daughter loves you! Can she get a picture?”
I can hear Jennifer telling me to relate to my public. I engage in some small talk, promise to look at a CV, and let an excitable mother snap a photograph. I’m growing tired of the charade when I feel a hand slap down on my shoulder and a familiar chuckle in my ear.
“It’s a complete shit show here, isn’t it, Ethan? Remember when we used to fall over ourselves to get attention at conventions like these?”
Vincent has his hand on me, and it makes my skin crawl. I shrug him off and turn to him with a frown. “What are you doing here, Vincent? There’s nothing for you here.”
“What are you doing here, Ethan? Seems to me like you’ve followed me all the way to Payson. Isn’t it the Cyber Fair this week?”
“I know you’re here for Lily. Why?”
He grins, taking pleasure in tormenting me. “We’re soulmates, Ethan. It’s Destiny.”
“There is nothing for you in Payson,” I repeat. “Lily’s not just some girl you’re looking to have fun with while you’re here. You’ve come here especially for her. What game are you playing, Vince? Are you just trying to fuck with me?”
“Of course I am.”
“You need to stop what you’re doing right now.”
“Or what? Tell me, Ethan, what are you going to do? Throw a punch in front of all these good people? Give me a piece of your mind? Face it: you can’t do anything. I’m seeing her again tonight.”
“Again?”
“We had dinner. Guess you didn’t know that.” He smirks. “It was a wonderful evening. We drank wine, there was music. She was putty in my hands.”
“Fuck you.”
Vincent laughs. “I’ve finally found out how to push your buttons.”
“Don’t start what you can’t finish.”
“Oh, I haven’t even begun, Ethan.”
He turns towards a camera pointing at us and smiles for the picture, resting his hand on my back like we’re the best of friends.
I’m seething, but I grit my teeth and keep my cool. As soon as the photo is taken, I leave the hall. My head is filled with a blind rage.
I know I need to protect Lily, but I don’t know how.
What’s your plan, Vincent?
Lily
It’s the first time I’ve ever been to Roosevelt Lake Marina, and it’s beautiful. There’s a stillness here unlike Rumsey Park or my other sanctuaries. All I can hear is the sound of water gently lapping against the boats. Between the mountains, the setting sun glistens on the still waters. It’s a breathtaking view.
“What do you think?” Vincent asks me.
“It’s beautiful.”
“I used to come here in the summer when I was young. My friends and I would take the yacht out and get up to no good. When I earned my first million, my own yacht was the first thing I bought.”
He leads me along the decking to the side of a gorgeous white boat. It’s sleek and luxurious, with wooden paneling inside. No vinyl or inflatable rowboats for Vincent.
“Where are the sails?”
Vincent laughs. “She doesn’t need them. Come on, it’s even better on board.”
The boat is at least twenty-five meters long and maybe two or even three stories. Peering inside from the harbor, I can see a luxury lounge with white leather sofas curving into a seating circle with a round glass table at its center. I think there is another floor below the water. Maybe it’s a bedroom.
Vincent climbs up onto the deck of the yacht and reaches out a hand to help me up.
He’s looking handsome tonight in a pair of white pants and a loose, collarless shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His dark hair moves in the breeze coming in from the waters. He looks like a movie star.
I’m not dressed for sailing. After being underdressed for the restaurant, I’ve made every effort for tonight. I’m wearing a dress I borrowed from Chloe. It’s black and silky with a plunging neckline. It’s cut high above my knees, and on my feet are a pair of heeled sandals with intricate laces that make my legs look deceptively long.
I have to c
limb a little metal ladder to reach the first deck. There is another up above, much smaller. The deck Vincent is standing on is at the nose of the yacht, reaching out into the water to a rounded point.
I step onto the first rung uncertainly, my heel slipping on the iron. Vincent catches me when I trip onto the deck. He doesn’t let go until I pull myself away. I force a smile. “What a view.”
The deck is luxurious. My heels slide on the polished hardwood floors. At the edges of the deck are backless white leather seats. I can picture a group of celebrities sitting right here, drinking champagne at a Hollywood after party.
Moving to the rails at the nose of the boat, I look out over the lake, stretching far into the distance like an ocean. My eyes travel over the rise and fall of the mountains, and the purple-and-orange-glow of the sunset.
Vincent stands behind me and stretches an arm around me to hold onto the rail at my side. He gazes out over the same horizon, the evening sun casting shadows on his face. “I never appreciated it when I was young, but now it holds a kind of peace I don’t get in the city.”
“Why New York?”
“It felt like home. There’s an excitement there, a buzz. Everybody’s on a mission. It makes you want to stand out and be the best. I don’t think I’d have achieved half of what I’ve accomplished if I’d stayed in Arizona.”
I dwell on his words and compare myself to Ethan. Maybe Ethan was right to get out while he could. He’s out there in the city, sitting on a fortune, while I’m still in Payson, sitting with my cat.
“I think I’d get lost somewhere that big. City life seems very intense. There’s no way to just let yourself be. You always have to be reaching for the next big thing, always chasing the new impossibility. It seems like a way to burn out quickly.”
“It depends on the person,” Vincent replies. “Some people burn out. Some people light up.”
“I always thought I was going to light up here.” I turn and press my back against the railing.
Vincent doesn’t move. His arms are around me, resting on the rails either side. He lingers for a moment before stepping back. My heart is in my throat—I thought he was going to kiss me.