“Okay, let’s go for it. Are you dating anyone new?”
“Well, you remember Paul Brosque. He finally got up the courage to ask for a date, and we’ve been seeing each other quite a bit. Now that the task force is resuming, and he’s working here, it will give us extra time to see each other.”
Her face turned an interesting shade of red, and she turned to go up the stairs but paused.
“I’m sorry; you did want me to let Paddy know you’re here . . . right?”
“Sure, why not. Thanks.”
I watched her climb the stairs and realized she might have a new love life, but she was still hiding behind her clothes. She was an attractive girl, but you had to look closely to see it. However, her smile could light up a room.
Within a minute, she returned to the top of the stairs. “Scott, Paddy would like to see you.”
I took the stairs in my previous manner—two at a time. “Thank you, Colleen. Hopefully, we can talk later.”
When I entered, Paddy was standing behind his desk smiling. “Scott, it’s good to see you. What can I do for you?”
“Would you believe I heard the coffee is great?”
“Not the way I make it; would you like a cup?” he said shaking my hand.
“I would love one.”
I knew where the pantry was located, but he put his hand on my shoulder and led me out of his office. He filled my cup and then his own.
“Paddy, I attended your lecture yesterday, and I wanted to talk to you after it. By the time I was outside you were long gone.”
He took a sip of coffee and looked at me over his cup. “Are you looking to help us?”
“What gave my motive away?”
“Well, it’s kind of obvious, since we just started the new task force, and you show up. It doesn’t take much of a detective to fill in the pieces.”
I followed him back to his office, and he motioned for me to sit down.
“Scott, it’s going to be difficult for me to get you on the task force this time.”
I must have looked puzzled because he explained, “The attorney general is already asking about progress, and we just started. He’s getting pressure from all sides, and I’m expecting another call from him in just a few minutes. At this point, I have nothing to report other than we know who the men were.”
“Paddy, I might have something you can share with him.” I waited for him to bite.
“That’s interesting. What is it?”
“I knew both of the guys that were killed.” I watched for a reaction, but his cup was blocking his expression.
“How did you know them?”
“When I read the newspaper article, I thought the names were familiar. Since the paper indicated they played hockey at Northeastern, I pulled this old article I had at my apartment.”
I handed it to him. “Both of the guys are listed in this article.” I added, “Four years ago, I played hockey in a new hockey league, and they were part of the league.”
“That’s an interesting connection.” He studied the article and the picture.
“Paddy, I need to help on the task force. I knew these guys, and, although they weren’t close friends, they weren’t strangers either. Isn’t there any way I can assist like I did before?”
“Scott, I’m under a lot of pressure already. The AG gave me some grief that I let you on the last task force. I’m sure it would set him off if I let him know you joined again. It’s nothing personal, but he’s a stickler for procedure, and you’re not connected with law enforcement. I’m sorry, but I need to think this through. Maybe I can figure a way for you to help. God knows you were a big help, and Mike really enjoyed working with you. This article and your association with those men might help me, but I can’t agree to let you participate at this time.”
I tried to lighten my expression. “Paddy, thank you for your time, it was good to see you. You were an inspiration to me yesterday, and I’m sure others hearing your lecture were also motivated. Would you do me the favor of thinking about my role rather than making it a definite no?”
“Okay, Scott, I owe you at least some additional consideration. I’m not making any promises the answer will be any different.” He stood and offered his hand. “However, I want you to talk with Mike and the others downstairs about your knowledge of these men.”
“I’ll see Mike if he’s in. Do you want me to show him the article, or do you want to?”
He folded the article and handed it back. “No, I’m expecting the AG’s call any second. You can show it to Mike. Scott, it was good seeing you again. Thanks for alerting us these men knew each other. We didn’t know that. There might be a connection that we can follow up on.”
Chapter 6
She looked at her watch through the broken crystal. It was almost 6:30 p.m.
“Lisa, you’ve been looking at your watch every ten minutes. Scott is most likely delayed for a good reason. He’ll call.”
She sat down on her dorm bed and looked out the window. “Judy, I’m sorry I’ve been such a nervous wreck lately. I know Scott will call, but I worry about whether he’s okay. I guess I worry about things more than ever.”
She could feel Judy studying her. She wanted to explain things to Judy. Even though they had been roommates for four years, she was still having a problem discussing what was bothering her.
It wasn’t so much the time she was worried about, but the broken crystal that reminded her of her ordeal. She stared at the building lights across the alley. That was another reminder. Jimmy Ballou’s bedroom was in that building. She didn’t want to go to the window and see if the lights were on in his former room, but she had to make sure the lights were off. He was dead, but she had to be sure.
She knew Judy was watching her, but she didn’t care—she had to see for herself.
“Lisa, I know you’re still trying to get over the night Jimmy kidnapped you. He’s gone, Lisa. You don’t have to worry about him any more.”
She saw a light on in his room, blinking her eyes to make sure she was indeed correct. She heard Judy’s voice, but it sounded distant. She heard her heart beating fast. She was frozen and couldn’t leave the window. She panicked and grabbed the curtains, closing them so fast the curtain rod vibrated. Then she realized Judy was holding her. “Lisa, I think you need to share what happened that night. I hoped you would have by now, but Jimmy’s dead . . . he can’t hurt you anymore. Please, Lisa, I’m your best friend; let me help you.”
“Judy, he must be in his room. The lights are on.” She pointed to the curtain and moved from Judy’s arms. Judy hesitated opening the curtains, but she moved them slowly apart, still staring at her. A long minute passed. “Lisa, you’re mistaken. There are no lights on in his old room. You must have looked at the wrong floor.”
She heard what Judy had said but thought she must be mistaken. She was standing facing Judy but her hands were behind her ready to turn the doorknob to leave the room.
“Lisa, come see for yourself.” She watched Judy as she completely opened the curtains.”
She didn’t want to look out the window again.
“Lisa, please. You have to see there are no lights on.”
They stood close together, and she could feel Judy’s arm around her. They examined the building.
Hesitantly, she acknowledged the lights were not on in his former room. She suddenly felt clammy, and it was like she was looking down at her image from the ceiling. Judy guided her to the bed. She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer.
She was glad Judy was here with her. Her friend stroked her hair and just held her until the tears stopped. She felt ashamed she believed Jimmy was in his room, and also embarrassed by her behavior.
“Judy, I’m so sorry. I guess I lost it. Thanks for being here to protect me.”
“Lisa, there’s nothing to protect you from. I think it’s time we talked about what happened. Maybe I can help you.”
She took a deep breath. “I think I’m driving h
im away.”
“Why in the world do you think that?”
She spotted the ski sweater she wore last year skiing with Scott. “It’s hard for me to talk even to you about this, but a year ago we couldn’t get enough of each other. You, of all people, know that . . . lately we haven’t been with each other . . . you know what I mean.”
“Lisa, I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to ask you some questions, but I didn’t want you to get upset with me. You’ve been behaving strangely and haven’t been yourself for some time. It shows.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, Lisa, you haven’t been my Lisa for months now, and I think you need to talk to someone about what’s bothering you. You’ve been waking up some nights screaming.”
“Why haven’t you mentioned this before?”
She watched Judy retrieve her favorite teddy bear and hold it to her chest. “I was afraid if I brought it up, you would get upset with me.”
“Judy, I wouldn’t get upset with you.”
“There’s been many times recently that I’ve wanted to bring it up, but I hoped if something was indeed bothering you, time would help mend it. But it hasn’t happened. You’re not the Lisa I first met, and you’re certainly not the prancing-around-here Lisa who couldn’t get over meeting and dating Scott.”
“I think you’re reading much more into this.”
“Okay, let’s say you’re right. Why are you concerned about Scott? Why aren’t you two still making love? It’s obvious to me; you just said it. You used to stay out late with him, and sometimes you wouldn’t be back until the next day. Lisa, I’m your friend, and I want to help you . . . please, please let me.”
She wanted to tell Judy about her ordeal, but was embarrassed. She wondered if she had brought it on by her own actions—watching Jimmy the way she had. They were both quiet for several minutes.
“Judy, it was awful. I go to bed thinking about Scott and our future together and wake up struggling to get away from Jimmy.”
“Lisa, do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted to comfort you, but I just didn’t feel right doing it. I guess I was waiting for you to show me you needed it.”
“I’m a wreck lately . . . I need it.”
Judy knelt down beside her bed and stroked her hair. Seconds later, she looked at Judy, and they hugged. She couldn’t hold it in any longer and sobbed into her friend’s shoulder. She wondered if Judy could feel her heart beating.
* * *
“Judy, Scott and I have been about to make love several times recently, but instead of my being caught up in the moment and Scott’s closeness . . . Jimmy’s face is there instead haunting me. I know Scott has sensed me going cold. He’s been patient, but, honestly, I don’t know how much patience he has. He just lies there holding me tight. What makes it worse is that I love him with all of my heart, but I’m hurting him. Maybe I’m trying to keep him away from me so that I stop hurting him. I just hope he hasn’t found someone else.”
They were face to face now, but still close. “Lisa, I know the two of you are made for each other. You can’t afford to let him drift away. He shows he loves you by not pressing you to satisfy his need. But, you can’t take the chance that one of these times he either says something he regrets, or finds someone else.” The small bed made an ugly sound when Judy climbed onto it with her.
“Lisa, you have to do something about your problem. Jimmy is haunting your mind, and you need to get help. I’m not a professional, but you need that kind of help. You can’t let your problem with the memory of Jimmy drive Scott away. You both love each other, and you’re perfect for each other. I used to see how you two behaved, and I want to see it again.”
“I know you’re right, but I can’t even think about that night myself. I don’t think I could share what happened with you . . . how am I going to share it with a stranger?”
“Lisa, don’t take the chance of driving Scott away. You haven’t been yourself. If you were to say something to Scott . . . something you wish you never said, you run the risk of losing him. Scott will be a Harvard graduate soon; he’s very handsome, pleasant, good company, caring and a whole bunch of other things. Don’t lose him. I have Neil, and I wouldn’t give him up for anything. Someone else could scoop him away if you’re not careful. I love you, Lisa, please get some help.” Her eyes were tearing. “Please, Lisa, do it for me. For me to be happy, I need you to be happy. Do it for our future. What would you tell me if the roles were reversed?”
“I’d tell you, you were a fool, and you need to get professional help.” She couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re a true friend, Judy, and you shouldn’t have worried about upsetting me. You could never do that.” She still wondered why Scott hadn’t called. Could he have someone else already?
How was she going to convey what happened to her? Could she ever tell anyone?
Their hugging was interrupted by banging on the door. A young woman’s voice boomed, “There’s another call downstairs for Lisa.”
Chapter 7
By the time I arrived back home it was almost 7:00 p.m. I wanted to call Lisa immediately, but I thought I might be on for a few minutes and decided to take care of nature. I was upset about calling two hours late.
I tried the dorm number, and someone answered. I told her I wanted to speak to Lisa, and I guess she just hung up the phone. I called right back and got a nasty response after the fourth ring. I thought to myself, it was so much better when she called me. I called a few minutes later and asked for Lisa. I could tell the phone was just dropped, but I did hear someone run up the stairs. I had dealt with this for months, and dreaded calling.
About five minutes later: “Hello.”
“Hi, Lisa, it’s Scott. I’m sorry I missed calling you at five.”
She didn’t immediately respond. “It’s okay, Scott. Judy and I used the time to talk. Is everything okay?”
“Yes. You know I was going to talk to Paddy about joining the new task force, and I saw him today.”
“Is that where you were? I was worried about you. I thought you might have had an accident or something. Couldn’t you have called me to let me know you were still there? Well, did you get on the task force?”
I could tell she was upset. “No. Paddy said he couldn’t make any commitment due to the AG giving him grief about my involvement the last time.”
“I’ll be off the phone in a minute.”
I could tell she was being hounded by someone wanting the phone. I knew dorms were like that, having been accustomed to the process.
She continued. “Do you have to stand beside me? I promise I’ll let you know when I’m finished. I’m sorry, Scott, you know the routine. I thought you were going to the task force office the first thing this morning?”
“I did, but—”
She interrupted me. “But you couldn’t pull yourself away to give me a call.”
“Hon, it’s not like that at all. Please let me explain.”
“Scott, I’m sorry; I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later this week at your apartment. Yes, you can have the phone now.”
I didn’t have a chance to say good-bye as the receiver clicked in my ear.
I should have immediately told her what happened at the task force office. It was upsetting. She thought I just didn’t care enough to call. I should have told her they questioned me about my knowledge of the two men and the hockey league. She didn’t even know I knew the murdered men, but maybe that was better. She hadn’t been herself for months. My call was all she needed to upset her more.
I was embarrassed calling her so late, but couldn’t call earlier to warn her. If I had only known that the task force would want to question me about knowing the two dead men. Who the hell can remember where they were on certain days or weeks before? It took me longer than I had expected to tell them what I was doing and where I was. I had no idea that they would consider me potentially involved in these murders.
In hindsight, I should have told Mike
that I needed to call Lisa, but there was never a correct break point to interrupt their questioning. I didn’t want them to think I was trying to buy time to make up a story. I knew they were just doing their jobs, but it took me by surprise. I suppose if they didn’t pick my brain they might have missed some important details on these cases, but I was shocked that I was being questioned. It took several hours for them to be satisfied that I only knew these guys from that earlier hockey league. But that association took hours to convey. Bringing the article was a good move and made it look like I was not trying to hide anything.
Mike Miller, who I really wanted to see this morning, was a big help in getting the others to back off. He said he could vouch for me. He was more than a fellow team member, he had become a friend. Mike and I had spent some time on the phone since the earlier task force. I had kept him informed about my activities and how Lisa and I were doing.
He also knew I was going to attend Paddy’s lecture and asked me how it went. I said Paddy could be an inspirational speaker. I also mentioned he talked about profiling. Mike didn’t know what Paddy was lecturing on and said he would have to attend one of his future lectures.
I sat at the kitchen table and looked at my school work. I tried to get motivated, but I couldn’t get Lisa’s call or the murdered men out of my mind. Having an upsetting call with Lisa was not what I was looking forward to, and it was unexpected. I wanted to tell her about knowing the men. Maybe it was best she not know I knew them. She said she was worried about me.
It had been a trying day and having an upsetting call troubled me. She had been so different since her ordeal with Jimmy. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d been intimate. A year before I wouldn’t have been able to keep count.
I decided not to push the issue of sex, letting Lisa dictate our intimacy.
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