Rain pounds on the pavement, and I glance around, but it's hard to see anything through the gloom. I don't think I'm here. Or that I will be here. This is one of the visions where I'm seeing something that isn't happening to me. They've happened before. Like the first one I ever had of Ravi. He was torturing someone that looked like me.
A sickness washes over me. Maybe it was me after all. I always assumed it wasn't because he only ever did that to vampires. He seemed to understand what I was seeing though, as after that, he'd said that was coming to me if I ever turned against him, or told the guild what he did to the vampires he caught. In hindsight, I don't doubt they already knew. They knew everything, though I never did figure out how.
A door slams behind me in the vision. I turn so I can see it.
A man steps out of the building to my left, and a figure emerges. I gasp. I'd know that walk anywhere. I don't even need to see his face to know for sure.
The vision fades out before I can see anything else, but the panic is already starting to sink in. I need to wake up. Now. I have to tell Ashryn what I've seen. I don't know exactly where they're keeping Ravi, but I do know he's supposed to be secure and locked away. Unlike most of the hunters, I doubt he'll integrate with vampire society. If anything, his imprisonment will only spur him and make him kill more ruthlessly.
Wake up, wake up, wake up.
Unsurprisingly, nothing happens. I don't think I'm prepared for this part of vampirism. The guild never told us how vampires are made. I suspect they didn't want any of us finding out how easy it could be.
Or maybe they didn't know.
Unlikely. I find it much more likely that they were keeping things from us. It was their way of maintaining control. The less we knew about vampires, the less human they are, and the easier they are to kill.
Pain lances through me again, but this time it's emotional.
Bryce's face swims in front of me. What if someone had been sent to kill him? What if I'd never met him? It hardly matters that I know he was still in the City Of Blood when the guild fell, he'd have been safe from anyone like me. But that's not the point.
I slip off into a semi-dream state where Bryce is killed in front of me over and over. The only saving grace is that my dreams aren't cruel enough to put the knife in my hand, but almost every other hunter I know does, including Ravi.
What will he do if he finds out about me? About Bryce? Ravi's cruelty was renowned through the guild. If he finds us, he'll probably torture Bryce in front of me before he kills us both. Except, he'll do worse than that to me, I've seen it happen too many times to have any doubts.
Wake up, Lily. If I keep wishing it, perhaps it'll happen.
After a while, I'm dimly aware of someone stroking the hair away from my forehead. Is it Bryce? I hope so. And that it's nearly the end of the transformation. I can't deal with the itchiness any longer.
"I'm here, Lily. I'm not sure if you can hear me yet, but if you can, then know this is nearly over," he reassures me.
Contentment floods through me. Has he been talking to me the entire time in an attempt to reassure me? I'll have to make sure I thank him for it once I'm awake. I can't imagine what it must be like if someone has to wake up on their own.
"You're due to wake up in a couple of hours," he continues. "But it's different for everyone. I've already talked to Dimitri again. He knows what's happening. You can stay here at Grimalkin once you've turned. But you won't need me any more." He scoffs, though I'm not sure if it's in amusement or disappointment.
If I could speak, I'd point out I'll need him more than ever now. I doubt Emma is the only one with a personal vendetta against me, and as rumours of my former employment gets around, then I'm going to be the target even more than before.
I suppose none of that is going to change whether or not Bryce gets to stay with me. I'm his punishment as much as he is mine. People far more important than the two of us are going to be the ones deciding our fates. I try not to let that rub me up the wrong way.
I want to be my own person, and for the first time in my life, I have the chance to be. I don't want to waste it.
What's being a vampire going to be like? I'm never going to see the sun again, but I guess that hasn't actually affected me much in the past few weeks anyway. I don't come into regular contact with Holy Water either, so that's not going to burn me.
My mind shudders at the thought of the scars on Ashryn's body. She tries her best to cover them, but I've still seen. That's what Holy Water does to vampires. At least it didn't kill her. As far as I know, the blade used to cut her was dipped in the stuff. Ravi's handiwork, and something I may have waiting for me in my future.
No. It's not possible. Even if his escape is an almost certainty thanks to my vision, he won't easily be able to get hold of Holy Water, I don't think. When the guild exploded, it probably took the whole supply we had with it. I'm sure there's more in the world, but I wouldn't know where to get it.
"Lily?" Bryce says again, then sighs. "I thought I saw your eyes opening, sorry."
I hear him slump back into his seat next to my bed. Or what I assume is my bed. I'm not sure why he'd take me anywhere else. This is a safe place that is locked by magic during the day. It would be foolish to have taken me anywhere else.
Wake up, I try again. One of these times, I'm going to have to listen to myself, right? I'm not dead, which means there's still a part of me trying to break through the haze of vampirism.
It doesn't take long for everything to fade away. My thoughts, dreams, even the vision of Ravi is turning into dust in my mind.
I have to remember that, though. I have to tell Bryce about Ravi. We need to prepare for him getting free. Even that slips away from me.
I hope I'll remember when I wake up.
Chapter Eighteen
A loud gasp escapes me as my eyes widen and the light of the room streams back in. My whole body is still a bit itchy, but it’s easy for me to push away the sensation now. That’s something, at least. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to slice my skin off. Do all vampires feel this way in their bodies? If so, then this is torture enough.
“You’re awake,” Bryce says, relief flooding through his face as he speaks.
I flash him a weak smile. “It would appear so.” My words come out slurred, thanks to the larger than I expect fangs now protruding from my upper jaw.
I trace them with my tongue, curious to know what they’re like. I’ve never spent much time examining vampire teeth, I have to admit.
Bryce chuckles. “You’ll be able to retract them once you feed.”
I’m sure shock is written all over my face, because it’s the only thing I can feel right now. “How did you know?”
“Lucky guess.” He winks at me.
I shuffle up on the bed and prop myself against the headboard. “Seriously? I could have been thinking a whole host of you-just-turned-me-into-a-vampire things.”
“But that’s the first thing I’d ask about if I’d just been turned. You’re smart enough to realise that the burning in your throat is thirst.”
I frown. I hadn’t noticed it until he said that.
“You’ve never been through this, though. Right?”
He shakes his head. “I’m born and bred. But all vampires are taught about what being turned means.”
“But I thought it was illegal?” The slurring is wearing off as I get used to how the fangs feel. The burn is more noticeable, though. I hope he realises and gets me something to drink soon.
Drink. Huh. That’s going to take on a whole different meaning for me now. I wonder how long it’s going to take me to get used to it.
“It is,” he says with a shrug. “But it also happens. As far as I know, out here, nothing really happens if someone breaks that law. But where I come from…” He shudders.
I reach out and take his hand in mine. I don’t want him reliving anything that could torment him.
“So, they make it illegal, but the
y also teach you what to do?”
“Pretty much.”
“Isn’t that tempting fate a little too much?”
“I’ve never thought about it like that. But yes, I suppose it is.”
“Well, I, for one, am glad about it. If you hadn’t known what to do, then I’d be in a much worse position now.”
It’s impossible to miss the pain in his eyes as he thinks about that.
Bryce clears his throat. “We need to get some blood in you.”
“What will happen if we don’t, will I go on a rampage?” I joke.
His stern expression kills all of the amusement within me. “It’s possible, yes.”
“Ah. All right, then. Blood drinking it is.” I shuffle in the bed again, determined to get to my feet and make my way to the kitchen.
“No, you don’t,” he says, pushing me back down. “I’ll go get you some.”
He leaves the room without saying anything else, and I find myself longing for his return. I’m so used to him being around, especially after my time unconscious while I changed…
Wait. What happened in that time?
I frown as I attempt to recall what I’d thought about while completely unconscious. I feel as if I’ve woken up from a particularly active dream, so I must have thought of something, and yet, I have no idea what it is.
Bryce bustles back in, a mug in his hand.
“That’s your mug,” I say, recognising the cartoon vampire and this is my blood mug slogan.
“Sorry, it’s the only one I have for blood. We can get you your own once you’re strong enough to go into town, though,” he assures me.
“Thank you.” I take it from him and give it a sniff.
It’s odd. The metallic-ness I’d be able to smell as a human isn’t there. I can’t even describe the way the blood makes itself known to my senses. It’s almost…rich. Creamy? I don’t have any words to describe it.
“It might not be your preferred blood type,” Bryce says apologetically. “I haven’t left here long enough to get more in.”
“This is your own supply?” I ask, not having taken a slip yet.
He nods. “But it’s fine. I’ve talked to Dimitri, and he knows what’s happened. Between him and the canteen, we won’t run out.”
I nod. “Is this my only food now?”
He laughs loudly and sits back down in his chair. “You’ve seen me eat,” he points out.
“Oh. Sorry. I think I’m still a little confused from whatever that was.” I indicate to the bed with my non-mug-filled hand.
“There isn’t a name for it,” he tells me. “It’s just turning.”
“Ah.” Feeling brave, I take a sip of the blood. My first ever. It slips down my throat easily, quenching the slight burn I felt there. I drink more deeply after that, and the mug is drained within minutes. “Is there more?” I ask sheepishly.
He shakes his head. “Not for you. Not yet. Young vampires are the most likely to get too much of a taste for it and go on a rampage. It’s one of the reasons turning was made illegal.”
“Oh.” I push aside the small pang of disappointment. It’s easy to do, which makes me wonder if, deep down, I knew what he’d say about it.
“How are you feeling?” he asks after a moment. He takes the mug from me and sets it down on my desk. I watch it longingly, wishing it to be full again so I can drink some more. I’ll admit that this isn’t how I expected to be when it came to blood-drinking.
I close my eyes and take stock of my entire body, trying to work out what the answer to that question is. “Okay, I think.”
“The burn is gone?”
I nod. “Does it really only take that much blood?”
“Well, how many times have you seen the other students here drink it?”
I blink a couple of times, letting his question sink in. The realisation that I haven’t seen it hits me like a brick wall.
“I’ve only ever seen you drink.”
“And that’s because you live with me,” he points out.
A small thrill shoots through me at his words. Now the immediate needs of my new vampirism are sated, it seems my heart wants back into the game.
“How’s your stomach feeling?” he asks.
I prod it gingerly. “Tender,” I admit, not having noticed that before. “Should it be that way?”
“You did get stabbed.”
“Should I be disappointed that vampirism doesn’t heal injuries properly?”
He scoffs. “It’s healed you enough that you aren’t dead.”
Touché. I’ll try and remember that next time I’m disappointed by the lack of healing prowess.
“What happened while I was out?”
He shrugs. “I’m not sure. I’ve been in here with you most of the time. I believe Dimitri and Ashryn are planning on coming to talk to us, but they’ve been holding off until you were awake again.”
My eyebrows knit together. “Couldn’t they have just talked to us over the phone?”
“I don’t pretend to have any sway over them. I just do what I’m told.”
“Should we be worried?” Will they be angry at him for turning me? I can’t see how they won’t be, especially as I’ve asked to be turned before and the answer has always been no.
“I don’t think so. They know I did it to save your life. And I think Ashryn holds some affection for you…”
I scoff. “I assure you, she doesn’t.”
“No?”
“Why would she? Has she ever told you about our past?”
“I can’t say I’ve had much to do with her other than this assignment,” he admits.
“I hunted her, after she’d been turned. Played games with her and one of her husbands. If I’d caught them, I’d have killed them.”
“But you didn’t,” he points out.
“Only because I didn’t catch them. If I had…” I shudder at the thought. There’s an irony in the fact Ashryn has become one of my most important allies after everything I’ve done.
“She used to be a hunter, though. Right?”
I nod. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
“It means she’ll understand why you did what you did. And she’ll forgive you for it. I’m sure she has her demons to face. Her own ghosts to vanquish. If she hated you for what you were, then that means she’d have to hate herself.”
“You’re far too wise for my liking,” I joke, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear and grimacing. Why is it so greasy? “How long was I unconscious?” I ask.
“About forty-seven hours. A little longer than most, but nothing to worry about,” he says.
“Hmm.” That’s a long time to go without having any memories of my sleep.
“What did you dream about while you were out?” Bryce asks, surprising me with the deeply personal question that I have no answer for.
“I don’t remember, why?”
“You seemed distressed a couple of times.” He frowns. “I’m not even sure how I know that. You were so still the entire time.”
“Maybe it’s a master-infected thing?”
He shudders. “Never use the word master again.”
“What do you want me to call it, then? Turner?”
“Or nothing,” he suggests.
“I can do that.” It’s no skin off my nose what he wants me to call what he did to me.
“I don’t think it’s that. Your eyes just seemed…restless, I suppose.”
I shrug. “I don’t remember any of it. Is that weird?”
“I don’t know,” he admits. “I’ve never talked to anyone who’d been through the turning before.”
“Oh.” Should I ask Ashryn when she gets here? It seems like a very personal question to talk to someone about, especially when I don’t know her that well. It’s only our circumstances that have brought us this close together in our lives.
“But I can find out. There are places I can research…”
I reach out and place a hand over h
is. “It’s all right,” I assure him. “I’m sure I’ll remember in time. I hope I do. I’m sure there’s something I need to tell you from what I saw.”
“Was it that you like me, and you want to kiss me some more?” he asks, waggling his eyebrows.
I snort. “I don’t think so. But I’m not opposed to that so long as I can shower and brush my teeth first.” It’s only as I say it that I realise my fangs have retracted after I drank the blood. Neat.
“I see you have your priorities in order,” he says.
“I should hope so. But…” I trail off, unsure how to say the next bit.
“If you need to ask me something, I need you to use your words,” he teases.
A blush spreads over my cheeks. “Do I need to do anything special to…” I point to my teeth, hoping he understands what I’m asking.
Bryce’s laughter booms around the room. “No, you don’t have to do anything special to look after your fangs. They’re just like normal teeth.”
I flash him a weak smile. At least that solves one question I have about being a vampire. Though I’m sure I’ll have a lot more questions to come.
Chapter Nineteen
Bryce’s hand rests on the small of my back, giving me the strength to step outside our safe haven of a room and make my way to class for the first time since waking up.
Nerves flutter in my stomach. After the number of students in the hallway when I died, the whole academy is going to know I’m not human any longer, and I’m not sure how they’re going to react to that.
“It’ll be all right,” Bryce promises in my ear.
“I hope so,” I respond, leaning into him and wishing for more of the kisses he’d given me before we left the room.
The dormitory hallway is empty, probably because most people are already out and about for the night.
I stride forward, trying not to think about what’s going to happen to me once I’m around others. This isn’t the time to worry about that. If I do, then I’m never going to manage to get to class again, and I’ll be stuck as an odd ex-human reject.
The moment I’m in the corridors which lead to the classrooms, the noise hits me. The place is filled with various students chatting and going about their days. I take a deep breath. I can do this.
No Stakes Allowed Page 8