“What am I going to do?” I ask.
“First, you’re going to clear your mind and finish this class,” Harper says so quietly, I fall over while straining to hear her.
“Fine.” I do my best to follow the teacher’s instructions, but when my mind goes to Elliot doing poses with me in X-rated positions, I give up. I grab my towel and leave the room to wait in the hallway.
Not even a minute later, Teague and Harper have followed me out. “You guys didn’t have to quit early,” I say.
“Yes we did,” Teague says. “Come on, let’s get coffee and talk this through.”
Coffee is thankfully two doors down in a small Italian pastry shop. We sit at a table near the floor-to-ceiling window, the first rays of sunshine brightening the sidewalk outside. The smell of freshly brewed java fills the café. I think about spending the rest of the day right here in this spot pretending I really am in Italy.
“What do you think this means?” I ask, taking a sip of my vanilla latte.
“It means he wants under your skirt again,” Harper says straightforwardly.
“This is bad, you guys.”
Teague puts her hand on my arm. “You had to know things would get messy before you agreed to spend the weekend with him.”
I slouch down in my chair. “Of course I did, but I pretended otherwise.”
“At least you didn’t have to pretend to orgasm,” Harper says.
“If she had to do that, she wouldn’t be feeling like this,” Teague points out.
“I’m so confused and worried. I don’t want to lose my job.” And I don’t want to admit what is really bothering me—that Elliot is good in bed, good in the office, good everywhere. Does he think I’m good enough? We agreed to move on from our weekend, but I can’t stop thinking about everything leading up to it. His thoughtful gestures, encouraging words, the times we’ve thought the same things, his genuine care for me—and his friends. He may only like to share his top layer with people, but I’ve seen deeper. Experienced more. And no matter how hard I’ve tried not to fall all the way in love with him, I’ve failed.
“I get why it’s never a smart idea to have an office romance,” Harper says, putting down her espresso. “If things go badly it definitely affects the workplace vibe, but shouldn’t that decision be up to the two people involved and not mandated by company policy? That’s kind of not fair. What if Elliot is your soul mate?”
I think he might be.
“And you guys are able to work together and be together?” she continues. “You can’t tell me there aren’t companies with coworkers who are dating or married.”
“I asked Elliot about the policy and he said it was because our CEO, James, got burned big time when he married his business partner. His ex-wife got their company because he just wanted the pain to stop. He’s a really nice man, and I’m ashamed of myself for breaking a rule that’s important to him.”
“It’s an unfair rule,” Harper says.
“What if you guys talked to James?” Teague asks.
“The person I need to talk to is Elliot, but I’m not sure what to even say. Maybe I’m reading more into this than he is, and I don’t want to look like a fool.” I feel the familiar weight of Henry’s deceit crushing my chest. Elliot is nothing like my ex, but sometimes it’s hard to trust my feelings when for years they didn’t matter to the person I held in my heart.
“You’re not a fool, Maddy, and he’s an idiot if he doesn’t fall madly in love with you.” Teague, our happily-ever-after captain, crosses her arms like the subject is closed.
“But here’s the other thing,” I say. “What if we did start seeing each other and James magically says it’s okay. I don’t want people to look at me differently. Or think I’m not earning my keep because of my intelligence and hard work. I’ve been whispered about behind my back and it sucks. It sucks the life out of you, and for the first time in my life, I’ve got something that is mine and that I’ve earned, and I don’t want that jeopardized because I’m sleeping with my boss.”
“You guys could just do it and not tell anyone,” Harper offers.
“You mean sneak around?”
“Yes. Personally, I don’t see the harm in it since it’s not hurting anybody else.”
“So, is a lie really that bad if some people know the truth?” I don’t want to keep Elliot a secret away from work. I want to triple date with Teague and Mateo and Harper and Levi. I want him to meet my parents and my brother. I want to brag about him to the person in line in front of me at the supermarket. Does it make me a bad person that I’m willing to hide our relationship at work if that means I get to keep him?
“I think you know the answer to that, you just don’t want to admit it.” Teague takes a sip of her coffee.
I hate that the right thing to do isn’t what I want to do. “I’m a horrible person.”
“You’re not,” Teague and Harper answer at the same time. “You’re just a girl who’s falling for the one guy she isn’t supposed to. People do a lot worse than work together when that happens,” Teague says.
“I guess. Hey, what time is it?” I ask.
Harper looks at her phone. “Seven.”
I get to my feet. “I’ve got to go. Thanks for everything you guys.” I give them each a hug.
“If you do go down that rabbit hole,” Harper says, “remember you’ve always got us no matter what.”
…
As I knew he’d be, Elliot is already at his desk when I get to work twenty-five minutes early. I stow my purse in my desk drawer and knock on his open door. “Good morning.”
He swivels his chair so he’s looking at me rather than out the window. “Morning.”
“I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes before everyone gets in?”
“You read my mind. Come in and close the door.”
I do as asked and take the chair in front of his desk. As I smooth down my black pencil skirt, he stands and walks over to lock the door and close the curtains. My stomach flutters the moment we’re hidden from view and safe from anyone barging in.
I’m not sure what to make of his locking us away until he reaches my side and takes my elbow to help me to my feet. He stands before me, staring into my eyes. Searing me with too many emotions to name. Does he see how hard I’ve fallen for him? A second passes. Then another. He’s giving me time. Time to back away and keep to our agreement or hold my ground. The decision is easy—I stay glued to my spot. Stuck to him no matter the consequences.
He cants his head and pulls my bottom lip between his teeth. His hesitancy is tender, thoughtful. I gently kiss him back before he retreats, and his forehead touches mine. “Madison,” he whispers, my name his pleasure and his pain.
“Yes,” I say softly. A question. An answer. Whatever he wants it to be. Good or bad, we crave contact from each other.
His hands slide to the back of my waist. Mine go to his elbows. And we’re kissing again, still tentatively, like one wrong move will set off a bomb in the room. Our noses rub, his lips play with mine, tease and dance until he tilts his head to the right, I go left, and he deepens the kiss.
He brushes the hair off the side of my face, traces the shell of my ear with his fingertips, and cups my neck. “I’ve been going out of my mind thinking about kissing you again,” he says, a breath away from my lips, his eyelids heavy.
“Me, too. I’ve missed us like this.”
His hand moves slightly down my neck. I sense his chest rise and fall. “You make me rethink everything I thought I knew I wanted.”
“I do?” Our breaths are ragged, the air thick and warm. I bring my arms up to cradle the back of his head.
“You do.”
I smile, and he crushes his lips to mine. Urgent, openmouthed kisses follow. I feel our connection all the way down to my toes. Every cell inside me responds to Elliot’s unique touch. I press my chest against his. More. I need more.
Groaning, his hold moves to my butt. Without breaking our kiss
, he moves me atop his desk. Something clatters to the floor, his stapler, I think. Next, he’s hiking up my skirt. I’m going for his belt. When I feel how hard he is underneath his dress pants, I fumble with the buckle. I do this to him.
I lose all dexterity when he rubs his fingers over my panties, slips underneath the lace, circles my swollen skin with his thumb. His kisses move to my jaw, my chin.
“I need to taste you, Mads. Please tell me that’s okay.”
“That’s okay.” I’m not thinking right now, just feeling.
Everything.
All of it.
In case it never happens again.
With care and attention, Elliot works my thong down my legs, kissing inside my thigh, my knee, my ankle, as he goes. “I’ve imagined you here in my office in nothing but these fuck-me pumps wrapped around my waist, more times than I can count,” he rasps, sliding my underwear over my black-bow stilettos.
Then he’s kneeling in front of me, nudging my legs wider so they bracket his shoulders and burying his face between my thighs. He licks, sucks, fingers, and pleasures me until I buck hard against his chin and press my lips together so I don’t yell out his name. As always, he sees me through every last pulse before backing away.
“Take your clothes off,” he says, helping me off the desk.
“Even the shoes?”
“You can leave those on.” He unbuttons his shirt, lays it over the back of the chair. God, he’s beautiful. In one impressive stroke, he pulls his belt free, then unbuttons his pants. The large, thick outline of him is easy to see.
I drop my skirt, blouse, and bra on the chair cushion.
His eyes caress me from head to toe. “Stand in front of the window,” he instructs.
My eyes widen. “What?”
“No one can see in.” He takes my hand and leads me to where he wants me behind his desk. “Arms above your head, palms on the glass.” He helps me get in position, then presses his chest to my back.
I lean back into him. My heart is racing as I look out at the blue sky, buildings, and cars. “Are you sure no one can see me?” I ask.
“Yes, but imagine if they could,” he says in my ear. He stretches his arm above me, cradling my hand against the window. His other arm wraps around my waist. “Imagine someone across the way seeing your tits and pussy on display, watching me get you off with my fingers.”
And just like that I’m wet and needy all over again. Elliot kisses the side of my neck and shoulder while his very talented fingers roam up and down my torso. When I’m panting and nearing climax number two, he spins me around and pushes down his pants and boxer briefs. “Wrap your legs around me and hold tight.”
He thrusts inside me two seconds later. “Fuck,” he hisses out and stops moving.
“What’s wrong?” I loosen my grip on his shoulders.
“Nothing’s wrong. Everything is perfect. I just wanted to take a second to memorize how good it feels to be buried deep inside you like this.”
I don’t know whether to smile or cry. Is he confirming this is our last time? Luckily, before I can think too hard on that, he starts moving again. He surges into me hard and fast. His powerful legs handle my weight like I’m featherlight. I’m lost to his body joining mine, taking me somewhere only he can.
Our breathing quickens, our eyes close. My back is plastered against the window as Elliot fucks me in his office. He adjusts his stance, presses our bodies closer so he can rub just the right spot to set me off. I bite his shoulder to keep from screaming. He buries his face in my neck. I feel his jaw clench as a low guttural sound falls from his beautiful lips as he spills inside me.
He holds me afterward. I hold him back.
“We better hurry and get dressed,” I whisper, breaking the spell.
“Shit,” he says. He cups my cheek. “You’re right and this was—”
“Perfect. Remember?” I unhook my legs from around his waist and stand. I don’t want to hear it was a mistake. We both know it was foolish and inappropriate, but some mistakes are worth moments of bliss, and I won’t regret this one.
“We still need to talk.” He hands me a box of tissues to help clean myself up. “Can you do lunch tomorrow? Today is pretty busy, as you know because”—he walks around the desk to grab his shirt—“I’d be lost without your assistance.”
I give him a sidelong glance. “Sure. Tomorrow works.”
“Hey.” He lifts my bra strap off my arm and slips it over my shoulder. “We’ll figure this out, okay? I promise.”
There’s a rustling sound out in the hallway, so I nod and rush to get my clothes back on. Elliot resumes his seat behind his desk. I smooth down my clothes and pray my high ponytail is still high. “Do I look okay?” I ask.
“More than okay.”
With another nod, I turn to go. My hand is on the doorknob when Elliot says, “I’ll be thinking about this morning all day.”
I smile at him over my shoulder. “Me, too.” I leave the door ajar after I step out. Sitting down at my desk, I take a slow, deep breath.
“What’s with the secret meeting?” Auggie asks, making me jump out of my seat. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. So?” She thumbs over her shoulder. “What was that? Is everything okay? Elliot’s seemed off all week and if he’s thinking about firing you because he’s got a grumpy bug up his ass again, I’ll have to kick said ass. Because he is never going to find a better assistant than you.”
“It wasn’t… He…” I stammer.
“Are you feeling all right? You look flushed.”
“I’m… He…” I look flushed? I rub my cheeks like that will get rid of my after-sex glow. I think I might pass out. I can’t lie or pretend with Auggie. She’s my friend.
Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. She comes inside my cubicle and sits on the corner of my desk. I swivel in my chair to face her. “Did you just fool around with Elliot?”
“Shh.”
“Oh my God.”
“We didn’t think anyone was here yet.”
“You’ve done this before?” She’s surprised, not judging me, and I relax the tiniest bit.
“No. Not here at work.”
She wiggles her butt like she’s trying to get more comfortable and ready herself for an in- depth conversation. “You’ve been with him outside the office?”
“Yes. We’re friends, actually.” Auggie frowns in confusion. “I knew him before I started working here,” I confess. Then I tell her how we’ve known each other casually for years and how we spent the past weekend together being much more than that.
“Oh my God,” she says again. “This is crazy.”
“I know.”
She eyes me closely. “You really like him.”
I nod. More like love, but if I ever get to voice that out loud, the first person to hear it will be Elliot.
“Madison.” Her tone is sympathetic and laced with regret. She doesn’t need to say anything else. She’s reminding me about the nonfraternization policy.
“We’re going to work it out.”
“How? If James learns about it he’ll be furious, and you could both lose your jobs.”
“I’m not sure how. We’re having lunch tomorrow to talk about it.”
“Madison, can you—” I spin around at the sound of Elliot’s voice. His intelligent blue eyes bounce from me to Auggie then back to me. I’m trapped. Caught. Unable to look away. With the curtains still closed in his office, he had no idea Auggie was here. His gaze is pleading then resigned then offended. It feels like an eternity passes, but it’s only a few seconds. His shoulders stiffen. He knows. He knows I’ve just told Auggie about us. “Never mind. I’ll take care of it.” He turns on his heel, strides into his office, and shuts the door.
I twist to face Auggie. “What just happened?”
“I’m not sure, but…”
“But he’s not happy with me. He knows I told you and he’s mad and he has every right to be.” I drop my face in my hands.
Auggi
e nudges my knee with her foot until I look up. “He’ll get over it, and you know you can trust me, right? I won’t say anything.”
“I know. Thanks.”
The sound of heavy footsteps grabs our attention. “Good morning,” James says, stopping at my desk.
“Morning!” Take it down a notch, Madison.
“Hey, boss,” Auggie says in a normal tone of voice as she slides off my desk. “You’ve got a conference call in five, notes are already on your desk, see you later, Madison”—she squeezes my shoulder—“Elliot’s report is attached to…” the sound of her voice trails off as she walks out of my cubicle and down the hall with James.
I power on my computer with shaking hands. This is terrible. I’m so mad at myself for lasting all of five seconds with a straight face after I had sex with Elliot in his office. His office! I know how deeply Elliot affects me and should have walked out before we got carried away. Did James think I looked flushed? Did he notice the high pitch of my voice?
The thing is, if I could rewind the last hour, I’d do things exactly the same. I’ve thought about having sex with Elliot on the other side of that glass wall numerous times. Pictured his hands and mouth on me, him moving inside me. The reality far outweighed my fantasies. And the element of risk—being seen through the window and being caught by someone knocking on the office door—only heightened the experience.
For my whole life I’ve been the good girl and this morning I wasn’t.
I’m sorry Auggie caught me right afterward and I spilled everything. I’m not sorry Elliot and I did what we did, though. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. What if I never find that again?
I startle when the phone on my desk rings. It’s Elliot’s extension. “Hi.”
“Hi. Can you come into my office, please? We need to talk now.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Elliot
“Fuck.” I run my fingers through my hair, tugging at the roots. If I read the situation right, and I’m pretty damn good at reading situations, Madison told Auggie about us. I don’t know exactly what she shared, but I need to find out.
Too Hard to Resist (Wherever You Go) Page 21