I’d argued that it wasn’t any different than bringing a book with us, but he didn’t change his mind.
I found a book of crossword puzzles and worked at a blank one for a bit, but I was glad when Mom decided to start getting ready for dinner and asked me if I’d help. There wasn’t too much to do, but scoring hot dogs and putting them in barbecue sauce to get ready for cooking was fun.
The sun wouldn’t set until 8, although it got cold a little earlier. So we had plenty of time left to cook and eat dinner, outside, and then when it got dark, Dad would put a ton more wood on the fire so it got really bright. But in the beginning we’d have a little fire. Dad let me stack the logs and pour in the lighter fluid, then we waited for the logs to burn low so we could cook.
Each of us got to cook our own hot dogs ourselves, holding them over the fire on camping forks. Benji dropped his in the fire, so I had to help him. Rudy always burned his, but Angela had enough patience to get close to cooking hers right.
I didn’t make Benji wait long for his, I just made sure it was hot and a little cooked. But I liked to let mine cook longer so that the barbecue sauce got caramelized and crispy. That was different than Rudy catching his on fire.
The best part was that Dad made Rudy eat the burned parts of the hot dog, too.
When it got dark, we finished toasting marshmallows and putting them in graham crackers to make s’mores. That was how I actually learned to have patience cooking my hot dogs, because if you really let the marshmallow heat up without burning it, then it would melt the Hershey’s bar piece and that was way better than if it wasn’t melted. Plus Dad made us eat the burned marshmallows if he thought we were burning them on purpose for fun. But once we’d had two s’mores each, it was time to put wood on the fire and make it really bright again.
Rudy complained that I got to put wood on the fire and he didn’t, and I heard Mom tell him that it was because I was older and responsible, which made me smile. Served him right for this morning. He whined but Mom made him stop.
Dad said I was in charge of the fire, so I was pretty happy about that. After half an hour, I put another piece of wood on and then walked away through the trees.
“Where’re you going, Joey?” Dad asked.
“Hafta pee!” I called back over my shoulder.
I heard Angela yell “You’re going the wrong way! The cabin’s behind you!” and my Dad and brothers laughed at that as I walked a little further.
I had it out and was peeing when Rudy ran up next to me. “Wait, I have to go, too,” he said. I sighed and rolled my eyes and just waited until I finished. Then I leaned against a tree and looked back at the campfire while I waited for him to finish.
“We should’ve seen who could pee farther,” he said sullenly before he was finished.
“I’m too old for that,” I said. “Besides, I can pee farther because I’m taller.”
“So? That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Just shut up and finish peeing so I can go back to the fire. It’s freezing.” It had gotten dark as the sun set behind the trees, but now, far out past the lake, the moon was starting to rise. It was a full moon and the very top looked huge and yellow over the mountains, like a negative image of an Oreo being dunked into milk. Soon it’d be easy to see in the night, but right now it was still dark and the wind seemed colder than it should be.
“It’s not that cold. You’re just being a baby.”
“Are you kidding me? The wind must be blowing air off the lake it’s so cold. Snap your jeans and let’s go.”
“You must’ve been too close to the fire. It really isn’t that co—”
“Move!” It was bad enough I’d had to babysit Benji all week. Usually I got way more time to myself on this trip. Now I was arguing about peeing and how cold it was with a nine-year-old.
“I’m telling Mom you yelled at me.”
“Just as long as you have to get back to the campfire to do it,” I said.
The campfire was a lot warmer. It smelled good, like the outdoors, even if the smoke did sometimes follow me and burn my eyes and throat. It always seemed like the wind waited for me to get comfortable before it attacked and made me move again.
Dad was telling a lame story he thought was funny when Benji told Mom he had to pee. She asked me if I’d take him, and I said sure. I got up and took his hand and led him out towards the lake a bit, and the trees glowed red from our fire. Once we were far enough from the campfire that the red had faded and we had some privacy, I stood him in front of a tree and turned away from him as he pulled his shorts down.
The moon was higher now, and still looked huge, although the yellow was fading to silver. I knew it would begin to shrink in size, too. We were just a few hundred feet from the campfire, but it wasn’t hard to see at all. The backs of the trees had a soft white glow like ghosts, and the wind gusted once or twice. It was cold in the moonlight, colder than it should have been. I shivered and told Benji to hurry up. I tried to stare at the moon, but I found myself staring at the lake.
“It’s cold,” Benji said. Then, over the trickling sound he said, “Can you hear them?”
“Hear what?” I asked. I couldn’t hear anything. When I realized that, it made me nervous. Usually you could hear plenty of crickets and bugs and things at night. The fire and Dad’s voice seemed muffled, like when you go to a friend’s house and if you strain your ears you can hear the TV going behind the door.
“Them,” Benji insisted. “You know what. They want us to come and visit.”
“I don’t hear anything at all,” I said. I forced my eyes away from the lake, which I could only make out through the trees by the moonlight reflecting on the ripples that were always moving. I looked back at Benji. I could see him, staring in the direction of the lake. The tree beside him shone in the moonlight, that same eerie silver.
“Benji?” He didn’t move. “Benj? Hey.” I went over and pulled his shorts up before he seemed to notice me.
“Please let’s just visit them real quick. Only for a minute,” he said in a monotone voice. It made the back of my neck tingle.
“It’s too cold to go near the lake. Come on,” I said, and picked him up. Benji clung to me. He felt cold and as I turned towards the fire, away from the lake, the wind picked up and blew in my face. I shivered. I wondered if it was coming down from the mountaintops, but then I remembered there was no snow up there because it was summer. The moon bathed all the trees in a cruel, cold light and threw my shadow in front of me so I couldn’t see where I was stepping. I stumbled a couple of times and followed the red light of the fire. Soon I was back into the open, and the fire was bright and loud as it crackled. Benji stretched his body out so I would put him down, and he ran back over to Mom. I hurried over to the fire to warm up, and I was relieved at how loud it was. I could hear crickets again, and once the fire warmed me up enough to stop shivering, I relaxed again.
Now Dad was telling a “scary” story. They were good stories but I was too old to be actually scared. Benji came over to me and climbed on my lap and I held him with my arms around him, trying not to laugh whenever he got nervous at Dad’s story and squeezed my arms harder. He kept me warm while blocking enough of the heat of the fire to keep me from getting too hot and having to move farther away. Except for my shins, but I could take that. And the wind wasn’t nearly as cold here.
After the scary story, we all sat around watching the fire. Benji dozed off and I carried him over to a fold out chair and put him there because he got too heavy. He curled up and I went back to watch the fire, which was burning low now. The moon had risen just above the trees and Rudy and Angela were getting tired.
“Joey, will you help me collect all the food so we can bring it inside? The chairs and things will be fine overnight.”
“Sure, Dad.” The nice thing about helping out like this was that it made my parents more likely to spend time alone instead of sticking with them or having to watch Benji, Angela, and Rudy. After all, this va
cation was almost over. So far I’d done way too much babysitting.
Mom and Dad started carrying things back to the cabin. “Joey, keep an eye on everyone while we carry everything back,” Dad said. “No more wood on the fire. You can all stay out until the fire dies or it gets too cold, okay?”
“Okay, Dad,” I said. Mom and Dad made two trips and took their time coming back.
The wind seemed to get strangely cold again, so I was taking turns with Rudy throwing pine cones into the fire as an excuse to stand closer to it when Angela spoke up.
“Where’s Benji?” she asked.
“He’s in the chair,” I said, as I turned to where I’d put him. He was not in the chair. “Wait, he was in the chair.”
“Did Mom take him inside?” Rudy asked.
“No,” I said. “She was carrying food and stuff.” The wind picked up and I shivered. “He must’ve—” I froze in position except for the shivering. I looked in the direction of the wind, and it was the same as the moon. Which meant only one thing.
“The lake!”
I ran a couple steps, then stopped and turned to Rudy and Angela. “Come on,” I hissed. “I can’t leave you here and we have to go get him.”
They looked at each other. “Dad said—” Angela started.
“I know what Dad said. But Benji wasn’t missing then. You know he’s fallen in the lake twice.”
Rudy said, “Wait, what was the second time?”
“Shut up,” I said. Me and my big mouth. “Look, the important thing is it’s too cold to swim in the lake and I was supposed to be watching him. And if I look for him then I’m not watching you two. So come on, right now. If we stay together you guys won’t get into trouble.”
I could see Rudy’s smug smile by the firelight. “But if Mom and Dad get mad, you’ll get in trouble for all of us.”
“Whatever. Just come on!”
“Come on, Angela. Lead the way, Joey!”
No sooner were we into the trees then the moonlight seemed to light up the woods. The trees weren’t close together like a big forest, and as the sides facing us lost their orange-yellow glow from the fire, they looked more like shadows that were outlined in the moon’s silvery light, like a creepy Christmas card.
The wind came steadily off the lake, a little more than a breeze, but it still made me shiver. Rudy and Angela didn’t seem nearly as cold as I was, and I wondered how that could be. Once we had walked for a while, we stopped and looked around to see if we could find any trace of Benji before we went all the way to the lake.
Angela held my hand. “Joey, this is scary. It’s too dark.”
On my other side, Rudy piped up. “The moon’s bright, but it’s too...” he looked around, and then whispered. “It’s too quiet.”
I tilted my head and listened. I could hear the wind and the sound of our footsteps, but nothing else. No crickets, no other movement. And even though it was hard to make out the landscape from the moon alone, there was also no sign of Benji.
The longer I stood there, the more I felt anxious. This was just like earlier, except now Rudy and Angela were starting to notice. That didn’t actually make me feel any better like I thought it would.
“Okay, something’s wrong. Just relax. Let’s keep going to the lake. I know that’s where Benji will be.” I felt my stomach fill up with acid, and knew it was just fear. But Benji hadn’t been gone for very long, and he wasn't very fast, either. He couldn’t be far ahead of us.
I reached my hand out to Rudy, and he took it without complaining that he wasn’t a baby. I saw the look on his face and knew better than to tease him. Actually, I was just happy to hold my brother and sister’s hands. It wasn’t to make me feel better, not at all. But it was nice to know that I wouldn’t lose them, too.
We hurried together in silence, with nothing but the sound of our own footsteps around us, and an occasional stumble over a rock or a dip in the ground. Even then, we only gasped in surprise. When we got closer to the lake, I strained my ears for any noise.
“Wait!” I hissed in a whisper, and jerked Angela and Rudy to a stop with me.
“Hey!” Rudy said, but I shushed him quickly. I could hear water lapping at the shore, but I waited another few seconds and heard something moving in the water. “Come on, quick!”
I squeezed their hands tighter and dragged them along. We ran now to the lake and when we broke through the trees, I saw Benji in the lake, walking out into the water.
“Benji! Stop!” I yelled, but he didn’t even flinch. It was like he didn’t hear me. I let go of Rudy and Angela’s hands. “Stay right here. Don’t go in the water! Wait for me, and don’t listen to me or anyone else telling you to help.”
“Who else is here?” Angela said.
“Just do it,” I spat, and she took a step back with wide eyes. I pulled off my shirt and kicked off my sneakers. I threw the shirt at Rudy and started running toward the shore. I passed some clothes on the way but didn’t think twice about them.
When I ran into the water, I have to admit I yelled. It was freezing! Even colder than the moonlight. I was surprised I kept going. But Benji was just a few feet ahead of me, now up to his waist. I took a deep breath when I thought of how much of me would be underwater by the time I got to him, but I kept going.
The wind picked up and blew back towards the shore like a warning. I ignored it as the flecks of water that had splashed my chest from my running burned like ice. Benji was still moving ahead like he wasn’t walking through water at all, and I called to him again.
He turned around. He was up to his shoulders and it looked like he had a smile on his face. “Come with me, Joey! Rudy and Angela can come, too! They want us to visit.” His voice was louder than it should’ve been, probably because sound travels funny over the water.
“No! Stay there, guys! Benji, come back. You’ll freeze to death. We have to go back to the cabin or we’ll be in trouble.”
“They’re waiting for us,” he said, and took a step backwards.
“Who’s waiting?” I heard Rudy ask from the shore.
I turned back around. “Never mind, he’s sleep walking or something. Stay on land!”
Angela screamed. I whipped back around and Benji was gone. There were just ripples in the water where he used to be. I struggled forward about 10 more steps and then dove in the rest of the way.
The shock of cold was really powerful. I froze for a second and tried to keep in my breath before I opened my eyes and swam forward. I couldn’t see much in the dark, but I swam a couple feet forward and could see a shadow in the water. I kicked my feet even harder and could tell it was Benji, just floating motionless. I got up to him and wrapped my arms around him.
The water wasn’t cold at all anymore. It seemed brighter, as though the moon didn’t have to fight the water at all. Everything was a foamy green with silver highlights from the moon. I looked at Benji. He looked as happy as I’d ever seen him. He twisted around in my arms and tried to swim down, kicking my legs in the the process. I held on to him tighter.
Benji twisted around in my grip again. He put his hands on my cheeks and gave a pleading look. I loosened my grip. The panic was draining out of me and I couldn’t remember why I had been so upset. The water was warm, just like a bath. The silvers that outlined Benji’s hair were so beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I wanted to stay down there forever. I felt my heart slow down and I couldn’t wait to see what was below the lake. I looked past Benji and strained my eyes in the darkness. I felt more than saw buildings, delicate towers that spiraled up from the center of the lake, all around the island. I felt strange about that, but I could imagine how beautiful they would be if I was just close enough to see them. In the moonlight.
Benji tried to swim away again. I almost let him. Something in me knew to hold on to him, but it wasn’t my brain. I wanted to follow him. No, I wanted him to follow me, while I led the way. To all the wonderful things I knew were ahead of us.
I wa
nted him to follow me.
He should follow me.
He had to follow me.
I frowned at the urgency of that thought. But before I could figure out why, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace again. It was like a thick blanket wrapping around me. I looked at Benji, who was tugging at my arms, trying to go deeper underwater. I started to take a deeper breath to sigh.
My mouth flooded with cold water and I half coughed but stopped myself just in time. I jerked back and my skin tingled with cold as the water flowed around me. I was freezing. Benji took his chance to plant his feet—thankfully on my hips and nothing more important—and try to push away, but I grabbed his sides and his body slipped through my fingers until I was able to grab his ankles. He was naked, all I felt was bare skin, and he was cold.
I jerked him back and tried to grab his arms. He turned around with a look of hatred on his face and screamed. I could hear it underwater, otherworldly. Muffled and distant. He took a deep breath and screamed again and tried to hit me. He took another deep breath.
I remembered what I was doing. I was trying to save him. I was underwater in the middle of the night. I was freezing, and I was getting dizzy. I tried to take a deep breath but stopped myself. I couldn’t, I’d drown. And Benji was drowning, but he didn’t know it for some reason.
I jerked his leg back and grabbed his other arm, and pulled him against my body. He thrashed a bit and tried to fight me as I turned around, tried to turn around, hoping I was able to turn around exactly and head towards the shore again.
I crouched a little and when I felt my feet touch the bottom of the lake, I leaned forward with Benji and pushed off hard. I heard him yell again and he started hitting my back with one fist. I kicked through the water and tried to paddle with my other hand, but I was afraid he’d get away. I kicked off the bottom of the lake again and suddenly felt a bright, hot pain in my stomach. Benji bit me!
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