He got up without saying anything and we watched him walk up the stairs.
“You think you’re right?” Troy asked.
I turned my head back with this wide positive smile. “Well, since the rape scenario is no longer valid, let me ask you this—doesn’t Zayden need a son?”
His eyes widened and he looked towards the stairs. We all wanted to know now but could only wait. This wasn’t our question to find the answer for. It was Zayden’s. I just hoped he’d get it.
Chapter 36
Zayden
It was still raining but not in a terrible downpour. It was moderate and the sky seemed light as if the moon was shining brightly behind the cloud cover but it was night for sure.
I looked through the rain as best I could and Adele was sitting down in the wet mud right about where we had a conversation before. I sighed to prepare myself and stepped out into the rain completely.
She had her knees brought into her chest and had her head resting on top of her folded arms. She must have heard me approach but she didn’t move. At first, I just crouched down to her, keeping my feet on the ground to hold myself up. “Plan on staying out here all night?”
“I don’t want to talk to you.” Her face was covered so she wouldn’t look at me.
“I don’t understand why you’re getting upset over this.”
Her head instantly snatched up and she had that stuttered panicky tone in her voice like before. “Please tell me that’s a joke?! You should be trying to kill me so that never happens! We’re at war! We’re forbidden to be together let alone have a child! We could get killed for that! It was probably part of your rape plan because I would be the one killed, not you but maybe that’s something I care about!”
“You’re making it sound like it could actually happen. I’ve ended that plan a while ago.”
“Oh, excuse me. You’re the one that’s been wanting to kiss me but I guess that means it’s because I’m not good enough to sleep with now.”
“What? No. Of course not. I just don’t get that because you had a dream about it—”
“More than once.”
“Okay. Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to come true.”
She sighed and looked away, resting her head back down on her folded arms.
“What? They told me the General can see the future.”
She stayed exactly the way she was and kept her eyes off me. “Yeah, I’m sure they did. We weren’t the first to ever see Madam Carla. My father has been there back before I was born and got the Dividing Foresight. He has visions of the future while being completely conscious. He once told me something when I was just a little girl that I’ve all but forgot about until I kept having that same dream over and over. He told me that when I got older, I’d begin to see things too but only in my dreams.”
I don’t know why but it started to sound more real and I didn’t really know what to say.
“You don’t have to say anything.” Adele muttered. “We make our own futures and I’ll make sure this one never happens.”
“What if that’s not what I want?”
She looked over. “Why would you?”
“It’s bound to happen to me sometime. My father has always made sure I knew that.”
“Not through someone like me.” She turned her eyes away from me again.
“He wouldn’t have to know that.”
“But I didn’t see you. What if you’re dead? There’s a list of people that would make sure of it.”
“Your father?”
“He’s near the top but you’ve already proven you could go through him. He’s not the one to worry about.”
“Well, this is a late moment to find out you’re with someone.”
“I’m not with anyone. It’s just—”
“Whoever it is fancies you?”
“I used to think so but he’s leaving me here to suffer so I’m not so sure.”
“What do you mean?” She said it like someone could have possibly known what was happening and I didn’t understand it.
“Nothing. The point is he’s usually protective of me. Ryon would kill you for hurting me.”
“But I would never hurt you.”
“He would see it that way if you put a child in me. He’s really sweet but sometimes he thinks he has to protect me too much. He’d do anything for me and that even includes saving me from you even if I didn’t want to be saved.”
“And do you want to be saved?”
Adele looked back over. I wanted to know the truth because her words sounded like a lie. “I just want to go home and forget about all of this.” She got right up and started walking back towards the stairs.
I got up after her and followed. “Love, wait.”
She stopped just before going inside and looked at me. I was walking to her completely drenched from the rain and she didn’t move. “What?”
I tested her. I stepped closer until our bodies were almost touching and she didn’t push me away. “You know you won’t.”
“But I’ll still try.” Her voice was starting to crack like she was on the brink of crying. “We can’t—”
“We can do whatever we want.” I brought my hand up to her face, just trying to get her to see my way for once with my urgent voice. “Nothing will ever happen to you while you’re with me. I would never let it.”
She couldn’t look away from me. I knew that my words affected her but not like this. She pressed her lips up into mine and I was caught by the surprise of it. Both of her arms were tight around my wet bare skin and our tongues touched only for the briefest of moments.
“I’m sorry.” She backed me slowly away from her with a hand at my chest. I listened. I wasn’t going to force anything.
“Don’t be but I think we can both agree that we needed that.”
“And also agree that it didn’t mean anything. This is the last thing I need in my life right now.”
“No. It’s exactly what you need but it should come from me.”
“You don’t know what I need.”
“I seem to know better than you.”
Adele sighed and started to move away from me. “Come on. It’s getting late and I have a headache that I’d love to get rid of.” She stepped out of the rain on to the stairs and I started to follow. She dried us off, mud and all and brought her hands up to her head again.
“Are you all right?” I placed my hand gently on her back to let her know that I did care and wasn’t following to get anything out of her.
“Fine. They’re called headaches for a reason.”
“At least it sounds quiet.”
“Yeah. Too quiet.”
We reached the bottom of the stairs and it seemed the others had moved to the opposite sides of the room to the two beds while we were gone.
“Someone getting comfortable?” I asked.
Troy was laying on his stomach, facing the foot of the bed with his head rested up on his folded arms. His eyes were closed and Jaylyn was straddled over him, giving him a back massage on the right side of the room. On the left, Darius was sitting up against the wall with Ruby laying on her back in front of him as he rubbed her feet.
“Yeah, I don’t think this is what I was expecting to see when you said quiet.” Adele muttered.
“What?” Ruby tipped her head back and looked at us with her upside-down view. “You should be happy we’re quiet and not hounding you about what you talked about out there.”
Troy laughed and opened his eyes. “Smooth.”
Ruby looked at him and rubbed her fingers down the visible skin of her chest. “If you only knew you’d instantly forget about those blonde curls.”
“Hey!” Jaylyn bursts out. “I don’t think so!”
“Please. He wouldn’t be able to handle me anyway. I guess that just makes you lucky.”
Darius laughed.
“Handle it or not, I wouldn’t want it.” Troy said. “I don’t do crazy.”
Jaylyn laughed thi
s time and Ruby rolled in place on the bed so she could see him normally with her mouth hung open. “Did you just call me crazy?!”
“Well, you’ve never slowed from giving off that impression. So, yeah, I did.”
Ruby’s eyes turned red and she was about to get up.
At the same time, Darius grabbed her from behind and Adele intervened by stepping between the beds. “That’s enough! Ruby, settle! It’s nothing to get mad over because you already know that you’re crazy! Now, would everyone please shut up and get to sleep!”
Ruby calmed her eyes and didn’t say another word. They got under her blanket and Jaylyn started to get off Troy. “Are you going to at least eat? We cooked it and saved some for you.”
Adele just stood with her hand on her head. I went to her and guided her over to the chairs where our food was set aside for us. “You should. It may help.”
She nodded, letting her hands down and sat in her chair while I sat next to her.
“I don’t believe it.”
Adele stayed where she was and I was the one to look back. “What?”
“You kissed!”
“What?!” Darius and Troy both sprung up into sitting positions. I don’t know why they would have been surprised. I am pretty likeable.
Adele took a quiet breath like she was trying to hold in tears. It was something I couldn’t miss and I looked back at the others again, knowing just what to say. “You shouldn’t assume such great things by a look. That’s not what happened at all. She doesn’t want to talk about it and we’re not going to so get to sleep. I don’t want to hear another word out of any of you. Is that clear?”
My dominant voice made them lose their smiles and comply.
“Yes.” Darius and Troy said together, laying back down.
Ruby and Jaylyn agreed too and did the same. “Goodnight.”
Finally, it was quiet and Adele dimmed down the fire so it wasn’t so bright and continued eating while she looked over at me briefly. “Thanks for that.”
I smiled, taking a bite of fish from the dagger. “Of course. They don’t need to know otherwise.”
Adele turned her look away and we sat in complete silence while we finished eating. Her eyes occasionally moved in my direction and she most likely noticed that I was doing the same thing. I hesitated several times on whether to speak without the others wanting to get involved somehow and she held it off as well until she was on her last bite those long minutes later. “Why are you watching me?”
Her voice was extra soft and I had to stop chewing so I could hear her. “I can’t watch you? I’ve never seen you eat before.”
“Well, that is a little weird and mostly your fault by the way.”
I tried holding in my laugh. “I remember offering. You’re the one that refused.”
“I waited for something better.”
“Do I fall under that philosophy?”
Her smile started to fade just a little and she kept her eyes off me. “What makes you think that I’ve waited for this?”
“Because I can tell that you haven’t been happy in a long time. I’ve seen it in your eyes when I changed mine.”
“And even if you wanted to, you couldn’t change it.”
“Not if you don’t give me the chance.” I brought my hand close to hers and gently grazed my pointer finger over the top of her hand.
She looked down at it and moved her hand so mine slid in hers. “Happiness for someone like me is inexistent.” I had hoped that I got through to her but she started to slowly pull her hand away and her mood became more saddened. “I can never earn to have that right.”
She put the dagger in her other hand down and looked behind her towards the beds. I did too. Everyone seemed asleep already. Troy was laying on his back with Jaylyn laying her head on his shoulder and their arms around each other while Ruby and Darius were facing each other with Ruby mostly being lost within his large arms wrapped around her.
“Great.”
“What?”
“Nothing. You couldn’t possibly realize how sad this is.”
“What’s sad about it? They’re asleep. You should be thankful.”
“I know. I said I wanted them to savor this last bit of happiness but it’s not going to end that way. We’ll have to pull them apart soon and they’ll never see each other again. That’s what’s sad about it. Getting them to get back to our scheduled lives will be hard for me to do when this is all they’ll be thinking about.”
“I guess we’ll have to see what happens.”
“But I already know. I’ve never seen them act this way before and I know what it means. Do you know what’s worse than aligning in treason with a Senian?”
“What?”
She turned her look away and started to get up. “Committing that treason because you’re in love with one.”
I looked back at the beds again and agreed that she might have been right. I haven’t seen Troy or Darius much like this before, especially Darius. They were clearly attached to them and I wasn’t quite sure how I should respond.
“Does that just apply to them? Not you?”
She looked over, unimpressed. “Are you asking me if I love you, Zayden?”
“Maybe or feel something at least.”
She looked at me for the longest seconds of my life but of course she denied everything. “I don’t know how to make this more clear. Assassins are forbidden to love.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a foolish emotion. Useless really. It’ll only distract one from their purpose.”
“So, you’re technically not allowed to be happy?”
“Something like that.”
“Now that sounds foolish. Not the idea of love.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She immediately turned to end it so she wouldn’t end up saying the wrong thing. “We should probably get to sleep.”
She walked towards her room and I looked at the others sleeping together again with a smile. I understood what she was saying because even though we weren’t together, I still saw pulling away from her to be hard. Not allowed to love or not, she needed to feel something.
My eyes glanced up to the corner and I watched Adele disappear into the room. It was quiet now and I set down the daggers from my dinner, thinking if I should even follow. I knew she would say something of it being pointless but I never saw it that way. I was right in what she needed. I just had to get her to see it.
Chapter 37
Adele
I knew stopping again was a bad idea. It wasn’t going to be over at this rate and I didn’t know what to do. I was getting in too deep. I mean, I kissed him! Why? I couldn’t help it. He was making it hard not to but I’m tired of it. Seeing him just gets me—I don’t like it. It had to stop. He was—wrong for me. We were wrong for each other. I just wanted to fall asleep.
“Everyone deserves to have a bit of happiness. Even if you think you’re not allowed to get it.” I didn’t move when he sat next to me on the bed I was trying to lose myself in. “Why would you accept that and stay miserable?”
This was actually happening and it was worse that I couldn’t leave to escape this. “Because happiness is an illusion. It’s always followed by pain. If one stays miserable, they never have to feel what that sudden loss is like. They’re contempt in their own kind of peace.”
“But you’ve felt that loss and you’re just locking everyone out. You’re not contempt. You’re keeping yourself living in that pain. You don’t need to. I want to help you.”
“I’m not your responsibility.”
“I’m not doing it because it’s something I feel like I have to. I’m doing it because I want to.”
“Well, I’m beyond help.”
“I don’t think you are.”
“Reason why you’re still here, I imagine.”
“You know it is. They’re not the only ones out there that could use happiness. If they could get it now then so could you.”
; “You really want to know what will make me happy?!” I sat up in a bit of rage and looked at him.
“Yes.” He leaned in closer with a soft voice. “Tell me.”
I saw a light sparkle in Zayden’s eyes from the torch lit on the wall and it calmed me but I said the exact opposite of what I intended. “Just—stay with me.”
He slowly started to smile and I tried not to. “Is that all it takes?”
“It is when it’s late. I just want to sleep. If you stay, I can do that.”
He got up from the bed with his smile and walked around it, getting in on the other side. “Any other requests?”
“No. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m offering anything. I just need you here so I can sleep. I’m not good at sleeping alone.”
“Well, that explains last night.”
“Ah, yeah. I took your yelling at me over telling you of my stupid paranoia.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid. You can’t sleep alone. That’s not a big deal because I’m here and I’ll do whatever you want me to.”
I thought of asking him to get closer but I couldn’t say those words and something else entirely came out. “Sleep. I want you to sleep. I’m sure we have a lot to do tomorrow and I don’t want to be the reason you were kept up.”
“All right. Sleep it is.” He rolled to his back while closing his eyes and there was silence.
I laid next to him and watched him. He just looked so relaxed and I couldn’t look away. The whole time I hoped he wouldn’t open his eyes and catch me watching but I soon noticed that he was actually falling asleep. He was even beautiful sleeping. Great.
An hour must have passed and I was still laying with my eyes in his direction. I couldn’t explain why. Maybe because I’ve waited so long to see him again or just something else.
My eyes were getting heavy but I couldn’t seem to sleep. I let out a deep sigh and turned to the edge away from him. He was with me but sleep still seemed hard. I laid there for a few minutes with my eyes finally closed but nothing was happening. I opened them with a frustrated roll and sat up a little, looking back at Zayden who remained rested in a peaceful sleep. I knew what I needed to do to get like that but was hesitant.
Aligning Stars (Fate's Intent Book 1) Page 20