Friday, March 28th, 2008
Hello Mr. Lockhart,
I just assumed we were being cast off. I did get your texts, and responded, but when I didn’t hear back from you again, well, I figured that was that; it was a nice evening. To be honest, I was really upset that we left without seeing you…OK, that was harder for me to write than it should have been.
Apparently, my cell phone plan doesn’t include international text messages, hence why you never got mine. What a cruel, cruel joke the telephone company is playing on us!
So, just so we’re on an even playing field here, here are the texts you didn’t get:
That morning: “I will indeed marry you. I’m writing to my boss right now to take the day off. Once I got back, I realized that it was a bad idea to drive home with no sleep. So, I would love to see you again.”
And, then, much later: “We had a great time with you guys. Thank you and have a safe flight home. Xo ”
See, aren’t you glad you’ve received my acceptance of your proposal now? We have a good five years to get to know each other, and decide if we hate each other. And, yes, perhaps I was being overly polite in my second text, but you can imagine why.
We did get back OK, thanks. Driving back to my uncle’s, Chelsea passed out right away in the car. I got back, put her to bed, and emailed my boss Tess that I wouldn’t be in that day. My uncle assumed we had just woken up - not just gotten home - when he poked his head in to check on us. We ended up leaving Vegas around 2 p.m. - right when you were getting up, it sounds like. Got back to LA, had dinner and then took Chels to the airport so she could go back to Baltimore.
I really wanted to see you before we left, but I guess maybe it’s best to leave our night together in a vacuum. Who knows, perhaps in the daylight you wouldn’t have been as fond of me, and it’s kind of nice to have one night that I can replay in my mind. It somehow makes it simpler. Not that I’m withdrawing my acceptance of your proposal, but we shall see what happens, shan’t we?
That helicopter ride sounds incredible. The Grand Canyon is one of my favorite places. Would have loved to come there with you.
I guess you’re heading out pretty shortly to Africa? Not much turnaround time for you at all. You must be exhausted.
Since I’ve been back I’ve just had a lot of work to catch up on, dinners and a few drinks, rehearsals for this web series I’m doing and a couple of auditions - the life of an actress! Definitely itching to travel some more. I’m not sure if I’ve caught up yet from Vegas though. Yesterday, it hit me and I felt like someone punched me in the face.
Yes, please send me the pictures. I have a couple of us too. We’ll see about Chicago - have to see what happens…that’s a long way away and I certainly don’t want to be a burden for you while you’re off on the travels of a lifetime.
That’s good Miles wasn’t too frustrated with Chelsea. He was a good sport, and I know she enjoyed her time talking to him. What does “early doors” mean, by the way? And what is that “x” at the end of your name? Sorry if I’m being a daft American…just can’t figure it out.
I like this question game. OK, here we go. Simple to start off with is good.
1. Favorite color - blue
2. Favorite number - lucky number 7, of course!
3. Favorite meal - Sunday Brunch (sounds like we both like to eat on Sundays. Sundays will be a good day of eating, between your roast dinner and my brunch.)
Now, my turn.
1. What is your favorite dessert? (Mine is my grandmother’s Lemon Jello cake or crème brulée)
2. Fave fruit? (Mango)
3. Would you rather swim in a pool or the ocean? (Definitely the ocean - but not the Pacific… sooo freaking cold)
You’re dreamy. Enjoy your couple of days at home.
Adele
Monday, 31 March 2008
Evenin’ darling,
I would never have cast off such beauty. I assumed I was being ignored since I never got your texts, couldn’t pick up my voicemails, and clearly never heard the phone ringing. Really wanted to see you again, and am more gutted now that I know you actually stayed until 2ish. I could have shouted you lunch. Nice text back, cheers! Glad you agreed to my proposal.
Have to admit, I was a bit nervous - even if we had agreed the evening before. Getting it in writing is always more official, isn’t it? My oh my, I’m a lucky man. What’s this five years to hate each other? That’s not very optimistic, now is it? Can’t imagine hating such a fine bird like you, to be honest.
We had a great time with you girls too, me especially. Miles hasn’t heard from Chelsea…but I guess that’s to be expected…. Hey, don’t rule out Chicago too soon. I’m serious. I fly in on the 10th of July until the 19th of August. Am staying in the basement of one of my best mate Sid’s places (only the best for you my dear!) so you’ll be more than welcome.
Since you’re itching to travel, give me a shout, since after the next four to five months I have plenty of travelling tentatively planned, and you would be first on my list to be with (lucky you!). I’m considering Russia/Siberia, China, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, South America and then the States again. Would be for a year tops, but have a lot to consider before then – time away, etc. It could all change.
Have spent most of the day like a lazy bastard, didn’t get up ‘til gone two thirty, and that was only because my little niece jumped all over me.
Punched in the face – that’s always a nice feeling! Must admit to feeling like that myself. This weekend, I went out for some pints with the lads. Was a good one – watched Manchester United (that’s my football/soccer team) kick Aston Villa’s ass 4-0. I’m a Manchester United season ticket holder, so I travel a lot to their matches. I’ve been a true nut since the age of 10. Would love to be able to take you to a game one day.
Back home now until tomorrow and then I’m off. Nice home-cooked meal from my dear ole mum - always appreciated (would much rather be taking you out for dinner than having dinner with the family – but don’t tell them I said that – not a tough one though is it, family or fit bird?).
Changed my pounds to dollars, as that’s more preferable apparently in Africa. Have a few more things to sort out, but then should be good to go. You have my number now so you know you can call me whenever you want…maybe we could chat later today?
Got my hair cut yesterday – it’s very, very short. My hairdresser got scissor happy I think. I noticed in your photos online that you used to have darker hair – I know girls who would kill to be able to go blonde or brunette!
By the way, “early doors” just means that Miles saw the ring early on in the night. And, honestly? You don’t know what an “x” is at the end of a letter? It means, “kiss”. Don’t worry, I don’t use it as a sign-off with other women.
Just you. x x x x x x
Right, now I have to pack, where do I start? But first, answers:
1. Dessert - not a big sweet fan but I do dig any kind of cheesecake with the proper base.
2. Fruit - love mango too and will be eating a lot of it in Africa I’m sure, but I’d say bananas.
3. Ocean or pool is tough as I’m not a water baby - maybe say ocean since I’ve just spent a lot of time in it in California.
My go:
1. Tea or coffee? (Tea - drink a lot of it)
2. Favourite band of all time? (Oasis)
3. Biggest achievement? (Ouch, tough one - probably will be when I climb Kilimanjaro next week, or having the courage to speak to you.)
Guy xx
A DIRTY LITTLE SECRET FOR MYSELF
The house was as clean as it was going to be that night. I headed to the bathroom for my ritual: washing my face. I love washing my face. All the grime from the day washes into the sewers of Los Angeles, and prepares me for a clear and calm rest. I needed to have a clear conscience about what just happened or else it might happen all over again. I needed to wash away any feelings of guilt towards him.
Patting my face dry, I loo
ked in the mirror. I now resembled a strained, eyeless, makeup-less toad – if that were possible. I was not unattractive, but without makeup, I felt ordinary. I hated feeling ordinary at the best of times. This, being a slightly higher moment than when I was on my hands and knees earlier, was still not the best of times.
I needed to do something to make myself feel fabulous, well, at least slightly extra - ordinary.
I looked around my room. Radio is ordinary. Turned that off. Read a novel in French? No, I had forgotten too much French to truly allow it to take me away. Take a walk around Hollywood in my pajamas? I had seen a few celebrities do that around town. They thought they were fabulous. I would not look fabulous, I would look like a homeless vagabond, and I would either get arrested or have change thrown at me. Plus, it was possible that by leaving my apartment, I would run into the ex, and I couldn’t face explaining myself just yet.
Red lipstick?
I could sleep in my red lipstick! A subtle yet flamboyant gesture, and a dirty little secret for myself. It worked for my grandmother. To her, red lipstick was her weapon of self-protection, her code of femininity, her shield of grace. It was a way to show the world that she wouldn’t let the pain get to her no matter how intense it became.
Every year since I was old enough to fly by myself, I would step out of the Fort Lauderdale terminal looking for the tiny legs, curly dark hair, button down shirt-dress and red lipstick, and there she always was. She would throw her slender olive arms around me and plant a big one on my cheeks, leaving a red smear in the shape of her lips. Her first question was always the same, “Where is yours?”
“Where is my what, Abuela?” I would ask, always knowing the answer before I asked it, but never remembering to apply it before I disembarked from the plane.
“Oh, mi amor.” She shook her head in a disconcerted manner. “Your….” She smacked her lips together, emphasizing the movement with her hands, as if to say, Need I really say what I mean?
To her, going out in public without the tint of red was like taking a walk in the buck, worse than that, taking a walk without her pride. She found power and confidence in that simple application of red aplomb.
“Abuela,” I said, the first time she told me about the red lipstick rule, “I don’t own any red lipstick. Plus, I just don’t think I can really pull it off like you can.” I hoped this would fly with her as a reasonable excuse. After all, I wasn’t the gorgeous Latina woman that she was. I was light-skinned. People assumed my last name was spelt “Cruise” rather than the Hispanic “Cruz,” and no amount of red lipstick would make them think otherwise. I was too white.
It used to confuse me. If I was half Cuban, why didn’t people think I was? Why did everyone tell me I didn’t look Cuban, if it was in my blood? A powerful Jewish woman finally answered my questions in a poem recited on stage with the words: “Impossible. Because you are your people. You just tell them they don’t look. Period.” From that day on, I embraced my mix with open arms prepared to take on anyone who wanted to question my race.
Abuela was prepared anyhow. To her, I was her Cuban granddaughter, and therefore should act like one. She had purchased her favorite Diamond Cosmetics ‘Get Red-E Here I Come’ lipstick with aloe vera just for me. She hustled me into the ladies room, watched me apply the lipstick and nodded at me with approval. I may have looked like a cheap whore, but she was happy. And, how could I have turned down anything that came from her?
She turned me towards her, and said, “Now, there’s my granddaughter. Que bonita! So beautiful. Why don’t you always wear that? You will never find a man unless you put red on your lips.” (Oh, so that was my problem.) If it was good enough for mi abuela, than it was good enough for me.
I went over to my vanity area and got out the tube Grandma Cruz gave me on that 16th year of my life. The Romans may have seen it as the mark of a prostitute, but Queen Cleopatra wore it as a symbol of her heightened importance and sophistication, and Grandma Cruz wore it as a representation of her greatest treasure – her ‘propre amour’, her self-respect. I was going to wear it to paint over my insecurity, for now.
The lipstick hadn’t yet been carved into the shape of my lips, so I vowed right there and then to wear it every day until it curved. I carefully applied it, making sure the points of my mouth were accentuated, and blotted the corners carefully with my thumb. I popped my lips as she had done that day - smack - took my hair out of its ponytail, flicked off the lamp and strutted to my bed. I closed my eyes.
The beginning of many more sleeps alone and in peace.
Monday, March 31st,2008
Dear Guy,
Alright, I’ll look into tickets as it gets closer… make sure one of us doesn’t meet someone in the meantime. That would be awkward.
God, I would love to go to Thailand, South America, and all those places really. I’ve only ever been to Europe and North America. At the very least, I’m keeping in touch with you. You’re just so darn… well, great (trying my best not to sound too American and cheesy…is it working?). By the time you intend to reach those places, you’ll be so in love with me that you won’t be able to leave Chicago. (Aren’t I saucy? Teeheehee)
How did the packing go? You figured out how to fit your life into a backpack? I wouldn’t know where to start.
I was a really good girl this weekend. Didn’t go out at all. I had to shoot that web series I was telling you about – we wrapped yesterday at about 8 p.m. and I was free to go – at least until next weekend!
Oh, right - did I ever tell you what a web series was? I remember you asked but I refused to answer that silly question! I guess living in LA, you get so used to people knowing the jargon that you take it for granted. Once you live here, it’s hard to imagine that people actually live outside of it…if that makes any sense and doesn’t sound completely snobbish.
A web series is like a shorter version of a TV series - only it’s just on the Internet. And the episodes, or “webisodes” are much shorter as well. It’s a good cheap way to put yourself out there and show people your talent….
The guy directing the series is a bit weird, but hopefully it will turn out well.
I can’t believe I’m now a blonde for real. The hairdresser has since bleached me a bit whiter than I was when I saw you last week. What an awful shade of yellow that was, really can’t believe you didn’t notice.
So, no more faux hawk for you? Are you happy with it? I liked your faux hawk.
This is bad. I’m getting used to your emails already. Ahhhhh! Yes, would like to talk to you tonight before you leave for Africa if you’re still awake.
And, I would love to go with you to watch soccer one day. I’ve never been to a professional match and I’m sure in England it would be the best experience. I went to a rugby match in France once - South Africa was playing England. I had no clue about the rules. Just a bunch of brute men running around in short shorts trying to hurt each other is all I could tell. It’s nothing like American football. Why do people compare the two?
Oh, and thanks for using my American language on me, but I think I get it now that you call soccer football. I wonder why we call it soccer? I’m sure there will be plenty of other words I won’t understand coming from your mouth. We found that out last Sunday.
Thinking of going to a baseball game this week at Dodger Stadium - care to join? Oh, here’s something fun I’m doing - Thursday is a ladies-only night where they invite a woman over to teach us how to strip and tease with sexy lingerie. It’s for a women’s charity I’m involved with. It’s all about becoming comfortable with your sexuality, and having fun doing so. Lingerie, champagne and strawberries! Can’t beat that. Am really looking forward to it.
Answers:
1. As far as tea or coffee goes - I go through phases where I drink mostly tea (mostly green) or only lattes (decaf though). Now I’m onto soy lattes. Triple Grande Soy Latte from Starbucks, if you must know.
2. Favorite band is always the hardest question for me because
it all depends on my mood - but I’d have to say - and this doesn’t include singer/songwriters - probably Sublime. They remind me of carefree summers in high school and the first year I moved to California. They were playing everywhere.
3. Biggest achievement - Supporting myself at the age of nineteen in New York by working five jobs. I dropped out of college for a year because I thought I could make it as an actress in the big city with no money. Needless to say, I went back to college after that year. To me, it taught me invaluable life lessons and helped form my path for the next couple of years.
I’ll have to ask the questions in the next email because my boss is coming, haven’t done much of anything today, and she’s expecting me to finish the newsletter explaining a price increase today. Oh, the joys of wholesale.
Miss you.
Del x x x
P.S. I’m glad to hear you save your kisses just for me! Wouldn’t want it any other way. Those three above you can consider yours to keep.
Tuesday, 1 April, 2008
Sweet A,
So nice to speak to you before I headed off. Hopefully I’ll be able to call you whilst in Africa. I want to keep in touch. And, obviously special people not only get a group email but a personal one too.
(By the way, I didn’t say this on the phone, but you might be right about the travels after Chicago, if every call is as enjoyable as that one.)
Why’s it so bad that you’re getting used to my emails? I must admit I look forward to receiving them from you loads.
Ladies night sounds fun – you, lingerie, you, lingerie, champagne, you, lingerie. Me and cold shower, I think.
Did I tell you I had to sack my house-letting agency and look into hiring a new one? I can’t stand incompetence. Hopefully something can be sorted quickly. It’s just annoying I can’t be here and sort it myself. Don’t like leaving things to other people.
Three Questions Page 2