by Neil Hartley
Cuthbert, determined not to be outdone, leapt forward. "You must be hungry after sleeping so long. Here, allow me to offer you a bit of Halfling foot, it's nice and aged." Cuthbert proffered the said item.
"Put that disgusting thing away," said Percy, knocking Cuthbert's hand. "She's a lady of refinement, any buffoon can see that. A Halfling's smelly foot isn't going to satisfy her, she needs something more along the lines of juicy eyeballs, or a tender baby parts."
"Well, I don't have any baby eyeballs, you'll have to ask Redthorne for those, but I do have a foot." Cuthbert waved the thing in the air, losing the last remaining toe in the process. "Which is one foot more than you have, so why don't you just stand aside and let me look after the lady?"
He turned back to speak to the newly animated female, but she'd wandered off, looking around in puzzlement at the surroundings.
Dreth huddled with Redthorne, who spoke in a low hiss. "Are you really going to take her back to that creature on the throne?"
"That was the deal," said Dreth.
"But who knows what he'll do with her?"
Dreth shrugged. "Seems a shame I admit, but what can you do?"
"Take her with us! You can't allow her to fall into that creatures' grasp!"
"I agree with the wizard," said Cuthbert, who had wandered up. "We should keep her and use her to bargain our way past the Golem."
Dreth pursed his thin lips. "Good point. But what about old cat-face and his friends outside? We have enough people angry at us, without adding more." He looked around. The newly resurrected woman was standing a little way away, whilst Percy hovered about her, trying to make small talk. The giant was sitting in the mist, sucking a finger and humming a horribly out of tune tune.
Dreth made a decision. "We'll take the giant back with us. Old McVon doesn't know what's in the box, so he says. It could be anything. We shall say it was sparky over there we found." He jerked a thumb at Gut.
"Do you think he'll swallow that?" asked Redthorne. "He's rotten, not stupid."
Dreth scowled. "He'll have to. Come on, let's go."
Percy wandered over with the woman in tow.
"What's your name my dear?" Dreth asked.
The woman frowned for a moment. "I can't remember. Something beginning with 'M' I think."
"Matilda?" suggested Cuthbert. "Myrtle maybe?"
"Myrtle! What kind of name is that?" scoffed Percy. "She's obviously a Maria, or perhaps a Millie."
The woman shook her head. "None of those sound familiar."
"I'll just call you M for now then," said Dreth. He walked up to Gut and kicked him in the shin. "Hey! Big man. I've a task for you."
"Gut listen."
"You are re-assigned." Dreth paused at the giant's puzzled look. "I mean you have a new job. Ok?"
"Ok."
"Good. Come with me, I'll explain what to do on the way."
The Giant stood up and nodded. "Gut follow."
"I just hope he can fit up the stairs," said Cuthbert as they headed towards the exit.
~ * ~
"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Sooth Slyfoot hissed at Xyth as they moved swiftly down the tunnel. He was usually good at knowing where he was, but this dungeon was not his precious forest, and it was harder to keep track of the route.
"Of course I do," retorted Xyth, but there was a hint of doubt in his voice.
"We've already been gone too long," said Hurn, who was carrying his favorite rune-sword. "Vish is long dead by now."
"She may be alright, Vish is a fine warrior," said Sooth. He didn't believe it himself really.
Frell Keeneye, bringing up the rear of the impromptu rescue party, merely shook his head.
The four elves moved swiftly down one passage and up another, following Xyth's inner map.
"It's somewhere around here..." Xyth said, but Frell cut him off.
"Quiet! Do you hear that?"
Four sets of pointy ears cocked, as they concentrated on listening.
"Someone's coming!" whispered Sooth." He looked around for a retreat route. They didn't want unnecessary trouble now. "Back! Down here!"
"Careful!" shouted Xyth, leaping forward and pushing Sooth to one side.
A set of spikes that had been carefully concealed in the walls but a moment before, shot out into the space where Sooth had been standing.
They picked themselves up off the floor. "Thanks," said Sooth, shaken.
"That's torn it," said Hurn. "They've heard us. Weapons!"
The four readied themselves, falling into combat formation as a group of shadowy figures rounded the corner.
"Drow!" hissed the elves as one.
"Fair skins!" the reply came back.
Sooth's mouth drew itself into a scowl. The dark elves were a hated enemy, an anathema to everything his kind stood for.
"Shit," murmured Xyth as more of the Drow came into view, "we're outnumbered."
Sooth saw he was right. There must have been about a dozen of them. "Get ready to run," he hissed, his eyes never leaving the enemy, who were closing slowly with weapons drawn.
"Run? They are Drow!" Hurn spat.
"There are at least twelve of them!" Sooth answered, "I don't want to commit suicide right now thank you!"
The elves ducked as one as the Drow released a hail of crossbow bolts.
"Arg! I'm hit!" cried Frell, pulling the bolt out of his arm.
"Run!" shouted Sooth, and they ran, Xyth leading the way.
There were shouts of glee from behind them, and their dark cousins took up the chase...
~ * ~
"What's this?" Tom asked as Gut heaved himself out of the stairwell, up which he had just about managed to squeeze.
"Nice to see you too," said Percy, who had taken a dislike to the cat man.
"This is your masters' prize," said Dreth.
Tom sneered, showing long canines. "He's not my master. We cat people acknowledge no outsider as our superior. You're saying this giant is what the Harvey wanted?"
"The very same," said Cuthbert cheerfully. "You get a lot of bang for your gold with us!"
"Where's your wizard?" the cat man asked.
"Dead," replied Dreth. "Died fighting the guardian down there."
"It was a doozo!" chimed in Percy. "A demon as big as a house!"
"Doozy," corrected Dreth. He turned to Tom. "Lead on then pussycat," he said.
Tom hissed at him, but, after one more puzzled glance at the giant, stalked off down the tunnel. Dreth grinned and followed him.
The others trailed behind, the zombies unusually quiet. Sprat fiddled with the tube he had found as he brought up the rear.
It wasn't too long before the group once more entered the large throne room. All seemed to be as before, until they approached Harvey anyway.
"Hey! You're looking better," said Cuthbert. "Did you take something? Can I have some?"
Indeed, Harvey was looking considerably healthier than in their last encounter. His rags were now fine wizard robes, and his skin fairly gleamed with health. Long black hair was tied back on his head. Only his eyes remained cold and dead.
He smiled crookedly as Dreth stood in front of him. "You succeeded in your task?" he asked. Even his voice sounded healthy, vibrant even.
"I really must have a go on that throne," Percy said in a low voice. Cuthbert nodded.
"Harvey, may I introduce your prize." Dreth held out a hand and Gut clumped into view.
"This? This was in the casket?" Harvey stood up, frowning.
"Yes. Absolutely. Why? Not what you were expecting?" Dreth looked askance at the wizard.
Smoke was now emanating from Harvey's ears. "Where is she?" he demanded. "Where is the woman?"
"Woman?" Dreth could have earned a standing ovation for his acting. "What woman? We found this giant in the casket. Unless your cat man took us to the wrong crypt of course." He shrugged and tried, not very successfully, to look innocent.
"That's Cat person to you," scowled Tom.
"I will not be cheated!" Harvey Von McVon thundered. He raised his hands and muttered several words of Power, which bounced around the room.
Dreth stood back and put his hand to his sword. The zombies hid behind Gut.
"I think the cat poop is about to fly," whispered Cuthbert, peering through the giant's legs.
There was a shimmering in the air, back in the gloom of the chamber. Harvey smiled. "Ah, there you are my dear. Would you like to approach and say hello? Don't be shy now. That's right." McVon grinned and nodded insanely as M stepped forward hesitantly. Redthorne close behind.
"What happened?" hissed Dreth at the wizard. "I thought you said you could keep her cloaked?"
The mage shrugged. "Sorry, he took me by surprise. Whatever he is, Harvey is a powerful spell caster."
"Great, just what I need," said Dreth. He moved to stand in front of the woman, blocking her path.
"Stand aside!" McVon commanded. "She's mine! With her potential I can rule this mangy dungeon, and the world beyond too! Once her power is realized, there will be nothing I cannot do!" He threw his head back and laughed heartily, a sound which echoed around his chamber.
"Good evil laugh though," Percy said.
"Absolutely," agreed Cuthbert. "Much better than that last one. You remember? About fifty years ago? That anti-paladin."
"Oh yes, mind you I think..."
"Quiet fools!" commanded Harvey, cutting the zombies off. "Cease your babbling. Move aside creature, and I will allow you your continued miserable existence."
"Oh, I'm sooo scared," said Dreth, drawing Darkblood.
"You cannot hope to stand against me. I will crush you like a bug!"
"You and who's army?" said Dreth.
"How about this one?" Harvey made a gesture, and from the shadows emerged a large number of Cat people.
"Touché!" said Cuthbert.
Dreth looked from side to side, counting as the cat men slid forward, fangs glistening in the low light.
"My friends!" Harvey raised a robed arm. "Kill this meddlesome meddler, bring me the woman!"
"No."
"I shall..." Harvey did a double take at the cat man who had spoken. "What?"
"I said no." The half-feline who stepped forward was larger than most of the others, and clad in an altogether better class of loin cloth.
"What do you mean 'no'? What's the meaning of this disobedience?"
* * *
"It's no longer your time wizard. Now is the time of the Cat-People. With this woman we shall rise up and assume our rightful position in society, that is to say - the rulers."
"Your rightful position is doing what I say!" screamed Harvey, flecks of spittle flying from his mouth.
"No longer!"
"You don't know how to tap her power, or even what it is!"
"We're patient. We'll find out." The Cat leader dismissed the wizard and turned to Dreth. "We have no argument with you. Step away from the woman, and you and your friends will be allowed to proceed unharmed."
Dreth looked around and moved backwards, to stand next to M. There was a pause and then in a blur of motion he grabbed her and raised Darkblood, holding the sword against her throat. "No one move!"
Cuthbert rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! That has to be the corniest line anywhere!"
"What would you suggest then?" Dreth glowered, keeping a close eye on Harvey and his cat buddies.
"Oh, I don't know." Cuthbert said, thinking. "How about: Move and she gets it?"
"That's just as bad!" interjected Percy. "I was thinking more like: Stand still! Should thou move I will slay this innocent female!"
"Oh, not bad," Cuthbert said. "Try that one."
Dreth heaved a sigh and tried again. "Stand still! Should thou move I will..." He never finished the new improved line.
There was a crash and the door to the chamber flew open. Four elves piled through, swords drawn. They had moved a good way into the room before they realized they weren't alone, and skidded to a halt, standing back to back with weapons wavering to and fro.
"What the fu..." one started to say before he, in turn, was cut off.
All eyes turned to the door again, as about a dozen Drow raced in, intent on the prey in front of them. "There they are! Get themmmm..." The leader of the dark elves trailed off as he took in the scene.
The cat people looked at the Drow. The Drow looked at Harvey. Harvey looked at Redthorne, who looked at Dreth. Dreth looked at the elves. Gut looked at everybody.
There was silence for a moment.
"Kill them all!!!" Harvey screamed and threw a fireball at Dreth, who ducked and parried with Darkblood at the same time.
The Fireball bounced off the blade and careered into a cat person, who exploded in a mass of blood and singed fur.
The room erupted as everyone attacked everyone else. Harvey threw spells about almost at random, causing several more of the felines to burst into flame before the leader leapt at him and forced him to defend himself with a staff, pulled seemingly from nowhere.
The Elves spotted Redthorne and the baby, and tried to cut their way through to them, but were bogged down by Cat people responding to their attack.
The Drow split up into two groups. One group tried to reach the elves, and the other attempted to reach the wizard. A random spell from Harvey hit one of them, neatly removing his head.
One of the cat people swiped at Dreth, and he retaliated with a howling Darkblood, slicing the attacker down the middle, spilling intestines onto the floor in a pile of steaming offal. He whirled and pushed M toward the zombies, who were still sheltering behind Gut. "Here, take her! Get over to that exit!" He pointed at a small door in the corner.
The zombies nodded and dragged M away, just as one of the cat people sprang at them. It landed on Gut, claws digging into the giant.
Gut howled and went berserk, batting the creature across the room. It landed in the middle of the elves, which were in the center of a three way fight between the Drow and the Cat people.
Elf and feline scattered as the giant flailed around madly, forcing the cat leader to jump out of the way of a frenzied swipe.
Harvey took advantage of the distraction to run after the zombies, but he collided with Redthorne, who was throwing white light at a Drow sorceress. The dark elf mage was obviously not a master, but she was just powerful enough to fend off the worst of Redthorne's spells and force the mage back, occasionally throwing a spell in turn.
Harvey took one of these spells in the chest as he ran into Redthorne. It bounced off his wards leaving him unharmed, but knocked him to the floor in the process. Dreth cut at him as he passed, slicing into his side.
Darkblood pierced McVons' skin, and he cried out in pain, throwing a bolt of power in a reflex action. The purple energy bounced around the room and fried two of the Drow, including the sorceress, as well as several more cat-people before hitting Gut squarely in the back.
The Giant roared, and kicked an elf across the chamber.
Dreth reached the zombies, who were tugging frantically at the door. "Open the bloody thing!" He cried, chopping at a cat woman who was about to pounce at Redthorne. She yowled as Darkblood drank her essence greedily.
"Allow me!" said Redthorne. He pointed his staff, and the door blew apart.
"Good stuff," said Percy, and dove down into the darkness beyond, followed by Dreth, Cuthbert, Sprat and M. Redthorne threw one parting pulse of white light at Harvey, who deflected it, before ducking down after them.
There was a scream from Harvey as he saw his prize getting away. He knocked a cat man away with one hand and pointed a finger with his other. A blast of fire erupted from the tip, to explode with enormous force above the doorway. Stone shards flew, cutting down several more cats and another Drow. The room shook with the force of the blast, and then, with a loud rumble, the ceiling collapsed.
~ * ~
"Wooo yeah!" Cuthbert grinned as the party hurried down the small corridor that they found themselves in. "H
igh five!" he said to Percy.
"I think I lost a finger!" complained the other zombie.
"High four then!"
"Yeah!"
"I'm glad you two enjoyed yourselves," said Dreth dryly, wiping blood off his sword. "Is everybody all right?"
Apart from Percy's lost finger, it seemed the group had come through unscathed.
"I need a rest though," said Redthorne.
"Let's move a little distance away from that madhouse first," said Dreth. He looked at M. "Er, sorry about that back there. I was kind of at a loss what to do."
"So you thought you would try and cut my throat?" M replied.
Dreth shrugged. "Seemed the way to go at the time."
M made a face, but said nothing.
They hurried along the narrow tunnel, which was hewn from sandy brown rock with an uneven ceiling. Dreth and Redthorne had to duck on more than one occasion as the roof dipped down. The ground below them was loosely packed earth.
The path wound back and forth, like a meandering stream, for a good period of time. Certainly long enough for Redthorne to complain again.
"I want to get out of this passage first," said Dreth. He looked ahead. "Is that light up there?"
It was. The group approached cautiously as the route opened up, and they found themselves standing outside the entrance to a small cave in the side of a low hill. Dim light seemed to emanate from an unseen source all around them. The ground stretched away into the distance, covered in scraggly plants which hugged the earth, as if afraid to be seen.
"We're outside! Outside!" Percy bent down to touch the ground. "Out again, after all these years."
"I don't know," said Cuthbert. "Unless something radical has happened I don't think this is outside."
"Of course it is," argued the other zombie. "How could it not be? There are no walls! Look!" He pointed at the absence of such.
"I'm with Cuthbert on this one," said Dreth. "Unless things have been rearranged, 'outside' had a sun."
"Could be night," said Percy stubbornly.
"True, but even so, there are a few tell tale signs that suggest your theory is flawed."
"Like what?" Percy folded his arms.
"Well," Dreth pointed upwards. "Outside doesn't have a bloody great rocky ceiling high above for a start. And this black sand doesn't look very earthlike. We're in some sort of massive underground cavern."