by Lisa Lace
“Maybe I could believe that if he didn’t have this weird thing with Vincent.”
“The rivalry.”
“Exactly. It makes me doubt that he’s sincere. I want to believe him, but then I think about how he came back, fucked me, and vanished. I think there’s something off.”
“Just because he did something stupid doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Men do stupid things all the time based on some crazy logic we’ll never understand. They like to think they’re big boys, but a lot of the time, they don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Even the ones with lots of money and fancy suits. Underneath, they’re only people—and people make mistakes.”
“I know. I guess I don’t want to get hurt by him again. Ethan Steele isn’t an easy man to get over.”
“Well, how did you feel when he was saying he loved you? Did it feel real?”
“Of course, it did. But it felt real when he showed up a couple of weeks ago. It felt real when he said he loved me eleven years ago. With Ethan, it always feels real. I can’t switch off how real it feels.”
“Do you believe him?”
“I believe he thinks he loves me.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that I think Ethan has this picture in his head of me moving to New York and everything being like it used to be, and I know it won’t be. We’re hardly going to go skinny-dipping and running through the woods together again, are we?”
“That’s not because he’s a billionaire or because he’s moved to New York, Lily. That’s because you’ve both grown up. I don’t think anyone gets to our age and still lives life like that. I wish we all did, but life catches up with you. You’re both older now—things are never going to be exactly like they were.”
“I know.”
“And what about Vincent?”
I let out a long breath and shake my head helplessly. “I like him.”
“Just ‘like’?”
“I’ve hardly known him long enough for it to be love, but there’s something there.”
“What do you like about him?”
I shut my eyes and picture Vincent’s playful smile, and the serious look that comes over his face when he’s talking about music or art, the one that captivates me every time. “He can be really fun. He makes an effort. I don’t know. I guess he makes me feel special. And he’s smart, too. Really smart. He knows all about art and music. He’s traveled the world. When he talks, I want to listen. He’s got this allure.”
“How do you think he feels about you?”
I wrap my arms around myself and curl up tighter on the futon, rolling my head back and staring at the ceiling. “He says I’m not like the other girls he’s been with.”
Chloe scoffs. “That’s what they all say. What did you make of it?”
“I wonder if he isn’t another Ethan, though. He’s going back to New York. I don’t want to be holding out for him like I was holding out for Ethan, hanging onto someone who’s never coming back.”
“You haven’t given him a chance to prove himself to you yet. You’re judging him based on what Ethan’s done. Vincent’s not Ethan.”
“Ethan said Vincent’s dangerous, though. He thinks he’s only dating me to get to him.”
“And how is that supposed to work?”
“I don’t know. It seems stupid to me.”
“Maybe Ethan’s jealous.”
“Maybe, but Ethan was never manipulative like that. He was always very honest and loyal. I can’t imagine him badmouthing someone else simply to get his way.”
“So, you think Vincent is up to something?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Chloe lets out a long breath, putting her head in her hand. “You’re making my head spin, Lily.”
“Tell me about it. I wish there was a way to know which one of them was telling the truth.”
“The truth is always a gray area, Lily. They probably both remember things their own way. They don’t like each other, that’s it. It doesn’t mean either of them is a bad person or is going to treat you badly. They’re business rivals. Of course, they’re not going to sing each other’s praises. All that matters is what you feel.”
Tears begin to sting my eyes. “I want Ethan. I’ve always wanted him. But I don’t know how we can make it work. So much has happened and changed. We’ve been heading in different directions for such a long time. And I’m still angry at him.”
Chloe lays a hand gently on my back. “It all comes down to whether you want to give him one last chance.”
“There’s no such thing with Ethan. One last chance leads to another and another. He wants me to go to New York, but that means I’m the one who takes a risk. It’s been hard to get here, Chloe. My tiny little apartment, the low-paying commissions. They look like nothing to Ethan, but it’s taken me years to build this life. He just wants me to give it all up and follow him blindly. Part of me wants to, but the other part of me feels like it’s his turn to drop everything.”
“I guess he can’t do that, though. He’s the man at the top.”
“I don’t think he’d have time for me in his world.”
“Do you think Vincent would be any different?”
“Things are different with Vincent. We’re at the beginning of something. We’re not trying to get back to an old ideal. It’s building something new. Besides, Vincent doesn’t tie himself to work like Ethan does. He travels. He explores. He’s still got some life in him.”
“It sounds to me like you already know what you want.”
I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. “It’s time for a fresh start. I’m going to see how things go with Vincent.”
Ethan
The Penza Hotel. Jennifer has managed to track down where Vincent is staying by following his name on social media. A guest at the hotel has posted a picture of him there with the Oswald tag.
Before I left to confront him, Jennifer begged me not to go.
“Please, Ethan. I thought you were done with this.”
I hold up a hand. “I’m not going to start anything, Jen. I’m letting him know where he stands.”
Now, I’m at the hotel. I don’t even go to the reception to find ask which room he’s in. I head straight to the elevator to go to the penthouse.
I knock on the door.
Vincent answers. When he sees it’s me, his mouth curls into a smirk. He’s holding a glass of red wine in one hand. Piano music is playing in the background.
I step over the threshold without waiting for an invite. He steps back to let me pass, then closes the door. “Ethan. What a pleasant surprise.”
“I’m here to draw a line under this, Vincent.”
“What do you mean?”
“All of this. The games, the petty revenge. I’m done. Lily was the final straw. You’ve won—just treat her properly.”
“Are you really here to give in, Ethan?”
I walk over to the windows and look out over the mountain view, wondering if Lily has ever stood in this room. “I know you’re not really interested in her. You only go for models and coke addicts.”
Vincent scoffs. “And the women you go for are sweet, innocent angels?”
“I’m done with that now.”
“You’re done with me, and you’re done with cheap women. Why the sudden change of heart?”
“You know why. Business is business, but this is different. I won’t take part in any of this from now on. I won’t cause her pain by dragging this out. Know that she’s something special, Vincent. Take care of her. She chose you. You got what you wanted.”
He circles around me like a shark, finishing the last of his wine and placing it down on the piano. “Oh no, Ethan. You’ve got it wrong. I never wanted Lily.”
I narrow my eyes. “Then what has this all been about?”
Vincent picks up some paperwork from a stand nearby and hands it to me. My eyes scan the text. It’s a property deed for the Cherrydon Apartments building—where Lily lives
.
“What is this?”
“My latest investment.”
“Why have you bought Lily’s apartment?”
“She loves that place, right? Why am I asking you? You know she does.” Vincent sits on the piano stool, tapping his foot gleefully on the ground. “She told me so herself. She’s scrimped and saved, blah, blah, blah. It’s her sanctuary, and so on.”
“Vincent?”
“I’m evicting her, Ethan. I think I might build a day spa.”
I stare at him. “Why would you do that?”
“Maybe I won’t. You know, I haven’t decided yet.”
I wait for Vincent to explain himself. He looks up at me with a malicious gleam in his eye. “You have something I want.”
I know what he’s talking about. “The defense contract.”
Vincent stands and starts to pace again. “You have Healy in the palm of your hand. No matter what I do, he’s already decided he wants Steele Industries. The only way I’m going to get that contract is if you pull out.”
“And why would I do that?”
“To save poor Lily from being out on the streets.”
I scowl. “You know I would never let that happen, Vincent. I’ll buy her a home outright. A dozen houses.”
“You might be able to buy her another apartment, but you’ll never be able to buy her forgiveness. Not when she finds out that she was evicted because the great Ethan Steele wouldn’t back down. But why should you care, right? Lily’s apartment is some run-down, lowly hovel. At least, that’s how she’s going to think you see it.”
I look down at the date on the deed. “You’ve been planning this for a long time.”
“Ever since you announced you were going to be releasing that ridiculous app. I thought to myself, ‘What is Ethan Steele’s weakness?’ Then, you pretty much put it right into my hands. I still remember how you went on and on about that girl.”
“Ethan, are you still up? It’s four in the morning.”
“Sorry, Vincent.”
“What are you doing?”
I hear Vincent roll over in his bed. The shine of my flashlight casts a beam far enough to illuminate his tired expression and weary eyes. He squints through the darkness to see what I’m looking at, then groans. “Are you writing another letter? Jesus, Ethan, you know you’re never going to send it.”
“I know I need to explain myself. I just can’t find the words.”
“You’re not going to find them in the middle of the night. Go to sleep. God, this girl must have really been something.”
“You have no idea.”
“Why don’t you go back there and see her face to face, instead of all this agonizing like some lovesick Shakespearian hero? You’re driving me insane.”
“I only need to find the right words.”
“How about, ‘Lily, I didn’t want to live in the gutters with you. I got a scholarship to the Ivy League, and I took it. Love, Ethan.’”
I scoff at his response. “What we had was special.”
“Obviously not that special if you took off.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“No, I don’t understand. All I know is that you keep waking me up in the middle of the night so you can write a bunch of letters you never post. Go. To. Sleep.”
I switch off my flashlight and roll onto my back. I think of Lily, her bright blue eyes and fair hair, her freckles and lively smile. I think of all the moments we’ve shared, good and bad: the years of childhood friendship before high school, an awkward teenage romance, painting together, the days we adventured and explored, my first taste of bitter coffee at Molly’s, skinny dipping on a golf course, dancing at prom, lying in bed. Our time together had been a glimpse of something true and pure, and I want Lily to know that I still love her.
But I can’t find the words or the courage to reach out.
Life is moving quickly, and every day that passes is another chance that Lily has met someone else. By now, she’s probably moved on.
I close my eyes, but I don’t sleep. I think of her.
My hands curl into fists at my side, then I release them. I’m beyond anger now. “You’re repulsive, Vincent. This is low, even for you.”
“It’s the game you chose to play, Ethan. You could have backed down long before now.”
“You threw the first stone.”
“That idea was more mine than yours, and you know it.”
“I wrote the code!”
Vincent shrugs. “I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway. All that matters is what you’re going to do right now. Give up the contract, or Lily finds out that you never gave a damn about her after all.”
“You think she’s going to fall into your arms after you blackmail me?”
He chuckled sadistically. “Ethan, you’re still not getting this: I don’t give a fuck about Lily Miller.”
“And if I refuse, you kick her out of her home? You get nothing but the satisfaction of knowing that you hurt someone I care about. You’d really do that?”
“The ball’s in your court, Ethan.”
I put a hand to my head. I want to think Vincent’s bluffing, but I’ve seen the papers. I know that he has the power to evict Lily, and I know that he’s done worse before.
“This is pointless, Vincent. You’re not even up to the defense contract. This was always going to be a shot in the dark for you. You don’t have the resources to fund a project like that. You don’t have the network or the people on your team. You’re going through all this just to fail anyway.”
Vincent scowls. “With however many billions that contract pays, I can resource whatever the fuck I need to. This contract will be the making of me. No more schmoozing and presentations and proposals. Oswald Solutions will be the market leader.”
“This is national security we’re talking about, Vincent. You can’t simply wing it because you want to make a name for yourself.”
“Did you ever send that letter to Lily in the end, Ethan?”
I freeze, my lips drawing back from my teeth in a snarl. Vincent takes a step toward me.
“Imagine trying to find the words to explain this to her. No letter’s going to cut it, is it? She’ll never talk to you again. And I know you want her, Ethan. I’ve got people on the ground who’ve seen you with her. I hear you spent a steamy night in her apartment. Tut, tut, Ethan. That was after our first date.”
“So, you’re spying on me now?”
“You’re always watching me, I’m always watching you.”
“I came here to end this, Vincent.”
“Then end it.” He taps the deed I’m still gripping in my hand. “I’ll sign the apartments over to you first thing in the morning if you call Healy and tell him you’re pulling out of the deal.”
“Vincent, think carefully about what you’re asking me to do. This is the Department of Defense. Are you really up to that job?”
Vincent rolls his eyes. “I think I can handle it, Ethan. I’m getting tired of this now. I need an answer. Are you going to pull out of the contract, or not?”
“If I do, you’ll sign over the apartment block to me?”
“Cherrydon is yours. What’s more, I’ll leave Lily alone. I’ll go back to New York, and she’ll never hear from me again.”
When I arrive back at the office, Jennifer is the only one still there. She’s sitting in the boardroom at the table with a coffee clasped in her hand. She looks tired. Her long, strawberry-blonde hair is tousled from where she keeps running her hands through it. She runs her fingers through it again when I enter, her eyes lighting up with relief. “I’ve been calling you, Ethan. You’ve been gone for hours. I was starting to think that you and Vincent had finally killed each other.”
I laugh and fall into the chair opposite her. “It’s over.”
“What do you mean, ‘it’s over’?”
“Everything. Me and Lily. Me and Vincent. The defense contract.”
Jennifer pales. “What do you mean ‘t
he defense contract’?”
I pull out the crumpled deed from my inside jacket pocket and slide it across the table. “Vincent bought out Lily’s building. He said he was going to evict her if I didn’t pull out of the deal.”
“So?” Jennifer’s voice begins to rise. “You could have bought Lily her own goddamn apartment block. Ethan, what have you done?”
I hold up my hand to stop her. “I know, Jen. Trust me, I know.”
She falls silent a moment. Jennifer is a strong woman, but she looks like she’s about to cry. “We put so much work into that deal.”
“I just couldn’t do it to her, Jen. Lily deserves better than that.”
“And what about your staff? What about all the people who gave up Christmas and Thanksgiving with their families to work on this? What about everything we’ve all done for this contract—for you?”
I put my head in my hands. “You warned me to stop fucking around with Vincent. I should have listened.”
Jennifer lets out a long breath, then shakes her head. She lets go of the anger in her voice, speaks more calmly to me. “But it’s over? You and Vincent are done with this rivalry?”
I nod. “I’m not going to go seeking revenge. This is the last time I engage with Vincent. If he tries anything again, I’m not going to retaliate. I’m done with all that.”
Nodding, Jennifer taps her fingernails against her mug. “At least that’s one good thing to come out of all of this. And Lily? What happened with her?”
“She wants nothing to do with me. I asked her to come to New York. She didn’t want to leave. She doesn’t trust me anymore.”
“It’s really gone to shit this time, hasn’t it?”
“It really has.”
Jennifer rises and walks to stand behind me. She places a hand on my shoulder. “We’ll find a way to break the news to the team. All the research we’ve done can be applied to other projects. We’ve still broken ground with the work done here.”
I place my hand over hers. “Thanks, Jen.”
“You’re a good man, Ethan. We’ll get past this.” She heads towards the door. I can see her exhaustion in every step she takes. She looks back at me before she leaves. “I’m sorry about Lily.”