by Abra Ebner
I struggled to understand what had just happened as everyone looked toward the professor, confused. Why had we both reacted so strongly toward each other?
“Our lesson today,” he continued, “will be in the preservation and health of this creature.”
He began to make his way down the aisle and my heart rate quickened. As he grew closer, I noticed his gate was far too smooth and sophisticated for his age, but there was something there that suggested otherwise. His nose was in the air as though from another time completely and the way he carried himself exuded ages of perfection.
“He has a broken wing,” he continued, now glaring at me with shameless authority, his dark eyes still hiding the exact point of his gaze.
As he approached our table, I felt my breathing become very shallow and the aggression in his eyes blazed as my already fair skin turned even whiter.
“And your name is?” He finally halted in front of me.
My palms spread across the table as I tried to remain calm, holding my breath in utter shock. His eyes beckoned for me to look into them, and even behind the tinted lenses, they seemed to glow.
I stuttered nervously, “El…” my voice was hoarse and low, “Estella.”
I saw his eyes react to my name as I said it, flashing what had appeared to be a bright blue. He stood there quite still for a moment and I noticed the students around me staring with looks of grave pity and vindictive interest, all relieved to not be where I sat.
“Estella,” he repeated. A smile curled across his face and his voice was like honey as he breathed my name.
A strange part of me still felt a pull toward him, his almost floral scent wafting toward me and tickling my nose. Despite the fact that he was the creepiest person I had ever encountered, there was a dull sense of intrigue and admiration.
“Can you help heal this Hawk?” His eyes blazed a calmer grey as he looked at me, head tilted in contemplation.
I looked at him horrified, if I even so much as touched the bird people would notice there was something strange about me. I knew that my abilities to heal were not normal and far too obvious in a situation like this. The hawk stirred on his arm, its piercing gaze looking at me in a way that seemed like prey.
“I – uh,” I tried to reach out and gather my thoughts through the thick clouds of my mind, “Wh – what should I do?” Fear filled my eyes but no tears would ever come. I felt the hairs on my back raise as the tension in the room shrouded me in terror.
The hawk tilted his sorrowful head at me as though comprehending the words I was saying, mimicking his handler as his talons twitched on the sleeve of the professor’s dark shirt. Without warning, the bird turned its blazing gaze from me to the professor as he too looked toward the bird, as though having a brief conversation over the matter.
I blinked once and they both shot their stare back toward me, my chest once again beginning to sting. I felt myself leaning back on my stool in an attempt to resist his pull, to get as far away from him as possible. The hawk jumped from his arm to the table and the whole class gasped in suspense. I took a few calm breaths, knowing the bird wouldn’t hurt me but my heart was still pounding hard in my chest and I couldn’t help but take a moment to absorb the feeling, a feeling rare to me.
The hawk hopped toward me, its poise never faltering despite its broken wing and assured pain. I felt the bird’s discomfort sting my chest and I winced. As he approached, I could almost hear his thoughts, filling my dark soul with a thin haze.
“Grab its wing,” the professor boomed as he looked down on me, his startling strength and towering height astonishing me inside my fogged comprehension. “Feel the bone so you can share with the class,” he hissed, a crooked smile crossing his smooth young face.
I looked away from him as a wince grew in my throat, my gaze now locked on the warm amber eyes of the hawk. Little by little, I released my grip on the table and raised my trembling hand toward the injured wing. The hawk watched me with confidence, never shying away from my advancing touch. His amber eyes glittered like coins as he looked into my thoughts, finding calm there.
With extreme caution, I lowered my hand onto its powerful wing, stroking my touch over the ridge of his elbow and down the length of his feathers. The bird opened his beak, breathing deep as it relaxed its wing into a full span. The students toward the front of the room stood from their chairs, anxious to get a better view. In slow movements, I again grabbed the bird’s wing, bringing my other hand up to cradle its chest as I felt the bone, finally finding the protrusion halfway down its bicep. Closing my eyes in regret, I felt the bone molding beneath my touch as it healed with shocking speed. My stomach churned as I felt it, my nerves crushing my confidence like a rock. I had never been confronted like this before and I was certain that this absurd incident would grant me my one way ticket back home.
I looked to the professor with sheepish eyes, begging him not to notice. He nodded in approval, his hungry stare locked on my hand as I continued to massage the hawk’s wing, now nearly healed. I jumped as the satisfied hawk clicked its tongue, ruffling the feathers on his back as he jumped away from me and repositioned his wing against his smooth brown body as though no harm had ever been inflicted.
I looked at the professor as he continued to stare at me with a solemn mask. He stood there for a brief moment as the hawk returned to its perch on his arm and its feathers puffed in happiness, both eyes glinting with playful light.
Just as fierce and fast as he had come, the professor spun on his heel and marched back up the aisle. “That will be all today,” he boomed with a threatening pitch to his voice as he exited with haste through the same door he had entered, not another word or explanation said.
My breathing returned as I felt my lungs re-inflate and the fog in my mind cleared. It was all a blur, the way he’d looked at me, the way the hawk had known something about me.
Scott put one hand on my back to support me, “Are you alright?”
His words disappeared like a dissipating cloud as my head felt faint and my eyes rolled back into my head, the room fading to dark.
EDGAR
When I woke I noticed I was in a new building. The ceiling was lined with timbers and the air was cool and dim.
“Oh there you are Miss,” a light British accent coaxed me awake. “You’ll be alright. Just a bit of an anxiety attack I am afraid.” The owner of the voice pressed a cold damp towel to my head as I lay on my back, my head throbbing.
“What happened? Where am I?” I stammered, my memory of the hawk and the professor swimming in my head like an anxious dream.
“Oh don’t worry dear,” she purred, “this happens more than I’d like in Edgar’s lessons.” She chuckled merrily.
I looked at her as my vision cleared, my gaze falling on Scott as he smiled and gave a little awkward wave from a stool in the corner.
“Scott over there brought you in. He was rather frantic at first, said you’d had quite the first experience with Edgar.” She gave me a sweet smile that somehow reminded me of cupcakes and ponies, her chubby cheeks pressing her eyes into a joyful squint.
I sat up, pulling the towel from my head and running my fingers through my long straight hair. “Oh,” I stammered, “Yeah.”
“Will you be alright then Miss?” She put a hand on my back, rubbing it in a gentle circular motion.
I gave her a reassuring look of confidence, “Thank you Miss…”
“Miss Dee.” She interrupted politely.
“Thanks Miss Dee. I’ll be fine.” I swung my legs to the floor where I took my time to stand, still feeling somewhat dizzy but willing to walk it off.
Scott scurried to my side, grabbing one arm and propping me against him. I could see the look in his eyes as my weight leaned on his side and I cringed at the thought of falsely leading him on. I knew there was a reason he was putting up with me, he thought I was cute.
We made our way outside into the sun where Scott turned to lead me to my cabin.
“Oh wait,” I s
hook my head in defiance, my dead weight halting him on the path, “Scott we should get to class.” I looked at him, alarmed that I’d miss my first day.
Scott gave me a pathetic look, “You’ve been out for a while. Classes are already over.” He looked at me sideways, questioning my true mental stability. “I’m just going to take you to your room, maybe go get you some food.”
I sighed, angry that I’d let myself be so vulnerable. It was bad enough that I was the youngest in my program, now I looked like the weakest too. Halfway up the hill, I strategically shrugged Scott away, letting him know he didn’t have to hold onto me like an infant.
“So,” I looked at him as I took a few of my own faltered steps without using him as a crutch. “What’s the deal with Professor Edgar?”
Scott laughed as he looked at me, “He’s a creep, that’s for sure.” His eyebrows were raised and his voice full of contempt.
I thought about how the Professor’s stare had seemed to burn straight into my chest and how fast my heart had raced as though I were in grave danger. It was strange that though my body reacted as it had, my mind wasn’t as scared as I would have thought. It was like he’d intoxicated me into feeling somewhat safe, like a predator does with its prey.
“He’s been here a while I suppose,” he continued, “But it’s hard to tell just how long, I don’t think people ever really notice him, he’s sort of…”
“Young?” I cut in, my voice sounding somewhat sarcastic.
“Well yeah, he is pretty young.” Scott shrugged, considering the math and becoming further perplexed. “But like I said he’s a very odd character.”
“He can’t be any older than twenty.” I tried to rationalize, but came up empty handed. I still couldn’t get over his beautifully youthful face, “I mean, I guess I’m just eighteen, maybe he became a professor at eighteen too?” I ventured.
“Well, that’s the thing. He’s been here longer than that and at any rate…” he paused as we reached the large evergreen outside the cabin, “I wouldn’t try to dig up too much about him. You saw what happens.” He looked at me as though he somehow knew I wouldn’t let this dead dog lie.
I nodded gravely, the professor’s eyes still floating in my memory.
“So what was it like,” he dropped his gaze to the path, “I mean, what happened? It was so weird.” He looked at me with wide eyes, his body trembling in suspense, “Everyone is sort of curious.”
I crinkled my nose as I thought. “Well,” I tried to fish through my memory but the more I tried to remember, the more I seemed to forget, “I guess I’m not sure.” I wanted to keep it all a secret, at least until I could understand it myself. “I suppose it was an anxiety attack,” I paused to come up with a more believable excuse, “I mean, it’s not like I’m the most socially outgoing of the bunch, doesn’t surprise me that I fainted.”
Scott looked at me with a baffled stare, thankfully buying my theory. He shrugged, “Well,” he gave me an awkward pat on the shoulder, “You go lay down, I’ll go get you some food.”
I nodded as he took off down the hill and I turned and made my way to the porch, taking my boots off and leaving them outside. Entering my cabin, I noticed nothing had changed, the fact that there were no locks on the doors sort of irked me. Exhausted, I went to my bed and snuggled under the covers, pulling them up to my chin and hiding myself away from the world.
My eyes were heavy and the throbbing in my head was excruciating. I closed my eyes to the pain and before I knew it, my mind was heavily shrouded in sleep. In the peaceful blackness of my mind, something suddenly clicked to light, as though someone had lit a candle. The same hazy classroom appeared before me as the smoke of my dream swirled around me. Confused by my surroundings, I looked around for someone to talk to but there were no students and I was all alone, my brow sweating as I stood there lifeless and still.
The stark white counters lay before me and I noticed a feeling of calm shroud my empty heart and I took a few deep breaths. As I exhaled one last breath, something pitch black caught my eye as it hopped between the counters. I jumped, lowering my gaze to floor level as my heart rate again lurched.
My curious mind beckoned me off the stool as I crouched to the ground, coiling into a defensive pose, though curious to see what it was. As I made my way between the rows, carefully scanning each aisle, my heart rate continued to elevate, telling me I was growing closer to whatever was there. As I rounded the corner toward the front, a shrill “caw!” caught me off guard and my gaze snapped to the table at the far right of the room; my body falling hard onto the floor and my eyes wide with horror.
There, standing above me on the counter was a large black raven, its eyes glowing like a midnight blue opal, faceted with light. It stared at me for a long time, its sleek body like stone. I winced as my chest began to sting and I grasped it in agony, no longer trying to hide the pain. The menacing black raven spread its wings and let out another shrill “caw!” as it lunged from the table and straight toward my face. As fast as I could manage through the screaming pain I struggled to shelter my eyes, trying to scream as the lump in my chest choked the voice from my throat.
Still screaming, I woke as Scott ran in the door, dropping a plate of food to the ground and rushing to my side.
“Elle?” his frantic breath fell across my face, his hands shaking my shoulders and beckoning me to calm down. “Elle, you’re all right,” his eyes were wide as I finally looked into them.
I was breathing as though I had just gone running; sweat coating my brow and my throat painfully dry.
“Elle, it’s ok, you’re fine. I think you were just dreaming.” He stared at me for a moment as my breathing calmed, my blankets tangled around me from my vicious thrashing.
“Sorry,” I shuddered, “it was just a nightmare.” The raven’s eyes were still seared in my memory, glowing with power.
“I think you bumped your head pretty hard when you fell from that stool.” He knelt to the floor with haste, picking up the plate and salvaging what food he could and bringing it to me. “Here,” he placed it on my lap, “sorry about that.”
I sat up against the headboard and tried to smile, looking at his pathetic grin as he eyed me with careful diligence.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” he asked. His voice was full of hope and I saw the eagerness in his eyes.
Guilt washed over me, I didn’t like him like that, not even a little. If anything, I pitied him for wanting to be my friend and how depressing that must be for him.
“No,” I chewed on a piece of chicken, “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to take care of me.”
“Are you sure?” I could see he was disappointed, “I wouldn’t mind.” I thought about his mother and how much he’d probably missed taking care of her.
I forced another empty smile, “Yeah I’m sure, and I’ll be fine.” I wasn’t scared by my dream, if anything, just further perplexed and intrigued.
“Ok, well I guess I should go, we have rock club tonight. I’d invite you but, considering your condition I think its better you rest. I’ll fill you in later.” He looked satisfied enough with the task and I nodded in compliance. He stood and walked back through the open door, closing it behind him with a rueful click.
As I picked at the ruined dinner, I thought about the raven in the dream. It didn’t make sense for him to attack me. Animals never attacked me, even the most dangerous. Something about it was frightening, but also familiar.
The professor’s face still sat in my memories as well, the fair complexion and beautiful eyes that had enchanted me so deep within my soul. He was so dark and so utterly mysterious, and his obvious youth was puzzling. It didn’t make sense that he should be so young. Besides his unearthly appearance, there was also something about him that pulled me toward him, beckoned at my heart and a feeling I did not recognize.
I put the plate on the bedside table as I stood and walked to the window, it was dusk and soon the stars would return. I looked toward the bi
rd lab with curiosity, but to my disappointment, everything was dark.
I placed my hand on the handle of the door, my sweaty palms welcoming the cool touch as I twisted it open, revealing myself to the world. I stepped out on the porch, my nerves rattled as I glanced around and into the darkness before finally sitting on the ledge. I sighed, looking to the navy sky and picking out the few first stars as I began to count. Despite my fears, I was secretly thrilled that this had happened; it was finally something worth feeling, something worth discovering.
My gaze fell back on the dark lab like a magnet. I furled my brow in frustration at the mix of emotions swimming in my mind, fear, calm, and confusion. I put my hand to my chest as I tried to feel for my soul, but still, nothing was there. The unfolding events of the day were drama enough, and I was certain that at least the Hawk was grateful for my presence here. It was worth staying, even the thought of returning home made my stomach ache.
I puzzled over what Edgar had thought of the phenomenon, obviously he would know something was strange, he was the professor after all. He had left the room so fast as though the task he had forced me to do had enraged him somehow, or perhaps it was intrigue? Professor Edgar’s air of violence seemed to pierce into the souls of every student except me. My feelings were much more than just that. I attributed the reason for my sudden sense of calm to be a product of my obvious lack of a human soul, something I so genuinely longed for. Perhaps my ability of having nothing to lose appealed to the professor. I had nothing to feel but sadness as it was, there was nothing left that he could damage, nothing he could hurt.
Night finally set in and I moved back into the cabin to lie down. A rush of composed fear passed over me as I wondered if the raven would again visit my dreams. A part of me wished it would, longed to know what it would do. It was just a dream after all, and though it was terrifying, I was curious to get closer and peer deeper into those beautiful eyes and sharp sleek feathers.
A GIFT