I didn’t answer his email.
Chapter 22
27 Years Ago - Our Lady
of Sorrows High School
Jame and I fell back into our easy routine of being a couple. Why did we mesh together so well? Why did our souls seem to belong together? Maddie said she knew we’d be back together because we were meant to be with each other. Was she right?
There were issues. His parents weren’t very happy with his decision to be with me again. He was forced to have regular weekly meetings with Father Tim. I guess he was grilled about what we were doing.
And we were being good. Honest! We held off on getting into alone situations that could get out of control, but we couldn’t stay away from each other.
My car was an issue. He didn’t have one. His parents forbade him to drive mine or even be in mine a lot. When we were, it was too tempting to climb into the back seat and get all hot and heavy.
So we set rules and boundaries. We followed the “Father Tim Routine” we called it. Jame would see him on Sunday nights. On Monday through Thursday no night dates, just school and phone contacts. It was fine. We were both busy seniors. The Friday and Saturday date nights had to be kept under control because there was always Father Tim’s talk on Sunday night.
College applications, Jame’s basketball college visits, the stress of keeping up good grades and all our activities were time consuming. My family already told me that I had to go to an in-state college, so I applied to several of them as a journalism major and held my breath hoping to get accepted to my first choice.
Several colleges heavily recruited Jame. Some were close to home, others really far away. He promised he would stay close by so we could see each other on weekends. Villanova or Fordham looked pretty good so far. His dad was pushing for colleges in Texas and California. I prayed those wouldn’t work out.
Senior year flew by and we got closer and closer. Could high school love be this deep? This long lasting? It sure felt like that. But we had a couple of close calls.
One time we went to my house after school. My parents wouldn’t be home until after work and we had a few hours to be alone. We ended up in my bedroom after promising we wouldn’t, but teenage hormones ruled. It felt so good and so right with Jame, his long, lean body crushing mine and the breathless kissing and touching.
The clothes came off and being totally naked with Jame for the first time was pure heaven. We were both eighteen now and it was getting harder and harder to be “good.”
“I don’t want to stop,” Jame moaned into my neck, as he lay nestled between my legs.
“I don’t want you to,” I breathed back.
“Oh God, this is torture.”
“I know. I know.”
We went on like that for a while, but the fear of Father Tim that was drilled into us prevailed. We used hands and kisses to satisfy our urges.
After the heavy breathing stopped, we cuddled and talked.
“I don’t want to have to stop anymore. Forget Father Tim. We’re old enough now. I’m going to get some condoms and we’ll be really careful.”
“You mean it? We’ll be safe, right? Jame, I do not want to get pregnant. It would ruin all our college plans and our life together later on.” I was thrilled and scared at the same time.
“We’ll be really careful. But I want to be inside you so bad. I think about it all the time.”
“You have to promise me one thing.”
“I promise.”
“Ha, you don’t even know what I’m making you promise!”
“It doesn’t matter. I promise you anything you want. I love you, Cath.”
“And I love you too, Jame. SO much it hurts so good. You know what I mean? So here’s the promise. Think about it- it’s a biggie.”
“OK, Jeez, just say it.”
“If for some reason I do get pregnant, you’ll marry me. We would get married, move somewhere else, get jobs, maybe go to college part-time but we’d be together. I can’t do it with you unless I know that.”
“Of course I would marry you, Cath. How could you think anything else? We’re going to be together the rest of our lives.”
OK, that was settled. No matter what happened, Jame and I would be together. I never loved him more.
Late March was our Senior Class Trip. A huge group of us went to a ski resort for an all day ski and snow-tubing adventure. We had rooms available to us to change in, as we got totally soaked and cold from playing in the snow. It was a bittersweet time because we all knew in a few short months we would be going our separate ways.
Some of the kids brought booze and pot on the trip so people snuck off all day long to do the “forbidden stuff.” Jame and I drank a little from Maddie’s flask she stole from home and took off by ourselves for a walk in the woods. We got hot and heavy despite the layers of winter clothes we had on. And Jame couldn’t take it any more.
“Let’s go to a room. The rest of the kids are at the bonfire. We’re going to skip it and be together. Really be together. I want to be with you tonight. I brought condoms.”
I was thrilled, so much in love, a little drunk and so ready to do it with Jame. We had waited so long. Tonight was our night!
We snuck into a darkened room, locked the door, flung off out clothes and jumped into bed. It was freezing cold but Jame warmed me up quickly and we were psyched that tonight was it! Father Tim was quickly forgotten.
Jame put on the condom and things moved fast after that. I learned that night what it was like to give my virginity to the boy I loved madly forever and ever.
It was magic, it hurt a little, and I became a woman that night with the love of my life. Jame was sweet and considerate and strong and loving. We were now adults doing adult things and cementing our future.
When it was over, I felt so happy and blessed that I had a boyfriend like Jame and his “I love you forever” sealed the deal. We were connected for life in every way possible.
We joined the others at the bonfire and Maddie came over right away. “You did it, didn’t you?” she demanded to know.
I couldn’t help the sappy look on my face and she knew. I was in total love with Jame Patterson forever and ever, amen.
And then we did it some more times in the next few weeks. Sometimes we weren’t that careful.
I missed my period in late April and my breasts started feeling tender. It must be a fluke. Maybe that’s what happens when you start being sexually active. I didn’t tell anyone, especially Jame.
I was accepted to Rutgers University, my number one choice and I did a happy dance around my kitchen! Jame was offered basketball scholarships to Villanova, Fordham, Rice University in Texas and University of San Diego in California. He was leaning towards Villanova or Fordham and his father was pushing for Rice. I hoped Jame could withstand the pressure and choose Fordham that was less than an hour’s train ride from Rutgers. It seemed our plans were coming together!
I missed my period in late May and was my skirt starting to feel a little tight? I tried to ignore the signs but when I rushed to the girls’ bathroom a week before graduation to throw up, I knew I’d better tell Jame. But how? It would ruin all our plans. At least he promised me he’d marry me, so I held onto that and prayed things would be all right.
“Jame, we have to talk,” I told him after school that day.
“I’m meeting with the Rice University recruiting coach tonight. He’s coming to my house for a meeting with my Dad and me. Can we talk tomorrow?”
Disappointed, I reluctantly agreed but made him promise that tomorrow we would make time. I went home worried and carrying my burden alone. I was terrified of what my parents would say. What about college now? My heart turned inside out.
Jame called me later so excited. He and his Dad loved the Rice University coach. “They offered me a full scholarship and I accepted!”
What? What about Villanova and Fordham and being close to me? What about your promises, Jame? “You’re kidding, right? You can’t
go to Texas!”
“Cath, it’ll be fine! We’ll write a lot. I’ll be busy with fall basketball practice and games. You’ll be going crazy joining all the journalism clubs and newspapers and things. I’ll be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and we’ll see each other then. It’ll be great, Cath.”
Great. Sure. Wait until I tell him I’m probably pregnant. Then what happens to all our college plans?
Jame hung up fast because he and his parents were going out to dinner with the Rice coach to celebrate. I sat in my room all night and worried.
The next day he bugged out on our conversation claiming he had to study for a big physics test the next day. And his Dad was taking him out to meet some of the people he worked with, probably wanted to show off his super son who just scored a full scholarship to Rice University. Jame would be seen on TV college basketball games.
I went home and sat in my room all night thinking about nothing.
I finally cornered Jame the next day. I told him to meet me at my car because we had to go someplace and talk. We drove out to the lake park.
“I know. I know, Cath. Sorry, I’ve so busy and excited. But you gotta understand how great this is! Man, Rice University! You realize how big they are?”
“Jame, I…”
“I know you’re upset that I won’t be at Villanova or Fordham like we planned, but this is the greatest opportunity for me. I hope you’ll understand and I promise to never stop being your boyfriend even though we’re far away.”
“It’s not that, Jame, it’s something else.”
“Well, can we make it quick? I gotta meet my Dad at home. We’ve got paperwork we have to fill out for dorms and medical stuff. I have to tell you, I am so psyched about Rice now. Didn’t know I would love it so much. Oh, and there’s something I have to tell you and it’s not going to make you happy,” he paused.
What now? Can the news get any worse? Wait until my bombshell.
Jame rushed into it. “I have to leave for Rice by June 14th for a six week summer session. All the freshmen recruits get to do it. We take two college classes to lighten our load each semester and then play basketball the rest of the day. Sounds great, doesn’t it?”
“First you’re going to Rice which is all the way in Texas and now you’re telling me you’re leaving in ten days? What about us? What about our summer?” I cried.
“Come on, Cath. This is my shot at big collegiate basketball! Can’t you understand it? I have to do what they tell me.”
“So now they own you, just like your father owns you,” I added bitterly.
“Not fair, Cath. My Dad’s been great. He’s sacrificed a lot to get me where I am today.”
“Yeah, and he never lets you forget it. Did you ever think that maybe he wants you to go to Rice to get you away from me?”
“Jeez, Cath. How selfish can you get? This isn’t about you. This is about the biggest opportunity for me that a guy can get! What’s your problem?”
“I’M PREGNANT!”
“What? How can you be pregnant? We used protection! We were careful. Are you sure? This is the worst! Shit, what are you gonna do?”
“What am I gonna do? What are WE gonna do, Jame? It took two of us to do this.” Marymotherofbabyjesus I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Jame just stared at me like he had never seen me before in his life. Then he took a deep breath, “Dammit, Cath. This is going to ruin everything! Don’t tell anyone yet. I have to think about this. SHIT!”
I drove in silence. Jame asked me not to take him to his house. He wanted to walk and think. “I’ll call you,” was all he said as he slammed the door and took off with his long strides.
He didn’t call me.
The last few days of school teemed with pressure-filled final exams and then graduation practices. Jame slumped glumly on a chair as we practiced going up on stage to receive our diplomas.
Teachers kept coming up to him, slapping him on the back, shaking his hand and congratulating him on his Rice University news. I could see he pretended to be happy.
He called me the night before graduation. “Cath, sorry I haven’t been around but exams and stuff, you know. I want you to know I have been thinking about it and I’m still not sure what to do. Are you absolutely sure you’re pregnant?”
I tried to understand. I had a lot more time to know about it and think about all the possible plans we should make.
“It’s OK, Jame. I understand. Kind of, I mean. You haven’t come near me in days.” I didn’t want to be too whiney but I’m sure it came out that way.
“Did you tell your parents yet?”
“No, I wanted to talk things out with you and make our plans before I hit them with me being pregnant. I know I have to go to a doctor soon for tests and stuff.”
“Can this wait until after graduation, Cath? I don’t want to ruin things for my parents. And yours too.” Well, nice of him to think about my family for once. Jame was disappointing me but then again, I was disappointing myself too.
“Yeah, sure. It’s not going to change things. We can tell our parents after graduation.”
Our commencement night as graduates of Our Lady of Sorrows was filled with speeches, awards (I got the Journalism award!) and tears. Our class was really close and it’s hard to leave the familiar to go off to our separate futures.
Sister Margarita gave me a big hug telling me how proud she was that I had turned things around and that now I was destined for greatness. I felt like such a fraud as I murmured, “Yes I am, Sister, Thank you for all you did for me. I’ll never forget you.”
Lots of goodbyes were said to classmates even though we were going to see each other later at various parties at the kids’ homes. I felt like I was in this bubble of stepping out of the past into the unknown, pregnant and all. What would Jame and I be doing?
Jame went off with his parents out to dinner and Mom cooked me a special party meal at home with aunts, uncles and cousins all congratulating me on a job well done. I was glad when I could slip away to meet Jame at Freddie Donovan’s house.
The party was loud and crazy. Everyone was in a happy mood. We were graduates! We had the world by the tail! Yeah, right.
Someone shoved a beer in my hand and I felt so crappy I drank it. Sorry, baby, but it’s pretty tense out here. I’ll only drink one, I promise. But I didn’t. I drank more. A lot more.
Nine o’clock came and went. Ten o’clock passed. Where was Jame? I was tired, depressed and sick of hanging out with the kids who were getting louder each second. And I was getting drunker and drunker.
Finally, Jame strode in on his long legs and crossed the back yard until he stopped in front of me. He grabbed the can of beer out of my hand and threw it across the grass.
“What the hell are you doing, Cath?”
“Waiting for you, idiot! Where have you been?”
“With my family. What is this- tenth grade all over again when you were the drunk bitch everyone wanted to get with?”
I sobered up quickly on that rude comment. Jame had NEVER mentioned my “lost year” and my reputation. It was a little scary that it was coming out with such venom tonight.
“What’s the matter with YOU?”
He never answered, just grabbed my hand and pulled me out of that party.
“Where’s your car?”
“Over there.”
“You’re too drunk to drive. Give me the keys.”
I handed over my keys and Jame drove to the lake park.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Cath?”
“What the hell is wrong with me? I’m pregnant and waiting for you make up your damn mind what we are going to do! THAT’S what’s wrong with me!”
And then I burst into tears. The last two months of worry and shame and sadness and upset came bawling out loudly and lasted a long time.
Jame calmed himself down and tried to wipe up my tears with some tissues but I was a total mess.
“I’m sorry, Cath. I haven’t be
en thinking how hard it has all been on you.”
“You’re right about that, Jame. It seems like it’s all you, you, you. Where do I figure in all this?”
“I’m trying to work that all out, Cath. I really am. I just can’t get my head around it.”
“Well, your Dad thinks you’re going to get on a plane with him to Texas in three days. You better do something fast.”
Missing Pieces of My Forever-Heart Page 5