by Neil Hartley
"So you won't be able to join us then. Pity, we could use your talents."
"Ha! I hope you get through! This damned Dungeon is nothing more than hell for me. I had hatchlings and a statue of a husband back home. I've lost hope in ever seeing them again. I hope they still keep Ronald polished." She sighed.
"I'm sorry. If we can, we'll find a way to get you out."
"I've never met someone trying to escape before," said Agnes as Percy came back and rubbed some sort of oil onto her hair, which hissed in pleasure. "Well, not a prisoner like me anyway. A few adventurers of course, I don't get many come this way. I end up feeding on bugs and rodents mostly." She paused in thought. "Good job I don't have a big appetite."
"There," said Percy wiping his hands on his front. "Leave that on for an hour and you will feel like a new monster."
"Thank-you zombie," said Agnes.
Percy blushed, or would have done if he had any blood circulation. "Oh, you know. We all have our talents."
~ * ~
Dreth turned to the Medusa, or at least where he thought she was standing. They were in another stone corridor, though the lights were still doused of course. Agnes has guided them along a maze of dark passages, leading them by touch and sound, until they had reached a place she said was the start of the way out. "You sure you can't get through?" he said. "It would be great to have you along. We could manage some sort of bag or something..."
"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll be fine knowing you are doing this. And your zombie's makeover feels wonderful too. My hair has never been so slinky!"
"My pleasure," said Percy. "I've left the cream in your parlor, on top of the stone dwarf. Don't forget to use it once a day without fail."
"I will. Now. Here, push hard, I'm sure you'll be able to get through."
The Medusa guided them on. Soon Dreth felt a resistance, as if walking against a strong wind. He forced his way onwards.
"Daddy! Help!" came the voice of Sprat. "It's too strong."
"Hang on to me son," replied Cuthbert from just behind Dreth, who was pushing hard against the invisible barrier.
"I can't go any further!" Agnes's voice called from behind. "Good luck! I hope to see you again!"
"Please let us know you're approaching first!" shouted Percy.
The group struggled onwards, driving forward through the shield and out of The Dark...
~ * ~
"Are we there yet?" asked Sprat.
"If I knew where we were going I might be able to give you an answer," said Cuthbert, looking meaningfully at Dreth.
They were wandering around in empty gray stone passageways, as they had been doing since they had left the Dark. They had stopped once to allow Redthorne to rest, but had spent the rest of the time moving steadily along, their echoing footsteps the only sound in the silence. It felt like they were walking along the same stretch of corridor over and over again. If it wasn't for the layer of dust on the floor, Dreth would have believed it some kind of magical trap.
"Are you sure this isn't that maze you mentioned?" asked Redthorne.
Dreth sighed in annoyance. "I told you a hundred times already, how should I know?"
"Well, it's your dungeon."
"It isn't my dungeon. If it was my dungeon I would know my way around wouldn't I? I'd be sitting in some sort of control room stroking a white cat and laughing manically whilst watching everyone kill each other."
Before the wizard could reply Cuthbert pointed. "I can see something! Light! Light at the end of the tunnel!"
"Probably a dragon knowing my luck," muttered Dreth, but hurried forward anyway, Redthorne close behind.
The pale glow grew as they moved closer, to reveal a simple doorway. After shoving the zombies through first, Dreth walked after them cautiously.
The small chamber was lit by orbs of blue fire set into the walls. Their glow cast a strange tint over the area, making it look like the whole place was underwater. At the far end of the room a figure rested upon several large cushions. It looked a little like a bronze statue, sitting cross-legged. Eight arms waved about over an enormously fat belly. The head was overly large, with lots of small horns protruding from the top like strange fat hair. The mouth was wide and filled with sharp white teeth, while slitted green eyes observed their approach.
"What is this place?" asked Percy to the world in general.
"Welcome to my lair," said the creature. "I am the Oracle Farnsworth the Fair."
"Ooh! I have heard about this chap!" said Cuthbert, jumping up and down and clapping his hands. "You can ask him any question and he has to answer it. Truthfully too mind you."
"I'm bound to answer a question, just one," said the Oracle, "Just don't make it too long."
"Oh, an Oracle. Seems a bit of a strange place to put one of them," Dreth mused. "Still, why not?" He shrugged and stepped forward. "Names' Dreth. I'm a guardian in the dungeon. Nice to meet you Oracle."
"I know who you are, may your journey take you far," replied Farnsworth.
"This isn't my question to you, so don't answer it if you don't want to, but perhaps you would like to join us on our little quest? We could always use someone good with information."
The Oracle's eyes seemed to gleam for a moment, but then it answered. "Your offer is kind but I fear, until my time is done, I am bound here."
Percy was covering his ears. "Stop speaking like that! It's very annoying! Or I will push my fingers inside your eye sockets and waggle them about!"
"Now now," said Dreth calmingly to the zombie. He turned to the oracle. "My friend is a little excitable. Still, he does have a valid point."
"Oh don't be a bunch of philistines," the oracle said. "Everyone knows Oracles speak in rhymes."
"That does it. Finger waggling time." Percy stepped forward but Dreth pulled him back.
"We can ask one question each or just one for the group?" Dreth asked, holding onto the struggling undead. "Again, this isn't our question for the Oracle. Just a query."
"One question for the group, though nothing about pea-soup."
"What?" Asked Cuthbert. "Pea soup? Is that the best you could do? Couldn't think of anything to go with group eh?"
"It's not easy to rhyme," answered the oracle wiggling its eyebrows, "all the time."
Redthorne stepped forward. "In that case," he said. "The question is..."
"Oh no! Grab him! Stop him speaking!" Dreth shouted, and the three zombies jumped the wizard, holding him down and covering his mouth.
'Mmffff," said Redthorne, flailing about. The undead were too strong though, and he soon slumped back in defeat.
"I ask the questions here," said Dreth, glaring at him.
"Hey, why should you get to ask the question? I would rather like to know if there is any way I can return to life," Cuthbert complained, standing up as Percy straddled the mage.
"I thought you weren't very good at being alive?" asked Dreth.
"Doesn't mean I wouldn't like another chance though."
"Well, if I we can find the wizard to undo my curse, maybe we can ask him to help you too," said Dreth.
"Oh, that's going to be likely! And what if your wizard is dead? He could be. It's been a long time."
"There's bound to be someone who can help you, zombies are all over the place. My situation is special."
"Hmph, self self self." Cuthbert folded his arms and put on a sulky expression.
Dreth, ignoring the muffled complaints of Redthorne as Sprat played with his hat, turned back to the Oracle and regarded him thoughtfully. "Now, Oracles are a perverse lot, so I'm sure you will take any chance to twist my answer, or take the meaning in the wrong way. So, let me think a moment."
"Come on," Cuthbert pleaded. "If you think hard enough you could ask some sort of question about both of us."
"Forget it," Dreth said, making a slicing gesture with his hand. "That may produce some ambiguity. These Oracles are tricky creatures you know. They twist your answers around and make them all riddle-like. I
hate riddles."
"Look, all I'm saying is you could as a question like, oh, I don't know. Mmmm..." Cuthbert wrinkled his face in thought, which didn't produce the most picturesque effect. "Okay, we could ask something like..."
"No! Don't!" Dreth shouted, waving his hands about as he realized what the zombie was about to do.
"...how can we turn from undead back to living creatures?" Cuthbert looked up as Dreth slapped his hand to his head. "What? Oh."
The Oracles eyes gleamed bright orange for a second, and then it spoke in a somber voice that echoed around the room:
"Dreth must be strong willed,
The first step - his betrayer,
Must be found and killed.
Cuthbert, for life to win,
Must redeem himself,
Be absolved of his sin.
Percy is an easy case,
Just find the one,
Who knows his face.
For Sprat, little hope for joy,
He needs to find a soul,
To become a real boy."
The squat figure smiled evilly and closed its eyes, whereupon a shimmer ran over it, and it stilled, turning into a dull bronze statue.
"Great, now look what you did!" Dreth said, gesturing at the inert form.
Cuthbert looked smug. "Heh, serves you right for being selfish. Anyway, you had your answer didn't you?"
"Find my betrayer?! Who the hell is that? I don't remember any betrayer!" Dreth heaved a deep breath, from habit rather than need. "Count-to-ten, count-to-ten," he muttered to himself.
There were noises as Redthorne began thrashing around again.
"Let him up, the damage is done now," said Dreth. Percy stood up, freeing the wizard, who climbed to his feet and gave him a dangerous glare.
"What's a 'soul' daddy?" asked Sprat, looking up at Cuthbert with large, mismatched eyes.
"Er," said Cuthbert. "It's a kind of animal. Yes, an animal, that's it. Very rare."
"Oh," Sprat wandered off as Cuthbert looked at Percy and shrugged.
"Come on. Let's move," scowled Dreth.
"Which way?" asked Percy, pointing to the five exits, each of which lead off into a dark tunnel.
Dreth looked from one to the other. The all looked about the same. "We'll let Cuthbert decide. After all, he's taking point."
The zombie scowled and chose an exit at random. "This one."
"Fine. Lead on," said Dreth.
"I will," Cuthbert replied, and stamped off down the corridor in a huff. Dreth stalked after him.
Percy looked at the mage. "Kind of chilly all of a sudden isn't it?"
"If you ever sit on me again zombie, I'll turn your head inside out." Redthorne stormed off after the other two.
Percy looked down at Sprat. "How about you?"
"I like you Uncle Percy."
"You're a good kid Sprat. Remind me to give you the next liver I get."
"Ooh! Thank you Uncle!"
"Let's go shall we?"
Taking the smaller undead's hand, Percy set off after the rest of the party, Sprat skipping alongside.
~ * ~
Agnes hummed to herself as she put away the cream. She had only used it once since they had left, but her skin felt so much better already. Maybe she hadn't eaten, but meeting Dreth and his crew had lifted her spirits.
Then she heard it. An echo. Someone was coming. This must be her lucky week! Food!
She moved through the darkness towards the sound of approaching footsteps. Her snakes hissed in anticipation. She didn't need to see where she was going, over the years she had become familiar with every little nook and cranny of her domain. Her prison.
That was unusual. The intruder hadn't stopped to light the torches. Ah well, sometimes they missed them.
The tread grew louder, and she sent some of her pets off around the corner to greet the guest.
The footsteps didn't pause, and there were some distressing squishing sounds. Not promising. Agnes backed up and grabbed her torch, lighting it just as the large figure came into view.
"Gaze upon death..." she started, before fully comprehending her visitor. "Oh shit."
Large cold fingers grabbed her neck and lifted her like a toy into the air. Her hair bit at the intruder angrily, but were totally ignored.
"Where are they?" Red eyes glowed.
"Ackk," responded the Medusa, gesturing wildly at her throat.
The hand released her and she fell to the floor coughing.
"Where are they?" the deep voice could best be described as 'gravelly'. "Tell me and live."
"Live? This is life is it?" Agnes spat, her anger rising, even in her terror. "Do your worst. I'm cheering for them! Finally one of us is doing something!" She waved her fist.
The intruder looked at her for a moment and then the huge hand shot out with a speed that belied its size. Agnes was grabbed by the head, the cold hard embrace crushed several of her hair-snakes, and green blood dripped down her face.
She felt herself being lifted off the ground and screamed, clawing futilely at the solid grip that held her in the air. The creature squeezed. She could hear a cracking sound as her skull split under the pressure, pieces of bone penetrated her brain matter. Her eyes were slowly forced out of her head, blood and brain tissue oozing from the sockets and out of her nose.
As the Medusa breathed her last, a strange sound emanated from her mouth. In her final seconds alive, she laughed. Agnes welcomed release.
~ * ~
The dark walls of the entrance dripped with slime, echoing through the passage as it hit the rough stone floor. A flickering torch dimly illuminated the scene, casting eerie shadows that seemed to almost possess a life of their own, as if some otherworld demon was trying to cross over.
A muscular figure hunched over, his black studded leather armor creaking under the strain. He put his sword to one side as he frowned, large yellow canines dripped with saliva as he muttered under his breath. Reaching out with a large hand tipped with sharp black fingernails, he plucked a small item from the creature next to him.
He took a deep, rasping breath and spoke.
"Look, all I'm saying is: that if the square root was valid if x over pi equals z, when z was a factor..." Harry drew various markings on the wall with the piece of chalk, trying to illustrate his point, but Herbert interrupted him.
"No no no! You're forgetting to factor in Hubert's Theorem, which postulates that the variance of z can be attributed to..."
"Wait! Did you hear that? Someone's coming!"
The two guards quickly stood up, grabbing their weapons as they did so. Herbert hastily erased evidence of their mathematical discussion, just as a small group approached from down the main corridor.
The two growled and put on unfriendly expressions as the party stopped in front of them. The lead figure seemed to be a zombie.
"What you want?" grunted Harry.
The undead creature looked back over his shoulder. "Boss! There are a couple of Orcs here blocking the way. Do you want to speak to them?"
One of the figures stepped forward, pushing his way to the front. He seemed to be a tall thin human, though a very pale one, wearing a long dark robe with a sword strapped to his side.
"Orcs. You're a bit far in aren't you? I thought Orcs were strictly low level stuff."
"We Black Tribe Orcs. Greater Orcs us," Herbert said, slapping his armored chest. "What you want?"
"I'm Dreth, Guardian of the Undead way. I wish to enter."
"No one pass. We guards," responded Harry.
"Yes yes, I'm sure you have your orders and all that, but we would just like to speak to your leader, we won't be a bother," said Dreth, frowning slightly.
"You not pass. This Black Orc territ.. terri... land," Harry said, hefting his large and wicked looking mace meaningfully.
"Look, we are workers of the dungeon ourselves, all we wish to do is speak to your King."
"Me don't know..." Herbert seemed to be wavering.
Har
ry had no such qualms. "You not pass. King says no one pass alive."
"Ah, well, you should let us through then, because we aren't alive, are we now?" Dreth raised a thin eyebrow.
Harry paused for a moment as he evaluated this loophole.
"What about him? He look alive," said the Herbert, pointing his sword at Redthorne.
"Well, he does, that's true. But er, he's a zombie as well, just fresher than most, that's all."
Harry waved his mace again. "Me guard! You not pass. Go away, or me beat you urg..."
He was cut off as the tall being plucked the helmet off Harry with one hand and grabbed his head with the other, brutally slamming it into the stone wall behind. Sparks bounced around in front of Harry's eyes as the sharp pain seemed to reverberate inside his skull.
He roared and raised his mace, but the creature stepped inside his swing and brought a bony knee up between his legs, crushing the genitals with a powerful blow. Agony lanced through the Orc, and he screamed as blood dripped down his thigh.
He tried to back away, but the guardian stepped closer and head-butted his nose, causing flashes of light to streak across his vision. Before he could do anything else foul tasting fingers grasped his mouth, upper and lower, pulling his jaw open with a strength that Harry, for all of his mighty thews, could not match. He yanked at the undead's skinny arms in a vain attempt to free himself as bones begin to splinter. There was a grinding noise as the attacker twisted and wrenched the lower portion of his face off. Blood and mucus ran down Harry's throat, and he spluttered and gargled, speckling Dreth with red.
The Orcs' knees began to buckle as the beast in human form wrapped its arms around his neck.
"I don't deal with underlings." The dry words were whispered into his ears, just before Dreth twisted violently, and everything went black...
~ * ~
"Black Orc down! Black Orc down!" shouted Percy, doing a little jig and waving his arms about.
Dreth glared at the remaining guard, hissing in annoyance. "Now. Are you going to let us in to see your leader, or do I have to really get angry?"
"Y...y...y... this way sir," stammered Herbert.