by dlavieri
some women started saying “sorry” even when they weren’t at
fault. It was tempting to blame themselves when things weren’t
going well. For some, it’s still a challenge to face problems
quickly and move the conversation on to solutions. Chapter 25
has suggestions about when to get over your urge to say “sorry.”
→ Dithering. That hesitant feeling can leave you frozen, caught
between staying or going, like the proverbial donkey between
two handfuls of straw. Often, the worst decision is the one you
don’t really make. If you feel like you can’t make up your mind,
you might be better off tossing a coin than agonizing endlessly.
Give yourself a time limit on decision-making. Choose one of
the options even if your choice feels arbitrary. And move for-
ward decisively, whatever you decide.
Notice your hesitation and move on anyway
Successful dieters know you don’t have to eat just because you’re hungry.
When you feel a little pang of hunger, instead of reaching for the cookie
jar, you can elect to take a deep breath and just ignore that urge to munch. It can be the same when you have a sudden pang of inadequacy. You don’t have to react just because of a little momentary discomfort. If you simply notice
your feeling of hesitation and act anyway, your uncertainty may soon pass.
It helps to recognize that each of us—male or female—experiences fear at
times. And it’s normal to pause when we’re facing an unfamiliar situation. But just because you experience a twinge of uncertainty doesn’t mean you have to
remain immobile. Once you’ve assessed the obstacles, you have the option to
act like a confident person and forge ahead.
46
Ageism Is real:
deal with It sooner
than later
while finishing her MBA at a top tier university, Sarah* was aggressively
recruited by a large company. She accepted their offer to join the mar-
keting department. Once there, she connected with a powerful mentor who
helped her snag plum assignments. For several years Sarah was the most junior professional in her group, and she enjoyed being treated like a young star.
But then the growing company made a wave of new hires and Sarah
began to feel neglected. She felt stuck with the routine work, while the more interesting new projects went to her younger colleagues.
Sarah was asked to supervise the internship program, but she told me she
didn’t enjoy the work. She said the interns didn’t have the right work ethic and were obsessed by technology. And one day, as she entered the office kitchen, she heard them making fun of her for being clueless about the power of social media.
When Sarah came to coaching, she complained that she was past her
career peak. She felt like she was cut off from the company’s high potential
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challenges and might be too old to compete for another good job elsewhere.
Sarah was 34 at the time.
Sarah believed she was struggling with age discrimination and to some
degree her concerns were well founded. Ageism is rampant in the workplace
and can be hard to fight. And even 30-somethings like Sarah can find them-
selves sidelined by employers seeking fresh talent.
To improve her situation, Sarah found ways to demonstrate energy and
enthusiasm. And soon she worked her way out of her slump. One thing that
helped her was finding examples of older professionals whose age did not seem to limit their success. She noticed that whereas some coworkers were dissed for being out of date, these others seemed timeless despite their years.
Try these strategies for overcoming ageism
If you’re facing subtle age bias at work and you want to stay where you are,
you need to come up with a plan. A starting point for getting past ageism is
to understand the negative stereotypes on which it’s based. Then make it clear that the stereotypes don’t fit you. Consider these seven strategies for avoid-
ing the burden of age discrimination:
1) Be tech savvy. You don’t have to enjoy sharing on Instagram, Skyping, or building a Twitter community. But if those are the
ways that your colleagues or customers communicate, you need
to participate. If you want to stay in the game, keep up with the
technology. Take classes or find help to buy the devices you need
and do whatever it takes to keep your skills current. And when
you don’t understand the latest developments, avoid the temp-
tation to indulge in a Luddite rant. Express an interest, ask for
assistance, and get on board.
2) Look and act fit. Some employers and younger workers believe
that their older colleagues may have physical limitations that will
prevent them from performing their fair share of the work. And
your boss or clients won’t offer you new challenges if they think
you are about to have a heart attack. If you want to maximize
your career options, it is vital not only that you stay healthy but
that you also look healthy and exude energy.
3) Talk healthy. Most of us have health issues from time to time,
but we can manage the way they impact us in the workplace. As
Ageism Is real: deal with It sooner than later
199
we mentioned in Chapter 19, it’s possible to sabotage yourself by
talking too much about your symptoms or crises. If you endlessly
discuss your health challenges, not only will you sound boring,
but people may start to think of you as frail and over the hill.
Talk about the great hike you took last weekend instead of how
sore you felt on Monday morning.
4) Be stylish. Looking shabby may seem cool when you’re 22. But
the older you get, the more important it is to look polished and
up to date. If your clothes, hairdo, or glasses seem out of style,
you may seem like you are past your prime. That doesn’t mean
you should dress like a kid, but you should aim for a look that
feels current.
5) Don’t bring up your age. If you are older—or younger—than
the people you work with, it is very tempting to keep mentioning
that fact. But if you can refrain from alluding to the age differ-
ence, chances are your coworkers will forget about it. And avoid
reminding people of your age by endlessly telling stories about
the good old days.
6) Build a varied network. If you are accustomed to hanging out
with friends of all ages, you are more likely to blend easily into a
group of younger or older workmates. If you don’t allow age to be
a barrier in your social life, you will be more comfortable talking
and keeping up with different age groups at the office.
7) Listen to your colleagues. A great starting point for building
strong relationships at work is to genuinely listen to what other
people have to say. If you’re part of the older set, show an interest
in what younger colleagues say and learn from their perspective.
If you put aside your own prejudices about age and look for opportunities
to work on projects with people of all generations, you’ll become more skillful at avoiding age bias.
47
How to stay steady
when change
Is constant
A long
time mentee, Andrea Wilkinson, asked me to give a talk about how
to survive in an organization that’s going through a multiyear transi-
tion. Andrea is an executive who leads global government affairs initiatives to launch strategies for biopharmaceutical products and she wanted me to speak
to group of women in her industry.
But when I heard the topic, I was surprised. That’s because I can’t think of
anybody more skillful than Andrea at navigating a satisfying career through
an industry experiencing prolonged change. She has survived multiple merg-
ers, division liquidations, and company restructurings. And, from the time
she was a young congressional staffer, Andrea has been adept at jumping ship
at the right time, making perfect landings and always creating goodwill along the way.
Then I realized that Andrea didn’t have questions herself, but was con-
cerned about her industry colleagues. She saw some of them worrying and
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How to stay steady when change Is constant
201
frozen with anxiety, instead of hustling to come up with her kind of survival strategies. So in preparing my remarks, I used Andrea as a model for thriving in the midst of uncertainty and transition. Here are Andrea’s tips for steer-
ing a steady career course even when the environment gets stormy:
→ Know that it’s not about you. Organizational change is like a
torrential rain storm. It’s pouring everywhere, not just on you.
Complaining won’t help and bitterness can make your situation
worse. It’s vital to job survival that you look at the big picture
and focus on the future. Let go of any anger at finding yourself
in a game you didn’t sign up for, and concentrate on playing the
cards you’ve been dealt.
→ Understand your industry and its environment. One reason
Andrea keeps landing on her feet is that she always puts in the
time to understand her company’s business, as well as the sur-
rounding market, regulatory framework, and political situation.
She knows a lot about the competition, she’s alert to the needs
and interests of customers, and she’s well informed about the
winds of innovation. By thinking like a CEO, Andrea can spot
the trends and be ready when the next wave hits.
→ Know your bosses’ goals. Your longtime supervisor may
fondly recall your contributions from a few years back, but
that’s probably not enough to save you when the going gets
tough. Your most valued colleagues are the ones solving today’s
problems and contributing to the achievement of tomorrow’s
goals. If you want to do well in the coming months, be sure you
understand your bosses’ immediate objectives. Ask yourself:
what do they need in order to be successful? And are there more
ways I can help them succeed?
→ Network! Network! Network! One reason Andrea does so
well is because she is so widely connected. She makes friends
wherever she goes, she keeps in touch even when she’s busy, and
she’s always willing to offer help or ask for it when she needs it.
As we’ve discussed throughout this book, whether you are look-
ing for a new job or a new idea, your position will be stronger if
you have a broad network. Andrea urges that you take the time
to listen when you meet someone, join groups, volunteer for
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projects, and find other ways to get to know people throughout
your organization and beyond it.
→ Find stability in other places. Some folks are less at ease with
uncertainty than others. If the constant state of change at work
is getting you down, find people and communities to rely upon
in other aspects of your life. Although she can be a bit of a
workaholic, Andrea is smart about building a balanced life. She
is active in her church, she works hard to stay connected with
many friends, and she finds the time to visit widely scattered
family members, as well as mentors like me. Andrea has created
structures in her life that give her a place to rest when every-
thing at work seems crazy.
→ Be in great shape. Let’s face it: Change can be exhausting.
When the world seems to be shifting, it takes extra energy just
to get through the basics. So, although working around the
clock might be the answer in an emergency, it’s a shortsighted
strategy when transition is the new normal. You need sustained
energy for the long haul. Andrea is not an athlete, but she has
learned that a regular fitness routine and enough sleep are criti-
cal to strong performance during difficult times.
→ Reduce financial pressures. One thing that has helped Andrea
keep her jobs is that she has never become desperate at the
thought of losing one. For a while she dreamed of buying a
larger home, but instead she’s held onto her little stone house
and diversified her investments. When times are uncertain, it’s
wise to build up your rainy day fund or lay the groundwork
for alternative sources of income. And there could be another
benefit to pursuing some sort of entrepreneurial sideline. I’ve
noticed that when clients start a side gig, whether it’s consulting
or a part-time job, it sometimes brings new energy to their day
job. Creating your small business can inspire your entrepreneur-
ial thinking and refresh your career enthusiasm.
48
Art can Boost Your
creativity at work
As a resilient, entrepreneurial professional, you must be able to change
with changing circumstances and constantly find ways to make your
work product a bit more valuable. And that requires you to be innovative—to
be always open to learning and willing to create something new. But it’s dif-
ficult to innovate when you’re exhausted.
So how can you be at your creative best when your workload is already
overwhelming? The answer is this: To do your best work you must stay in shape, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You already know that a key
to flourishing is to commit to your health and fitness program, which will
support all aspects of your life. But that’s just the starting point. One way to stimulate your innate creativity, and promote your well-being at the same
time, is to engage with art.
Merry Foresta, an expert on American art, is the author of numerous
books, including two in 2015: Artists Unframed, which features spellbinding snapshots of legendary artists; and Irving Penn, Beyond Beauty, featuring 161
of the great photographer’s iconic images.
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As an art historian and curator, Merry has long been fascinated by the
relationship between art and innovation. For example, in studying the 19th
century she was intrigued by the rich contributions of artist/scientists like Samuel Morse. He was one of America’s great painters and then went on to
invent the telegraph; and for good measure he also introduced photography
to this country. Morse was prolific, but his combination of interests wasn’t
unusual in his circles. According to Merry, up until the 20th century, study-
ing art was one of the ways that leaders were educated and encouraged to
develop critical thinking.
For more than three decades, I’ve enjoyed learning from my friend Merry
and brainstorming with her about ways to encourage innovation. Our first big
project together was in the early 90s when Merry was curator of photography
for the Smithsonian Institution’s American Art Museum and I was leading
external affairs for the Consolidated Natural Gas Company. At that time, the
Smithsonian had rarely partnered with a company, but we worked through
the institutional concerns and came up with a new collaborative model. The
result was a CNG Collection of Photography at the Smithsonian, including a
lovely book and a series of exhibitions.
Merry’s final role as a full-time Smithsonian executive was to create its
groundbreaking Photography Initiative, an online entrance to the Institution’s vast collection of photographs. These days, while occasionally serving as a
guest curator, Merry works with museums, universities, and other organiza-
tions in new ways. They call her when they want to reexamine their assump-
tions and foster innovation in their programs. Along the way, Merry helps
clients rediscover that art can inspire original thinking, allow people to make new connections among complex issues, and inspire them to achieve in satisfying new ways.
Merry uses the now-popular term “Creative Culture” to describe a work-
place or other environment where, she says, “creative ideas are encouraged,
supported, protected, and nurtured for further development, until their true
value can be understood and appreciated. Creativity brings imagination, curi-
osity, experimentation, and idea sharing into all manner of daily activities.
And Creative Culture can bring imagination, diversity, curiosity, experiment-
ing, and idea sharing into our work.”
One path to fostering an organization’s Creative Culture is to provide
access to art, whether it means sponsoring a field trip or installing artworks throughout the office space. “Even the language of art resembles the language of innovative leadership,” Merry says. “Art is often about surprise, finding
Art can Boost Your creativity at work
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a new perspective, seeing things we had never before noticed, developing a